I have just had the most terrifing experiance of my life: Bubonic Poop Well, every thing started normal. I felt the poop cramps, so naturally, I went to poop. First: The giant chunks. I first I saw nothing weird with this, just the norm. But I was wrong. These were mutant giant turds. So big it took 3-5 minutes to squeeze one out. The pain was horrible, I will never underestimate giving birth again. After that, I thought it was over, but, as i reached for the toilet paper, the true horror came: The diarrhea. Thick, black, loathsome liquid. It stunk like wet garbage, and burned like fire, like a gallon of jalapeño juice pouring through my anus. Try cutting a battery in half, and sticking it up your ass. That is the pain of Bubonic Poop. My ass was already stretched and ripped from the turds, and that didn’t help. I had to resort to wet toilet paper between spurts. Nearly ten minutes this lasted. Until at last it was over. So, sweaty, tired, engulfed in stink beyond comprehension, and with burning anus, I rose. Freshly wiped, I flushed the toilet for the fourth time since the beginning of my poop. I lay down on my couch. That was 20 minutes ago, i can just now barley sit.
