Honesty

"Every one suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one
of the few honest people that I have ever known."

The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald

Throughout my life I have tried to be an honest person. I have often failed, and sometimes the consequences have been catastrophic. And sometimes when I have been honest, the consequences have also been catastrophic. For example, people's feelings can be deeply hurt. I am mostly a stickler for obeying the rule of law and authority. But that brings its' own drawbacks as well. Worrying about whether to tell the truth all the time can be very wearing. And the law and authority can be flawed, or even corrupt. Would the world be a better place if it were filled with honest people? You pay a price for it emotionally, and sometimes in other ways as well, but maybe that's a price worth paying.

 

...there are so many aspects of honesty....

 

I'd define honesty as going with what you believe to be right, not what law makers define as right. I suppose there's an aspect of the rebel in me and always has been.

But I don't think I'm dishonest, except in telling white lies to protect the feelings of others now and then.

In a perfect world where those who make the laws were worthy of respect, things might be different. But in most cases they're not honest at all. Perhaps some of the most dishonest people around.

 

Most people think of me as an honest person. It's one of my qualities, I suppose. But I personally find that I am not really all that honest with myself. I find it's really hard to keep track of yourself as a person. There is how you feel about yourself and there is how others perceive you. How do you know which is more accurate and how do you be honest? These days I try not to think about it, but I used to really have a problem trying to speak my mind. I don't know if there's such a thing as too honest, but, for example, you can realize that everyone has their own background, their own personal experiences, and maybe they aren't completely to blame for how they turn out. Then if you're going to be anal about it, what can you really say to the people and things you despise? To be honest you have to be understanding, I guess, and to be completely understanding...well that's death isn't it? You just understand everything...you don't take action. Your personal opinions, likes and dislikes, are null and void.

So I think there is a healthy and unhealthy level of understanding. I personally think it's good to be honest. You can learn to distinguish the things that matter from the things that don't and that's a comfortable way to be. It's really fucking hard to be honest, though! One desires things so badly...everything gets confused in the head. In my case at least what one desires the most is to be accepted and loved by others. We're always adjusting ourselves to be accepted by a larger whole, I think. Not sure what would happen if everybody just said "fuck it" and did whatever they wanted...willing to risk rejection on the chance that they can express how they truly feel and still be accepted. Things could get extremely weird, which I personally would love. I know I would still accept most people. But maybe we're better off just being precious things that try to fit in. It's a scary unknown world out there, after all, and we need each other.

 

Everyone SAYS they value honesty, but when confronted with such unvarnished truth most people either don't like it, feel it's inappropriate or are positively repelled by it!

Or

To quote some guy who's name I've forgotten 'Perhaps no one has never totally honesty about what honesty really is'.

 

I find that a lot of the time, people who pride themselves on their honesty and "saying it like it is" are actually just people who enjoy offending others. There's a distinction between being honest with those around you and having no respect for their feelings (as the Ricky Gervais film "the Invention of Lying" singularly failed to recognise).

In general though, honesty is the best policy. Being dishonest with people on a regular basis just creates an unhealthy sense of paranoia, each lie is a point of vulnerability that can be exploited by someone seeing through it, or proving it wrong. Tell enough of them and you have to be in a state of constant wariness.

 

I don't go out of my way to hurt people....If they look like shit on a particular day, I will not say that....as most times I live by the rule...If you don't have something nice to say, then don't say anything.....When people start with me for no reason...then all bets are off, though.....and no one here has heard the worst of my scorn or anger....My mom taught me well....

Speaking of my mom, she used to always say to everyone..."I rather hear the worst, biggest truth then the smallest lie...." Boy......she was right.

Anyway, here is good song.....for this thread.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuFScoO4tb0

 

My boss told me that I should continue to be honest, but that I need to be more political about it and not always just blurt out whatever I'm thinking.

I found out just before I stopped working at Pizza hut that I had a reputation among upper management there for "telling it like it is" too.


Even when I'm not telling off work people, I think I'm generally pretty honest. It's usually more effort not to be.

 

What is the actual question?

 

There is no actual question. I was expressing an opinion, and leaving it open for others to respond how they would like to.

 

Honesty... now let me just see here. You know I don't have any idea what that means. I know what you think it means, sonny. To me it's just a made up word. A politician's word, so young fellas like yourself can wear a suit and a tie, and have a job.

 

Sorry, having said that, I suppose my question really was: "Would the world be a better place if it were filled with honest people?"

 

All words are made up. If you know what it means to me, then doesn't that mean you have some idea of what it refers to?

 

Don't ruin a great Shawshank Redeption quote!!

 

the opposite of honesty is ignorance, and the price of ignorance is vulnerability.

 

I really like your Fitzgerald quote and what you added afterwards.

It seems like you've "stuck to" your belief in honesty even when it's been painful to yourself and others.

In theory I think that sounds great.

 

How can you be so obtuse?

 

An overflowing fountain of honesty had no small part in what led my wife to not want to be with me any longer. I have a tendency to only say what I mean & mean what I say. Tend to overanalyze too, when I see a problem I prefer to air it out & that can get messy real fast. Excessive honesty can be damn painful, damn painful......

 

Not to butt in to your life, but, honesty can end relationships. But lack of honesty can make you miserable in a relationship.

No one should have to keep quiet if they're not getting what they need out of a relationship. It's a two-way street.

 

Trust me I know that dishonesty makes the recipient miserable but I was speaking about my extremely high standards for honesty. I've always taken "& the truth will set you free" far too literally.

When I cheated on a girl in high school I told her about it the next time we talked, long distance relationship, that was a deal breaker with her. Sometimes honesty is destined to bring about horrible consequences.