Hmm...am I an introvert or an asshole?

I have to talk to people. I'm good at it. I get paid for it. I also get paid to entertain. I know a shitload of people in my area and rarely go anywhere where I don't know someone. I actually want to have a long discussion with almost none of those people.

I've been told by 2 friends recently that it's easy for me to come across as an asshole to new people because I choose to say nothing when I have the choice. I don't have anything to say. I think it's fine to listen without people thinking you're an asshole.

Honestly, I don't want anything to do with most of these people. I just want to do what I have to do and then be left alone. I appreciate silence. I don't intentionally go places where I have to talk to people. When my band plays a show, I almost always go to the bus or hotel room immediately after the show. I'm more willing to share things on this board than to bother talking to people who I just want to get away from.

Maybe I really am an asshole?

 

why can't you be both?

 

seriously, I think you're just introverted

 

I believe that if you're noticing a trend among criticism, its likely there is truth in it.

For example, I experience something with you and form a certain opinion of you. Then, Person B has a separate interaction with you, and independently forms the same opinion of you. Then there is some truth in it that you should address.

If multiple people are complaining about the same issue with you, swallow your pride and work on not being so offensive in that manner.


Edit: By the way Im not trying to say you're an asshole. I don't know you well enough to make such a strong statement about your character and we've always had positive interaction.

 

Nah, based upon the information that you have presented, you are not an asshole.

Often times it is better to spend time with someone who speaks seldomly than someone who incessantly talks about nothing at all.

 

My Vote Goes To " Introvert"...



Cheers Glen.

 

When you choose not to speak to someone who is interested in you, they are going to perceive you as an asshole because in reality it is not about you, it is about them. People generally want to feel liked by others. When someone wants you to be interested in them and engage them and you choose to go home instead, its easier for that person to think of you as an asshole than to consider that maybe there is something unlikable about them.

Being perceived in a certain light doesn't mean that is the way you truly are, but if you continue to act the same way you'll continue to be perceived that way. Its really about your level of caring - if you don't give a shit that people think you're an asshole, if you're not a person that needs to feel well liked, then go escape in solitude and be happy about it.

 

well, I'm not sure if that means that the criticism is true, but that there is some basis for it.

people may think that you are trying to disrespect them or think that you are too cool for them, but it sounds more like social anxiety/ not feeling comfortable in social situations

 

You're not an asshole. When we are around our friends they want us to be around others how we are around them, friendly and social. However when feeling forced to feel an emotion you don't feel only because they feel it isn't the real you. You're only being your true self and that is someone who chooses to befriend those you care to do so with.

Now there is a level that one must have consideration for others for example those who come to your shows. These people want to talk to you because they appreciate your music. Give them just a little of your time and it will go a long way. This doesn't mean of course that you have to become friends with them and commit to something. At minimum thank them to supporting you and your band. Those words can go a long way and take only a few minutes of your time.

Do you feel that you are a person who gives so much of yourself to those few friends you're very close to that it's exhausting to think of having to give any more of yourself to another person? So with that you just avoid these conversations so not to put you in that situation?

Sometimes these things can be exhausting to those who give so much of themselves to those close to them. I can relate to this particular feeling in my own life.

 

I have nothing to say to most people, therefore I am sure some people see me as being an asshole. However, I don't really care.

 

It's not even social anxiety. Like I said...I get paid to put on a game face. I can do it...no problem...but I have a handful of friends who really know me. Those people would say I talk too much and am open to the point of uncomfortable because of subject matter. So i'm stuck between talking "too much" with my best friends and being an asshole to everyone else. I'm kind of leaning towards not giving a shit so maybe that does make me an asshole but I'm really not.

 

I actually do give a lot to those close to me and I'm totally cool with talking to people after shows but I really want to get it over with and get back to wherever I'm going to sleep that night.

 

I feel as though there is a war on introverts in the USA. Something about our culture values extroversion and being constantly "on" all of the time. There is nothing wrong with enjoying and valuing time alone.

I was reading something about fearing oneself earlier:

"Now, there are those who abhor the very idea of spending a moment with themselves. Put them in a quiet room for five minutes and they’re picking up the phone or turning on the TV. Why should those people want to hang with their inner selves? That entity is, for all intents and purposes, a stranger, and worse, a stranger who knows all their deepest, darkest, most terrible secrets."

Introverts are just more comfortable with that terrifying stranger than with anyone else .

 

I'll tell ya what...I never watch tv anymore. I only watch it when my daughter asks me to sit down and watch her shows with her. TV is like some kind of facade. It's bullshit. It directs your mind. I know that might seem crazy but it's a big part of why I don't really want to interact with these people. They live in a different world.

 

'Honestly, I don't want anything to do with most of these people.'
That comment does make you sound like an 'asshole'.
If that is the 'vibe' you give off then it can be a little off putting to a majority of people.

As 'Meliai' has said: 'When you choose not to speak to someone who is interested in you, they are going to perceive you as an asshole because in reality it is not about you, it is about them. People generally want to feel liked by others. When someone wants you to be interested in them and engage them and you choose to go home instead, its easier for that person to think of you as an asshole than to consider that maybe there is something unlikable about them.'
Do you tend to avert your eyes and seem to be looking at a strategy to leave via the nearest exit (even if it just metaphorically speaking)?
I tend to do that with people I do not like - or have little time for.
I think there are less abrasive ways of getting the hell out of there, and it not impacting on their perception of you or your valuable time.
It's called 'tact'.

You have to think how you would feel if somebody you knew was giving you the 'brush off' or 'cold shoulder'.
It isn't very nice, is it?

'I actually want to have a long discussion with almost none of those people.'
That comment does make you sound like an 'asshole'.
Is this a big problem? random people wishing to get into long and complex discussions with you, or is it just general 'chit chat' we all have to encounter from time to time?

'I don't really want to interact with these people. They live in a different world.'
That comment does make you sound like an 'asshole'.

Is your response: 'I don't give a fuck what these people think of me'?
If so, why are you so concerned about how you come across to people you have little time for?

'Meliai':
'Being perceived in a certain light doesn't mean that is the way you truly are, but if you continue to act the same way you'll continue to be perceived that way. Its really about your level of caring - if you don't give a shit that people think you're an asshole, if you're not a person that needs to feel well liked, then go escape in solitude and be happy about it.'

I couldn't have put it better myself.

 

You're an introvert, ya asshole! :afro:

 

When I come across Americans I wish they were a bit more introverted instead of the loud obnoxious buttwipes they usually are.

 

I'm the same way. High IQ creative people are often anti-social except when with friends, or when doing their obsessions. Ordinary people seem to have little in common with them, so it takes energy to talk to them.
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/creative-mind/2011/02/the-complexity-of-the-creative-personality/

Creativity researcher Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi includes descriptions of the multiple characteristics of creative people:

A great deal of physical energy alternating with a great need for quiet and rest.
Highly sexual, yet often celibate, especially when working.
Smart and naïve at the same time. A mix of wisdom and childishness. Emotional immaturity along with the deepest insights.
Convergent (rational, left brain, sound judgment) and divergent (intuitive, right brain, visionary) thinking…
Both extroverted and introverted, needing people and solitude equally.
Humble and proud, both painfully self-doubting and wildly self-confident.
May defy gender stereotypes, and are likely to have not only the strengths of their own gender but those of the other as well. A kind of psychic androgyny

 

When you bold it that way...I do seem like an asshole, don't I? But I don't really talk or even think that way. I just happened to type it that way. I looked back and in other sentences I simply said "people". But if I really did think that way...yeah. I know a dude who I thought I was going to become decent friends with until I realized that he thinks that way. I kind of stopped hanging out with him after that.