Still you dwell in my heart, Bed down in the softer Corners of my mind Nestled in between The quantum theory Of physics, the Quadratic formula Of mathematics, and The 4 + 7 is 11 Of basic 2nd grade boredom. Still I cradle you, Rock you in these arms Of forlorn yearning, A carousel of painted Ponies getting dizzy, Getting drunk off Of the lights. I too often remember What was, and how For those few glorious Settings of the sun I loved you in the Blue hippopotamus Moonlight.
oh i LOVE this one... 'A carousel of painted Ponies getting dizzy, Getting drunk off Of the lights. I too often remember What was, and how For those few glorious Settings of the sun I loved you in the Blue hippopotamus Moonlight.' *thunderous applause*
~* That was a lovely suprise to wake up to. Couldn't pick a favorite part as it flowed so neatly together. Thank you. *~
Damn vixen, ya snatched my favorite part of the poem!! It truely does deserve applause, so I'll join in! Awesome title too!
Magnificent!! The first 3 lines were kinda weak, but you caught me with the math stuff and the title was great. I love it! Couple of small things: Watch your capitalisation, not all lines need to start with caps and that can spoil the continuity if you do. Second break your lines up a little more carefully, to keep the ideas clear, for example: A carousel of painted Ponies getting dizzy, Getting drunk off Of the lights. would be (if I wrote it) A carousel of painted ponies, getting dizzy, getting drunk off of the lights. But maybe you broke it that way because of a different significance that I have failed to catch. Either way, congratulations on a wonder wonderful poem that made me smile in a big way.
Actually I like to break lines where they shouldn't be broken. I find it gives a more thoughtful quality to the lines. Thank you for your advice. Autumn