Hipforums Home for the Elderly (new forum story)

Discussion in 'U.K.' started by Power_13, May 16, 2004.

  1. Power_13

    Power_13 insult ninja

    Yeah, it's that time again. I got off my ass and started writing. Ironically, everyone who cares about this has read it already...but I thought I'd still annoy your asses by posting it here :p

    Hipforum Story : "Hipforums Home for the Elderly"
    by Paperback_13
    (Set in the year 2067)

    "We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files. We'd like to help you learn about yourself...look around you. All you see are sympathetic eyes. Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home.

    And here's to you, Mrs Robinson..."

    "Eh?" Sal Junior interrupted the nurse. "Mrs Robinson? I think there's been a mix up with the files..."

    "Really?" The nurse shuffled around with a few folders on her desk. "Ahh, you're right. Mr Sal Phoenix...well, if you'd like to come this way, we'll get your father feeling at home in no time."
    "Good good. Come on, dad." Behind Sal Junior, a crooked old figure hobbled slowly. "Let's get you settled in."

    The crooked old figure followed the two down a corridor, then to the left into a small room. There was a double bed, a sink, a wardrobe and a set of drawers. Sal Junior dumped his dad's bag onto the bed and looked around.

    "Well dad, what do you think?"

    The old man gazed around the room, adjusting his spectacles so that he could examine everything as best he could. Years of gazing at a PC monitor moderating the Hipforums had taken its toll on him, and as a result his field of vision was limited to about five metres. Finally, after a little squinting, he looked back at Sal Junior and smiled.

    "You like it, eh?" Sal Junior smiled back. "Well, we'd better not keep you from meeting your new friends, dad. How about I unpack your things and you let the nurse take you to the lounge?"

    As Sal Junior opened up the two suitcases and began to unpack everything, Nurse Ethers helped Sal towards the lounge area.

    "I think you really will like it here. There are a lot of friendly people. And we have another new guest coming in tomorrow! Okay, it's just a left turn here and you're in the lounge." They took a turn into a room filled with chairs. Most of the chairs were filled with people. But Nurse Ethers soon found an empty chair and sat Sal down in it.

    "Now, if you need anything, just give me a call. Okay?" Sal nodded with a grateful smile, and Nurse Ethers smiled back. "Enjoy your stay, Mr Phoenix." She turned back the way they had came and left Sal with the other residents.

    Sal looked around at the lounge room. It looked small to him - in fact, it looked only about ten metres wide. But his chair was comfortable, he felt safe in the hands of trained professionals, and the room had the familiar warmth of people around him. As he looked around, he caught the eye of the gentleman sat next to him. Sal smiled and nodded in greeting. His neighbour smiled and nodded, but stopped suddenly. He peered closer at Sal's face.

    "I've seen you somewhere before...now where have I...hang on..." The man's face lit up as realisation dawned on him. "Sal!"

    Sal hadn't recognised the old, wrinkled face that was next to him, but as the man spoke he recognised the voice.

    "Power_13?" Sal rolled his eyes. "Aw bugger, not you again..."


    "...so then the nice man shot me with a tranquiliser gun, and when I woke up I was here and wearing clothes again." Power stopped talking for a moment to light his pipe. "So, what happened to you?"

    "Same story, but without the tranquiliser." Sal loooked at Power with a worried stare, as if he might go crazy again at any second. "Or the lack of clothes. Honestly, with all the crazy stuff you've done over the years, I don't know how you've not had your ass sued off."

    "Oh, I have." Power pushed himself out of his chair and began unfastening his belt buckle. "I got that sued off back in '34...look, I even have the scar where..."

    "Uhh, whoa, hold on!" Sal grabbed Power's arm before he could show and tell. "Umm...wow, I have so many people still to meet! I'd better get going and say hello to everyone..." Sal pushed himself up from his seat and grabbed his walking stick. "Hate to be rude, but time waits for no man. Places to see, people to do. Don't count your chickens before Richard Hatch..."

    "Ahh, how rude of me!" Power followed Sal, who was hobbling at full speed, out of the room. "Let me introduce you to some more old friends."

    This will be continued once I write a few more parts :p
  2. Mercy

    Mercy Member

    Aw, I've missed your stories, Power! My favourite was the Stars Wars one, where Princess Mercy got kidnapped and there was some speak of Fly and Power drinking their own piss. It was extremely amusing. Or the one about the road trip round the UK with Keith Richards and a monkey :O. You've got an imagination and half!
    Will all those old files be long gone now? It would be so cool if we could find them again.
  3. Power_13

    Power_13 insult ninja

    Damn, RainbowGurlie sent me those old ones ages ago...I'll check my hotmail and see if they're still there. I'll PM you if so :)

    Part two of the new story is coming up...with some more familiar faces, sixty-odd years in the future!
  4. PinkMoon

    PinkMoon Senior Member

    ooohif you can find the old stories can i have a copy?
    this one is also superb although i find the idea of two sal's a little too traumatic for a sunday afternoon ;)
  5. flowerchild17

    flowerchild17 I practice safe sax.

    HAHA I love it :D I'm gonna laugh when this really happens and I'm still bouncing around and running and jumping because I'm younger than all of you :p

    Man this would certainly be a writing challenge... I used to do this with my friends in my old personal forum... I may have to give it a shot with all you:eek:
  6. Claire

    Claire Senior Member


    Great Stuff:D

    More! More!

    Love Clairexxxx
  7. Power_13

    Power_13 insult ninja

    The room that lead on from the doorway looked empty, except for some bare furniture and a bed by the window. Sal looked back to talk to Power_13, but as he turned he realised that Power was laying face-down on the floor. "Power! Are you alrigh..."

    "Damnit you fool, get down!" Yelled a voice from the 'empty' room. Sal barely had time to look as a figure ran towards him, dived, grabbed onto him in mid-air and sent them both tumbling to the floor. "You'll blow our cover!" He hissed as he dragged Sal under the bed.

    "What the...Josie?!" Josie pulled Sal under the bed and grabbed a pair of binoculars. Power_13 quickly joined them, laying beside Josie as he surveyed the room.

    "What's the situation look like, Private_13?" Josie whispered.

    "Not good, sir." Power replied. "It looks like we've lost half our forces, and enemy ranks are closing in on our fort."

    Sal tapped Power_13 on the shoulder. "Umm...why exactly are we laying under a bed?"

    Power wriggled away from Josie and joined Sal. "It's a sad story, man." He explained. "Do you remember when Jonny2Mad enlisted Josie in the Foreign Legion as a joke?" Sal nodded. "Well, the lack of water and scorching sand sent him insane. He thinks he's still in the desert, fighting some war."

    "Will you two ladies keep quiet and help me spot the enemy troops?!"

    "We'd better do as he tells us." Power whispered. "Or at least pretend to..." Power wriggled back beside Josie and peered around the sides of the bed. "We're safe in here, they haven't spotted us."

    "We need to take out their ammo bunker if we stand a chance against them." Josie looked to Power_13 and Sal. "I need two volunteers." Power put his hand up. Sal, still not sure what was going on but taking Power_13's advice, put his hand up too.

    "Good show, men. I knew I could count on you...expect promotions all round if you come out of this one alive." Josie pointed to the table on the other end of the room. "We've got to get in range before we can attack them. But we need to keep our location hidden."
    "Hmm." Power_13 pointed at the door. "What if we circle around, then attack from the back? We'd have the element of surprise, and we'd keep our location under wraps."

    "Good plan, Private." Josie checked his watch. "Current time is 1450 hours. If you're not back in an hour, I'll send in reinforcements. Are you ready, soldiers?"

    "Yes sir." Power replied.

    "On my mark..." Josie held his hand up, three fingers extended, and counted down. "Three...two...one...go go go!"

    Power and Sal slid from under the bed and tried to get up to their feet.

    "Oooh, my back!" Sal moaned as he clambered up to his knees.

    Power tried to lift himself onto his feet, but slipped and fell over.

    Sal finally got to his feet, but realised that he'd left his walking stick on the floor. "Eeh, silly me. I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on!" He bent over to retrieve it, but only succeeded in hurting his back again. "Oooh, bloody hell, I think I've got a slipped disc!" He began to hobble out of the room, bent over to keep his back from hurting, kicking his walking stick along with him. Power_13 followed him, limping with his right leg and moaning about his cartilage. Finally, they made it out of the door, and Josie was alone in his "bunker".

    "Those are the bravest men I've ever fought with." He murmered to himself. Then he checked his watch. "Ooo...1505. I'd better hurry, or I'll miss the afternoon movie!"


    (Apologies to Josie for this part ;))
    That's all I've got finsihed so far, stay tuned tomorrow for more :)
  8. flowerchild17

    flowerchild17 I practice safe sax.

    HAHAHAHA I love it :D BRAVO!
  9. TheFly

    TheFly Member

    :) Superb...

    There's nothing I enjoy more than reading a ripping yarn whilst drinking a bottle of lukewarm vintage piss...

  10. Peace-Phoenix

    Peace-Phoenix Senior Member

    Why, has your fridge broken?
  11. Dandelion_Blood

    Dandelion_Blood Gremlin

    The Story Teller is Back!!!

    Yay, three cheers and a big giggle for Mike!

    Looking forward to more... you never fail to make me roll on the floor laughing!

  12. rainbow dew

    rainbow dew Member


    ha ha ah tis wonderful, wonderful i tell ya!
    x x x
  13. TheFly

    TheFly Member

    :eek: Is it just the way my mind works, or do you have a vision of Dandy being rolled around on the floor whilst being... err... "tickled"?...

    Mental picture alert!!!!

  14. Ananael

    Ananael Member

    Hehehehehe, that was amasing! Certainly made my day anyway. :)
  15. Dandelion_Blood

    Dandelion_Blood Gremlin

    Shocking thought fly... stopping imagening me on the floor at once :p

    Come on Mike.. . we are waiting! :D
  16. Dandelion_Blood

    Dandelion_Blood Gremlin

  17. Power_13

    Power_13 insult ninja

    Sorry. I planned to write some more on this during the weekend, but my friend left the country late on Saturday and Claire, Sal, Josie and Katherine forced me to go out later that night. So blame them :p

    The moral of the story..."If you want me to write, don't give me a social life" :p

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