Hi all desperate situation

was put into a step family close after birth, step father and mother hated me at least everything i feel tells me so, if i hadda found out most likely wouldnt be here, step father pushed me to do everything i hate and laughed about it, step mother was a virgin because he kicked her out of bed , slept in seperate beds, she wanted to fuck me, step cousin who is gay wanted to fuck me and was always very abusive, however am still alive, on a scale of 1 to whatever dont know how fucked up this is,

but jkindof to cut the chase i never found if thet loved me or not. prolly dead if i did, thing is everytime i try to go for someone i genuinely love it feels evil and i just cant cope, if i go for someelse its wrong is like an impossible situation and the only way is hell,

step father blocked off christianity, and most kinds of religion, maybe good but think he just wanted to destroy any hope, any help or suggestions appreciated ty

 

Cry Me A River...:bigcry::bigcry::bigcry::bigcry:



Tears Glen.

 

Work on getting a good education. Even if the school where you're now isn't good, the doors to libraries are often open. When you're an adult, move away and start the rest of your life without these people.

My family is a big mess of very weird people. I moved several thousand kilometers away and from this safe distance, I can have a good relationship with them.

Don't spend your time trying to understand people who are so complicated. Accept they're weird and work on yourself, instead. I have a fantastic life and that's because of education. Shitty, public schools in a 3rd world country were never an excuse not to take my education in my own hands and make it work.

So, let them be and move on. The only love you really need is self-respect, love yourself, pride in doing things right.

 

OP- how old are you?