I'm new here, thought I'd say hello and give a little history about myself. I've been dealing with paranoia for about 10 yrs. now. The first 4 years i was going through I didn't realize that I had a problem and it cost me several friendships and a long term relationship. After the end of my relationship I moved to a new city where I didn't know anyone. Guess I went there to get back on track, but that's when everything got dark. After being there awhile I started thinking that almost every new person that I met, and that most of the people I'd ever known, were in on some weird conspiracy against me and others like me. I started thinking that people could read my thoughts and even put thoughts in my head. I thought that certain tv shows and newscasts were some kind of coded communication aimed at me, and that certain newscasters were in on it based on 'the look in their eye'. I quit my job, and I rarely left home except for food and other essentials. I thought that every thing I did, and that every purchase I made was what 'they' wanted me to do. Staying home was no escape from 'them', but at least I didn't have to face 'them' as often. After a while I kinda gave in to it, and decided to get another job cuz I felt there was nothing I could do about it anyway and I really needed money. People at work, people at the market, everywhere I went I would encounter people that I thought were 'in on it' for one reason or another. I went on for a couple a months like this, living in fear and I felt like I had no control. One night after work, I was checking my a/c vents for cameras and I broke down. I could not take it anymore. I felt I was no longer myself. I reluctantly decided to go see a doctor. Leading up to this there were thoughts that I might have a problem and I should see a doctor, but I decided that that's what they wanted, and that any doctor I saw would be one of them. At this point, I didn't care anymore if the doctor was in on it, if he could give me something to make me unaware of it all it'd be better than this. Ignorance is bliss. I went to the emergency room at the county hospital, and after about a 15 min. conversation with a doctor he prescribed me risperdal and suggested that I seek help from someone better able to deal with these kinds of situations. I filled the prescription at the hospital pharmacy and went home. I didn't seek help elsewhere and I never took a pill. I called my parents and told them I was coming home and that I needed to stay with them. They had no idea what I was going through or what was going on up to that point. Telling them everything felt great, even if I didn't completely trust them. I was still having pretty much all the same problems, but talking about it comforted me for a while. I decided, like before, that I had no choice but to try go on as normal cuz I really had no choice, but after being at my parent's house for a while it started to subside a bit. I started thinking that 'they' must not have as much control over me as I thought, cuz I didn't take the pills that they wanted me to take; or if they didn't want me to take the pills it meant that going to see a doctor and getting them was 'my' decision. It was kind of a contradiction. Little by little I started really believing that I had a problem and that I wasn't part of any conspiracy. I tried to convince myself that the thoughts I was having weren't normal, and that I had to try to ignore them and go on. Every day turned into a couple times a week, and it eventually got to where I could kinda control it, and now I rarely fall back into that way of thinking. That was around 5 yrs. ago and I still deal with my problems on a regular basis, but its more of a distrust of people I don't know than a delusion for the most part. I still have 'those' thoughts, but they're few and far between, and when they do happen I've gotten good at talking myself out of it. My paranoia is ever present, but not to the point that I can't lead a meaningful, successful life. I've maintain several close friendships over the last 5 yrs, and I'm currently living my g/f of a 1 1/2 yrs. I can usually dismiss paranoia about my friends, family, and g/f but sometimes it takes a few days before I can clear my head and get leveled. But, hey, at least I do manage to get my head cleared . Those closest to me are aware of my problems and won't hesitate to let me know if I'm acting weird, but they've rarely ever had to say anything to me. My g/f has problems with anxiety and her doctor has her on zoloft and xanax. It seems that we are perfect triggers for one another, but we are also the perfect compliment to one another. We always make everything work out. At least for now . Anyway, sorry for the long first post. I'd be interested to hear from others with similar problems and how you're coping. cheers
Thank you, class. Since Mortimer saw fit to take the first four periods to introduce himself, you will have that work for homework tonight. Have fun in your new school, Mort. I'm sure you'll make lots of friends.
im not even gonna try to read all that but....parinoia sucks....specially when you have impulse problems....itl be like....THERS SOMEONE UNDER THE BED....your common scince will tell you their isnt but before you know it your up with a flashlight..... your among freinds....8/
we are all watching you.we are watching you right now as you read this .there is no escape, no use even trying,you will never be free ,we are everywhere.we knew you'd try inform the world 'them'(US) thru the internet.you're so predicatable.but you have to try harder.where ever you go,we' ll be there.we atch you shit,we watch you eat.we have hidden cameras and mikes in your house.dont bother looking for them,you wont find them
