Hey I'm a new member, just looking for some feedback

okay, this is a little collection i put together that is supposed to tell a story of people falling in love, right before they have to part ways...

A DREAM (AND SHATTERED GLASS ON LINOLEUM)



(my past few months since meeting you)*


No Hell could be more Horrible than

The Real; the Now; the Here

PRELUDE
​

A Golden Angel
​

Peers dark eyed beneath a veil
​

Of brazen ringlets
​

She waves her hand & cities
​

Topple, shrugs her shoulders &
​

Armies fall, & she
​

Dances in a ring of fire;
​

Tossing flames of soft desire
​

IT KILLS ME TO THINK



Leanne, my darling

This is kind of like the end

& I guess I’m afraid

I’ll never see you again,

Soon all that I will have left,

a photo album,

of our short time together

alone in my head


THE SEDUCTION



Your eyes were dark orbs

Challenging me to enter

The Palace of Joy

& The Insane Theatre

so I succumbed, though absurd,

ran inside, mad flight,

committing myself to a journey

to the end of the night


EYES ARE…



Eyes are placid pools

Where Lovers bathe & mingle

Warm breeze & moonlight

Eyes are reflective mirrors

Wavering funhouse w/ tears

Eyes are darts speeding

Penetrating false armour

Left breathless, dead.

THE CURSE
​

​

I am a seer
​

I have IT, or so she says,
​

I’ll hold on to IT
​

Even though it will kill me.
​

Because when I fall, at that
​

Bleak horizon, the
​

Next holy Prometheus
​

Will carry IT on
​

There will be more; this self inflicted fate is not for me alone. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am not on a death trip, its quite the polar opposite, really ( though in the end, I wont shy from you, Death old friend). I will experience life, & life will kill me. Out of a wild and frenzied joy, like the ritual post-mating cannibalism of the preying mantis.

Better to have been everything at once, than nothing at all.


WRITER’S BLOCK (WOULD YOU PLEASE HELP ME)



I am perfectly

Locked inside myself, but I

Feel the universe

Functioning, calling me out

“You’re alive, don’t you feel it?”

I answer meekly…

Quick, pull me by the hair,

& light! The doors fly open

& the sun blinds me

I topple over

Convulsing in my madness


NIGHT (A BEATIFIC INTERPRETATION)



When Night comes creeping

Hush hum of city sleeping

A thick velvet cloth

Over city antennas

Loose forms lurking, alleyways

-veins of the great beast

Moon, bloody, watchful gremlin

Air heavy, like eyes


BRIEF VISIONS OF BEAUTY

(I try to hold on, but it keeps slipping away)



She dips her soft hand

Into a pool of desire

& Wishes congeal,

Coagulating, jell-like.

As they pass thru her fingers

They turn to honey

Melting golden on smooth skin,

Dripping destitute

SHATTERED GLASS ON LINOLEUM
​

​

Leanne, my darling
​

This is the end of soft days
​

& I guess I’m afraid
​

That we’ll be lost forever,
​

Wandering mad & naked
​

Down hungry pathways
​

Farther from home, now just a
​

Shattered, Lonesome Dream

CLOSING



Say a soft American Prayer

Beneath city light’s luminous stare

She was a princess

He was a monster

& No one could save her

 

I like your poems and i like read poems with the ritgh music and it seemed that you were telling a history about a couple kinda like Romeo & Juliet but seems that Romeo Killed Juliet but its a litle confused but i really liked your story i hope that wasnt be the end of your Story If you have a chance to send me it i will thankyou too.....

 

My f(r)iend: 80 + 9 + 4 = 93. Find the other pillar, though nought it may be.

 

exactly.