Hesitating....

This feels a little uncomfortable for some reason. I'm going to just do it though.

Thanks for the forum area Old Crone. I have read some of the posts and find your wisdom inspiring.

I am feeling stuck...trapped...can't breathe... This can be a pattern at times for me, I don't often like to stay put or at least that's how I act.

Is this a time to act on it, or stay put. How do I connect to that energy that will define that for me and keep me from pondering this question constantly, almost paralyzed with fear, lost in day-dreams.

Any advise for me crone?

 

After I posted this...and re-read it, I realized how far from the moment I was .... For me, it is imperative to stay in the moment, live it for what it is, learn what needs to be learned..move on..

This allows me personal inner freedom, most times. What is my higher self trying to reveal to me? Am I blocking something?

More will be revealed...I hope.

Peace & Light
Sheila

 

Hi Shelia

When we are running away from ourselves we often find the path will ask us to define where home is.

Ok, so home is where the heart is to some. Home is where we grew up to others. Then again home may just be memories of a heaven, or hell of our own lives, and where we let the journey take us, or show us deeper places inside then we ever asked.

For me...I have found I am my home inside. Be your own home, and center. The way to do this is by asking, "AM I BEING TRUE TO MY SELF." What is it that gives you passions, and fire. What makes you whole inside, and out. What are you doing for you. and Why are you drawing these lessons to yourself. What do you want to learn, and or face.

Often we skirt around the edges of these questions with our own attachments emotionally. This is not about what we have, or do not have. This is about how we see ourselves in the midst of our own heavens, hells, and confusions, or peace.

If you do not have a passion, and fire or something that is more than your own breath inside .....THEN create one. If you do not know who you are then MAKE a you that finds wholeness from within. Each breath is a choice. Each choice is a step. each step is a path created from the choices we make.

I spoke with a woman who is 44 and she is still living the victum role after 30 years. I ask her why. She resoonded with....""":ITs all I know"""" So I asked her why she did not seek to learn something else so she might KNOW another way. Her response, "I guess I just do not believe in myself, and its too hard to try."

I wanted to change her mind, and heart, and instead, closed my mouth and smiled at her. Love takes us strange places from time to time, and only we have the power to choose where we let the life we are living gets its power, and wisdom from.

I spoke with a prisoner of war one day, and he said his greatest freedom came when he found walls could not hold him from his own peace inside. In this he was always free.

So the steps we take are our choices, and will eventually bring us back to ourselves. Learning to embrace this place will give you a sense of self. A place of strength to stand in.

I know a person who when she begins an impossable job, or is faced with difficulty inside creates Islands of beauty with the circumstances and thoughts around her. In this way the islands create a place from which her own understandings come from. For me I write. I write and tell stories. This is my place of beginning. My daughter is an artist and begin with colors, and pictures in her head. My oldest daughter sings, and the baby of the family creates art work that is strange, and unusual. Such as she went to a junk yard and got glass. Broke it into different shapes and created me the most wonderful back drop for my room. A million different reflection from one place inside one heart that reached from a need that gave birth to a place of magic, and wonder. Who knew she would find her answer in a forgotten junk yard.

So it is with each of us. If we create from excuses or avoidance, co-dependance, running away, in prisons and habits of our own making we still are our CHOICES and what we do with these choices does matter. We always have change no promises of forever, only the power to reach from our own inner spaces to become what we dream, and wish. Not sure this is helping but want you to know we are all islands of beauty waiting for the happening, or magic of the chaos to find us, and ask what we are doing for ourselves, and are we being true to the selves we are creating inside. The way to find this is to know you can trust yourself and believe in who you are.

Just finished answering Kissin the clouds about what is prayer in old crones place personal forum, and put another post titled Snake Visions that came to me after I was bit by a copper head snake yesterday. You may want to read these two post as well. Rubies Eyes is another story that will help.

Please know you are not alone. We all came to find our way and this moment is embracing us along the way. I look forward to your thoughts after you read those post and this answer,. Dreaming is another way to find your path. Sinse your dreams have been different lately you may want to look at these as well. They are sign post as much as all steps we choose and face from within.

 

I ran away from places for so many years, then one day I realized that it wasn't the place I was running away from, it was me. That realization also led me to the understanding that no matter I go, there I am. Home for me isn't a place, it's the ability to be at peace wherever I am. I've never been much for a certain place, a certain house, a certain "thing". My ability to interact with people can sometimes influence that feeling, and I do know places that are the most difficult for me to call home. (i.e. where I'm living now!!) Somewhere inside, I understand that I am the lead player in my life, so if I need to script to change I'd better get to work.

I have identified some passions in my life and am trying to find a way to incorporate some sort of action towards realizing some goals for myself in those areas, thats hard though. I am thoroughly caught up in the rat race, sleep...eat..work...pay bills...make more money...get some more bills... What if the pursuit of those things that make my heart sing will cause pain in other peoples lives. (I want to end the rat race and live more simply - My partner has some mental health issues that make it more difficult to enact change) I do know I'm where I'm at for the next 3 years or so...(kids will be graduating), but after that I'm free, or am I? Where does obligation begin and end? What responsibility do we have to care for those that enter our lives that are damaged in some way(mentally and/or physically)...in a karmic sense? Where does the line get drawn?

I am a recovering addict who has been clean for nearly 8 years. Spiritual exploration has been presenting itself in many ways and the pursuit fills a void that I had long since forgotten existed. Each day brings new realizations and lights the way for more discoveries.

Your response to my post gave me much to journal through. What lies ahead are simple choices. Simple choices..hmmmm. For me that's kind of an oxymoron. I have trouble making a choice on where to eat. I know what makes my heart sing, I now have to make the choice to listen to it sing or continue on the path I'm on....much writing ahead for me.

I will be visiting Old Crones place later today to read more of your posts.

Thanks for some enlightenment.

peace & light

 

I was thinking while reading your answer about the conversation I had with my shoes. Stange how sometimes we find the truths we look for in the imagined, and everyday worlds we live in. Let me share part of that conversation.

Me; "I hate shoes."

my shoe; "so go with out me, you will then discover how much you need me."

Me; "But I do not want to need you."

my shoe; "Yes you do, this offers you an excuse to feel the energy that frightens you. Change.Change. Change.. Ha ha."

Me; I hate you shoe.

my shoe; "No you don't you are depencent on me, and thats what you hate because you are not sure you want to change ""CHANGE"

Putting my shoes neatly aside I walked across the yard, and fresh wet grass from the rain. I felt whole inside that moment. Then ran for my shoes when this spider crawled toward my bare feet.

As long as we offer ourselves excuses, and a place to be dependent we will feel trapped between worlds, peace, freedoms and pleasures and resentments or bitterness, that take us by suprise.

I put my shoes in a box beside the door. On muddy days I walk free On rainy days I wiggle my toes in wet grass. On long gravel walks I share these steps with my shoes. in this place we no longer need each other...we choose when we are one, and what it means to be whole from inside. We build our own traps, and prisons. We create our own needs. When you take someones path from them or, become self sacrificing you loose the place where your spirit ask for no more that you become true to yourself. You serve no one by taking their lessons, and choices from them.

The line is often wavey but as my daughter once told me when she was leaving home..."Mom getting out of bed is dangerous. As long as we look at this way." You just gotta try to find out where the day will take you, or you will take the day."

So often I thought of that over the years. Then a few days ago a friend said to me. The fear will kill you long before the snake ever will. I was bitten by a copper head. Not a big bite and the big dog came between us. My friend was right. The snake would not kill me but my fears would. When you step back, and ask your self why you are drawing the lesson you need unto yourself or why others are reaching out to be dependent on you ( and there is two sides to co-dependence) Then ask what you need to do for you to be whole from the inside out..You will find some amazing truth, and wisdom inside you.

Let these places teach you and embrace the lesson not the emotions.

My daughter left and we are best friends today. A friend of hers was never let go and remins with her parents at age 30 unable and unwilling to face life beyond these walls she has always known.. What happens when her parents die. Who is taking care of who and why was one child free and another bound. A choice that created or hindered steps and gave birth to a path. We will always learn no matter where we are. But we do have the power within to choose what we will learn and face.

You have to do whats right for you. In this you are choosing what is right and whole. You are being true to yourself and there is no excuse that will keep you talking with shoes or hidding from awareness that reflects the greater power within...Your responsability to CHOOSE your path. In this you honor all including spirit and truth.

 

Hello and thank you for your words.


I think I'm going to have to print them out and read them a few times to allow them to fully reach me.

peace & light to you

Sheila