here's a good one for you guys to discuss

something that women tend to overlook in a relationship, their role in the day to day:

http://men.msn.com/guides/10best/article.aspx?cp-documentid=6071665&GT1=10821

Some guys might not realize this, but when most women get married they usually imagine cozy evenings by a fire, sharing their hopes and dreams with the men they love. Our Prince Charmings, however, sometimes turn into The Grinches Who Stole Romance, lying on the couch with a beer in one hand and a remote in the other. You may have noticed our displeasure about this on occasion.

However, in the interest of your willingness to cater to our needs (see "10 Ways to Be a Better Husband"), here's a list for the women out there. Ladies, instead of trying to fix your flawed but lovable husband, why not start by looking in the mirror? These 10 steps will help you re-energize your marriage and renew your appreciation for the former Mr. Perfect.

1) Take care of yourself
Turns out that the best thing you can do for your husband is also good for you. Eat healthy foods, maintain good grooming, and exercise regularly. You'll look and feel better, and you'll continue to be the vibrant and attractive woman he fell in love with, no matter your age.

2) Say thank you, often
When researchers ask men what they want from their wives, appreciation always makes the list. Everyone likes to be appreciated, so remember to notice the things your husband does—for you, for the kids, for the house—and thank him. You'll put a smile on his face and a little joy in his heart.

3) Keep the romance alive
When was the last time you planned a romantic interlude with your husband? If you can't remember, you're way overdue. Be affectionate, write love notes, give him a backrub, plan a date, and initiate sexual play. Remind him that you still find him attractive.

4) Let him have "guy time"
Everyone needs time for themselves—to relax, enjoy a hobby, or socialize with friends. If your husband loves football and you don't, don’t bug him about it. Encourage him to cultivate friendships with other men. He'll enjoy the companionship. Studies show that people with friends tend to live longer, healthier lives.

5) Make your husband a priority
With the everyday stresses of work, home, and kids, it's easy to take your husband for granted. Make time for the two of you to reconnect on a regular basis. Take an interest in his work and hobbies. Let him know he's important to you.

6) Don't try to change him
Are you outgoing, but your husband is shy? Do you like a clean house, but he leaves towels on the floor? Behavioral experts say you can't change others, you can only change yourself and how you react—so look for ways other than nagging to handle these situations. Compromise on social activities by making them shorter, or go by yourself. Place a laundry basket in the bathroom. And when he attends a party or puts dirty towels in their proper place, thank him. Positive reinforcement beats nagging every time.

7) Don’t make him guess—tell him what you want
It's easy to assume that the person who lives with you every day also knows you well enough to know what you want. Not true. Most of us view the world through our own needs and desires, so don't be surprised if your husband thinks that what you want is what he would want. If you want something specific—advice, a hug, or a red sweater for your birthday—let him know.

8) Cultivate friends and interests outside your marriage
Once you’re married, it's easy to shrink your social network to revolve around your husband. But no one person can meet all your needs, and it’s too much to expect your husband to be your partner, your lover, AND your best girlfriend. Make time for friendships outside your marriage. You'll have more fun and bring new energy to your relationship.



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• LET'S HEAR IT: Did we leave anything off the 'be a better wife' list?

9) Let free time be free
Just as you need time to relax and unwind, so does your husband. He may not define it the way you do, though; while your idea of relaxing after work may be talking over a glass of wine, he may enjoy being quiet for awhile, reading the newspaper, or watching TV. Find a compromise so both your needs are met. And give him time to recharge by not over-scheduling weekends with home projects and shopping.

10) Believe in your husband, and let him know it
Men can display a lot of bravado, but like us they sometimes struggle with low self-confidence and feelings of failure. And because men approach the world as competitors, they sometimes end up feeling like losers. When he comes home, your husband needs to know that the person he values most in the world believes in him—especially when he doesn't believe in himself.

 

I do everything except for six and eight. I have no friends here and we livein a town of 7,000 people, so outside itnerests are hard to come by.
As far as changing him; I have a lot. But he has changed me a lot too. He no longer drinks too much and lets me dress him in the trendy clothes I get him at Gap and I no longer do any illegal drugs or perscriptions I am not perscribed. As far as the little things go I stopped getting weekly manicures because that money is better spent on healthy food, vacations new furniture etc, but I still have a 150 dollar every other month hair bill and a thirty dollar a month waxing bill. We both really changed each other for the best and continue to want to change for each other because we want the best for each other and want to be the best we can be for each other.

 

well, encouraging each other towards healthier behavior, when both are willing, doesn't really count as changing each other. i think what they're meaning is the old stupid concept of "training" a man. like men are pets to be put through their paces at a human dog show. dave likes my sartorial tastes, too. my god, the things he used to wear. very goofy. and the glasses he used to wear. EEK. no wonder all the hot chicks that came sniffing around after we got together had no idea what they were missing.

 

These are some good things to go by. All good for both parties (I checked out the how-to for guys as well), reasonable and easy to do. Except for #10 for guys. I don't think I could restrain myself from farting in front of my wife if I ever got married. I really hate holding them in and only do so when it's entirely necessary, like if I'm in an elevator or a job interview or whatever.

 

yeah, that's a bit unreasonable. i also didn't like the "thank her for putting up with you" one. WTF?

 

I think both a husband and wife should thank each other for dealing w/ their crazy shit- where would I be w/o my fiance standing by me while I was (well, still am) dealing w/ insane mood swings and uncontrollable rages? I will gladly thank him for putting up w/ my shit- just like he would thank me for putting up w/ some of his crazy shit as well. I don't think that is necessarily a negative, but rather, saying to your SO "Thanks for sticking w/ me when few other people would."

Peace and love

 

well, the objection comes in because it's nowhere listed on the how to be a good wife list. i think that this list deals a great deal with how to be respectful and caring of your spouse's feelings. i thought this list was pretty freaking universal. though, really, i wanted the male input, because you can read things things all over the place, but if you don't get a male's perspective, really, what does it mean?

my husband really liked the list. he thought it was pretty spot-on in a very basic way.

 

I'd certainly agree with number one.
I think its such a shame to see couples who looked after themselves pre marriage ,just to abuse food , chocolate and beer and turn into something the other one no longer fancies.
Maybe thats superficial of me in some peoples opionions , but thats just me..

6. 7. 8 and 10 are important too.
There again Id be bored if I got married
Now polygamy tho....

 

very difficult, polygamy. open marriages can be very good if the marriage itself is emotionally stable and built on something more than shared finances.

 

I've been married to the same beautiful lady for the last 20 years.
I agree with #'s 3, 4, 6 and 7. Those are almost carved in stone.
Treat each other as equals, forgive what you can, and OVERLOOK each others baggage. When you get married, you VOW 'For better or worse'. You should mean exactly what it says. I was a hard working virile male when we married. My helth has gone to hell. She still cares and is still with me now that I'm in a wheelchair. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to her. Guys, do YOU feel that way about your special one?

 

That is a very good point

HUGS

 

that's beautiful, man. you deserve it.

 

Nah. I've done nothing to EARN her respect, BUT! I know I have it, and it is worth more than all the money on the planet. I want the younger guys to know this feeling too. I mean... We wash each others underpants. How much more can you love each other?? Ladies, you know what I mean.

 

not all respect has to be earned. in a lot of cases people pitch it in a trashbin and burn it. THEN it has to be earned. lol.

 

basically what those ten rules are telling us to do is to be their bitches, were called men for a reason, its like when a man likes a girl and he has a friend thats a girl next to him. he asks her what he should say and she tells him to just be himself. and ime a guy that has been to many different clubs and i have to say that the whole be yourself thing doesnt work reason why is because they dont even know what they want. ime so high right now ime just ramblinon and on

 

Actually, elitesaint, the main reason I like this list is because it's not telling us to be bitches. (Talking about the guy's list, obviously)

And "Be yourself" is deceptively good advice. It means be comfortable with who you are, which breeds confidence and an easy-going atmosphere.

Thanking her for putting up with me? I don't see a problem with that one, every now and then. I'm not apologizing for who I am or the things I do. I'm acknowledging that, yeah, I'm not flawless and I understand that some times I'm a bit of a challenge. Every now and then, mind you. A few times a year at most.

 

you know, when i first got together with my husband, his mother and sister had the hardest time understanding that they couldn't just call me up whenever and have me tell them where my husband was or what he was doing. it was a completely alien concept to them. they were appalled and somewhat offended by the mere IDEA. you know what i told them?

"I'M HIS GIRLFRIEND, NOT HIS BABYSITTER."

jeez, people, if you can't trust someone enough to let them fucking live, seek life elsewhere.

 

well, and i'll tell you my problem with being thanked for "putting up with him." i'm not "putting up" with anything. i love him. that's not an effort, and it kinda feels like an insult to both himself and me to have our friendship belittled that way. "putting up" with dave is easy. he's wonderful, he's my best friend. if he has a bad day, or week, well shit, that's nothing. i do, too. but he never gets that martyr look on his face about it, and i don't think that being in a relationship where it's just a matter of "putting up" with someone is a good thing.

ahahaha. i need to get some sleep. after the full moon i'm SO OPINIONATED. i'm usually opinionated, but it's much worse and more embarassingly sincere right after the full moon. thanks for putting up with me.

 

You make a good point. I guess it depends on how you say it. My purpose for doing it would be to show that I appreciate her accepting me despite my flaws, and there would be no martyr-look on anyone's face, or any self pity or similar bullshit. Just light-hearted appreciation.

 

yeah. that's good.