I am posting this on behalf of my mom. My brother, who is 18 and will be leaving for college soon, is out of control. He has always been strong willed, but lately the situation has escalated to the point of him yelling "fuck you" right in my mom's face. He refuses to help my mom, who is single and works full time, with anything. There are 3 younger siblings besides my brother, ages 12, 10, and 7. They, like any children, need to be supervised as well as entertained during the day, especially as it is summer. My dad is not involved at all in our lives, and my mom has a had a really tough time since the divorce-She has had to get a full time job, and is forced to rely on my 80+ year old grandparents to "babysit" because she can't afford any other type of child care. My brother has NO job, but refuses to take part in helping the family in ANY way. He won't even do simple tasks like vacuum, do the dishes, mow the lawn, etc, and if asked he blows up and says " Fuck you mom, Kids don't have to do this shit!" and storms out of the house and drives off somewhere in HIS car, which by the way he won't use to transport the younger kids. He is totally disrespectful, has obvious anger issues, and is becoming more and more distant from the rest of our close knit family. He is intelligent and responsible in other areas of his life-he got straight A's throughout high school and earned a scholarship for college. This problem isn't something that started recently, as I said, he has always been strong willed, but lately the situation has gotten out of control-my mom is actually afraid that he might get violent. He has in the past, but that was before was 6'0 170 lbs. I live out of state, but I go home occasionally and do what I can to help my mom out. I hope I've explained the situation accurately-sorry for going on and on...anyway, if anyone has ANY advice or has experienced a similar situation, I'd really appreciate your comments. Thanks.
Why isn't it that easy? He's 18 and an adult now by law. He should be showing respect to your Mom and taking responsibility. At 18 he should be paying rent if nothing else. If it gets worse your Mom has the right to tell him to get out and call the sherrif if he doesn't. I know that would be hard emotionally, but you have three younger siblings at risk to consider. Good Luck!
Yes it is that easy, and if he is threatening her she needs to put a restraining order on him! Only way some people learn is the hard way. If she doesn't drawn any boundaries he will learn none. Something no body else has said yet is...what is this showing the sibs? What is it teaching them? That its ok to treat and/or be treated this way? If she doesn't do it for herself, she should do it for the other kids! Tough Love Its hard to do but the best thing she could do, for them both. How else is he going to learn that this is totally unacceptable behavior. She has the right to demand respect in her household!!
thanks you guys...I shared your advice with my mom and she is going to write him a letter explaining that things need to change or he is out of the house.
Can I ask a question? If he has no job, and isn't even going to school, WHERE did he get a car? And how can he afford payments, insurance and gas for it? If your mama bought the car, she needs to take it right back. Let the little bugger walk. If he is getting violent, he could be going through a Mood Disorder or even something like Temporal Lobe Epilepsy (especially if the mood swings hit REALLY quickly and are violent and go away just as fast, often with him having little memory of them) She CAN have him taken to a hospital for evaluation. If he is a "danger to himself or to others" anyone (you? Or anyone, it doesn't have to be a blood relative, just someone who knows what he has been doing and can testify to the doctor) can call and have him picked up in an ambulance and kept on a 48 hour evaluation. If it is determined that he IS either a danger to himself or to others, they can keep him for treatment. Good luck to you. It sounds awful.
This sounds exactly like my younger brother. I tried to tell the same things to my mom (kick his ass out) but she says, I can't he is still my child, where would he go, etc, etc. This kid is 20, just graduated HS, and STILL has no driving license. He moved out once, got arrested directly for pot, got evicted, and she let him back. He disrespects her, eats her food, doesn't help out, but she lets him. That's her own fault. By allowing him to act this way, she is encouraging it. She has to get that leech out of her house. If he won't contribute to the family, what's the point of keeping him around?
I'm glad she is taking a stand on this. Support her emotionally as much as you can because it will be hard for her to stick to her guns. Its the best thing she can do for the younger ones too. They need to understand there are boundaries, so when they get older they don't fall into the same pattern as your brother or think its ok to be disrespected as your mom has been putting up with. Kids need clear signals. Yours, unfortunately is not a unique situation. When did kids think we owed them a place to sleep and food to eat no matter what their age or behavior is? The father of my kids had a mother that took care of him and never made him stand on his own two feet and support himself on a regular basis. He finally learned how a few years after both parents died, in his mid fourties.
Well- my mom kicked him out. She packed up all his stuf and left it on the front porch. He called me sobbing last night which kind of surprised me, considering he acts like such a hardass. But I guess he went to my uncle's house (mom's brother who said he wanted to "have a talk" with him. So hopefully having a positive male influence will help. I don't know, I just hope he's not home again in two days and back to his old ways. Hopefully this will give him a reality check and his behavior will change. thanks for the advice, everyone.
Make sure she doesn't let him back in. Until he has a job Until he does as he's freaking told. If he doan like it he can shove it.
Remind her...that no matter the age...kids have to have a line drawn. If she takes his ass back, make sure she has a guideline drawn...30 days to be employed...X amount of money for living there...and under no circumstances will she allow disrespect of her, her home, or anyone living in it!! But tell her if she can make arrangements with her brother along those same lines it would be best cause her brother won't take that kinda shit off the boy and he is less likely to try to pull it too. He will learn that NOBODY will put up with a shitty attitude or a lazy shit!
