help me not do something ill regret

the lieing thief called. i havent let her know i KNOW what's up.

um i wanna call back, play nice... and pick them up... play nice.


and beat their up thief asses.


im so mad im shocked.

 

fuck it. dont stop me.

i NEVER started a physical fight in my LIFE. I FINISHED too.


i could sooo take them too.

ive also never seriously wanted to punch anyone this bad in my LIFE.

 

over a FUCKING drug...

 

Why dont you just meditate instead? Adding more negativity to a situation will only dump a heavier load of negativity on your lap Lucky.

 

yeah i know you're right, john.

jer- ummm it's not over a drug. you dont get up. its over my LOVING and TRUSTING and DEFENDING!!! them when everyone said they'd fuck me over eventually....

its soooo much beyond a drug. they violated my trust.

 

Well show them that your more powerful than them by not allowing them to make you upset maybe? I dont know the situation that well Lucky Im just trying to help you remember your strength in spirituality. Im about to leave work so whatever you do today, good luck and God bless -

 

thanks. god. im so lost on what to do.


i need to let it go.

even when im not shaking my teeth are chattering and im hot then cold. blah.

 

i keep saying outloud like an insane person "how could they do this to me?"

then i cry.

 

If you have to ask yourself this you need far more help than even you know.

 

Maybe you need to take a long walk in the woods.

Find that place of serenity that you keep inside of you and hold on to it for this afternoon.

You're fine, and you're going to be even better when you realize how little this is.

 

and how could i be so stupid?

i never thought that would happen.

 

Your right, a dealer would never take advantage of a person who cant stay straight!

 

Aside from being mad you are probably going threw withdrawals. Believe it or not. Sounds about right the symptoms you have right now.

Thinking straight isn't an option when you feel this way. You may think you are making rational decisions but you are not.

You do not have to talk to her tonight. You could turn your ringer off. Go lay down with Dan. Talk to your husband. Sit on the porch and breathe in the fresh air. Take a shower. You might want to take a shower. I heard that helps the withdrawals.

Unless you cut all ties the urge, the feelings won't go away.

Seamonster.... I know you don't like talking to me and I am truly sorry for what I said a year ago. You went threw the H withdrawals. Is there anything you could offer T to help her threw this at this moment? The physical and mental garbage...there has to be something you could give her strength from your experience. BTW...I think it's very commendable of you to conquer something so severe.

 

gary has helped me a lot and also gets frustrated with me cause he's been there, done that.
i do listen to him.

 

When did I ever say i didn't like talking to you??

Well the main time I actually went through bad ones was 10 years ago, july 4th weekend. I had four days off work, somehow still had a job working around doctors

Someone gave me some valium and klonipin. I locked myself in my apartment and read some books someone gave me. I sweat and felt like i couldn't sit still but was yet tired, completely unable to walk anywhere, couldn't sleep, or when i did i woke up 5 minutes later absolutely drenched in cold sweat.

After the 4 days I felt better, but after I started feeling better i started to crave it a little bit, so I would occasionally do it, but not as bad for maybe 6 more months.

Then I moved in with a friend in California and just laid low for a while.
I was talking to him on the phone about the insane things that had been happening, and he said "pack up your car and move down here"

, and have never done it or been around it that I have known of since


It's the kind of thing that for years i would think back on and absolutely cringe. But coming out of it I felt more relaxed and appreciative of life, and never craved drugs like i had before that point.

Took a long time to completely get over though, seriously. A few years and i wasn't as bad as many people get, and not for as long

 

Maybe I drew wrong conclusions. We had a disagreement last year and after that we never talked. Honestly that bothered me. I wanted us to be able to talk.
I've been carrying this around with me for a year. lol I know I sound pathetic.

Thank you for sharing your story. I know it's a personal experience. Someone can learn from it. That takes an amazing amount of strength to deal with the cravings.

Why do opiates have to be hard to get off of? I ask that because I've had my own battle from time to time with vicodin. I do have some health issues that it helps with but there is a craving sometimes.

 

Gary never hated you. I'm 99.99 percent sure. You pissed me off at times too but I'm glad you're back posting. I'd say more but yeah i'm not that articulate right now.

 

I've pissed people off before and it eats me to my core till I can make it right. I've tried like mad to make it right with you. I even tried to leave little messages for Gary on the pm just to ask him how he was.

I do not like upsetting people. I want to learn how to voice my own opinion and be able to agree to disagree without feeling like a bad person vice versa.

I am glad we are communicating again too.

 

you're doing good. i like you a lot now.

 

I've been in your position more times than I'd even like to remember. Personally, I'd kill em.