Help! He has performance anxiety?

I typed out most of this question and then realized just how long my back story got so I'm now deciding to post the question first and you can read the context if you want:
My guy wont come, not matter what I do, and I'm pretty sure its just performance anxiety on his part, but do any of you guys have any advice on things I could try to do to help him get past it?

The back story if you're interested::

So I've been dating this guy for three months now, and I'm pretty much in love with him. He's wonderful and sweet, but has his share of anxiety issues and a poor self image. He's really great at getting me off... from the beginning, even though he'd not had a relationship that went beyond kissing before, he gives me several orgasms in a row, like he just knew to without having to be asked :2thumbsup: (ladies be jealous!)

He's eighteen, and a virgin, and I'm a twenty year old girl, not a virgin, but only one serious relationship prior to him. I pretty much adore him and want him to feel as good as he makes me feel- but that's my issue. For the life of me, I can't get him off. I've tried to give him a blow job twice, and a hand job at least three times... but he wont come. He says he can come masturbating by himself, but I can blow him til my jaw hurts and jerk him off til I have a sore arm, but no dice. He gets hard just fine, and after a certain point he seems like hes about to orgasm, but then he loses his erection. Eventually he asks me to stop, I think because he's over sensitized and knows I'm getting tired.

I don't think its me or my technique - unless he's lieing he says I'm not doing anything wrong and I was able to get my ex-boyfriend off just fine so I'm pretty sure its not my fault....

He also says he wants to have sex with me, but I'm holding off because A) I am the kind of person that needs to know I'm in a committed relationship first, and to me that means mutual I love yous and he's not there yet; and B) in my experience, I don't actually enjoy penetrative sex so much, never really has done much for me, I only really do it for my partners pleasure... and I'm nervous he wont be able to get off from that either and we'll just end up having sex for a long time and I'll be uncomfortable and he wont be satisfied at the end...... And i guess i just really want his first time to be good for him, not an exercise in frustration.

Sorry to ramble about my sex life for so long haha. I just don't have any friends I can talk to about this kind of thing and I really want to help him... Any advice would be very much appreciated.

 

Sit on his face and tell him to get himself off while he gets you off.

 

While I certainly don't mind the concept, I think it might be a bit much for my virgin boyfriend who isn't yet comfortable with giving me oral sex..... Just saying. But thank you for replying anyway.
Any other (please more serious, not just position suggestion) ideas?

 

Tell him to stop watching so much porn and masturbating, he'll get so horny and sensitive getting off won't be an issue.

 

Some guys just don't cum easily. There certainly could be a level of anxiety playing into it as well, but that would usually affect his ability to get it up which you say isn't a problem. Will he masturbate himself with you, and not with you there just staring at him but maybe with you being affectionate with him or playing with yourself & teasing him while he masturbates.

I wouldn't take it personally though, after all you could have the reverse problem and he could cum in 30 seconds and leave you with nothing. Just keep trying different things. Also 3 months is a long time too to still be abstaining from actually having sex IMHO, not telling you what to do but if you don't feel like he's "close" enough to you after 3 months that sounds a bit odd.

So it's been almost a month now, any change? Any success?

 

Can't say I really dealt with such a thing except BF, he gets me off as many times as I want and yet the odd time he finds it hard to go off, mostly because he works long days and it's heavy work. At the same time I can make him hard instantly, many times just while talking to him when we aren't even about to have sex. I did get worried and even upset but he said its not a big deal to him as long as I was happy and he enjoys our sex anyway so if happens that he don't, he says it's his fault, not mine. He is totally awesome in bed and isn't in any rush for anything at all. Seems if we haven't done it in a good few days he can climax without any problem.
Maybe you could try holding back a few days and try it. Toys,,, saying things to him and lots of closeness to his ears when it's getting hot,,, try being aggressive or submissive. He might have a wanting for something you don't know about and if he is wishing for it that might hold back his ability, talk out loud to him. Some guys say a noisy woman during turns them on, some say they don't care for too much noise. Anyway, some hints in hopes it helps.

 

Perhaps he's been desensitized by watching too much porn and masturbating. If that's so, I've heard it isn't very easy to solve. He would have to drop with the porn and it'd take time.

It could be he's just anxious about his first time and that's having a bad effect on him. Lots of guys stress about it.

How are his erections? Is he hard all the time while you're stimulating him, or is he losing his erection? If he's losing his erection, it could be he's distracted.

With what I know now, if I'd be young again and meet a man with any kind of sexual issue, I'd finish the relationship before it'd get any further. My husband had many problems at the beginning. He was also a virgin. Loving him as I did, and still do, I took the path of patience, compassion and understanding. It meant two decades of frustration. The thing is that his erection is so difficult to maintain, only the things that worked the best for him were done. Our sexual life was about him and his issues.

Think of it: is it worth to stick around? I think I understand he's also not so comfortable with oral, and you need that. Nothing guarantees he'll suddenly start enjoying it more.

Again, my experience was that we both thought he'd get into it as he got more comfortable with sex. But his problems were such that we ended up kind of putting it on the shelf, because giving me oral was one of the million things that weakened his erections. To feel pleasure, he can have no distractions at all. He could be about to cum after me giving oral for an hour. A bird would sing and he'd lose his erection again. Start over for me. And I really mean something as little as a bird singing. Since we both were in love, we both hoped solving his underlying problem would sort that out... and so on...

If you aren't even in the saying "I love you" stage, why not to move on now?

 

Maybe it is hard for some guys to hold an erection and that's why he can't cum or enjoy sex,,, as said above. There are pills that might help with that even tho I am not the kind to push taking pills, it might save a relationship.
Some are just strangely prud ed out by some acts of sex and that could be it, this needs to be discussed openly so both understand. If it is a problem with attraction then there is a totally different issue. Some guys, or women are in the relationship for companionship but secretly or openly couldn't care as much about the sex part or again, are not turned on by it for some reason which is sad. Another idea is, does he dislike something you are doing to him? He might not say something being done doesn't feel so great, maybe it just isn't the right timing for what's happening, some guys lose it say, in a hand job if a woman would slow down or stop too many times and he can't keep it going in his head,,, as an example. Or in intercourse if the woman or guy needs to stop several times to reposition themselves lots. Some hold backs stop the momentum so to speak and the partner can't hold up, Or,,, has he got lots on his mind he can't let go to enjoy the sex session?
Some people are about rhythm and some about changes in pace to ramp up the feelings, some even about many things happening while stimulation is happening, me, I like a guy who is into it, not one who lays there calling foreplay a one handed job while tv is on or drifting off like I heard some people say their partner might do. Mind you if I did that I am sure my guy would have a hard time with it too. Things could improve if he tells you what's good for him and you both practice for a while. If he won't say what works then you are both going to get tired of each other sooner then later.
There are many reasons and therapy might help here to find out the cause.
And yes, if a guy isn't making me as happy as I want him to be or visa versa I would have to leave the relationship if things were done to no avail. It's a tough decision but if all isn't right in the relationship the rest of it will only get worse.