(I posted this in the "True Love" forum, but I think this might be a better place to post it) ------- Warning: This post will be pathetic, childish, and irrational. But then again, isn't love usually pretty irrational? So, I haven't been posting on these forums long, but all the posts (or pretty much all) have been about one in particular person, I guy I met online a few months ago, hooked up with not long after, and started a crazy amazing rollercoaster of a relationship. We never "dated" because we didn't know what the future held for either of us and we made this clear to each other. Plus he didn't want to get hurt (Scorpio) and didn't want to hurt me (Libra). Ironically, I'm the one that ended up getting hurt. Big time. We started having sex the third time we got together and shared an amazing physical bond that I have only really had with one other man and that was my fiance who passed away 5 years ago (I prefer women, so its hard for me to find that physical connection with a man). We had a lot of other connections too, of course. He told me he loved me - of course I took this at face value since we didn't know each other long - but still. He told me a lot of things. He meant them, and he still does - I know this. However, recently he informed me it would be best to break off our physical relationship as he has started seeing another girl who he believes is better for him. This is where the pathetic and irrational part comes in. I know she's better for him. I'm only 21, he's 32. Age has NEVER mattered to me. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm pretty mature for my age. I'm getting ready to receive a B.S. and M.A. in Journalism and Anthropology in just 2 short weeks. I've worked very hard for both. I've had a child (gave her up for adoption), I'm the youngest of 5 in a very close knit family, I've lived around the world . . . . let's just say I have more life experience than most 21 year old's my age. That's not to say I don't have A LOT to learn - because I do. Also I was recently arrested for having over an ounce of marijuana and was charged with possession (I was in between medical cards, silly mistake I know) and have been facing the consequences of that. I also just recently told my family about the arrest and that has been very hard on all of us (they are VERY conservative and we are all VERY close, so they felt betrayed and hurt I hadn't told them) I have also lost 3 dear friends in the last 3 months as well as both my grandma's. Needless to say, my heart is pretty fragile right now. It's pretty much being held together by tape. Also, I'm a Libra to the core and a very feeling person. I love people with all my heart and don't really put up barriers when I get to know someone - which is probably dangerous as it allows me to get hurt more in the end - - but to me it's always been worth it. I certainly don't regret meeting this guy or starting a relationship with him - but there it is, I've been hurt. That song (really pathetic now) "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy is EXACTLY how I feel right now. I've been sobbing the last 2 days over this. I've been pretty open with him - however I don't think he realizes exactly how much I am hurting. Especially this part: "So long my luckless romance . . . Should've known you'd bring me heartache, Almost lovers always do" He has stated this other girl is more "stable" and she is older (28) as well as in to all the same things he is (so am I, we're both HUGE nerds). I think I would be handling this A LOT better if we just broke off the physical thing mutually and that he wasn't "leaving" me for another girl. The irrational part is that he has EVERY right. We weren't dating. He was never "mine" to begin with. So I have to let him go. I want him to be happy. And I realize I'm being terribly selfish. I'm not trying to "keep" him - but I am still in my heart. I wasn't necessarily "in" love with him (I've only known him a few months) but I did love him and I liked him A LOT!! I am going to miss that physical connection I had with him TERRIBLY and (maybe this wasn't the best idea, but it is what it is) we never had any barriers as we started being physical the first time we got together (had sex the 3rd time and have had sex every single time we hang out). He lives one hour away from me so it's not like I see that often (I usually visit him once a week and spend the night) - and this new girl lives about 5 minutes away from him (he doesn't have a car, so that's convenient for him). He says he considers me one of his best friends and loves and cares for me very much - so honestly this has ended a lot better than I could have hoped for. But it is still INCREDIBLY painful. I seriously feel like my heart is broken - and I have to deal with all this other stuff on top of it. I can't eat. I can't think. I can't sleep. I'm trying REALLY hard to get over him, telling myself "it's for the best!" (it really is) and to just stop thinking about him. but I can't!!!! sorry for that long novel - - -any suggestions on how to deal with such a thing? or words of encouragement? I can't really talk about this to much of my friends (only with a few) because a lot of them didn't really know about him.
You can do so much better. It might hurt but you don't have much of a choice other than to get over him. We've all been there and however impossible it seems, that broken-hearted feeling does go away. Hopefully sooner rather than later. Go out and do things, occupy yourself. Hope you feel better soon.
Time is pretty much the only thing that will cure it sweetie. Getting involved with something too. When my wife left, I started reading self-help/motiviational books and listened to the cds etc. I've found that to help me a lot. I recommend 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne. It still hasn't stopped hurting for me but it is getting better.
You know, Voileen, I know how you feel, and I DO, because I experienced something similar(not quite the same) last fall myself. I met a girl on another website in the springtime last year, became pretty good friends and, over the summer, I realized I was increasingly attracted to her romantically. I finally expressed my feelings for her in September. Turns out, the feelings were mutual! From then onward, I'll just say it was love I've never experienced before. The relationship lasted not even a full month, though. One day she told me we should break up. I never really pressed for explanations because she said she had her own reasons. I respected that. In a way, though, I still had faith that she and I would get back together someday. Long story, lol. Being with her again was the ultimate goal in life for me up until very recently. But of course it hurt a lot. This was the only girl I actually SERIOUSLY considered spending the rest of my life with. I could have done anything for her. She and I are still friends, but for the longest time, my heart would skip a beat whenever I saw or heard her first name. It skipped two beats whenever I actually saw her name on Facebook. It was the most beautiful name to me, and knowing that we weren't together was UN-fuckin'-BEARABLE. And by mid-October, I was starting to notice my health was being affected by the emotional stress, too. Again, long story, lol. So yeah, you're not being pathetic or childish or irrational simply for being upset about this event. And personally, I actually think you, in fact, WERE(or still ARE?) in love with him. And why not? The duration of time you've known the other person really has very little to do with whether or not you could be "in love" with them in my opinion. My ex and I loved each other like we should be on every encyclopedia as the prime example and the most inseparable of all inseparable, disgustingly cute couples out there. Yet, we broke up. Shitty deal, right? lol I agree with the other posters, only time will heal the emotional pain. It may take a long time, but you WILL feel better eventually. I personally overloaded myself with work and also took up fitness workout to keep my focus from returning to my ex too much. Took me almost half a year, but I'm a lot better now. So I'm sure you can overcome this challenge as well. I did get a bit teary eyed yesterday when she uploaded a new pic on Facebook, though. She looks so beautiful in the pic, and to me, she still looks perfect... Anyway, stay strong!
'ouch' sending a wave of love and healing - you sound very brave and strong and your heart will love again.... It has taken me years to get over a lover in the past, at least the memories are all good and no damage done xxx
thank you all so much for your kind words. the encouragement really helps. something i left out is that I am perhaps going through what is the most difficult time in my life right now . . . ever. I am rather occupied. I am 2 weeks away from getting a B.S. and M.A. from University. I was arrested for having a few ounces of mj leaf in my car a couple months ago (being charged with mj possession, even though I have my medical card now) and I have my sentencing court hearing tomorrow (and have to decide whether or not I should accept a plea bargain or go to trial, BIG decision, LOTS of money I don't have) . . . also I kept the arrest from my VERY conservative, VERY close knit family, they know now and are all quite hurt that I kept it from them so that's hard. On top of all this I've lost several friends recently, both my grandma's passed away last month, and 2 other dear friends died as well. Also, I have a "boyfriend" (we have always been in an open relationship and were taking a break when I was sort of with this other guy) and he and I are compatible in EVERY way (emotionally, spiritually, intellectually) - but not physically. We've never had sex and he wants to SOOO bad. We've been together for about 3 years so it's not fair to him at all. But I just have a lot of issues and problems, plus I'm not really physically attracted to him but I love him A LOT. Which is why the physical intimacy with this other guy was so special - because I don't really ever get that with anyone. So now I'm dealing with that . . . there's more going on too, but I'll spare you all the gritty details. My point is I"M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND!!!! Also Alternative Thinker, thank you for sharing your story. I told this guy (the one I was in the 2 month relationship with) recently that I feel hurt, but it isn't his fault. He said (texting), "I'm just trying to do what's best for now" and "I did too (in response to me wanting to be with him one last time), but at this point it may make things harder" and he even offered to "leave me alone for a few days" as to not upset me further. I see him on Facebook a lot and yeah . . . same thing, my heart just skips a bit. I'm basically in love with too people. I've always been a VERY sensing type of person, VERY feeling . . . I open up right away to people. But it also causes me to get hurt quicker.
hope everything is going ok things could have ended a lot worse, so if you just end up with a friend that you like, it's still not so bad for now maybe you can just distract yourself with your work spending some time not being in a relationship can be good for you. def better not to need a relationship I think that you might be better off with someone who could make a little more of a commitment from the beginning. just a thought it was very painful to me to hear you say that you are "in love with too people". I'm sorry, it just hurt. on the other hand, I rarely observe correct mechanics in my writing, so wtf when one door closes, another door opens. the end of this relationship opens a new path for you. I think that you can grow from the experience hope that everything gets better soon!
Like everyone else is saying, time heals all wounds. I suggest doing things to keep your mind busy and avoid him for a bit so the heartache doesn't return every time he calls.
It doesn't sound like it's about the guy. I wonder if you've given yourself a proper chance to grieve your child. I know s/he isn't dead, but it must be hard to choose the best life for your child when it minimally involves you. If it were me, I'd consider counseling. I don't think it's the guy that's eating you up; I think it's being alone again, but you're not alone. You can get through this, and you have people pulling for you.
thanks everyone. And Creedlespeak, you are partially right. There is A LOT going on in my life right now - so this just adds to it. I am slowly but surely moving on. He came to support me in court which was really nice and that's the only time I've seen him since we last hung out (and we were still physical at that point). We text every day. He loves to talk about his new friend that's a girl (they are "just friends" but will probably date). I can't help but be jealous, but oh well. It is what it is. and he deserves to be happy. And I'm not alone. I have a lot of people that love me - so I just need to focus on that. And focus on just being friends with this guy. It's just hard because we never had any physical boundaries, like I said, so it will take some time hanging out with him to get used to not making out and holding hands. lol. But you know - it'll happen. Thanks again everyone! Side note, today was my last day of class . . . 2 more finals next week and next Saturday I graduate with a Master of Arts AND a Bachelor of Science! I couldn't be more excited about that.
You've been so strong and made a lot of hard choices that were for the benefit of others. Now it's time to do what's right for yourself. Enjoy your accomplishments and give yourself a moment to rest on your laurels. Great things are around the corner.
The thing to do here is channel......your hurt feelings and your pain are energies that will tear you apart if you don't channel them into a positive, progressive direction. We love, we lose, we hurt, but then we love again. It's the cycle that keeps life as wonderful as it is. Move forward and do something you have wanted to do for a long time. The stars tell me your next love will be waiting for you somewhere along that path. By then your energies will have turned positive and will be ready for your next, and best, relationship......
