he thought for two

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by inbloom, Dec 30, 2004.

  1. inbloom

    inbloom as the crow flies...

    he thought for two
    --------------------
    this is our daughter, this is serious...
    atrophied lungs, atrophied gums
    laying on the floor, take hand in guns
    i feel unprotected if i feel this space
    she'll choke on the gas, he'll choke in the wind
    press them on vinyl, press in your lungs
    it's really okay if your mind is hung
    i know i'm a hypocrite, but so are you
    there's really nothing else better to do
    lay there and imagine if it stayed insane
    if two were to fail to cry against heart
    it'll happen again, long after i'm gone
    but i'll stay away, with my hand in mine
    doesn't feel the same, but that's alright
    i guess it's enough to hold me until i...
     
  2. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

    I loved the way you ended this... it was a nice touch dropping the rhyme scheme and going with the free form. It gives off a more powerful sincerity, imo. Powerful stuff! Thanks for sharing, and it's great to see you in these parts again!
     
  3. inbloom

    inbloom as the crow flies...

    thank you, kindly. :)
     

Share This Page


  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice