He s a virgin

Hi , everyone, just feel so annoying of my new bf after i got to know some true that he s virgin before we had sex . i just dont understand why he lied to me , But actually i could feel it very easily the moment he kissed me . cuz thats not romantic and so rude kisses .. he s from hipforums too.. i thought we 've started a new way of life of sharing our happiness and sadness . but i think he really do need help for sex skill , he really scared me a lot by his unexperienced skill and always so rude on bed .

Could someone suggest me that should i still give him chance that he will learn more of that , i know sex isnt the most important thing in relationship , but no one expected a bad skill guy to make you suffering on bed. :leaving:

 

Well who is going to teach him? You have to.

 

Yeah, you're pretty much the best bet for teaching him, but it'll take time and he has to be open to suggestions/learning

What do you mean he's "rude in bed"?

 

She means he comes before she does, and then he panics and withdraws his penis, while it ejaculates over her face.

Very rude, indeed.

 

Teach him to be the lover that you want him to be! How fun would that be to have a guy that is programmed to know exactly how to please you and press all your right buttons?


Also buying him a sex manual for Christmas wouldn't hurt, I'm serious.

 

Yea, it seems like it's pretty much you that's gonna have to do the teaching, unless you want one of us to do it-I'd have to negotiate fees with you if you want me to do the instruction....:H

Without the aid of a translator, it sounds to me like you really didn't know this guy very well before you kissed him and then hopped in bed with him. Maybe you should get to know the guy quite a bit better before you get to the sexual part of the relationship. That's my 2 yuan about the whole thing :chinese:.

 

Yea i agree. If him being a virgin is that much of an issue just dont go out with him.

 

Actually....I think you should be flattered that you get to be his first...he will have no one to compare you with...so , you will seem really good to him....If I were in your place , I would set aside a day with plenty of time , and let the lessons begin......just ENJOY !!!!!

 

Maybe also in rude you mean _rough_... rough kissing and rough sex.

You are right to feel disappointed and upset that he lied to you, because I think people usually would want to know if they were taking someone else's virginity. You finding it out only AFTER you had sex is unfair. As for suggestions:
The best thing I can suggest is talk to him more. I think a lot of guys just assume that when they have sex, they'll do whatever they want and the girl will just enjoy it no matter what they do. You could help him learn a few ways: maybe you could talk through things a little more, say what feels good and what is too rough. Also, you could maybe take more control... and when you're in control, you can DO what feels good and maybe he will learn.
I agree with the others, too, that if you're finding out new things so suddenly, maybe take some time just getting to know him before you have more sex.

 

So he was a virgin? Big deal. There are a lot of reasons he could have lied to you. You make it sound like you wouldn't have slept with him if he was a virgin. That could be the reason. I know I lied to the first girl I slept with. It went something like
-"Whoo, glad I got that whole virginity thing out of the way.."
-"Oh my god your a virgin?"
-"Not anymore, THANKS!!"
Anyway. You just have to tell him what you like.

 

I thought gals like virgins... I thought it made you feel special?

 

up till now , we 've been in relationship for almost 3 months . however , since we live in different city where he have to take 3-hours bus to come to my city fot meeting me . so we plan for meeting each other once 2 weeks , means we meet each other twice in a month . We had our second intimacy few days ago , sorry to say that i was imagining i was doing with ex , how devil i am! He s trying to pleasing me with a wrong way and i didnt feel passion at all .. i was pretending .

 

I'm in exactly the same situation, it takes 6 hours driving or 4 hours by train to see my woman. The only difference is that mine is just a fuck buddy and seeing her once every two weeks suits me very well.

If he's "trying to please you" the least you owe him is a little communication to guide him. Why can't you do that? What's wrong with you?? You're 24 for goodness sake, you should be mature enough to be able to tell him what you like. I have no sympathy for you if you continue to ignore our advice and refuse to guide him because you're scared you'd hurt his feelings or something, how else is he gonna learn??? You're missing out and it's your own fault!

 

yes

 

I think you have bigger problems than the fact that he was a virgin

like, a SERIOUS lack of communication
and an apparent refusal to tell him what turns you on.
People don't come pre-programmed as to your specific, unique set of turn ons and offs. You have to tell him what they are, you have to COMMUNICATE them to him. Everyone does in a relationship in one way or another.

 

I have a feeling that a lot of people on this forum get really stressed about relationship/sex issues.

 

COMMUNICATE WITH HIM!!!! AAAAAAAAARGH!!! :hysterica

 

Cathy - I am a lay sex therapist, and I have helped a number of men originally from mainland China with sexual problems. China is still a very victorian country, and is only now making the transition to the modern world, and that includes the world of modern sexuality. I have been to China many times, and with its crowded big city populations, it is difficult to find a moment to be alone with your girl, except perhaps in parks, etc.

It is not unusual for your guy to be a virgin, but that does not mean that he has not fantasized about sex or masturbated. A lot of guys, when they masturbate, are able to do it very roughly, and they have not learned that women want them to be gentle with them. They must be taught this, and the best way to do this is for the two of you to read from the same book about sexual practices, so you are on the same page when you jump into bed. In other words, communicate with each other about your sexual likes and dislikes, and learn together about having sex.

Couples I talk to often start by saying that "I am afraid to ask him to do that - he will think I am slutty", or "I would like to tell him not to do that to me, but i am afraid he will think I am criticizing him and will lose interest in me." But the way around this is to say that you both are inexperienced at sex, and want to learn how to do it together. Everyone can have sex, but it takes a lot of practice and skill to be good at it, just like being an athlete. Look at sex between you as a learning experience, finding out what each of you like and dislike, and work to enhance the pleasure of the other. Make love through your partner, not to your partner. Regard your partner's pleasure as more importnat than your own, and yours will follow.

Send me a PM if you want to talk more freely. By the way, my girlfriend is Chinese, so I practice what I preach. We have a great relationship in and out of bed.

 

Hmmm....

Not meaning to be rude cutted, your advice sounded good and all, but the end of your post sounded a little suspicious. Telling a girl with sex problems to PM you if she wants to talk more freely when you've just stepped in and started selling yourself as a sex therapist is a little odd. If cathy wants to talk, there's a whole forum for her to do it in - why does she need to switch to PM to get your "advice"? The good thing about a forum is you get lots of different opinions - not one person telling another what to do. And if you're going to pose as a therapist, you really should give some more info about yourself - otherwise you're starting a potential power relationship that you may not be entitled to (or able to handle if therapy is only a "hobby").