HAVING A CRISIS! need advice!

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by NiNo601, May 17, 2004.

  1. NiNo601

    NiNo601 Member

    I am 19 years old and have had this wonderful boyfriend for 3 years. I was already expirenced in the sex department and he wasn't. I have noticed the last year or so he hasn't been very intimate with me the way that he should. I had cheated on him during the first year of Us, but even after that whole oredeal he was very in to me during sex, I mean I have to tell him to touch me during sex.when we go to do the deed he tickles me and expects me to be turned on by that. Also, whenever I tell him that I want to be intimate with him he turns me down. Since he has done that repeatedly, I have begun to feel scared or embarresed to ask him, and now I dont get any! I used to be a very brave in this and now im no and I dont know how to tell him that he needs to be more affectionate and/or that I want to have SEX! HELP SOMEONE! WHAT SHOULD I DO!
     
  2. HappyHaHaGirl

    HappyHaHaGirl *HipForums Princess*

    Is he messing around, that you know of? I don't know. That's what I always get paranoid about when guys start getting weird about sex. ????? It could be anything, though. Why don't you ask him? He probably knows more than anyone here would....:)
     
  3. NiNo601

    NiNo601 Member

    I know hes not cheating on my. I have asked him before during a very serious conversation and he told me he and that he wasnt lying.
     
  4. HappyHaHaGirl

    HappyHaHaGirl *HipForums Princess*

    That's good...:D

    Is he afraid of a more long term commitment? Competition? Are you seeing each other less? Was he abducted by aliens and has since become impotent?

    I really wish I could help. I guess, if I knew any of the answers, my boyfriend wouldn't have broken up with me.... :)

    I hope it works out. Luck!
     
  5. WayfaringStranger

    WayfaringStranger Corporate Slave #34

    as much as guys dont undestand girls .. . girls dont understand men. try being loving and supportive of him outside of the sex world. dont even bring up sex, just have fun with him and dont put any pressures on him, but yo ustill have to tease him a bit, like bending over in front of him or brushing up against him, but sont ask him for sex. after a few hours or days, maybe even a week, he'll want to hit it.
     
  6. kittykat

    kittykat Member

    A very good possiblity is that this is his way, a passive aggressive way, of getting back on you for cheating on him. Maybe you need to discuss that incident more with him. Very likely the time you cheated on him have left him with some emotional scars -- possibly, he's afraid to be "in love" with you, to be more affectionate, and bond too much since he doesn't want to re-experience the pain. He does love you it seems, because he's still with you. Emotionally, you may have lost him some time ago and without "digging" through all the past garbage you won't get him back that easily. Maybe his interpretation of the events is that he's lousy in bed and you looked elsewhere. I think you'll either have to push him into talking about all this or eventually you'll have to find another boyfriend. Seeing a relationship/couples counselor for a few months wouldn't be a bad idea either - everything depends on how much this relationship means to both of you.
     
  7. NiNo601

    NiNo601 Member

    this relationship means alot to us because he always tells me how life is boring and depressing when im not around. I just dont know how to talk to him about this again...i dont want to push him away.
     
  8. kittykat

    kittykat Member

    I guess you can start in several ways. The basic premise is that his male ego has been hurt and he'll resist talking about -- guys talking about emotional hurt and pain is not a pretty picture.

    He wonders about many things, some of them more embarrassing then others, like was the other guy better, bigger, more satisfying to you? Can he ever trust you again 100%? How many other people, especially his friends, know that you cheatied on him? Does he look pathetic to himself for not doing the "macho" thing and "dumping" you right away?

    He definitively needs to know that you want him back entirely, not just as a good personality boyfriend, but also as a sexual partner. Give lots of positive messages about how you liked when you were more intimate and that you miss it. Try to rebuild his sexual performance confidence -- I think the guy got lots of negative impressions about himself (mostly due to his own interpretation). The funny thing about negative self impression is that people stop doing stuff they think they are not good at -- all of us want to do stuff we are good at. Change his self perception and you may get a move in the positive direction.

    On the other side, you can't keep paying for your mistake from 3 years ago indefinitively. So if he's "unmoveable" you'll may have to do something more radical.
     
  9. DarkLunacy

    DarkLunacy Senior Member

    Maybe hes bored? Try new stuff like... Whipping out handcuffs or being submissive. Then again maybe he repressed the whole cheating episode and its coming back. If your serious about this guy then you should be able to work through the ordeal
     
  10. makno

    makno Senior Member

    kick em ta da curb!
     
  11. Mintaoism

    Mintaoism Member

    yeah I would try to introduce more stuff, and really try to get into him... like you know what I mean..

    as alwasy the answer is to have a long boring discussion which will almost certainly end up in you two splitting up.. oh well...
     
  12. NiNo601

    NiNo601 Member

    Thank you All so much with helping me try to figure out whats wrong with this boy. Now all I need is to figure out how to work up my courage to be more bold and exciting in bed. If anyone has any suggestions on how to get me to work up my confidence and some suggestions that won't make him run out of the room screaming PLEASE! HELP! ME! OUT!
     
  13. Well, I know a few hardcore Christians that'd never dream of even messing with each other til marriage which I think is stupid. It let's the other person know what you're comfortable with and a look into your personality and what not....
     

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