have you ever read that drunk vs stoner joke?

Discussion in 'Stoners Lounge' started by seizedbyanger, May 29, 2007.

  1. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

    Drunk vs Stoner

    What’s the difference between a drunk and a stoner?

    A drunk drives through the stop sign; a stoner waits for it to turn green.


    idk that seems more like something you'd do on acid to me but yeah

    i thought it was a lil funny but i think lots of things are funny soo
     
  2. nirmalamaya

    nirmalamaya Member

    hahaha. i liked it.
     
  3. mr.greenxxx

    mr.greenxxx Not an Average Bear

    i think the stoner hoing to hell was alot better. cant be botherted to type it tho
     
  4. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

    i thought it was funny

    but weird cuz idk about you guys but when i'm stoned things don't change colors haha
     
  5. swazo

    swazo i am amazing.

  6. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

    never heard of it

    i tried googling it but couldn't find it but then again i didn't look very hard
     
  7. swazo

    swazo i am amazing.

    A stoner finds a poor person on the street and helps him up. The poor person says, "Son, I'm a genie. And since you helped me I'll give you three wishes." The stoner says, "I want a six-inch joint!" The genie says, "Okay!" POOF! They stuff a six-inch joint and smoke it between the two of them. "What's the second wish? asks the genie. "I want a twelve-inch joint," says the stoner. "Okay," says the genie. POOF! And they stuff it and smoke it between the two of them. "And the third wish?" "I want a twenty-inch joint!!" POOOF!! So, they stuff it and smoke it between the two of them. Finally, the genie gets up and says, "Okay, it's time for me to go." The genie takes a couple of steps, pauses, turns around and says, "Okay, just one more wish."
     
  8. swazo

    swazo i am amazing.

    There's a stoner and a super genius sitting on a bench waiting on a bus. The genius gets bored, leans over to the stoner and says, "Hey I'll tell you what, I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I have to give you fifty bucks." The stoner says, "Alright, Man." The genius asks the stoner, "What is the Pythagorian Theory?" The stoner replies, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks. "Okay," the stoner says, "What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?" The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. he hands the stoner fifty bucks and then asks, "So, what is the answer?" The stoner says, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks.

    sorry double post but fuckin worth it.
     
  9. swazo

    swazo i am amazing.

    TRIPLE POST. Heres the hell joke. pretty funn y.

    These three guys die in a car wreck and they all go to Hell. When they arrive the Devil asks each of the men what their sin was. The first guy says, "It's gotta be the booze. I'm always drunk." The Devil decides to lock him in a room with nothing but shelves of every kind of alcohol imaginable. The guy's thinking, "Fuck yeah! Look at all this alcohol!" and runs into the room. The second guy says, "It's the women, i could never stay faithful to my wife." The devil opens up the second door and inside is nothing but the finest looking naked women as far as the eye can see. The guy was to be locked in for 100 years. He couldn't believe it and his dick got instantly hard and he went running into the room as the Devil locked the door behind him. The third dude says, "It's gotta be the bud. I'm always tokin' up." The Devil opens the third door to reveal nothing but fields of 10ft tall icky, sticky, take-a-toke, make-ya-choke, chronic, green, death bud. The stoner can't believe it. he goes in and takes a seat Indian style with his back to the door and the Devil shuts and locks the door. One hundred years pass and the Devil returns to check on the three men. He opens the first door and the man comes crawling out. He's got an empty bottle in one hand, he's completely naked, hasn't shaved or showered in years, and is covered in his own puke, shit, and piss. "i'll never drink again!" he says. The devil says it's good he learned something and decides to give him a second shot at life. The devil then opens the second door and the man comes running out twice as fast as when he went in. "I'm fucking gay!" he screams. The devil figures he's learned not to cheat on his wife and decides to give him a second chance too. The devil then comes to the third door. he opens it and sees nothing has changed. the stoner is still sitting there in the same position that he was 100 years ago. The Devil asks him if he's learned anything. The stoner turns around as a tear rolls down his cheek, "You gotta light, man?"
     
  10. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

    lol

    i had to read the second one like 4 times to understand it haha
     
  11. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

    LMFAO @ the third one

    omg it would be my luck that something like that would happen to me that would bloooww hahahaha
     
  12. mr.greenxxx

    mr.greenxxx Not an Average Bear

    haha swazo great jokes :lol:
     
  13. Pitros

    Pitros Member

    God damn comedians.They make me piss myself
     
  14. DepTh

    DepTh Member

    fuck the lighter.. eat the bud!
     
  15. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

    that like... doesn't work

    i had like a gram or two on me and for some reason i was so paranoid that someone was gonna find it and i didn't have anywhere to throw it away at and i wasn't just gonna throw it out the window of my friends car so i ate it just like.. idk raw like that and it was horrible

    and i didn't even get high
     
  16. buttrfly)i(

    buttrfly)i( Member

    i def. enjoyed reading those!
     
  17. l-foote

    l-foote L not i.

    haha good ones swazo. i've heard the 3rd one before, but i still laughed as i read all three.
     
  18. veroness

    veroness There's only one :)

    haha funny.
     
  19. sourdiesel06

    sourdiesel06 Member

    [​IMG]This man shot his friend in the face when he was drunk.

    [​IMG]This man once tried to fight his dad when he was drunk.
     
  20. hippieatheart

    hippieatheart vagina boob

    i know which one you're talking about..
    i think that one is my favorite stoner joke
     

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