Has this ever hapend to you?!?

I was in this realtionship with a man and I felt like he was the woman in the relationship and I was the man .lol.Going out with him made me feel like I was dating one of my girl friends .Like when a man grabed my chest in front of him I ended up defending myself before he did anything and when he would get mad he would cry and cry and I would end up having to calm him down.Have any of you been in a relationship like this and this also go's for you guys out there to.

 

I dont think he's really being a woman, just weak. People think my partner is the "bitch" in the relationship because he cleans up after people, is peace loving and has long hair, and im the one making the mess, has short hair, likes chaos ect...
I think that guy youre talking about has serious issues, and deff needs to grow a backbone. Did you ask him why he cried? Maybe theres something deeper there he needs to work out...not defending you was a pretty shitty thing to do, he needs to know that.

 

Hummm sounds like a Boy and not a Man.

 

Just because he wasn't trying to start a fight with the guy? And maybe he's sensitive...big deal?

Women SHOULD be strong enough to stand up for themselves. A guy isn't in my life to protect me...he's in my life to be a companion and an equal. I don't want to some testosterone-laden egomanical man in my life. Maybe other girls do...I certainly don't. I don't mind a guy who cries...shows he cares and has feelings. That's not something you should put him down for.

 

Well at that time he was braging to people about how he stood up for me against this BIG huge guy and blah blah blah whihc pissed me off.But alot of people told me he was a bitch for watcing a guy put his hands all over me and not saying a word.I dont mind men who cry at all,jsut he cried about stpuid shit like a sissy.I didnt get mad because he didnt attack the man ,I hate men who always start fights,my father was like that

 

Hey girl, I know what you mean. DESPITE sharing the sentiment that women do not need a man on an ego trip, it's very nice to know that he KNOWS what's his (and you know what's yours). It's pleasant having a partner care whether or not you're manhandled by someone else. It's not all about him going berserk or starting a fight. Just showing some kind of reaction. Even if it's in a jokey sort of humour. To acknowledge it is often all that there is to it.

About the crying - I disagree that this has more to do with boys than men. He's likely very sensitive. I was in a relationship like this (my first one). It was very draining for me and I was always made to be the villian. Remember that it takes two. You don't have to put up with it.

 

Yeah thats kind of how i felt but I over looked it.I stood up for myself alot in that relationship,for myself and him.Even when a man disrepected him by saying somthign rude to me about him i would stand up for him before he stood up for himself...if he did at all.I guess its in my nature.I think its pretty funny becuase Im not a very big person at all and i would stand up to peopel about twice my size and people were shocked that I would stand up for him.I cant understand why someone would let someone else disrespect them and not do anything about it .

 

So why are you posting this if you aren't even in the relationship with him anymore?

There seems to be a big difference between your first and second post...first you made him sound like he was a sensitive guy...maybe not the aggressive type...and the second you make him sound like an asshole.

So which is it? Just because he's not ego-maniacal doesn't mean he didn't care about you...maybe he's not the "pee on the tree" type of guy. Maybe he didn't see you as property to protect. *shrugs* I hate seeing sensitive guys get the shaft...it's a shame really because I think sensitivity is a really good quality.

 

Well, I think sensitive is a great quality but I'm speaking from having been manipulated by oversensitivity. There's a difference. I'm not sure why the girl isn't permitted to talk about it either if she's not in the relationship still. What does that have anything to do with your (annie) point?

Just live and learn, and talk about it too if that helps. I personally don't see sensitivity as being key. It's communication and temperance of that sensitivity too. I also didn't read into her two responses as an inconsistency of thought. She's just relating how she felt being around the guy.

It's also worth mentioning that some people don't like the confrontation aspect and getting too verbal about upsetting things. Perhaps that's how he was too. I had to accept that about my ex. He certainly was not confrontational to the point where he could NOT speak about what was bothering him from the start of the relationship. When he did speak about it, it was too late and I had very little chance to do anything about correcting myself or somehow making things better.

I also constantly had to feel like I was the one fighting for myself around his friends and there was something missing. For you literal people, 'fighting' meaning casual talk or whichever banter came up. It never felt like he had my back. I couldn't give a rat's arse if anyone actually did but part of having a significant other is revelling in the knowledge that you're both looking out for each other even if it's silly dialogue. They should know too when to back off. At that point you're both so secure in each other that you know each other well enough to let the other be. It's a dance. For me.

Rather lacklustre without if you ask me.

 

Just seems like she got on here to bash him, that's all. I mean, I don't care what people post, I just hate seeing a bunch of bashing going on because a guy wasn't what she wanted him to be. Young men might read this and think, "well, i guess I gotta start fighting people who say anything about my gf, because that's what women want" when in fact...it's not what ALL women want.

I hate that the sensitive nice guys get the shaft...I found one of those sensitive nice guys and he is one of the most caring and respectful men I've ever met...he's told me stories about how girls he's dated dumped him for "tough guys"...That's cool, I mean, maybe some girls like that. I don't mind a guy who cries, or who talks about his feelings, or doesn't beat up guys just for looking at me sideways. So if he's a sensitive guy, don't bother dating him and turning him into a cold asshole, leave them for girls like me who like sensitivity.

Everyone cries, even men.

 

I understand what you mean. I also don't think there's a strict dichotomy here - where it's nonsensitive-lovers versus sensitive lovers. I did not intend my previous posts to endorse any bashing of sensitive people. Speaking of which, I too am most drawn to sensitive men but what I'm was saying earlier is that there are (non-constructive) ways of using that sensitivity.

It's a pity should young men (and women) glean such superficial messages but at the same time it's kind of insulting to assume that they would.

About the "bad boys" and girls liking that sort, that's fine too if they love that kind, don't you think? Besides, sensitive guys have an excellent foil. The contrast is flattering.

 

I don't see the point of this thread. The guy wasn't classically masculine - if that happens to be what you're into, you shouldn't date him.

And no, not every guy cries.

 

Maybe put on some glasses. The point is that she's wondering if this has happened to other people.

 

Well, I don't think "real" sensitive men would ever use that quality for manipulation. There are men that are awfully charming and can use the sensitivity card to their advantage as the need arises...but most of the time they don't carry that sensitivity throughout the rest of their lives.

Superficial messages? Have you seen the next generation coming up? Scares me.

And as far as those who like the "bad boys" and "naughty girls"...more power to them...just leaves the sensitive ones for girls (and guys) like us. But it's important for everyone who visits the relationship forums to see the situation from both sides. Having people who call men that cry (or aren't aggressive) boys, not men is something that I'm not OK with and have to say something to because that's not necessarily the truth at all!

 

Never? Fat chance.

I've seen even the most burly masculine men cry...Funerals, favorite pet dies, their wedding, losing a thousand dollars at the casino. It happens.

 

Yes, I agree. But I'm not sure that was the thread opener's intention at all. You were getting impatient with her for other people's possible interpretations. If they're quite frivolous and immature, then they are.

I still find it patronizing and insulting, for them, about the younger generation. For goodness sake, have a little faith. There are bad apples in every group, your generation included.

Your observation of "real sensitive" people is beginning to split hairs but it's an interesting one nevertheless. And I would agree to an extent. I disagree also because there are also levels of sensitivity that people sometimes do not know how to express fairly. They certainly can go through their whole lives doing this.

 

I wasn't getting impatient with anyone...I was expressing what others hadn't yet expressed about sensitivity.

Faith? Sorry, I'm not religious. I look at it from a realistic perspective. There are a lot of people (every generation) out there that want to follow the crowd. If they see people patronizing those who are sensitive and do cry, do you think they are going to WANT to be sensitive and talk about their feelings and stuff like that? No...because they want to be "cool". I see it every day...even in college and with my little sisters friends and at the *cringe* malls. It's pathetic...and that's why I see it realistically...faith has nothing to do with it. I take things for how they are.

 

Did he wear you bra and panties too.
Tell him to grow a spine, or better yet,
tell him to grow some testicles.
WOW, I never heard of such a thing.

 

Sure, reality works well. But extreme cynicism is also a form of blindfold.

By the way, my reference to faith has nothing to do with religion. You do know that there is faith that has nothing to do with god, yes?

I do not see how observing one sister in one school is realism in any sense. Malls are wonderful, also. There's a lot of people watching I like to do and rather than cringing, I also see younger and older people doing what I used to do then, perhaps am still doing now, or will do later in life. Your disgust is really dripping. Hopefully you'll find a way to make peace with the filth you feel is desecrating you.

 

Filth? Are you trying to insult me? LOL cuz it's not working.