Haiku -please read

hey, i've joined a small poetry group and i was really inspired when we were taught haiku, these are all of the ones i have written so far. i would really love your feedback!!

A hot busy room​

In the middle of the day​

Becomes cool and calm.​

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Could you ever feel​

The same things I feel inside?​

Blossoming or dead?​

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Empty porch swing creaks​

Where I used to watch you sit​

Now it is empty.​

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The music no more​

The radio is silent​

You hushed its sweetness.​

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Bright lights dark tunnel​

The clink and clank of cold hard steel​

Steel just like your eyes.​

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Wash you off my skin​

Obvious you don’t want me​

But touch me once more.​

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(sorry i haven't quite got the hang of the setup yet)​

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Bright lights dark tunnel​

The clink and clank of cold hard steel​

Steel just like your eyes.​

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This one really caught my eye ​

 

i love Haiku!

great start=)

 

ditto!

I love the short and sharp...

 

i love it... sounds good and is read well...

 

Really great! I love haikus, and you have some nice offerings here. But, just so you know, haikus don't HAVE to follow the 5,7,5 syllabel scheme. You can do free form ones, as well.

the words just seem to flow
freely in and out of existence,
with the ease of the gods...

 

thanks, yeah we studied that form too, i just prefer the 5,7,5 form. just helps me when i'm writing.

 

It helps having restraints like that, makes me more focused. It also makes you think very carefully about the words you use; good practise.

 

Thank you,
I really enjoyed these,
this one is my favorite.

 

hey guys, thanks for all the great feedback, i've relayed it all to my poetry group, we would love some more though!!