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Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Weatherman, Mar 7, 2006.

  1. Weatherman

    Weatherman Member

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    You come full of grief
    Tired, you need relief
    You want to sleep forever gazing at nothingness
    It gives you joy
    Life is your toy
    Now listen boy we're going to teach you how to feel right

    I said lay me down
    Those cozy brown
    Streams of careless joy and warm ambivalence
    That I may drown
    In such a sound
    That does surround and wrap its loving arms around me

    My feet leave the ground
    My silver chord unwound
    And I fall down the sky straight to heaven
    No longer bound
    I sway and swim around
    velvet dreams in lap of luxury

    But if only you knew
    Our purpose is to suffer love and exist
    And not to bask in everlasting bliss

     
  2. DoyalConQueso

    DoyalConQueso Member

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    This is nice. Your best lines come when you don't bind yourself to the rhyme scheme. Free your verse and your mind will follow. "Our purpose is to suffer love and exist" interesting because is it suffer, love and exist as three seperate things we all do or is love what we suffer from as we exist. How powerful a comma can be in it's abscence. way to be an adverb
     
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