Guy in need of help

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by confusedguy1987, Jul 20, 2013.

  1. I met her about 2 months ago at work, never really noticed her until maybe a month later due to her personality. Now we talk everyday, text everyday, snapchat, gmail at work you name it. We have gone to lunch everyday, and happy hour after work almost everyday. She even gets up in the morning at 5 to come to the gym with me. Wakes me up in the morning for work or the gym and all that. One problem, she has a distant boyfriend, who she see's on weekends 1 or 2 days. Now at first I would think "friend zone" but than the sexual innuendos occur throughout the day, like "when we get together you will be the happiest guys ever", and some other pretty graphic things. Now she wants to go to Mexico for a trip on her birthday weekend in October, just her and I. I bring up I won't go if she is still with the guy, and her answer is "I will take care of it," or "let it happen". Recently, I was annoyed with the situation and she answered, "I am on the fence about it, I am just scared". After she said that she had put a picture of her and big boy on her desk, which was brought up by a co-worker (Everyone at work thinks her and I are together), and she flipped on me. She has become increasingly "jittery" and "antsy" with me and I have no idea why. We get in heated discussions now about work associating us together which i dont care but she is private, why? Per our phone conversation yesterday, "If this happens again, I am done." Done with what haha. What do you guys think...? I have had women, I usually just pick up and leave and dont care but for some reason this one seems different haha...never thought those words would come out of my mouth.
     
  2. Mothman

    Mothman Senior Member

    I call her initial behavior the love bombing stage. She endeared herself to you and behaved as though you were an item and spent a good amount of time bonding with you and making you feel special. Usually guys get hooked at this point and will "just let it happen" and not question the boyfriend situation. You did, which obviously frustrated her and now she is playing games. Busts out the happy couple pic for her desk and is mad at you that you two are associated with each other?? That kinda happens when you allow people to see you like that and the fact that she was wanting a vacation with you is shady since she has a man and reinforced the fact that people were right to associate you two as an item.

    This is the part where I would tell her that this relationship is no longer in your best interest and it's time to give each other space and let things cool down at work.
     
  3. Thank you for your answer....now here is my dilemma...like I have said, this girl is someone I want to pursue...are you saying chance is out the door?
     
  4. Mothman

    Mothman Senior Member

    No it doesn't have to be done unless you want that. Considering her behavior though, I would want it to be done. Unless you can get her to be more honest and less drama then she sounds like trouble. Don't jeopardize your job or compromise your values.
     
  5. monkjr

    monkjr Senior Member

    I don't date coworkers for this reason.

    The emotional drama tends to spillover into other aspects of the work environment. People aren't good at emotion compartmentalization.

    If I were you I'd tell her to cool off, set a cordial tone sso you two can work together, but make unequivocally clear that the romantic interest cannot be pursued.

    Tell her you'll be an option again if her and her boyfriend break up, and that if you were with me I wouldn't want to be cheated on.

    Leave it at that.

    ---
    Her comment about being "done" means being done considering you. Even though nothing official started.

    Sometimes you come across a girl who FEELS a relationship or dating starts as soon as the emotional tone between 2 people becomes apparent.
     
  6. falconer

    falconer Member

    Dude, how could you trust her? She's got a boyfriend, yet she's acting how she's acting with you. She may not be actually, physically cheating, but if i was dating a chick that was acting like her, i'd break it off. I wonder who she'd start hanging out with and vacationing with down the road if you started dating her...

    Just food for thought. Do as you wish, though, and good luck with it.
     
  7. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Women don't like to be refused when they propose a sexual laison (sp?) with a man. You are supposed to unequivocally accept when an offer is made, because women control when sex is to happen and when she gave YOU that control and you refused(properly IMO), it threw her for a loop, resulting in the behaviour you see now. Women are used to having sex with whom they want, when they want and how they want. Not un-natural. Is what is.
     

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