Guilt and shame for masturbating.

Does anyone struggle with guilt and shame for enjoying masturbation? It’s something I have been trying to kick for many years.

 

Sometimes, yeah. I've been in a relationship for a while now and not getting any sex lately due to spinal issues on her part. So I masturbate a bit more than usual. Can definitely attest to the guilty feeling. I'd say it's relatively normal. Although I'm my case it might have something to do with what I'm looking at during the act, and a feeling that I'm betraying her by looking at someone else. Usually I smoke a little weed and it clears that up lol!

In any case it's hard to really give any advice without knowing your situation. But if you're not asking for advice, the only thing I can contribute to this conversation is that a lot of men feel the same way. I don't think it's generally caused by the act itself but rather something else going on in your life that's making you feel guilty about it.

 

There's nothing to be ashamed about. When I was a kid, I'd be like that sometimes, but I've decided it's natural, it's good for you, think of it on the same context as exercise or taking care of your health. It's not cheating, it's not wrong, it's not immoral and as long as you are not obsessed over it, or if it interferes with your relationships or your job or you are doing it in the middle of the street or never getting out of the bathroom, or live on porn, it's all good. It's a private matter and a personal choice and you deserve pleasure. It doesn't need to be discussed, everyone does it, frequently, since they figured out how. If you're in a relationship and you are not getting enough sex (like almost any other red blooded honest man), what are you supposed to do? It's far better than cheating - maybe not as exciting, but far better. Get out of your head on it.

 

The way I see it, the fun parts of your body are located there for a reason. Why fight nature?

 

When I first discovered masturbation at age 12, I thought I had discovered something nobody else knew how to do. But there was a voice in my head that informed me that my Mom would probably not approve of it. Funny how disconnected my mind was — wanting to hide my habit from my Mom, yet leaving ample semen stains on my sheets that she would undoubtedly see when she did the laundry. The words, masturbation, orgasm, and ejaculation did not exist in my vocabulary at that time. More than a year after I started, my Dad said to me, out of the blue, “You know, masturbation won’t hurt you.” I had to ask him what that word meant, “That’s when you rub your penis until it squirts semen,” he explained. He went on to say that it couldn’t make you weak or insane or grow hair on your palms, and so on. The whole conversation lasted less than two minutes. He didn’t specifically say that there was no shame in it, but his tone of voice seemed to suggest that. I even figured that he had probably done it himself maybe once or twice — but certainly not as often as I did, which was every day, sometimes multiple times. I was certain that I masturbated way more than was normal, that I absolutely had to do it, and that made me feel weak and ashamed despite my Dad’s assurance. And as I progressed into my teens, I masturbated more and more, with a normal day as a 16 year old including doing it four times or more. There were orange semen stains all over my sheets and my underwear, which I found to be very embarrassing, especially if I had to disrobe in a locker room or at a doctor’s office. Looking back, I wish I could have escaped all the shame I felt about it during those years. Now as an old man, I still masturbate every day. And I do it with zero guilt or shame.

 

I couldn't even imagine my father even saying the word 'masturbation', much less talking to me about it - and there were five of us boys, so there had to be a LOT of that going on for sure. I know there sure was in my room. Taboo...... Oh, my mom slipped some basic pamphlets in on me once..."something is going to happen to your body...." Yeah, no shit.

 

Oh no, never.

 

When I first started masturbating at 13 I noticed something about my peers. They were always boasting about 'wanking' and 'cumming' but it was obvious that they relished the fact that this was dirty and forbidden. Much of the excitement of masturbation was that it was regarded as sinful and dangerous and they enjoyed the thrill of doing something forbidden as much as the pleasure it gave them, possibly more. This was reflected in the fact that, back then (I should explain that this was in the early 1960's) it was widely believed that only boys masturbated because they were dirty creatures whereas girls were sweet and virginal and not interested in sex until they married. (My first serious girlfriend when I was 17 soon put me right on that myth explaining that, of course, girls played with themselves and talked amongst themselves about orgasm and what they got up to with boys!) This connection between masturbation and shame was inevitable. In the past any kind of sex other than for reproduction was condemned by religions, and masturbation was thought of as dangerous and perverse with terrible consequences. So, despite being entirely natural and something every male engaged in especially in their youth and when unmarried, it was inevitably going to cause uncertainty, confusion, feelings of guilt and shame. On the odd occasions young men talked sensibly about masturbation (which wasn't often) most confessed to being obsessed with the idea of sex and to masturbate vigorously, once they had ejaculated they felt remorse, regret and shame for doing so. I do not recall any young men talking about how they masturbated and everyone talked only of curving their fingers around their erect penis and rubbing up and down the full length of the shaft forcefully and rapidly. This confused me because I had tried to masturbate this way unsuccessfully and stimulated myself in a very different way. Another insight into masturbation at the time was that it was clear that most youths masturbated hurriedly seeking to 'come' as quickly as possible placing little importance on the pleasure of fondling themselves which led to orgasm suggesting that this was something unacceptable. Another topic which did feature in conversation was what they did about the resulting emission. It is undeniable that, unlike women, we guys do have to deal with the practicalities resulting from ejaculation. This was especially problematic because in our youth when hormonal pressures are acute young men ejaculate prodigiously and produce copious quantities of cum. Most young men in my youth seemed to masturbate either into their hand (masturbating with one hand and holding an open palm in front of their penis to 'catch' the cum as it was released) or into a tissue. I was amazed and perplexed at the time that my peers did not enjoy the physical pleasure of stroking themselves as I did and want masturbation to last as long as possible and that they did not cum onto their bodies the way I did. Given the social stigma against masturbation, shame and guilt were inevitable. None of us grew up in families where any aspect of sex and reproduction was openly talked about least of all 'self abuse' the condemnatory term employed for masturbation. Indeed even the words needed to talk of sex were not a part of family vocabulary. All of us would have been mortified if we had had to endure a talk about wanking with our parents. So, the other over-riding fear was that of being caught in the act by a family member. So terrible was this concern that it explains why young men back then masturbated to reach ejaculation as quickly as possible. With prudish, repressed parents the prospect of being caught was daunting especially as I knew that so intense was the last few minutes in the immediate run -up to climax that, were I interrupted, I would not have been able to stop and would have continued until the last ejaculatory contraction with its energetic expulsion was finished. So, it is unsurprising that men of my era shouldered conceptual problems surrounding their sexual activities. I partially resolved mine by masturbating freely and slowly when I was confident that I was safely alone allowing me to do so naked or just in my underwear. When such security was not guaranteed, I masturbated with my clothing pulled down so that I had access to my genitals and could cum without a problem but could easily and quickly re-dress if I heard someone come home. As the reader will understand, when I finally left home at 20 to live alone in a bedsit, I entered a period of frequent and wonderfully uninhibited masturbation.

Decades later, I would hope that young men and women experience fewer of these problems and restrictions but not only is shame and guilt intrinsic to self stimulation for anyone under 30 I doubt that many have the good fortune of a masturbatory initiation and journey that does not include shame. Ironically, I think that this is worse for men than for women. The language around masturbation is still entirely negative - wank, wanker, jerk etc. and related to men. Women's magazines and online frequently publish articles about self explored sexuality which encourage experimentation and use of aids and toys. This is significantly less common in respect to solo pleasure among men and attitudes to male masturbation still appear to be largely critical and condemnatory.

 

We seem to have the view in the UK that you'll go to Hell, which is fine if you believe in such a place. I detest these religious types who are all full of Hell and Damnation, we're all sinners, we're all going to burn for all eternity... they must get great orgasms from the thrill of punishment. As I read recently: "They practice religion in the parlour and incest in the barn" so life must be one long session of beating yourself off then beating yourself up about it.

 

Early on there was some guilt but I got over that pretty quickly. Then there was my first threesome with my girlfriend and another guy. Being masturbated by another guy definitely brought out some strong feelings of guilt.

Masturbating him a few minutes later added to the guilty feelings knowing that I shouldn’t like this, but I did like it.

 

No, none whatsoever. But then, I'm not a Christian, so I'm unencumbered by the institutional imposition of shame and guilt for simply being human.

 

Im not aware of a Christian teaching that frowns on masturbation. I also believe that if the bible is a rule book, there's too many rules for anyone to adhere to, fully.

However, medically, guys need to masturbate. Some prostate issues are first spotted when a guy notices a change to his ejaculate. He can only see that if he cums on a table or something where he can look at it.

 

I am a Christian and I masturbate. It's only Victorian era rules that frown on it not actual bible rules. I ought to know. I know how healthy it is. I've been clinically depressed for decades, Because of no sex. That's no way to live.

 

That's not good friendlyGuy.
You need to find a way to fix what I imagine to be a dilemma. You need to find sexual release with a trustworthy, dependable friend.

 

Too right I do. I don't do well with women, out of guilt. I developed a love of cocks and cock sucking. Ironically as a youngster, girls were taboo so I mutually masturbated with a friend. I have sucked cocks and love sharing lust.

 

What it boils down to is, I get on this forum and chat and share life experiences and I keep a healthy blood flow to my cock. Every morning, early I get on here and share with people and pull myself off. To just do that with someone on real life would be a bonus.

 

You're a little far away for a real meet. I'm in UK. If our timing were to coincide, I'd be happy to chat in pm or skype.

 

Yes time differences are a problem

 

@FriendlyCock

Take a look in this thread:

Just Curious: if you are a christian and masturbate

I’ve been fascinated by sex for as long as I can remember. I jerk off and watch porn frequently. It’s not particularly something I’m proud of but at the same time I’m not really ashamed either.

I’m stuck in a marriage where I don’t get as much sex as I need, and when I do it’s not as exciting as I’d like it to be. I totally understand that years of porn use has warped my perception of sex and that a lot of what I watch is pure fantasy and things that I’ll never experience with my wife, but still, my wife is so sexually repressed that I feel it’s this that drives me to watch porn. I guess this is why many people like amateur porn, as in theory it’s more realistic, I’m the opposite really in that I like to watch the things that I myself don’t get to experience.

The way I see it, it’s completely normal and good for us to have a release several times a week. If that can’t be provided alongside another human being, then we have little choice. If the person we are with is not very sexual, then we simply have to take matters into our own hands. I also think that solo fun including watching porn has stopped many a man or woman from cheating on their partner and has saved many marriages.

Life’s too short to feel guilty about enjoying pleasuring your body, especially if nobody else (even your partner) is interested in doing it.

 

I agree completely. I have no sex at all, nil. That is not a scenario that makes for a balanced healthy outlook on life. Getting the dirty water off my chest and chatting with others in similar situations. is what I need. There's actually no bible verse that even mentions it as some sort of sin.