Grieving Breastfeeding...

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by HippyFreek2004, Jun 9, 2006.

  1. HippyFreek2004

    HippyFreek2004 changed screen name

    I had one final appointment today, this time with an IBCLC. And she gave it to me straight. My daughter only got 4 ccs total from my breasts, after using an SNS, pumping, fenugreek. Everything.

    The reason? Underdeveloped breast tissue. I don't have enough breast tissue to feed my baby.

    And as much as I know this isn't my fault, I tried SOOOO hard to feed her. I read all the books, built up breastfeeding in my mind as this penacle to be reached and emulated. It wasn't an option for me. My child would have my breast, no matter.

    And now to be told that, at most, my child gets not even a healthy snack from my breasts just makes me feel so retched.

    And yes, I know that I can still comfort her at the breast. And that relationship is still there, despite no milk. But...I just feel so crummy now.
  2. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    I'm so sorry--but the time a mom and a little one spend just looking into each other's eyes while the little one suckles,volume of milk notwithstanding, is an important and touching bonding experience.I think that could still happen with alternate methods of feeding.please try not to feel crummy--your daughter will love you unconditionally.Maybe some of the experienced women on this forum will know something that will help.Good luck.--------
  3. RyvreWillow

    RyvreWillow Member

    ***hugggsss*** it sounds weird, but they do have devices you can use to "nurse" your baby with formula (though, IMO, lovingly bottlefeeding is just fine too). i think you can order then on the LLL site.

    A tiny bit of breastmilk is better than none, so you can be proud that you made some :) You can even keep giving her that little bit, if it isn't too torturous.
  4. JayzzMama

    JayzzMama Member

    Aaaaaawww. :( I'm so sad for you. I guess the only thing I sould tell you to do is keep on grieving. You have to do that to eventually move on. You tried SO hard! You are a very dedicated Mama! I also would recomend feeding Moire with one of those devices RyvreWillow is talking about. On the farm, they fed adopted babies that way. I would think it would be a beautiful way to compromise!
  5. mamaboogie

    mamaboogie anarchist

    you may find much needed support at MOBI

    They really helped me. And it never hurts to see more than one LC, I saw three or four before finding one who was willing to support me in my efforts to continue nursing my first child, who, like yours, was unable to get more than a few drops of milk from my breasts. Are you absolutely certain she isn't tongue-tied? Even a slightly tight frenulum can cause really big problems. And, if you were feeling nervous or anxious during that feeding with the LC and her scale, it can impact how much milk baby gets. Even after DD1 was nursing well and not being supplemented, she still never got more than 1/3 of an ounce in any given nursing session there at the hospital where my LC worked.

    hang in there!! Any breastmilk is better than none! And breastfeeding is about more than just the milk, she is benefitting from it regardless, in a big way!!
  6. hippychickmommy

    hippychickmommy Sugar and Spice

    {{[Hugs}}} HippyFreek...
  7. jgirl

    jgirl Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    I'm so sorry, the same thing happened to my best friend. She tried so hard with both of her babies, but just never produced enough to feed them. Her boys were formula fed and are now 7 and 9 and are rarely sick, very healthy, and very attached to their mother. It doesn't make you a bad mom at all, it's wonderful that we live in a time where other options are available to us!
  8. mynameiskc

    mynameiskc way to go noogs!

    i had to do all sorts of meditative exercises to keep my milk flowing for kai. with joey it's never been any trouble. but i didn't have your troubles, freek. i'm sorry. better to keep your baby fed and yourself mentality sound than to submit to the ravages of pride disappointed. my mother couldn't feed me, either, since it made me violently ill. better to let go now than to wait. i'm sure your sweet baby knows love.
  9. I;m so sorry :(
  10. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    Then that is what you will do. She can get food from any source, she will get the comfort from your breast, and both of you can enjoy this. I also agree with mamaboogie about seeing an other LC, some are better than others. But, even comfort nursing makes ALL the difference.

    Hugs and love,

    Ps. Have you been tried on a drug called Glucopahage? It can cause MASSIVE increases in milk supply in mothers who have insulin resistance due to PCOS? If your LC hasn't even mentioned it, she needs to do more research. A good endocrinologist will verify this and be able to prescribe it.
  11. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    This is an article about Glucophage (metfomin) and breastfeeding. No womyn should ever give up completely without a complete trial on this drug. Not only for the breastfeeding, but for her eventual health for the rest of her life.

  12. HippyFreek2004

    HippyFreek2004 changed screen name

    i tried glucophage when i was 16 and had horrible reactions to it as far as my mental stability was concerned...:(
  13. HippyFreek2004

    HippyFreek2004 changed screen name

    but im willing to try it again....
  14. nimh

    nimh ~foodie~

    i really admire your spirit. :) you're such a fighter. yeah, holly!

  15. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    See a good endocrinologist, who can manage the dosage so you don't get bad side effects. The largest part of a battle is finding a doctor to prescribe it. I have SO many clients (about 17 at last count) who were told, "You aren't diabetic, I can't give you this drug." Even though she had all the symptoms and the diagnosis. Make sure the doc knows you had a reaction to it, it may well have been either too high of a dose, or due to the fact that you were a teenager (who have more problems with psychiatric symptoms to drugs like this.)

    You must have some insulin resistance, if this drug was even considered earlier. You may well still have to supplement a bit and THAT IS OK!!!! But, some mamas actually get a nearly full supply with the first baby and a completely full supply with the second, while taking the Gluc. Also, the long run effects of PCOS will be ameliorated, which I worry about, with your being so young.

    See your endocrine guy. In the meantime, comfort nurse and get nutrition into your little one with the formula, the baby has to be fed (I know you know this, thank God :) ) and talk to your LLL leader and see if she can put you in touch with what we call "Professional Liason Leaders" these are seasoned leaders who have backgrounds in teh medical field, (often they are LCs, which is why I am one also) who can give you more help, too.

    Blessings, mama. You and Moira will be OK, no matter what happens.

    Love and peace,

  16. Lady of the Freaks

    Lady of the Freaks Senior Member

  17. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    As of yet, there are no controlled studies on the use of inositol on breastfeeding, either for saftey or efficacy. Holly needs PROVEN treatment, and she needs it now. I wouldn't mess around with things we really have little to no statictical information on.
  18. Lady of the Freaks

    Lady of the Freaks Senior Member

  19. Lady of the Freaks

    Lady of the Freaks Senior Member

    the wisdom of midwives should not be discounted by 'medical science' my opinion.
  20. HippyFreek2004

    HippyFreek2004 changed screen name

    Hey now! Step off, please!

    Thanks for your advice. But I've tried the vits. recommended by my midwife. I've tried everything! And as a LC, I value MS's advice.

    Frankly, Lady of the Freaks, if vitamins alone worked, I would have been bf'ing her successfully a week into this.

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