I haven’t been online in the past five days. Sunday, I had to have my dog Maxine put to sleep. On Sunday evening I was shoveling off the driveway for my dad, who was heading out to the store. Unbeknownst to me or my father, the dog was standing behind my dad’s truck (which was towards the end of the driveway, in front of where I was standing and out of my view) when he went to back up out of the driveway. My dog was pretty old (around 13 yrs.) and had been very slow to move around for the past couple years due to arthritis and weakening hips. She was also beginning to go deaf. Well, as I was shoveling the driveway I heard sort of a “thump” sound as my dad was backing out. I noticed he had backed up into something, but I wasn’t sure what it was at first because it was pretty much dark out at that time. My initial thought was that maybe it was a big chunk of snow and ice, then, following that split second I realized it was my dog he backed into. I pretty much flipped out over what I saw, but at the same time what I saw was not fully registering. I felt like it was a bad dream. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. I can’t get this moment out of my head, and frankly, it has left me deeply disturbed. The dog was still alive but obviously hurt, bleeding from the mouth and unable to stand up. Taking into consideration the dog’s age and her already frail condition, we were forced to have her put down. We had to take her to a 24-hr emergency animal hospital. It was no longer than 40 minutes after this all went down that she was dead. The 15 minute ride to and from the animal hospital felt like an eternity. I’ve never seen my dad so upset in his life, and frankly, I don’t think I’ve ever been more upset in my life. The past couple days have been incredibly difficult. I know how attached some people grow to their pets, and I was very much attached to my dog. I had her since I was 11 and in sixth grade. She has literally been part of my life for half my years on this planet. I remember the very day in January, 1993, when we went to go pick up the dog from Lollipop Farm (a local animal shelter). I knew when the time came to put her to sleep that it would be difficult. I had no idea it would be this difficult, however. The way in which it all went down, as quickly as it went down, and just days before Christmas, doesn’t make things any better. Seeing that poor dog look into my eyes just before being put down is going to stick in my mind forever. I couldn’t even watch them put her to sleep. I had to leave the room. My dad stayed with her. I kind of wish I had, too, but I couldn’t. I was just devastated beyond comprehension. I have been doing a lot of sleeping and crying over the past several days, and today am just starting to feel well enough to actually write about it. And I am not writing this because I want people to feel sorry for me. I simply need to get this off my chest, and talking about it certainly helps. I have already begun to feel a little better since I started writing this. I hope I don’t sound like a “pansy” for expressing my emotional side, but I don’t care. I have never understood how some people can look at losing their pets in a way that it’s “just an animal.” I don’t know about other pet owners, but my dog was family to me. If you were really close to your pets, it’s no different than losing a brother, sister, or anyone else in your immediate family. My dog had been ailing for the past few years, but she was a happy dog. Her hips where starting to deteriorate pretty bad, and she had quite a bit of difficulty walking up the stairs and going to the bathroom. She was also beginning to go deaf and had cataracts. She lived a good, full life. But I still can’t get over how it all ended. I was preparing myself emotionally to possibly have the dog put to sleep in the next year, and I thought I still had a few good months left with her to say my goodbyes. Obviously, this is not how it turned out. The speed with which it happened has just knocked the wind out of me. I just can’t believe she is gone. I had sort of planned on this being the last Christmas with my dog. I am not very sentimental when it comes to Christmas -- or any holiday for that matter -- but I was actually looking forward to Christmas this year, to spend some time with my family and just relax and enjoy good food and drink. Now, I can’t wait until the holidays are over. The fact that Christmas is in one day bums me out all the more. I hope I didn’t bum anyone else out too badly. But, like I said, I needed to write about this and let people know what I am feeling. I am not a religious person, and I don’t really know if I believe in the afterlife or not. I just hope wherever my dog is now is nice and warm, unlike it is here.
I hope you feel better Its too soon now, but later you will just be thankful for the years you had with her and it won't hurt so bad Sorry I don't have anything insightful to say
I am very sorry to hear, Matt. Losing an animal can be just as difficult as losing a human loved one. I wish you peace, joy, and comfort. If I could give you a hug, I gladly would.
Sister was the first dog who passed w/me in Charge. The very last thing I will remember when I leave this World is the look in her eyes as her Life Light faded to nothingness. I still tear 8yrs later. I wish there was something I could do to help. Time will eventually dull your Pain...
That blows. It's gotta be even rougher for the person who was behind the wheel. Hopefully shades of your dog will be present in the next one that might come along.
im sorry for your loss. i can understand completely, we put my dog down this july, id had her since i was 5, more than half of my life. i cry if i think about it too much and i have a photo of her and me on my desk here. to make myself feel better about it i think about all the unconditional love she gave me and all of the fun things we did together. it will get easier, you'll never forget about Maxine. she will live on in your memories.
I'm sorry Matt. I can relate. When i was 10 my favorite dog Simon was playing in the snow(it was christmas time for me as well), near the road, but we lived on a pretty dead end. Anyways a guy from down the road comes speeding down and hit my dog right in front of me. i rushed and held him and watched him die. The guy felt bad but i still resented him, he was drunk. Anyways sorry for you loss.
Actually, when my dog died I had a harder time to deal with it then when some of my family members and other loved ones died. I guess I grow more attached to pets than I do to humans. I feel truly sorry for your loss, Ratman, nasty way to lose a 'relative', because I am pretty sure it feels that way.
i'm sorry, matt. i know what its like to lose a pet that you've had for a long time. its really sad. *hugs*
man rat ,,, sounds like you have had it rough ,,, n i am honestly sittin here laffin at the whole thing ,, ,not cuz i dont feel bad for ya n all but the poor ol dog was ol n twas time for it to go,,,, maybe this is all just a practice (um beg me pardon here) for something coming that may affect you even more,,, something that is raising your attention now so as to not endure this much pain as yer obviously facin now ,,,,, later on when it is an actual human death yer facin,,,,, and well being a damned yankee ,,, go save yerself anuther lil mutt for an after xmas gift for all,,, i know good ol "lollipopfarm" is still up n runnin,,,,
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Hurts something awful to lose a cherished companion. *gentle hugs*
ah well miss fontanella,,, i am sure there are many others that were doin same thing as i,,,, n just say something because it is what said person wants to hear,,,, sorry i aint that sorta way n iffin ya dont like it,,, too bad least i am honest n aint no such a thing as too honest now is there?
Rat, I'm sure many of us here have had to go through losing a pet and it's always very painful. Myself, I had to put my cat to sleep over a year ago and I still get sad thinking about my cat. I had him for 19 years and I am sooo glad that I had a chance to discover how close I can become with an animal. The unspoken communication we had. Give yourself time, the grief probably won't go away for a very long time but it will get less intense and you will start to laugh more at the memories of your dog. If I could, I would give you a huge hug right now. If you need to talk, then talk. Don't keep it inside.
Possibly one day you'll become Enlightened. Until then it's your Loss... Yes, I'm also Entitled to an Opinion.
