hey this is my first post on this forum. i've asked a lot of people about my problem and no one seems to have a good answer so I'm reaching out to a broader community. i've been with my girlfriend for 10 months and everything was normal. besides our few speedbumps we were both happy. a few days ago she calls me and tells me that something's changed and she wants to go on a break to think about it. she claims she still loves me the way she did and i did nothing wrong. she also claims that she is the source of the change and she needs time to figure it out. the most interesting part is that she said that no matter what happens, she'll always come back to me and loves me no matter what. hesitantly, i masked my devastated emotions and went along with her plan telling her its fine and id be there for her if she needed me for anything as i still loved her as well. meanwhile, shes recently started talking to her ex again and claims she talks to him whenever shes upset with me or feels that im not giving her enough attention, but always with the disclaimer that they're "just friends". i asked her how she plans on figuring her issues out and she said that she believes that if she misses me for a period of time, things will go back to the way they were. im leaving for california in a week and she thinks that by the time i get back things will be back to normal. Im very skeptical about the situation because when she tells it to me, i am almost hypnotized by my emotions for her and it seems like a reasonable plan. when i step back and take a look at the situation it looks like shes just jerking me around. im wondering if this is a sincere situation shes in or whether its just a ploy for her to go around hooking up with other guys guilt free since we're not officially together. as far as it's been playing out over the past few days, shes been calling me and talking to me normally, but still claims something has changed. I've tried asking her whats going on but i get the same answer every time, shes confused and needs time. I would greatly appreciate any advice or input on the situation. Also, i need advice as to whether i should cut her off and stop talking to her to induce her thinking process about the situation or to continue to talk to her as if nothing had happened and be a "nice guy". I would greatly appreciate any help or advice. thank you.
Talk to her about the doubts that you are having. Tell her that if all she needs is a break to figure things out thats fine but if it a break because she is interested in someone else you deserve to know. If she is your age there could be things going on that she in not comfortable talking to you about. Be honest with you about the way you feel.
I agree! If you stop talking to her it's a win-win situation. If what she is saying it's true, then she'll realize that she really wants you and needs you by her side. A little time out can be useful because sometimes people don't realize what they have till they loose it. On the other side, if what she is saying it's a lie, and she wanted to take some time out because she's starting to like her ex bf again, then am sorry to say this, but you're better off without her. I've been there and it sux. It's a painfull time and you face important decisions... but sometimes you have to let things go in order for you to get them back.
"something's changed" - id ask her what has changed. the only way you two can make it through a 'break' and get back together and still be strong, is if you two keep talking during this and keep on trying to make it work, even if you give yourselves some physical and romantic/sexual space during that time
My opinion is that is kinda borred of your relationship and that she has a crush on someone else. There is nothng you can do exept to make let her now that she can loose you if she's playing games, and to make her miss you. Just get away from her for a while. I've been in the same situation, beleve me i know. peace
One of my friends wife told him "they were just friends" after he caught them in bed together. If she is running to someone else for emotional support then she wants him. That is obviously whats changed here. If you can take being cheated on then stick around but don't fool yourself that it isn't happening.
thank you everyone for the input. here is a little update on the situation. she told me that shes been talking to her ex because she was hoping that he would treat her like shit again to make her feel like our relationship is going better, but found that her friendship with him makes her feel better than her relationship with me. sooo. idk.
Umm those are not good news dawg. If she said those words then it kinda sounded like she was breaking up with you 4 good. You need to change your strategy right now if u want your girl back! He's gaining ground on ya.
im considering ceasing contact with her, but then she'll just go to her ex for ALL her emotional support, basically replacing me with him completely. On the plus side she'd realize how much she cares about me etc, but theres a tradeoff and im not sure if its advantageous or not.
Like I said the first time she is cheating on you. This is just what women say to make it seem like it was all your fault to start with. It isn't so don't worry. Man, why do you care where she goes for emotional support or her realizing how much she cares for you. SHE IS CHEATING ON YOU!! K, balls up and tell the slut goodbye. Once the trust is gone the relationship is gone believe that. Do you want to be the guy that she gets back with but it just isn't fair that she can't talk to her ex, so you are the bad guy for controlling her. Just run and don't look back.
Give her 2 weeks to found out, you will be glad if she sort it out of her life, if not then its for the best as she got to be free from any emotional ties from him, before you two can have a real fullfilling realationship. She needs time to sort it out and thats what she told you, very brave and clarified from such a young person. If she can work him out on her own fine it will be the merrier for you both later on, if not, it is best if it happen that way, and not you founding out she is cheating on oyu. i htink she is a very loyal person and mean every word that she said, and is doing her best to work out her emotional past, and ties she diodnt work out before or was unable to sort out at a previous stage. Its much better than those ignoring it all togehter and then all the sudden breaking their rs, cause they cant live in one while being still tie to another one, and end up being alone with their memories.. and ties... of past relationships.. And Haid, that snot women that gives the fault to the men, thats humans that blame the other one, when unable to face what they did, or unable to even see it was their doings, or just too couards to acknowledge it. I know a guy doing it to me, so your comments ring wrongly in me.. being blamed for another doings is a thing, but being blamed of it by the one who did it, thats not a thing you forget.
she feels like somethings missing in the freindship emotional support realms being supportive emotionaly but honnest of your feelings, & taking responcibility for however you have effected this, how u may have not been there for her in times of need & trying to be there for her now may just put you back in the role you should be in.. partner/freind/lover give her what she needs, dont takje it away entirely shes looking elsewhere because shes not findinf it with you
I´ve done what your girlfriend is doing several times and it has never been because I want to be with another person or while doing it have ended up being with another person. I understand her very well, I know what it is to be so confused that you need to be away from the person you love the most so things can be right again, it is difficult to explain because of all the confusion, feelings are not always easy to explain, specially when you are thinking one thing and feeling another, and in the lack of explanation some distrust can rise, but if you would normally trust her and if you think that she wouldnt use this as an excuse for fooling around with other people, then keep on trusting her. give her space but be there for her, show her you love her because while not being technically together it is easy to foget that there is love but dont suffocate her, there is a difference between showing a person you love her and constantly be trying to define where you are in your relationship and what is going between you. It might not be that she doesnt want to answer but that she just doesnt know. I know that those times I´ve wanted to be alone is because I want change things of my own person that I feel are not right and just clear things up for my own good and the relationship Im in. Be her friend, love her and wait.. I dont know what she needs, she probably doesnt know it either, but give her time to figure it out.
i'd listen to her i love her with all my heart & we're on a lil break right now & i think its a good thing, shes discovering more about herself which makes her hapier & healthier, i know we're technicaly taking a break but she'll always be there & she knows i will too, & that binds us, but the everyday ins & outs of relating was too much when shes got so many internal struggles shes trying to understand & deal with, these things are hard enough alone, but add in my own personal wants needs & everything i do that take time away from her inner search only makes her more confused & unable to deal with whats going on inside her head.. she knows im here understanding as much as i can & supporting her to seek her own answers, but by not putting extra demands on her to continue the everyday relating to me as a partner frees her to explore herself more fully, & the relationship will be there ready to resume when her confusion clears up.. i have no doubts it will if you doubt yours will then fine cut contact, but if u have faith in it, give her what she needs, but its also fair to ask her to not seek it from another till shes sure that its impossible to get it from you.. dont add to her confusion but support her in seeking clarity & be there for her the best way you can.... as the freind she needs
you are way more understanding than i could ever ask for and i know Im not easy to understand, for being like this is why I love you so much. and it makes me so happy that even tho Im so complicated it's so easy for you to understand
isnt that what loves about? understanding some1 fully & appreciating them for all they are? the sweet the crazy the wild & dangerouse accepting all as a part of you, knowing how to be with you when your down, knowing how youll reacte when situations arise, forgiving how sometimes your driven to do what youd rather not do & loving you for trying to be the best you you can be.. every person alive has issues that affect them, & may cause confusion & pain, but closing ourselves off to them feeling like theyre just a wedge there drivin in to seperate insteade of dealling with them as is, a part of a person put there from past experiences will only drive the wedge in deeper after all thats what you seek, is to understand why you are the way you are & not to be blamed for being that way but supportted in changing what u can & accepting what u cant & becomming happier within yourself i think thats what the OP's girls seeking too, but shes finding the unerstanding shes missing from some1 else
good relationship advice, sure & this is why all your relationships require a monatary exchange ask yourself, if you admit to being ressentful of all women, & not having the skills to relate to them as people & admit to never having a single meanningdful relationship with 1, then ask yourself am i qualified to offer suggestions to others in how to relate to theyre women? or is it misery loves company, breed a few more people to be hostile & ressentful & your situation doesnt seem so bad? work on yourself when you feel healthy happy & confortable in your relationships, then you'll have something to offer
