getting my wife to open up sexually

Hi peeps New here, I'm looking for abit of advise I'm going to cut to the chase my wife has no imagination in the bed. she looks at me to pick positions and be in charge which isn't bad but I hate being the only creative 1 and the 1 who wants to try new things. How can I get her to open up and tell me what she wants to do/try or just be a freak instead of just penetration till we nut then it done. Thanks for any help :2thumbsup:

 

Good question! If she likes reading, get her some erotic novels, there are so many out there with a wide variety of types. I know a lot of women liked the "50 Shades" novels. Have you tried watching some porn together? There are many ways of stimulating her creative juices, just do some research and take into account the things she's interested in. Also, sex should not be confined to the bedroom!! Try using every room in the house, on the kitchen table, a quickie on the washing machine while it's on.... Outdoor sex... A nice walk in the woods can always become erotic and explicit and mega fun!! Just have fun and stimulate her mind!! Hope this helps a little

 

DM,
The OP's wife has set things up so she is in control. He does the work coming up with a new idea. He has the hope that it will be good, but she is the one who says Yes or No.

Being Domly (as you put it) can be fun, but being the decider is where the power is.

OP, It sounds like she might not know what she wants. She is unlikely to say "I like X" until she has tried X.
Is she good at telling you what she wants during a session?
Will she say "put it in now" or grab you and do it herself or just wait until you do it?
Has she ever said "no, go back to what you were just licking"?
Is she reluctant to talk about body parts and what she likes?

Is she reluctant to communicate what she wants or is it the case that there are few things that she likes?
If you suggest something outside of your normal range of practice, does she withdraw?

 

I know the feeling to - my wife lacks imagine in bed but when it comes to what to do sexually & she's more imaginative when it comes to her favourite hobby- craft work. She lacks the ability of even thinking of how to arouse me & what to do. I either have to show or tell her what to do. One night I asked her to try & get me aroused & she agreed to but grudgingly & after waiting for about 15 mins or so, she still hadn't even bothered to do anything, so I just said goodnight to her & pretended to go to sleep. Talk about boring !

 

Perhaps she doesn't know what to do. You could spend $ on buying a game- something that has sexually suggestive directions. OR you could do the same thing for free. Next time you are together, tell her to ____ (start off with something small.) Perhaps you want her to play with your nipples? Then lead up to stroking you. You don't need to do everything at once. Just start introducing things you want. Or while you are touching her, you whisper in her ear what you want her to do.

I would suggest she read erotica (NOT 50 shades!) She can go to literotica.com (a free website) and read all kinds of stories. They are broken down into different genres. Smashwords.com has lots of freebies that are easier to find than on Amazon or BN.

Authors I like: Laurann Dohner, Jaid Black (it's hot, but don't care for polygamous relationships) and Diana Persaud.

You can also go to Ellora's Cave or search for Ellora's Cave (publisher) on Amazon and download their books.

Keep in mind, women are either perceived as virgins or whores. And most of us don't want to be seen as whores. We don't want to live as virgins but we are afraid that if we do anything sexual, our bf/husbands won't respect us.

You didn't mention if she enjoys sex. I bet if she's getting hers, you will get yours more often.

What exactly do you mean by "lacks imagination?" What is it you want her to do? Different position? Kinky stuff? Dress up? BDSM?

If you have a good relationship, you should be able to discuss sex with her. If you are not used to doing so, then begin the conversation. Don't accuse, judge or make her feel ashamed, or you're not going to get her to open up to you.

 

It's really just communication. Turn her on with your voice and words first, make up stories or role play, give her character.
Could also be a lack of confidence, make her confident and happy. Tell her she's awesome and beautiful and everything she does is great.

 

Update? Things better in the bedroom?

 

Does she seem to enjoy sex at all? How long have you been married? I actually feel sad for her because sex is so amazing when you just let go. Is she very shy?

 

She may just not be very creative. I'm like her, I guess, very vanilla in my tastes. I'll happily try something for a partner but I don't really care for trying new things, and another reason is that I'm not overly confident in my abilities to pull off new things, so I always have the protection of "at least it's not due to my suggestion that we had such awful sex just now" haha.

I suppose you could just be happy that she's willing to let you be creative. I know some people who get irritated that their women won't even try new things.

 

I have to admit, I like the creative kind of guy too but I am not about limiting new things either, except a very few that I know I don't like, choking, gagging on it and anal. Almost anything is a go and once he tells me what he likes I am good to go.
I have had my men try many new things on me and never hated it yet. Mind you I have never had a guy push anything I felt weird about or even suggests those, seen em in video and it wasn't my bag, luckily I have not met anyone who was a push over for all things porn as it seems the new generation is going toward. You don't have to do everything seen and she might not like everything seen, just try a little at a time and see how far it goes, she will send responses and then after she knows she likes it she will probably be inclined to do same as it goes. Unless she is just shut in and shy about sex altogether.
I feel bad for her too because sex can be so much fun if she opens up some and takes a shot at things she is introduced to as a bit of a lead. But again she might need to know it's what you like before she goes for it.
And as said above, words of encouragement can be everything to open her up. Like "Man I have wanted you all day" for a start.