If theres one thing ive learned from this forum...its that i should never have ingested MDMA as much as i once did. I feel noticably altered and lately (mainly due to a particularly intense LSD exerience) my mind has been racing on whether or not i will remain sane beyond my 50th birthday. If you wernt aware of this information already I will regurgitate what i have researched... When you get old and you start to hit that age where you go loopy and everyone knows it....many scientists feel that its due to the natural decline in serotonin. The concern for MDMA abusers is that the already altered serotonin levels in your brain will exaggerate this effect. I went on a binge for about 9 months and ate over 100 pills. I never took extreme doses with the exception of a couple occasions, one in which i ate a gram of molly in a night (felt like i was boarder line ODing though it felt awesome), the other time i ate 8 or 9 in a night. There was another occasion i ate like 11 in a couple days but there was hardly any MDMA in the pills it was mostly speed. I still feel relatively intelligent, the best way to describe what it feels like inside of my mind is..."the knife is still sharp, but the blade is dull". I dont feel too depressed really, i was for a while but im a naturally happy individual. Im somewhat of a pesimist by nature but i always have been. I dont walk around in a natural deppression. I just wanted to know anyone elses opinions on the matter. Because i cant work to a logical conclusion myself, im convinced that I've fucked myself up beyond repair and that i will reap the consequences later on in life.
Yeh same here... but mind over matter... you keep telling yourself that its bound to happen.. Im not fucked up... Im not fucked up... Im not fucked up... say it every morning and night xP
I have ingested over 1000 pills and my friend way over that. Max 13 pills in 12 hours. I have not been using frequently for about 4 years. I am fine. My memory has returned, my ability to remember has returned. I have no depression issues. Also german goverment test say that serratonin damages is max 5 percent long term. Your brain recovers. The fda is approving testing on human subjects. Cant be all that bad
The best advice I can give you Myke is to just stop worrying about it, whats done is done and there is nothing you can do to change the past. Does MDMA have long term negative health effects? Probably. But it's only been used widely as a rec drug since the late 70's early 80's, so the reality is no one really knows, it may be relatively harmless, or we may all be zombies waiting to happen, but concerning yourself with things beyond your control is pointless. If you are worried about your mental health deteriorating in later life, eat properly, get plenty of exercise (physical and mental) and try to aviod stress. 100 pills in 9 months is too much, but plenty of people have done far more for a far longer period of time, so you aren't an extreme case by any means. MDMA has absalutly no lasting effect on the serotonin levels in your brain according to the animal testing that has been carried out, it can cause what they call down regulation of receptors, meaning your brain has trouble putting the serotonin it produces to use, but the latest animal testing seems to suggest this is in the majority of cases also temporary although longer lasting. Heavy MDMA use can and does cause brain damage, basically it turns some of the dopamine in your brain into hydrogen peroxide (hair bleach), and as you can imagine that damages brain cells, but the type of damage caused, while not too much is known about it, there is evidence to suggest that the effected areas of your brain can regenerate themselves, although theres evidence to suggest the oppisite aswell. Try not to worry so much, que sera sera and all that, you'll live longer.
It is not uncommon to question your sanity, along with other introspective ponder flavored contemplations during psychedelic treks. But, you are reading too much into the research of our inescapable deterioration of the brain. Inescapable for now, that is... My opinion is: Simply accept that it possible your verbal and visual memory may be lessened from your previous capacity. It's not the end of the world (your world) in the sense that you have destroyed everything you were, will be or the lack of being. There are many factors to keep in mind when one attempts to sum up the cumulative effects from choices made in the past. "What if" seems to be of use here. What if, due to your genetics, the 'damage' gifted by the abuse of a drug is negligible based on your lifespan. What if your perceptions of altered are flawed in that you are roughly or exactly as you would be if the drug was never used or not excessively used? Is there any chance this altered concept is a direct and only the result of the LSD experience? One of our problems with psychedelics is their potential of gaining us access to our psyche and without proper training this may be problematic. Be heedful of creating psychosomatic symptoms. It's pretty darn easy to let this happen.
I've probaby taken 50-60 pills...over about a year.I've mixed e with pcp, coke, done all kinds of shit and in short periods of time. Reality hits me in class, I don't pick things up as quick as I used to no matter how hard I try. What damage I did is done. The worst effect from doing all of those drugs is probably depression. It follows me everywhere and reminds me of what I did. I think i can make myself do better in class over time, and possibly improve my memory, however I think depression is a big scar that I'm going to have to deal with. I'm lucky to be alive, even if I feel like it sucks...
I know how i was before MDMA and i know how I am now. I've always known that ive done permanent damage, the feelings of unescapable stupor arn't knewly discovered sensations. They have remained present in my wandering thoughts (psychedelic-induced and sober alike) for a long time. I wasnt aware of the scientific hypothesis that we will loose touch with reality until a couple weeks ago. I'm only worried because i already feel like I'm loosing touch with reality. I've eaten too much LSd in a short period of time, and it makes me over analyze things....for example, a 19 year old shouldn't be worried about senile dementia and death at such a young age. I should be enjoying the greatest years of my life. I dont have enough experience to deal with the things LSD has showed me and its a little frightening. Don't get the wrong idea, i know I'm not going to be a stereotypical cliche of "LSD Psychosis", im not skitzo, and I'm not forever done with acid by any means. i just feel like the shit im worry about is far beyond my age and that i shouldnt be thinking about it at all. And that mindstate doesnt help in trying to convince myself that I'm not as fucked up as I feel. But regardless of all that, LSD doesnt make me feel any less intelligent, MDMA has and even before i started tripping on a weekly basis I have always been aware and remorseful the after-effects and my idiodic use of MDMA.
^correct you should be having some of the better years of your life. A "mis-spent" youth is something you can reflect later on when you are older and would make great table conversation! I would take some time off the LSD mate you're only 19 i'm talking about a good clean 6 months. Find a new hobby, learn something new in your own time at your own pace. Grab some art materials and draw/paint something that shows how you are feeling. what is your alcohol intake like? consider taking a B-vitamin supplement I find it helps when your brain feels fried. Prove to yourself you are more than a statistic.
if you are honestly worried and honestly want to bring back your capacities, then just go sober and start using your brain-machine. learn things and eat well. eat plenty of b vitamins and omega 3 (not 6). start playing an instrument or new instrument. play a sport. get high grades at school (or college now) (anyone can get high grades if they study... otherwise theres not much capacity in the first place to worry about losing!). doing this now will regain your mental abilities before its too late.
