funny names for masterbation...

Discussion in 'Masturbation' started by Burny Grass, Jan 20, 2009.

  1. Burny Grass

    Burny Grass Member

    Ok, there are lots of slang names for masterbating. Some of the obvious ones we all know like jacking off, beatin' off, wanking it, I've even heard of Jilling off. For females, I think diddling is hot. What are some original or even regional names for self-pleasure through auto stimulation?? I kinda like "stroking it", "waxin' the kielbasa", "polishing the penis", and "massaging up the helmet". Naturally (literally), we'd like to hear some girls terms on this one too.
  2. toolmaggot

    toolmaggot Nuts Go Here.

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  3. twang

    twang on the run

    rubbin one out. choking the chicken. not really original..just thought they were worth mentioning
  4. PineMan

    PineMan Senior Member

    Consider this - it is generaally known that the eskimoes have many words for snow because it plays such an important part in their live. Is it not logical, therefore, that we should have just as many for masturbation?
  5. Burny Grass

    Burny Grass Member

    Nice! One time I heard a morning radio DJ say that someone was "just bashing the shaft". I didn't like the term "jerkin' off" when I was a kid, but I kinda like it now. Plus you can do variations like calling the masterbator - the jerkler. Shinin' up the knob. Rubbin' the man in the canoe is not really a fav of mine, but If you have ever met this "man" face to face, can be a wonderful thing.
  6. WmAC

    WmAC Member

    Female Masturbation Synonyms
    3 Point Shot
    A night in with the girls
    Airing the orchid
    Applying lip gloss
    Applying nail polish remover
    Auditioning the finger puppets
    Automatic pilot
    Banging the box
    Bashing the gash
    Basting the tuna
    Basting your turkey
    Bathing the kitty
    Beating around the bush
    Beating the Beaver
    Brushing the beaver
    Brushing your afro
    Buffing the bead
    Buffing the Weasel
    Burying the knuckle
    Butterin' the muffin
    Buttering your bagel
    Carpet bumping
    Cat got tongue
    Checking for depth
    Checking for squirrels
    Checking for the jackpot
    Checking my oil
    Checking the foxhole
    Checking the muffler
    Checking the oil
    Checking the pulse
    Checking the status of the I/O port
    Circling the knoll
    Clam bake for one
    Cleaning between the camel's toes
    Cleaning my fur coat
    Cleaning the kitchen
    Cleaning your fingers
    Coaxing the genie out of the magic lamp
    Coaxing the turtle out of her shell
    Coming into your own
    Copping a clam
    Creamin' the pie
    **** cuddling
    **** rubbing
    Defrosting the freezer
    Dialing the rotary phone
    Diggin' the stench trench
    Digging a trench
    Digging for gold
    Digging for my keys
    Digging in
    Digging the cream
    Dipping for ice cream
    Diving for pearls
    Diving for pennies
    Doing my nails
    Doing something for my chapped lips
    Doing the sweet slide
    Doing the two-finger slot rumba
    Doing the two-finger ballet
    Doing the two-finger salute
    Doing your nails
    Doodling the noodle
    Double knuckling
    Double-clicking your mouse
    Dousing the digits
    Draining your tuna
    Drilling for fish
    Drilling for oil
    Drinking from the fountain of youth (for us contortionists)
    Drinking from the furry cup
    Driving Ms. Daisy
    Dunking your doughnut
    Dusting the endtable
    Engaging in safe sex
    Entering the forest
    Entering the ring of fire
    Erasing the problem
    Excavating the Tunnel of Love
    Exploring the bush
    Fanning the fur
    Feeding the bearded clam
    Feeding the cat
    Feeding the pony
    Feeding your slot
    Feeling your funnel
    Fiddling the bean
    Filling the pink taco
    Filling your niche
    Finding yourself
    Finger bang
    Finger blasting
    Finger dipping
    Finger fucking
    Finger pie
    Finger-pole the hole
    Fingering something out
    Finishing the job
    Fishing for cumpliments
    Fishing for mackerel
    Flash flood
    Flickin' the bean
    Flicking the switch
    Flicking the tic tac
    Flipping the light switch repeatedly
    Flitting your clit
    Flossing the cat
    Fluffing the kitty
    Fluffing the muff
    Fucking without complications
    Gagging my meat hole
    Gagging the clam
    Gagging the lips of love
    Genital manipulation
    Genital stimulation via phalangetic motion
    Getting a date with slick mittens
    Getting a lube job
    Getting a stain out of my carpet
    Getting a stinky pinky
    Getting mud for my turtle
    Getting the last pickle out of the jar
    Getting the little man in the boat to go fishing
    Getting to know Sticky Fingers the mobster
    Getting to know yourself
    Gilding the lily
    Going around the corner
    Going deep sea diving
    Going fishing
    Going mining
    Going solo
    Going to and from the Batcave
    Greasing your hips
    Gristle rub
    Groping the grotto
    Gusset typing
    Hand tossing the tuna salad
    Harpooning your tang
    Having a date with Martin Five-Fingers
    Having ladyfingers and cream
    Having sex with someone you love
    Hee-Haw with wrinkled Mee-Maw
    Hitchhiking South
    Hitchhiking to heaven
    Hitchhiking under the Big Top
    Hitting the slit
    Hitting the spot
    Honing the stone
    Indoor fishing
    Itching the ditch
    Jennying off
    Jiggling your jenny
    Jilling off
    Jostling the Elder
    Juicing it up
    Juicing Lucy
    Killing off
    Letting your fingers do the walking
    Levy break limbo
    Licking my lips (for us contortionists)
    "Looking for Waldo & his dog (gee, spot, there you are!)"
    Makin' waves for the man-in-the-boat
    Making a mini Eiffel Tower
    Making kitty purr
    Making my lips swell
    Making soup
    Making the little man sing
    Making your own gravy
    Manual override
    Menage a moi
    Muffin buffin'
    Nail polish remover
    Nulling the void
    Nursing a hatchet wound
    Opening the bottom drawer
    Paddling the finger canoe
    Paddling the pink canoe
    Pampering the pussy
    Parting my meat curtain
    Parting the Red Sea
    Patting the panky
    Pearl fishing
    Peeling the peach
    Perusing the Yellow Pages
    Petting Snoopy
    Petting the kitty
    Petting the little man in the canoe
    Petting the petunia
    Petting the pussy
    Petting the pussy cat
    Petting your bunny
    Petting your kitty
    Playing couch hockey for one
    Playing on the cricket green
    Playing poker
    Playing solitaire
    Playing the banjo
    Playing the beaver
    Playing the box
    Playing the clitar
    Playing the hairy guitar
    Playing the little Dutch boy
    Playing the silent trombone
    Playing the slots
    Playing with the man in the boat
    Playing with your pineapple
    Pluggin the leak
    Plunging the drain
    Plunging the happy hole
    Pokin' the pucker
    Poking the pudding
    Polishing the nugget
    Polishing the peanut
    Polishing the wedding ring
    Polishing your pearl
    Preheating the oven
    Priming the pump
    Producing whore moans (hormones, get it? ;^)
    Pushing the button
    Pussy poking
    Pussy soccer
    Putting out the fire
    Putting the dot in .org
    Reading braille
    Reading the map of Tasmania
    Ride the glide until the tide
    Riding the bed post
    Riding the cotton pony
    Riding the unicycle
    Riding the waterslide
    Riding your own mule down Grand Canyon
    Ringing your bell
    Rocking the boat
    Rollin the ol' bean
    Rolling the dough
    Rolling the marble
    Romancing thy own
    Rubbin Hood
    Rubbin' the nubbin
    Rubbing the donut
    Rubbing the red pussycat
    Rubbing the stub
    Salting the beef curtains
    Scoring the hoop
    Scraping the cheese off the taco
    Scratching the patch
    Scratching where it itches
    Searching for Ms. "G"
    Seasoning your fish
    Secret vice
    Sending Muffin Morse Code
    Shaking hands with Mr. Paul
    Shaking the dew off the lily
    Shining the diamond
    Shooting hoops
    Shooting the rapids
    Shucking the fresh water clam
    Shucking the oyster
    Slappin' the crack
    Slapping slit
    Slapping Susie
    Slapping the flap
    Slapping the mackerel
    Slapping the meat curtain
    Slapping the skunk guts
    Slicing pie
    Sliding down the chute
    Sliding into home
    Slob the knob
    Soaking in Palmolive
    Soaking the whisker biscuit
    Softening the peach
    Spanking the spot
    Spanking your puppy on the nose
    Spearing the bearded clam
    Spelunking in the hairy caves
    Spelunking in the mystery cave
    Splashing in the sea
    Squeezing the peach
    Steaming the oyster
    Stiffening my upper lip
    Stinky pinky
    Stirring it up
    Stirring the honey pot
    Stirring the pudding
    Stirring the sauce
    Stirring the soup
    Stoking the furnace
    Stroking the box
    Strumming the banjo
    Strumming the big open C
    Surfing the channel
    Surfing the Slippery Sea
    Surfing the web
    Sweeping the chimney
    Swimming in the crimson lake
    Swimming in the Pu-Tang River
    Swimming in the Red Sea
    Takin' it to tuna town
    Taking a dip
    Taking a dip in the lake
    Taking advantage of yourself
    Taking the German u-boat into port
    Tapping the tuna
    Teasing the kitty
    Teasing the little man in the canoe
    Teasing the tuna
    Teasing the tuna taco
    Tending your own garden
    Testing the plumbing
    Testing your waters
    The disappearing finger trick
    The girly gusher
    The magical disappearing finger trick
    The ole feel n' squeal
    The other monthly visitor
    The two-fingered tango
    The virgin's release
    Tickling the kitty
    Tickling the pearl
    Tickling the taco
    Tickling your fancy
    Tiptoe through the TwoLips
    Toggling the bit
    Tossing the pink salad
    Touching your tigeress
    Touching your tuna
    Touring Tasmania (triangular shaped Australian island)
    Tracing the vertical smile
    Trolling the Bermuda Triangle
    Twiddling your twat
    Twinkling the little star
    Twirlin' the pearl
    Two-finger taco tango
    Two-finger typing
    Unclogging the drain
    Visiting Niagra Falls
    Visiting with Father Thumb and his four sons
    Visiting your safety deposit box
    Wading in the Bermuda Triangle
    Walking Downtown
    Washing my hands
    Washing your fingers
    Waxing the canoe
    Waxing the milk duds
    Weaving the carpet
    Whipping your cream
    Whipping your nest
    White knuckling
    Working in the garden
    Working out at the Y
    Wrinkling fingers

    Male Masturbation Synonyms

    A big date with Rosy Palms
    A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters
    Adjusting the antenna
    Adjusting your set
    Answering the Bone-A-Phone
    Applying the hand brake
    Arguing with Henry Longfellow
    Arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper
    Asking for a second opinion (your second head)
    Assault on a friendly weapon
    Attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
    Attending to the throb knob needs
    Auditioning the hand puppet
    Backstroke roulette
    Badgering the witness
    Baiting your hook
    Ball slappin' fun
    Bangin' your bacon
    Banging one out
    Banging the Cyclops
    Bashing the Bishop
    Bashing the candle
    Bashing the pear
    Basting the ham
    Batting practice
    Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
    Beatin' Bobby
    Beating Bob and the twins
    Beating Jack
    Beating off
    Beating the bait
    Beating the balloon
    Beating the balogna
    Beating the beagle
    Beating the bed flute
    Beating the Bishop
    Beating the dummy
    Beating the fuck out of your best friend
    Beating the goat
    Beating the old man
    Beating the pud
    Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget
    Beating the snake
    Beating the snot outta Rotney
    Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick
    Beating the stick
    Beating your meat
    Being a virtuoso of the skin flute
    Being rough with the sex stick
    Being your own best friend
    Belaboring the obvious
    Biffing off
    Bleeding the weed
    Blowing your load
    Blowing your own horn
    Bludgeoning the beefsteak
    Blue-ball buster
    Blueball baseball
    Bobbing your boloney
    Bonging your shlong
    Booting up the hard drive
    Boppin' your bologna
    Bopping Richard
    Bopping the baloney
    Bopping the bishop
    Bopping the Bonzo
    Bouncing the bunny
    Boxing Oscar
    Boxing Oscar in the closet
    Boxing the bald champ
    Boxing the clown
    Boxing the Jesuit
    Boxing the Jesuit and getting cockroaches
    Boxing the one-eyed clown
    Boxing the trouser mouse
    Boxing with Richard
    Breaking the fish tank
    Buckin' it
    Buffin' the bishop
    Buffing my wand
    Buffing the banana
    Buffing the rifle
    Buffing the wood
    Buffing your nuts
    Buggering your hand
    Bunning your hot dog
    Burning off a few calories
    Burping the baby
    Burping the worm
    Busting a nut
    Buttering your corn
    Calling all cum
    Calling down for more Mayo
    Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
    Caning the vandal
    Caping the crusader
    Capturing the bishop
    Carrying weight
    Casting off
    Changing your oil
    Charming the cobra
    Charming the one-eyed trouser snake
    Charming the snake
    Cheap date
    Cheating on your other hand
    Checking for testicular cancer
    Checking the plumbing
    Cheesing off
    Chilling the dill
    Choking Charlie 'till he throws up
    Choking Kojak
    Choking the bald guy until he pukes
    Choking the chicken
    Choking the hog
    Choking the pirate
    Choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come
    Choking your chicken
    Choking yourself into emission
    Chopping down
    Chucking one in the sink
    Chucking the yogurt
    Churning your butter
    Civil War
    Clamping the pipe
    Cleaning out your rope
    Cleaning the pipes
    Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
    Cleaning your rifle
    Clearing the snorkel
    Climbin' the tree
    Climbing Mount Baldy
    Climbing Mt. Barbell (for guys with pierced dicks)
    Climbing the corporate ladder
    Clobbering the bad guy
    Clobbering the Kleenex
    Closet Frisbee
    Clubbing Eddy
    Clubbing the baby seal
    Clubbing the clam
    Clubbing the dummy
    Coating Prince William Sound with love oil
    Cocking the rifle
    Collecting a specimen
    Coming into your own
    Coming to grips with the situation
    Coming to grips with yourself
    Committing mass spermicide
    Cooking the cream of cock
    Cooking with Wong
    Corralling the tadpoles
    Couch hockey for one
    Cracking one off
    Cracking the fat
    Crank yanking
    Cranking for cum
    Cranking one off
    Cranking the love pump
    Cranking the monkey
    Cranking the shank
    Crimping the wire
    Crowning the king
    Cuddlin' the Kielbasa
    Cuffing the carrot
    Cuffing the dummy
    Cuffing the puppy
    Custer's Last Stand
    Dancing round the maypole
    Dancing the two-fisted tango
    Dancing with Johnnie One-Eye
    Dating Miss Michigan (think geography)
    Dating Mother Palm and her five daughters
    Dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters
    Debugging the hard drive
    Decongesting the weasel
    Devil's Handshake (Catholic School)
    Dick whacking
    Diddle whacking
    Digging for change
    Digitally oscillating one's penis
    Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
    Disciplining the primate
    Do the Dew
    Dogger Bank
    Doin' a loner with your boner
    Doin' the solitary rhumba
    Doing a hand job
    Doing an impression of Goofy
    Doing battle with the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love
    Doing handiwork
    Doing it your way
    Doing the five-knuckle shuffle
    Doing the hand jive
    Doing the hand-cooter
    Doing the human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT
    Doing the janitor thing
    Doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
    Doing the plotkin
    Doing the pork sword jiggle
    Doing the sin of Onan
    Doing the White Knuckler
    Doing your own thing
    Doodling your noodle
    Downing at the club (for members only)
    Downing the pitcher
    Draining the dragon
    Draining the lizard
    Draining the main vein
    Draining the monster
    Draining the one-eyed monster
    Draining the poisons from the building
    Draining the vats
    Draining the vein
    Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
    Driving the skin bus
    Droppin' a wad of hot wax
    Dropping a line
    Dropping stomach pancakes
    Dropping the kids off at the pool
    Dry humping the ottoman
    Duking the Bishop
    Dundering the devil-dolphin
    Electing the president
    Emptying your sex pistol
    Engaging in safe sex
    Erupting Ol' Faithful
    Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
    Evicting the testicular squatters
    Falling in love with your right hand
    Faxing Jimmy Dean
    Faxing the Pope
    Feeding the chooks
    Feeding the ducks
    Fetching milk
    Filling Charlie's magic sock
    Finding yourself
    Firing the flesh musket
    Firing the love rifle
    Firing the presidential staff
    Firing the Surgeon General
    Firming your worm
    Fishing for the two-toned trouser trout
    Fishing for zipper trout
    Fist fucking
    Fisting your mister
    Five against one
    Five knuckle Olympics
    Five on one
    Five-Digit Shuffle
    Five-finger discount
    Five-finger solo
    Five-knuckle chuckle
    Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
    Fixing the toilet
    Flapping Takkie (South African)
    Flaying the Emperor
    Flick on over the thumb
    Flicking the bic
    Flipping the Bishop
    Floggin' the log
    Flogging the Bishop
    Flogging the dog
    Flogging the dolphin
    Flogging the dong
    Flogging the frog
    Flogging the General
    Flogging the hog
    Flogging the log
    Flogging the mule
    Flogging the salami
    Flogging your dong
    Flogging your dumber brother
    Flogging your log
    Flogging your stob
    Fluffing the pillow
    Flute solo
    Fly fishing
    Flying a kite
    Following my bliss
    Fondling the fig
    Fondling the fisherman
    Fondling the fountain
    Fooling with your tool
    Foreplay with Fistina
    Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)
    Freeing the hostages
    Freeing the Willies
    Freeing Willy
    Freeing your dick fish into the gene pool
    Frigging the love muscle (British)
    Frosting the pastries
    Fucking a pillow
    Fucking Mrs. Fist, the five-fingered widow
    Fun with friction
    Galloping the antelope
    Galloping the old lizard
    Ganging the plank
    Getting' your oil checked
    Gettin' jizzy with it
    Getting a date with Slick Mittens
    Getting a grip on things
    Getting a load off my mind
    Getting a milk mustache
    Getting a stiffy
    Getting busy
    Getting chafed
    Getting in touch with your manhood
    Getting in touch with yourself
    Getting off
    Getting tennis elbow
    Getting the dirty water off your chest
    Getting the German soldier marching
    Getting the glue stick
    Getting to know Miss Michigan
    Getting to know yourself
    Getting to know yourself personally in the "biblical sense"
    Getting your caps peeled
    Getting your exercise
    Getting your palm read by Mister Softee
    Getting your palm red
    Getting your pole varnished
    Givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter nuggie
    Giving it a good once over
    Giving it a tug
    Giving Ms. Palm and and her five sisters a ride on the meat train
    Giving the John Hancock
    Giving the pink Mustang a lube job
    Giving the pink Mustang a spit shine
    Giving the seamen shore leave
    Giving your employee a raise
    Giving yourself a dishonorable discharge
    Giving yourself a hand
    Giving yourself a happy ending
    Giving yourself a helping hand
    Giving yourself a low five
    Glazing the donut
    Gluing the lady's eye's shut
    Going a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
    Going blind
    Going for the gold
    Going into battle with the purple-helmeted warrior
    Going on a date with Handrea and Palmela
    Going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters
    Going on Peewee's little adventure
    Going steady with my bouncing Betty
    Going the blow
    Going to the basement
    Grappling the gorilla
    Greasin' up my love monkey
    Greasing the axle
    Greasing the flagpole
    Greasing the monkey
    Greasing the pipe
    Greasing your bone
    Gripping the pencil
    Hacking the hog
    Han Solo
    Hand job
    Hand Shandy
    Hand Solo
    Hand-starting the one-eyed yogurt thrower
    Hand work
    Hand-to-gland combat
    Handling heavy equipment
    Handling the hound
    Hands-on training
    Handy work
    Hanging out with Peter Tork
    Hanging the old man
    Hard labor
    Harping on Happy Harry Hard-on
    Hatchin' a batch
    Having a ball
    Having a Barclays Bank
    Having a bat
    Having a chuff
    Having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
    Having a date with Fisty Palmer
    Having a date with Mrs. Thumb and her 4 daughters
    Having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
    Having a ham shank
    Having a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it's rhyming slang)
    Having a one-night-stand with yourself
    Having a play date with your little friend
    Having a puppet show in your pants
    Having a Roy (Australian)
    Having a Sherman (British)
    Having a staff meeting
    Having a tommy tank
    Having a tug
    Having a tug-of-war with the cyclops
    Having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
    Having dinner
    Having group sex with five friends
    Having it off
    Having one off the wrist
    Having sex with someone you love
    Heaving the heathen handhold
    Helping Mr. Happy
    Hitchhiking to heaven
    Hitchhiking under the Big Top
    Hitching to heaven
    Hitting the ham
    Hitting the sack
    Hitting the speedbump
    Hoisting the flag
    Holding all the cards
    Holding my own
    Holding the sausage hostage
    Honing the cone
    Honing your bone
    Honking the bobo
    Huffing on the hoagie
    Hugging the hog
    Hugging the sausage
    Humpin' air
    Humping your fist
    Humping your hose
    In the hand
    Irking the dude
    Ironing some wrinkles
    J. Arthur Rank (British rhyming slang - wank)
    Jack hammering
    Jackin' the Beanstalk
    Jackin' your meat
    Jacking off
    Jacking up the hot rod
    Jag off
    Jammin' your jimmy
    Jazzing yourself
    Jelly roll
    Jenny Mccarthy Jaunt
    Jerkin' the gherkin
    Jerkin' the joystick
    Jerkin' your beef
    Jerking Jamby
    Jerking off
    Jerking the Johnson
    Jerking the turkey
    Jerking yanking daisy-chaining
    Jiggling the jewelry
    Jiggling your Johnson
    Jimmying your Joey
    Jogging the lizard
    Joining the Navy
    Joshing it
    Juice the Moose
    Juicing the jizz monster
    Jumping the jock
    Just combing my hair
    Just jerkin' it
    Keeping the Optometrists in business
    Kicking seamen
    Kicking your roommate out for five to ten minutes to "call your parents"
    Killing it
    Killing the Beast
    Killing the bird on punches
    Kneading my knockwurst
    Kneeding the bread
    Knockin' over the weeble
    Knocking one off
    Knocking the top off
    Knuckle nobbing
    Knuckle Shuffle on the ol' piss pump
    Knuckling the bone
    Launching the hand shuttle
    Launching the morning missile
    Launching the rocket
    Laying the smack down on yourself
    Leakin' the main drain
    Letting out the bulimic one-eyed monster
    Lighting the lava lamp
    Living it up
    Looking for ticks
    Loping the mule
    Love's labors lost
    Loving the lizard
    Loving the muppet
    Lubing the tube
    Make like Hans Solo and stroke your wookie
    Makin' moonshine
    Making a fist sandwich
    Making a foreskin cone
    Making a knuckle hot dog
    Making free hand lotion
    Making friends with Big Ed
    Making instant pudding
    Making nut butter
    Making soup for one
    Making special sauce with frank and beans
    Making the bald guy puke
    Making the Cyclops cry
    Making the cyclops do chin-ups 'til he throws up
    Making the llama spit
    Making the piggy squeal
    Making the scene with the magazine
    Making vanilla jism shakes
    Making with the tadpoles
    Making yogurt
    Making yourself at home
    Mangling the midget
    Manhandling the manhood
    Manhandling your man-handle
    Manipulating the mango
    Manning the cockpit
    Manual labor
    Manual override
    Masonic secret self handshake
    Massaging Mr. Ho-Ho
    Massaging the mink
    Massaging your muscle
    Massaging your purple-headed warrior
    Master bacon
    Measuring for condoms
    Medical wankorama
    Medieval folk dancing
    Meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters
    Meeting Rosie Hancock
    Meeting with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
    Meeting with Palmala Handerson
    Meeting your kids
    Milking one's self
    Milking the bull
    Milking the cow
    Milking the lizard
    Milking the monkey
    Milking the moose
    Milking the mule
    Milking the muscle
    Milking the weasel
    Milking your wood
    Million sperm march
    Minding my own business
    Moisturizing your hands with your beauty bar
    Molesting the mole
    Moulding hot plastic
    Mounting a corporal and four
    Much goo about nothing
    My sex life!
    Nerking your throbber
    Oiling the baseball bat
    Oiling the glove
    Oiling the mighty dick hinge
    Oiling the pogo stick
    Onan's Olympics
    One gun salute
    One hand clapping
    One handed shim sham
    One man show
    One off the wrist
    One stop shopping
    One-armed skiing
    One-handed workout
    One-man orgy
    One-man ring toss
    One-man show
    One-man tug-o-war
    Opening up a bottle of Squirt
    Organ solo
    Packing your palm
    Paddling the pickle
    Painting the ceiling
    Painting the pickle
    Painting the walls
    Painting your pants
    Palming the calm
    Pam Anderson Polka
    Pasting pages
    Pat the Robertson
    Pattin' the puppy
    Pedal and crank
    Pee Wee pleaser
    Peeing children
    Peeling some chilis
    Peeling the banana
    Peeling the carrot
    Performing a self-test
    Performing diagnostics on your ManTool
    Perling the oyster
    Petting the lizard
    Petting the puppy
    Petting the python
    Petting your animal
    Petting your dog
    Phoning the czar
    Pipping the pumpkin
    Playin' the bone-a-thon
    Playin' with hardballs
    Playin' with yourself
    Playing a little five-on-one
    Playing a one-stringed guitar
    Playing Billy Squier on the skin flute
    Playing five card draw with a handful of jacks
    Playing five card stud
    Playing in a one-man show
    Playing miniature golf
    Playing paintball with white paint
    Playing Peek-A-Boo with Mr. Johnson
    Playing peekaboo
    Playing peekaboo with Darth Vader
    Playing ping pong with your ding dong
    Playing pocket pinball
    Playing pocket polo with Agent Johnson
    Playing pocket pool
    Playing tag with the pink torpedo
    Playing the crotch trombone
    Playing the flesh flute
    Playing the male organ
    Playing the one-handed air guitar
    Playing the one-stringed melody
    Playing the organ
    Playing the piss pipe
    Playing the pisser
    Playing the skin flute
    Playing the solo symphony
    Playing the stand-up organ
    Playing tug-o-war with the cyclops
    Playing tug-o-war with the staked vampire 'til he flames up
    Playing Uno
    Playing with dick
    Playing with my little brother Peter
    Playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends
    Playing with the pogo stick
    Playing with the snake
    Playing with the spitting llama
    Playing with Yoosef
    Playing with your bird
    Playing with your noodle
    Playing with your turtle (for uncircumcised guys?)
    Playing with yourself
    Playing Yahtzee
    Playing your instrument
    Pleasing your pisser
    Pleasure pumping
    Plunking your twanger
    Poaching the salmon
    Pocket billiards
    Pocket pinball
    Pocket pool
    Poking palm
    Pole vaulting
    Polishing Percy in your palm
    Polishing the bayonet
    Polishing the beak
    Polishing the cane
    Polishing the chrome dome
    Polishing the family jewels
    Polishing the fire pole
    Polishing the helmet
    Polishing the hot rod
    Polishing the knob
    Polishing the Lighthouse
    Polishing the pink Mustang
    Polishing the Pope
    Polishing the purple people pleaser
    Polishing the rocket
    Polishing the rocking horse
    Polishing the rod
    Polishing the sword
    Polishing your bayonet
    Polishing your helmet
    Polishing your piece
    Popping a nut
    Popping the blister
    Popping the bone
    Popping the cork
    Popping the porpoise
    Popping the purple pimple
    Popping your top
    Pounding off
    Pounding the bald-headed moose
    Pounding the pud
    Pounding your flounder
    Pounding your piss pump
    Pounding your pud
    Pouring off the potatoes
    Practicing for the big game
    Praising God
    Preparing the carrot
    Priming the pump
    Pud wrestling
    Pullin' a few rounds
    Pulling off
    Pulling pud
    Pulling rank
    Pulling the blue-veined custard chucker
    Pulling the blue-veined junket pumper
    Pulling the bologna pony
    Pulling the carrot
    Pulling the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever
    Pulling the cord
    Pulling the five-knuckle shuffle
    Pulling the goalie
    Pulling the handbrake
    Pulling the piss pump
    Pulling the pole
    Pulling the Pope
    Pulling the pork stick
    Pulling the root
    Pulling the rope
    Pulling the single serving soup dispenser
    Pulling the weed
    Pulling the wire
    Pulling your goalie
    Pulling your love muscle
    Pulling your own leg
    Pulling your plonker
    Pulling your power cord
    Pulling your prick
    Pulling your pud
    Pulling your taffy
    Pulling your wire
    Pummeling the priest
    Pumpin' the poodle
    Pumping cream
    Pumping for pleasure
    Pumping for power
    Pumping gas at the self-service island
    Pumping iron
    Pumping the electric goo gun
    Pumping the porpoise
    Pumping the python
    Pumping the soft soap dispenser
    Pumping the stump
    Punchin' the clown
    Punchin' the midget
    Punchin' the munchkin
    Punching the clown
    Punching the munchkin
    Punching the possum
    Punching the stepson
    Punching yourself in the crotch
    Punishing Percy
    Punishing Percy with the palm
    Punishing the Bishop
    Punishing the Pope
    Puttin' the tie on
    Qualifying in the testicular time trial
    Raising Stonehenge
    Raising the flag pole
    Raising the mainsail
    Raising your sail
    Ramming the ham
    Rapid delivery
    Rapid one arm pull-ups
    Reading poetry
    Releasing the Olympic Doves
    Relieving tension
    Reverse osmosis
    Riding the Great White Knuckler
    Riding the lightning
    Ringing the rag
    Rippin' the rocket
    Rocket piloting
    Rockin' the rooster
    Rolling the fleshy blunt
    Rolling your own
    Roman helmet rhumba
    Romancing the bone
    Romeo and Himself
    Rootin' for the Yankees
    Ropin' the long horn
    Roping the pony
    Roping the Pope
    Roughing the passer
    Roughing up the suspect
    Rounding up the tadpoles
    Rubbing off
    Rubbing one out
    Rubbing the Buddha for good luck
    Rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel
    Rubbing the pink eraser
    Rubbing the rod
    Rubbing the unicorn's horn
    Running in single-user mode
    Running off a batch by hand
    Running the cheeta
    Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights
    Safest sex
    Salting your nuts in the shell
    Sanding the obelisk
    Sanding wood
    Saying a private prayer in the Church of the First Holy Monkey
    Saying hello to Mr. Winkie
    Scalpin' the injun
    Schnauzer Shuffleboard
    Scouring the tower of power
    Scraping your carrot
    Scraping your horn
    Scratchin' the itch
    Scratching the cat pole
    Screwing your girlfriend Handgella
    Scromping the camper
    Seamen reporting for duty on the skin boat
    Seasonin' your meat
    Secret handshake
    Seeding the carpet
    Self abuse
    Self catering
    Self love
    Self-induced penile regurgitation
    Self-inflicted intercourse
    Sending a boy to the Academy
    Sending out the troops
    Sending yourself a hand-job-o-gram
    Sex with someone you really love
    Shakin' hands with Little Richard
    Shakin' the snot off your frog
    Shaking coconuts from the love tree
    Shaking hands with Abe Lincoln
    Shaking hands with beef
    Shaking hands with Jack McNasty
    Shaking hands with Johnson
    Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
    Shaking Hands with Mr. President
    Shaking hands with Shorty
    Shaking hands with the boss
    Shaking hands with the general
    Shaking hands with the goblin of love
    Shaking hands with the Governor
    Shaking hands with the midget
    Shaking hands with the one-eyed trouser trout
    Shaking hands with the President
    Shaking hands with the unemployed
    Shaking hands with your John Thomas
    Shaking hands with your wife's best friend
    Shaking hands with Yul Brenner
    Shaking the bottle
    Shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk
    Shaking the dice
    Shaking the hand of the self-employed
    Shaking the sauce
    Shaking the sausage
    Shaking the snake
    Shaking the sugar tree
    Shaking the white-out pen
    Sharpening your pencil
    Shavin' the carrot
    Shellacking the shellaleigh
    Shemping the hog
    Shifting gears
    Shifting to fifth gear with the pork spear
    Shining the helmet
    Shining the pork sword
    Shining the shaft
    Shining the shank
    Shining your pole
    Shootin' your splouge
    Shooting Cupid's arrow
    Shooting enemies
    Shooting flies
    Shooting for the moon
    Shooting for the stars
    Shooting putty at the moon
    Shooting Sherman
    Shooting skeet (pull...shoot)
    Shooting tadpoles at the moon
    Shooting the pump action porridge gun
    Shooting the sherbert
    Shooting to score
    Shooting your wad
    Shuckin' Bubba
    Shucking the corn
    Simple infanticide
    Singing with Donny Osmond
    Skipping rope
    Slaking the bacon
    Slammin' the salami
    Slamming the ham
    Slamming the hammer
    Slamming the salmon
    Slamming the spam
    Slamming the sump-pump
    Slap-Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
    Slappin' the purple-headed yogurt pistol
    Slappin' Pappy
    Slapping high fives with Yul Brynner
    Slapping it
    Slapping my happy sacks
    Slapping the big-nosed Rasta man
    Slapping the carrot
    Slapping the clown
    Slapping the Cyclops
    Slapping the donkey
    Slapping the FleshGopher
    Slapping the meat
    Slapping the pud
    Slapping the salami
    Slapping your chub
    Slaying the beast
    Slaying the dragon
    Slicking the stick
    Slinging jelly
    Slinging the jelly
    Sloppy Joe's last stand
    Sloppy sign language
    Smackin' Isaiah
    Smacking Bob around
    Smacking the monkey
    Smacking the oompa loompa
    Smacking the salami
    Smacking the weasel
    Smacking the yak 'til it spits back
    Smacking your sister
    Smoking the bratworst
    Snappin' off a batch
    Snapping one off
    Snapping the carrot
    Snapping the monkey
    Snapping the radish
    Snapping the rubber
    Snapping the whip
    Snapping your carrot
    Solo flight
    Solo marathon
    Solo sex
    Solo spurting
    Soup of the day
    Spackling the ceiling
    Spanking Cheetah
    Spanking Elvis
    Spanking Frank
    Spanking the bishop
    Spanking the frank
    Spanking the monkey
    Spanking the plank
    Spanking the salami
    Spanking the wank
    Spanking up a batch
    Speaking into the microphone
    Spear chucking
    Spearing the Spartans
    Spending some quality time with yourself
    Spermin' Herman the one-eyed German
    Spewing your load
    Spilling my children on my belly
    Spit-polishing the purple helmet
    Spitting up
    Splashing one out
    Spreading the mayo
    Spunking the Monk
    Spurtin' Bert
    Squashing the sea monkey
    Squeezing the burrito
    Squeezing the Charmin
    Squeezing the cheese
    Squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
    Squeezing the glue
    Squeezing the juice
    Squeezing the lemon
    Squeezing the snake with the turtleneck sweater
    Squeezing the tube of toothpaste
    Squeezing the weasel
    Squeezing your cheese-dog
    Squirting off your load in the school bathroom
    Squishing the fish
    Staff meeting
    Stall clapping
    Starting the day off right
    Stirring the batter
    Stirring the soup
    Stirring the yogurt
    Stoking the fire
    Strainin' the main vein
    Strangling Kojak
    Strangling the hog
    Strangling the one-eyed trouser snake
    Strangling the Serpent
    Stress relief for a personal appendage
    Stretching the limo
    Stretching the turtle neck
    Striking the pink match
    Striking your match
    Stripping the bark off your wood
    Stroke 'til you spew
    Strokin' the mule
    Strokin' the sausage
    Stroking it
    Stroking off
    Stroking the balony pony
    Stroking the dog
    Stroking the lizard
    Stroking the mole
    Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
    Stroking the salami
    Stroking the satin-headed serpent
    Stroking the snake
    Stroking the squirmin' German
    Stroking the stallion
    Stroking the wiener
    Stroking your goat
    Stroking your poker
    Stroking your pud
    Stroking your twinkie
    Stromming the Thurmond
    Strummin' my six inch
    Studying for a math test
    Sucker-punching the blind webster
    Swickin' it
    Swinging the jump rope
    Swinging the light saber
    Swinging the purple-veined kidney stabber
    Swinging the royal red reproduction rod
    Tagging off
    Takin' the bunt sign
    Taking a five minute vacation south of the border
    Taking a nap
    Taking a shake break
    Taking Captain Picard to Warp-Speed
    Taking care of business
    Taking control of yourself
    Taking Herman to the circus
    Taking little Elvis to Graceland
    Taking matters into your own hands
    Taking ol' one eye through the fly
    Taking ol' one eye to the Knuckle Shuffle
    Taking part in population control
    Taking some time off
    Taking the dog for a walk
    Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
    Taking the monster for a one-armed ride
    Taking the sperm whale for a walk
    Taking your turn at the self-serve pump
    Talking quietly to yourself
    Talking turkey
    Taming the shrew
    Taming the wild hog
    Tamping your tater
    Tapping the turkey
    Target practice
    Target practice with the yogurt gun
    Target practicing with white ammo
    Taunting the one-eyed weasel
    Teaching a one-eyed Chinaman how to dance
    Teaching him a lesson
    Teaching your kids to swim
    Teasing the purple-headed custard chucker
    Teasing the python
    Teasing the Viking
    Teasing the weasel
    Teasing the weenie
    Teeing off
    Tenderizing the tube steak
    Tenderizing your meat
    Test-firing the meat missle
    Testicular tensile strength test
    Testing the hand cream dispenser
    Testing the testicles
    Testing your batteries
    That crazy hand jive
    The art of Unisex
    The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
    The five digit disco
    The five-knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
    The five-finger hustle with Russel the one-eyed love muscle
    The serta solo
    The sticky page rhumba
    Thrashing the weasel
    Threading a needle
    Throbbing the knob
    Throwin' down
    Throwing a shower
    Throwing off a batch
    Throwing one
    Throwing the hamster against the wall
    Throwing up mayo
    Thumping the pump
    Thumping your pud
    Thwackin' the sack
    Tickle the Elmo
    Tickling my fancy
    Tickling the dragon's tail
    Tickling the ivory
    Tickling the one-eyed weasel
    Tickling the pickle
    Tickling the Polish salmon
    Toilet sailing
    Torkin' the fork
    Torqueing the turtle
    Torturing the tentacle
    Tossing off
    Tossing the boss
    Tossing the salad
    Tossing the sauce
    Tossing the snag
    Tossing the spam javelin
    Tossing the turkey
    Tossing the white ball
    Tossing yogurt
    Touching the penis
    Treating yourself right
    Trolling for the one-eyed walleye
    Trolling for trouser trout
    Trouser snake CPR
    Trouser trout dancing lesson
    Tube sock tango
    Tug of war with Cyclops
    Tuggin' the timber
    Tugging Mount Love
    Tugging old beater
    Tugging the rope
    Tugging the slug
    Tugging the tapioca tube
    Tugging the tossle
    Tugging the turkey
    Tugging your tubesteak
    Tuning my horn
    Tuning the antenna
    Tuning your organ
    Turning Japanese (UK - one step beyond wanking)
    Turning on your fire hose
    Tussle with your muscle
    Tussling the Muscle
    Twanging the wire
    Tweaking your twinkie
    Twisting your crank
    Twisting your tool
    Typing with one hand
    Uncorking the bottle
    Underarm javelin in the meat olympics
    Unloading the gun
    Unmasking Darth Vader
    Unsheathing the pork sword
    Unwrapping the pepperoni
    Using the Force on Darth Vader
    Using the force on your meat saber
    Using the ol' 1 wood
    Varnishing the cane
    Varnishing the flagpole
    Vibrating the viper and making him spit poison
    Violating the hedge-hog
    Visiting Old Faithful
    Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters
    Visiting the five-fingered widow
    Wacking a lap
    Wacking off
    Wacking the one-eyed worm
    Wacking the paddle
    Wacking the weasel
    Wacking the weiner
    Wacking the willie
    Wagging the dog
    Wakey wakey hands off snakey
    Waking the dead
    Waking Wee Willie Winkle
    Walking the dog
    Walking the plank
    Walking the snake
    Walking Wally the one-eyed wonder worm
    Waltzing with Willy
    Wanking off
    Wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel
    Warming up the altar boy's dinner
    Washing the elephant's trunk
    Washing the meat
    Washing the wolverine
    Wasting your wad
    Watching the geyser
    Waving the Magic Wand
    Waxing pedro
    Waxing the beanpole
    Waxing the car
    Waxing the carrot
    Waxing the dolphin
    Waxing the flipper
    Waxing the old goal post
    Waxing the rocket
    Waxing your Jackson
    Waxing your surfboard
    Waxing your weasel
    Waxing your Willy
    Whackin' the weasel
    Whacking it
    Whacking off
    Whacking the axe
    Whacking Willy
    Whacking your tack
    Whippin' the whopper
    Whipping off
    Whipping skippy
    Whipping the balls
    Whipping the bishop
    Whipping the dummy
    Whipping the one-eyed trouser snake
    Whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel
    Whipping the pony
    Whipping the rat
    Whipping the stiff
    Whipping the walrus
    Whipping the window washer
    Whipping the wire
    Whipping up a batch
    Whipping up some sour cream
    Whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm
    Whipping your dripper
    White-water wristing
    Whittling the stick
    Whizzin' jism
    Whomping the walrus
    Wiggling your worm
    Winding my watch
    Winding the Jack in the Box
    Windsurfing on Mount Baldy
    Wonking your conker
    Wonking your donk
    Workin' out a stiff joint
    Working a cramp out of your muscle
    Working off
    Working off a batch
    Working overtime at the meat factory
    Working up a batch
    Working your Willy
    Wrestling the alligator
    Wrestling the eel
    Wrestling the gator
    Wrestling the one-eyed monster
    Wrestling the purple-headed warrior
    Wrestling with Jimmy
    Wrestling with the bald champ
    Wrestling with the one-eyed superhero
    Wringing out your rope
    Wringing the weasel
    Wringing your thing
    Wringing your weasel
    Wrist aerobics
    Yank my Doodle (It's a Dandy)
    Yankin' it
    Yankin' your chain
    Yankin' your Franklin
    Yanking off
    Yanking the crank
    Yanking the doodle
    Yanking the yoyo
    Yanking your chain
    Yanking your crank
    Yanking your plank
    Yanking your Yoda
    Yogurt slinging /li>
    Zipper Olympics
    Zygote spraying
  7. Fastswitch

    Fastswitch Visitor

    Will the original poster please consider that one of the words might well be 'mastUrbation.' It is something U do with yourself, if you need a mnemonic. "Masturbation is a sensation that is nice," to quote a line from Broadway (Hair).
  8. hand practive.. Because practice make men perfect not women ok
  9. lscar

    lscar Member

    I wish io could be bothered to read those lists.
  10. Blue Lobster

    Blue Lobster Member

    stabbing the cat (for masturbating when sitting down)
  11. Blue Lobster

    Blue Lobster Member

    Cavorting with madame palm and her five lovely daughters.

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