Fun with the USPostal Service

Discussion in 'Mind Games' started by xaosflux, May 26, 2004.

  1. xaosflux

    xaosflux Sysop Lifetime Supporter

  2. lunaluvcat

    lunaluvcat Member

    that's pretty hillarious, the bottled water one cracked me up!
  3. LOL that was pretty great!!!
  4. daisymae

    daisymae Senior Member

    I never really thought of my lost teeth as "human remains" before. I suppose they are. Eww, I even kept some of them.
  5. ericf

    ericf Member

    My dad works for the USPS and has for many years. Some of the things he has seen stuck in machines would disgust you. He is a machinist among other things. One of the grossest things ever was a dead mouse that was mailed in an envelope. You must really picture this in your head to understand. Envelopes shoot around on slides to get from one place to another... at certain points they are accelerated by spinning wheels. Think of the matchbox car sets that shoot the car through a loop -- like that. Except these rollers are hard rubber and only a couple milimeters apart. SQUISH... basically the insides of the mouse were squeezed out and got wrapped in the machine.

    People mail condoms... used and new. String, rubber bands, bee-bees, etc. Most people think if they stick it in an evelope everything will be okay. Well, if that rips open it creates lots of fun for the people who fix the machines. Suspicious packages are stopped all the time... sometimes to check for drugs other times to check for explosives. All sorts of crazy stuff.

    But, I am not suprised that most of the stuff made it. The postal people have a great sense of humor and really do everything possible to deliver most things if there is no return address. That was a fun read though. I feel bad about the people who had to handle the tibia... yuk.
  6. TripAmerika

    TripAmerika Member

    On the helium balloon:

    "Our operative argued strongly that he should be charged a negative postage and refunded the postal fees, because the transport airplane would actually be lighter as a result of our postal item."

    That definatly made me laugh.
  7. HappyHaHaGirl

    HappyHaHaGirl *HipForums Princess*

    That's really funny... :) I like the balloon argument.... hehe
  8. LMoffet1

    LMoffet1 Member

    here's something interesting to fuck with the postal service... so what if you didn't want to pay for the stamp, so you took a letter and put the address that you wanted to send the letter to in the return address spot and your address in the other spot. So when the postal service tries to send the letter, they'll realize there is no stamp resulting in a "return to sender". So they return the letter to the person who you wanted to send it to in the first place! Did that make sense? I think we should experiment.
  9. HappyHaHaGirl

    HappyHaHaGirl *HipForums Princess*

    Good idea, I think.... I'll have to try it. :)
  10. blugirrl1

    blugirrl1 Member

    that was hilarious. i loved the one about the brick. smashed hehe
  11. xaosflux

    xaosflux Sysop Lifetime Supporter

    For the return address with no pastage thing to work you will have to make sure you mail the item within the area that the 'return address' is listed or it will be suspicious (e.g. your Return Address is Wyoming they picked it up in Idaho)
  12. FunkyPhreshMama

    FunkyPhreshMama Visitor

    that is how my friend sent her husband pot in prison. the guards check all mail on the way out but never check out returned mail. so she wold pack up the pot where no one could tell what it was, put a fake address as the delivery address and his prison address as the return address................... the guards never caught on to this and he was in for atleast 3 years.......
  13. LMoffet1

    LMoffet1 Member

    I can't believe the guards never knew, that's awesome! So it works...
  14. backtothelab

    backtothelab Senior Member

    After college, my brother went vacation in india, and brought a jar of india dirt home. So he ended up mailing me some, in a jar too. It got here ok. I ended up eating some, which seemed a good idea at the time, and still kinda does.
  15. BuddyBuds

    BuddyBuds Member

    hah, thank god it was water in there and not a bottle of acid. mr. mailman would have been fuuuucked.

    mail men are cool though, during the school year my friends and I were out on a burn ride. we turned a corner just as my friend was hitting the bowl and drove right past a mailman, like two feet away both of us driving extremely slow. my friend was so suprised he let his huge hit slip out and smoked poured out the window. we all met eyes with the mailman for a minute then he smiled, flashed us a thumbs up, and drove off! I have new found respect for government employees.
  16. AH! HEY! i had the idea of Mailing people fish first!! well..i thought i did...:( :(
  17. Dude111

    Dude111 An Awesome Dude


    That had to confuse MANY PEOPLE along the line of delivery!
  18. Spicey Cat

    Spicey Cat DMT Witch (says husband)

    DISGUSTING ITEMS. These items were malicious, potentially infectious, smelly, etc.>

    Deer tibia. Our mailing specialist received many strange looks from both postal clerks and members of the public in line when he picked it up at the station, 9 days. The clerk put on rubber gloves before handling the bone, inquired if our researcher were a "cultist," and commented that mail must be wrapped.

    Large wheel of cheese. The cheese was already extremely ripe (rancid) at the time of mailing. Mailed in cardboard box. The cheese had oiled its way through the bottom of the cardboard box by the time of pickup, 8 days. The box had been placed in a plastic bag.

    Dead fish, old seaweed, etc. Mailed in cardboard box. Notice to pick up at station, 7 days. The postal supervisor warned our mailing specialist that he could be fined for mail service abuse, even as a recipient, should this happen again.

    Damn! Hilarious & disgusting. Ah, the USPS . . .

    Peace & Love,
    Spicey Cat
  19. dutchblood87

    dutchblood87 Member

    it works, but only when you drop the parcel in an actual mailbox, not your own

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