fucked with {long, but please, i need you all}

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by kier, May 15, 2004.

  1. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    ok, sorry, this is long, 5 month relationship...

    i started talking to a girl who i met on these very forums in december. She had just lost her mother, and though i lost mine when i was very young i felt i could help her. I was very gentle with her, and soon found she had a hard time at home...her father would hurt her, and she was now home alone with him, though she has family.

    very soon i was head over heels in love, and told her so. We began texting each other, and talked on the phone one night before she ran away....she cried, i cried. it was very very perfect...so i believe she was having a hard time

    she sent me pictures she told me she had drawn, and poems she had wrote, many for me.

    Eventualy she ran away for good to another city, or this is what she told me, and worked and stayed there...this was in feb. Just before april started, she returned home...she didn't contact me for about 2 weeks, every day was living hell

    by the end of those 2 weeks i was basicly resigned to having lost my love..but no, she wrote me an email...2 lines, it gave me hope. eventualy she accepted i would not give up, and we talked again. She still had (has?) a hard time at home, but thats not the point.

    i had felt i had grown apart from her, but i was unsure, i wanted what we had had, and so tried to cling to these delicate fragments...but no, in my heart of hearts, however cold it felt, i knew the good times were over

    after an attempted break up, i finaly ended it with her a week ago. as her phone had broke a while ago, and she didnt give me her address, so i emailed her my feelings. they were expressed gently, i checked with some of my close friends, and they agreed it was as gentle as such a hurtfull subject could be. the first response i got was this :

    i begged and pleaded to remain friends. this was not bullshit. eventualy i recieved this:

    i didn't reply hardly...i was as gentle as always. she didnt talk to me, but sent me some questions etc by email, and i answered her. then, yesterday she sent me another poem...this one seemed really really good, it is an amazing poem...

    i emailed her back asking if she wrote it...but then this morning i was bored, so searched up the title on google. found the poem.

    i got my suspitions, a couple of the pictures she had sent me i had found out and asked her about were not of as she had said at first "me, and the other one is just some lady i imagined" (or words to that effect) but alanis morrissette (sp?)...this had happened in jan...but i am trusting

    i found them. all the poems but one. 3 of the remaining pictures (not including the 2 alanis pics).

    this has destroyed my trust in her...how far do these lies travel?!

    please note, i have not lied to her once. I try not to lie, i hate it, people trust me and i trust people.

    this was my first love, my first relationship as such...the first that lasted more than a week!

    and this is what i get, lies. i have asked her for the whole of the truth, this has all happened just now....but i feel broken...please talk to me

    Kieran X
  2. Harsh, Harsh words. From a female perspective, I think that this girl, wasn't really the person you thought she was, you were in "love" with this image that she projected to you. she wanted to be the girl that drew, wrote beautiful poems and was perfect in your eyes. but she obviously was lieing to make up for the lack there of in herself. I understand that you may have loved this girl. I have been in this same situation. I had a boyfriend over the computer and he would send me poems he had supposedly written. Which he knew, he knew would intrigue me. But, really this girl was just looking for someone to toy with, and then someone she could abuse. She was definitely being abusive in the context of her emails to you. She had strings attatched to your heart hon. I can tell you though, you don't deserve someone like that. Try to find some one that you can be with in person, that you know is being true to you and true to themself. Really get to know someone, study them before you let yourself get too attatched. I have done this too to myself so many times. I hurt, but it gets easier to weed out the ones who aren't compatible with you. I hope this helps.
    feel free to pm me if you would like.
  3. ForestNymphe

    ForestNymphe Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Hey Kier,

    I am so sorry this happened to you. The net can be such a breeding ground of deception. Time heals most heartaches, although it may not feel that way right now.
    You are in my thoughts.

    *leaves a gentle hug*
  4. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    one of the sad things is that i wrote her poetry, even did songs for her on the guitar. this is something i don't do, im a shy guy. and just to find this stuff she did was shite

    you're right, and your words bring me some comfort, so thankyou

    you know, i never said a harsh word to her, never lied to her...and this? damn, all i wanted of her was her to be honest and open with me...that's all i ask of anyone................
  5. borut16

    borut16 Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    that's horrible! But keep in mind that all things must pass, try to stay nice to her, anyway. (one of drawings reminded me of alanis, how strange is that?) BUt seriously, time heals most of heart aches even if it doesn't feel so at the moment, I know you're a good guy, just remember that there are no mistakes, just lessons, and you've got to learn from that. BUt, don't be affraid to love again!

  6. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    in my reply for asking for the truth:

    emailed her back...i'm still not mean to her...why are people cruel?
  7. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    well, she saw this topic. i'm not going to delete it, i wrote the stuff i did here, deleting it won't change it...

    she believes i used the emails out of context, and has told me she will never email me again along with more hurtfull stuff.

    if you are reading this, please do keep in touch. you may hate me, think i am bad, and everything else...i don't think this of you, lies and all, you are a good person, and i wish to keep you as a friend

    i will keep my email address (kier_here@hotmail.com) running....so know how to contact me...anytime, any place

    take care, and be happy

    HUNTA4LIFE Member

    It Is Possible She Is Going Through An Emotional Rollercoaster Right Now And Found It Hard To Express Her Feelings To You, It In No Way Justifies Her Outburst And Emotional Rampages!

    I To Know How You Feel About Bad Things Happening To Good People But I Would Want To Leave You With This

    If Ever Given The Opporunity To Love Again ... Seige It For When It Is Real And Meant To Last Forever You Will Never Have Cuase To " Let'em Down Easy" And I Am Not Anyone's Expert On Love As I Am Still Looking Myself But I Do Know Some Loves Are Meant To Last A Lifetime And Some Only A Day! Keep Your Head Up
  9. kier

    kier I R Baboon

  10. moominmamma

    moominmamma Member

  11. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    no....i'm not looking back in anger (oasis song i believe, don't look back in anger)...just sadness...but don't worry, time will heal
  12. DoktorAtomik

    DoktorAtomik Closed For Business

    Kier dude, I'm sorry for your pain 'n' all, but looking at these words....

    ..... I do kinda have to wonder. You are the one posting her private messages up on the net for all to see, you are basically saying it's all down to her, and you are just presenting the one side of that out of context. I mean shit man, she may well be a right evil bitch troll for all I know, but you're not exactly proving her wrong here dude.
  13. akhc

    akhc Member

    leave her be.. she's never going to be the person you want..

    dunno if anyone has told you this.. but in any relationship both partners should be looking out for the others' interest first. hell it's not easy.. I see plenty of married couples whose marriage wouldn't fulfill this criteria.
  14. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    yeah, i shouldn't of posted it on here. i was lost, someone i still really cared about had just attacked me, or that's how it felt. i needed advice on what to do...i wanted to make it as gentle as i could.

    i may be self absorbed...i told her how i felt often, i emailed her if i didn't talk to her most days, i never told her a lie, i listened to her and offered her help however i could...

    same as i help my friends and stuff

    it's a point of view of course, but i certainly don't feel self absorbed
    if you think i used this to attack her i pity you...this was more of a cry for help. didnt even use harsh words when i found out she had lied to me.

    that's not saying i am not harsh sometimes, so please tread carefully...i respect the points you've made, and i know posting all this stuff here wasn't the wisest of moves...but it's still raw.

    i dont lie on principle...i mean, i may do as a joke or over something little (santa does exist!). some people i can understand may lie slightly....but this has just thrown me completely...my trust has gone :(

    anyway, dinner!
  15. DoktorAtomik

    DoktorAtomik Closed For Business

    Don't get me wrong here dude, I'm not attacking you... just trying to point out how some of this shit looks from an outsider's perspective.

    You've just illustrated the point about self-obsessiveness very well with this sentence. You may well have not intended to attack her, but by the very nature of your original post, an attack is implicit - intended or not. The quotes that you use from her correspondence, taken out of context, make her sound like an evil bitch. You can't post quotes from someone that make them sound like an evil bitch on a public forum without it being an attack. You may not have intended it that way, but she has still been attacked.

    Again, I'm not unsympathetic to your feelings Kier, and I well remember what heartbreak feels like. But you need to take a step back and look at this through an outsider's eyes. Also try and look at it through her eyes. Regardless of the rights and wrongs, how do you think this post must look to her? I'm not saying you aren't entitled to your cry for help, but there's better ways of going about it. And as far as you and her are concerned, this was hardly gonna make things better, was it?

    Dude, I hope you get over it and find someone who loves you the same way you love them.
  16. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    i quoted the whole emails
  17. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    i didn't bloody intend for her to see this, she hadn't posted on here since january or something. i was posting here for advice on what to do!!!

    this is partly heartbreak, yes....

    but it's a break of trust too. i can't trust her...i can't look through her eyes. even before i told her my feelings she had sent me a picture.

    i just wanted advice on what to do, how to react.....
  18. DoktorAtomik

    DoktorAtomik Closed For Business

    Yes, but you only showed what she wrote, not what you wrote.

    Consider this a lesson well learned then. If you don't want someone to read something, don't post it on the internet. Period. It's a surprisingly small place.

    Now that bit's easy. Move on. Let go. This is an emotionally unhealthy relationship, regardless of the rights and wrongs of it. Any level of contact is just going to fuck your head up even more.
  19. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    the ones i sent are no longer in sent items in hotmail, and though i have the handwritten version of the first as i wrote it in bed, im not typing it all out, it's 2 sides or there abouts

    it basicly said i needed to be on my own and clear my head, i didn't understand everything about her and found it hard not understanding her. i felt that i had to ask her how she was....i mean, she wasn't open straight away, if she was upset she wouldn't tell me right away. i explained that it i didnt think i could cope with living without her for years, as she lives in ireland we couldnt stay together for years, and it would be hard to visit her (her dad hates me). i really wanted to be there for her physicly to hug her and stuff. i tried to explain how it was me, and that i was sorry....as i am at having to end it, but that i felt i had no choice. i told her that i still had feelings for her, and apologized.

    i then recieved the first email, and i agreed that i was a bastad, as that's how i felt about doing it....i was so scared of losing her as a friend i just begged her to stay in touch, and completely blamed myself and was gentle. i then got the 2nd.

    again i was gentle and apolagetic, and sent her another long email. she then emailed me back and asked why i didnt get mad....and i told her there was no point, and i didnt want to lose her a a friend

    we started emailing back and forth, just simple stuff....she wasnt hatefull, her emails were about 1 line usualy, just asking me why, and telling me she was ending school etc.

    then i got the poem, found out she had lied. gave her links to everything i had found, and put the word why at the bottom. then emailed her again asking for the truth. she told me she was trying to be good for me....then she sent another email....the 3rd (in my opinion) hurtfull one

    but we still sent another couple of emails and such as i really wanted to keep in touch as whatever has happened she is a good person and i would love to keep her as a friend. she then found this, and sent me her last email.

    yes, this is from my point of view. yes, this thing has hurt her. yes, i should of thought what i was doing.

    ever found out you can no longer trust someone you love?
  20. DoktorAtomik

    DoktorAtomik Closed For Business

    Oh fuck yeah! Time and again. Happens to us all, bud. The reason that trust is so special is because we keep giving the gift of it to people despite all the times we've had it broken. If our trust was always deserved, it would be an easy thing to give.

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