Fuck buddy confusing me

Back in March (the 9th) my fuck buddy got mad at me for texting him too late at night. It really was quite ridiculous that he made it into such a big deal. This has happened to a lesser extent one time prior. Is there some secret code that FBs have that I don't know about? We're not allowed to be spontaneous? The text said "driving home" and it was around midnight. The risk was that his "girlfriend" might see the message on his phone. Come on! Put the phone on silent, turn it off, whatever...totally easy fix. Besides that's what FBs do! We send hints of being available for some fun, right?! It was then he thought I was stating "rules" and so he picked a fight about it, and eventually he got so worked up that he ended our fuck buddy arrangement.

As of May 11th, we are back at it. It was inevitable that we would have contact again. We live near each other and sure enough, we ran into each other. Then the texting started, and the flirting, and he had me over last friday. The sex, beer, smoke, music, candles, oil was hot as usual (although I do need to start a separate thread about some ruts). As I was leaving I asked him light-heartedly "so are we fuck buddy's" ....... or "___________" ........ what do we call ourselves. He cut me off, said he didn't know, wasn't going to label us. His reaction was defensive and made me think he knows he isn't making sense.

So what the hell is going through his head? Any of you guys have some insight?

 

From a female perspective, maybe he might be a bit confused himself. However, if you have no 'relationship attraction' just let him txt u or send the odd one off, if he is up for a root you get one, if not find another FB Or finding multiple fuck buddies is fun as well. That way you can get some whenever you want

 

He sounds like a dick

 

If he has a girlfriend, he took your late night random text as an attempt to get him caught by his girl intentionally. I agree with him. He was disturbed by you looking for a label for a casual situation also. It seems obvious what it is since he has a girlfriend... and he is sensing that you are possibly wanting more or wondering if you just want the other chick out of the way and will keep find creative ways to "accidently" make that happen.

 

Sounds like you are dancing the line betweem being a "fuck buddy" and being the "other woman" and he is uncomfortable with it. Time to reevaluate the situation and figure out exactly wht you are going to be. The other woman comforms to the man's schedule, fuck buddies should be 2 way freedom, and if you want a relationship, well that one is pretty self explanitory.

This exactly why my fuck buddies do not have "relationships"

 

I would just walk away. call it a one night stand or a short fling. fucking a guy with a girlfriend is no good. nothing good comes out of it.

very hard to find guys with benefits now. always drama caught up. id stick to a vibrator honestly hahah and just one nighters if you really want some

 

I'm just appalled that nobody seems to think the fact that her fuck buddy has a girlfriend makes any difference. Who cares whether he won't "label" you. You want a label? Pick one:

Tramp

Slut

Whore

Sleazy

How do any of these not apply to you for sleeping around with a guy who's with someone else? You are "the other woman", that's all you're ever going to be if you sleep around with guys in relationships. Hell you should let his girlfriend know, and not through any sly tactics, you need to call that girl up and tell her "Hey just so you know your boyfriend has been fucking me for the last x months, just so you know".

Ridiculous thread,

 

Are we in Free Love? Most all FBs are in relationships. Bad ones at that. Myself included. This guy has to accept that I should get to text when I want. If we leave control issue out of this, then neither of us would be confused. No matter how strongly he comes across, clearly the sex is what he always comes back to. Nevertheless, he confuses me.

 

To make what point? Just to add insult to injury?

Alright, so you don't approve but that suggestion is ridiculous.

 

My take on this is pretty simple....

In ANY type of relationship COMMUNICATION is all-important. The lack of it causes all types of relationships to become strained.

I suggest you look at the option of the two of you meeting up, say over a coffee, to soley communicate your feelings/thoughts to each other and work out a mutually-agreed way forward and if that means agreeing to rules then so be it.

Good luck and I hope you become happier with the relationship you have with this guy

 

yOUUU bBLOW IT /

 

Bingo.
He has a girlfriend, it's obvious what this is.

Whoa, I never would have thought you'd be so judgmental. Your posts are usually so One Love-y.

I too find infidelity revolting, however.

Well, it sounds like you two are perfect for eachother. Maybe you should dump your respective SO's, become a couple so you can cheat on each other with better FBs who won't give you any shit about silly stuff like trying to sabotage their relationship.

Seriously though, you have some things to figure out in your life.
Man, people...

 

The fact that he has a gf is important though. I mean considering he has a gf, u are bound to come across complicated situations, and to misunderstand the confusing signals he might give simply cuz he has to juggle between u and his gf.
I mean what do u expect, he's not free, he lies to his gf and u represent a big risk (just one text from u and his gf might discover he's cheating).
Cheating is basically acting like a giant selfish pig. Your guy is a giant cheating selfish pig. so yeah, u can't expect him to act like a cool comprehensive sex buddy.

 

:rofl:

Why are you in a relationship then? Why do you turn yourself into "a cheater", why stick with the "bad relationship" if you are just fucking random people on the side anyways? The issue here is your head being up your ass. And no, I've never heard that most FBs are in relationships, that is just preposterous to me. It's not FBs that have relationships that are being ruined, it's just people who don't care about cheating like you, who are ruining relationships. Don't kid yourself that most people into casual sex have a "real relationship" as the main thing and just get laid on the side a lot. Those people have a whole different level of issues.

To do the right thing for the one person who is actually getting hurt in all this. Oh boohoo, OP's FB who has a girlfriend won't tell OP "what they are". That's because "what they are" is slimy and underhanded. There's a small chance that his girlfriend is actually not a sleazy little tramp, that she actually might think she has a relationship going on, that she actually might be a decent person who thinks she's found a man to be with. It is her who I feel sorry for here.

True one love. As in, loving the person you are in a relationship with, and being a decent enough human being to have the basic manners not to have a whole other secret life of cheating on them and all this bullshit. So many people take the "one love" philosophy to mean "I can fuck whoever I want, whenever I want, for whatever reason I want", but that is actually called being a child. That is called lacking basic empathy. That is called only caring about yourself and your ego and your genitals at the expense of those who depend on your for uncompromised love. There is nothing "one love" about this thread and I have no problem calling OP out on it.

Like you I am revolted by infidelity. If you're gonna be easy in bed and sleep around a lot, you need to be mature enough about it to realize that this therefore means you cannot be in a relationship, period. And if you find yourself in a bad relationship and sleeping around with other people and starting to worry what you mean to those other people, then it's painfully obvious to everyone except OP that the real issue here is why the hell is she with "her boyfriend" and why is her FB with "his girlfriend"? Other than to be selfish manipulative immature pleasure seekers, trampling on trust and honesty?

This is nothing but head up ass syndrome, brought on by a complete lack of empathy for anyone but themselves, likely induced by society's romantization of mistresses and affairs. I bet OP and her FB both think they are such hot shit for having a girlfriend/boyfriend AND a fuckbuddy. OP probably doesn't realize she is FB #4.

This is why the divorce rate is so high. Immaturity and selfishness.

This is my tough love to OP. Wake up and stop being a tool. The road you are on leads to dehumanization, bitterness, and a lonely future.

 

I used to be revolted, until my husband failed the marriage. We have kids and there's no way we will split up their home. My FB may not have a gf. Honestly, I'm not sure. There's a girl in his life, but not committed or exclusive. He and I only drink beer, talk and laugh about fun topics (sometimes serious), listen to music, smoke, light candles, touch lightly, make out, and have crazy sex. It's like going on vacation there. I've given myself for many years to make a home and be a mother. Now, I have to bring in money too, and handle a load that just isn't fair. This is my way to keep myself distracted from the pressures. Judge all you want. Until you're in a scenario, you never know what you'll do.

 

I think you are being over-the-top self-righteous.

There is a strong possibility that you smash your face falling off a horse this high.

 

When I said One Love-y I just meant non-judgmental etc.

I do agree with the overall sentiment of your posts, I was just surprised at the harshness with which you delivered it.

So let me just make sure I'm getting this straight. You're married, but lately things aren't going so well with your family, so you were forced to actually get a job, and... that justifies your infidelity?

Not only that, but you're married and you are somehow managing to get into a fuss about your fuckbuddy not wanting to define your relationship? Isn't it pretty fucking obvious? What is he gonna say, "Let's be boyfriend girlfriend"?

 

LOL. I was appalled that her FB had a girlfriend! :biggrin: I was about to say that FBs who have girlfriends are not worth having.

 

Apparently the point of my OP was missed. He quit the FB arrangement and then resumed it. That is at the root of my confusion. I don't want anything more than sex from him. What I want perspective about was why the flip flopping. And once I talked about the elephant in the room, why would he evade calling it "fuck buddy" again?

 

Guilt may have caused him to reconsider your arrangement. He could feel bad for cheating on his girl.....and for fucking a married woman.

For me, the whole point of having a fuck buddy is 'no strings attatched.' It seems like you're trying to tie some strings onto the situation and that could make him nervous