frusterated

Hey everyone.

I need some advice on an issue that is becoming more and more a problem. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years now, and we are both virgins. She wants to wait, and I have been, for a long time. But it's becoming very difficult as I look back at my teenage years from 16 to 20. I think of all the experiences I could have had, and could still be having right now. She wants to wait until marriage, the only problem is she doesn't know if or when we'll get married and doesn't seem nearly as frusterated as me. In fact she doesn't at all.

Not only does she not want sex in any form, but we only have fun maybe once or twice a month. I feel like I'm going crazy, I mean after 4 years shouldn't it be natural? I know it is for me. Everynight I see her she just falls asleep or just simply isn't interested.

I don't know what to do, but she doesn't really seem to care that I'm practically miserable. Should I start thinking about finding someone else? We get along perfectly and it doesn't seem smart, but at this point I'm really starting to wonder if we're compatible.

Thanks for listening,
Kyle

 

LOL

Fuck that shit dude. She wants you to wait until marriage, yet, doesn't know when she wants to get married? Your sex life is completely under her control. And once you get married, it'll be even more under her control because if you cheat, she'll divorce you.

I don't think she's worth it. Every guy knows the surest way to ruin your sex life is to get involved in a long-term relationship or to get married. Married couples do not have sex often. She wants to wait until marriage, and then you guys will probably fuck on that night, or within that week. Since she doesn't even seem to care about sex, getting married is no guarantee. If she does take an interest, maybe the first year will be sexual, and then after that it'll just dwindle.

Seriously dude, this is unhealthy for you mentally and emotionally. Ditch the bitch and go find a worthwhile girl. No need to live your life with blue balls.

 

While I can understand waiting until marriage I think it's a bit much to expect someone to wait 4 years; especially with no end in sight.

I assume you have talked to her about this....

Wow.....kind of torn here. I don't think ending a good relationship (except for the sex) is the best course of action. However I think that it is unreasonable to expect someone to continue in a "sexless" relationship that is making them miserable.

Tough call to make, but only you can make it. Try talking to her, maybe set a date (this weekend would make you feel better ) but let her know that you cannot continue with the way things currently are.

Good luck!

 

confuzzled is odviosly confuzzled
whats important in a good relationship after all, just the sex? or the ability to get along
it seems u have a perfect relationship otherwise right?
maybe talk to her tell her that you feel needs that you love her & want to be with her but your honnestly frustrated & just want to be sure where things will be headed in the long run
ask about her sex drive, her \desires & about any past events that maybe changed her attitudes towards sex
if she has low sex drive, or no inteest in sex period explain to her why it feels so urgently important to you, & perhaps shed be ok withyou having another lover or fuck buddy
but that is certainly no reason to destroy or risk what sounds like a perfect relationship otherwise
what u have is soooooo hard to find, while soneone to have sex with who you can barely stand is easy
whts your prorities? sex r a lasting relationship?

i'm actuay in a simular situation..our solution wa simple & sweet, we love eachother the way we can, within her limmites, & were fine with other people in our relationship..theres alotta love to go around, everythings 100% open & honneszt..3 in a bed can be quite cozy..& it completelyremoves that pressure on her that she should be..and any frustration that we couldnt..ofcourse that solutions not for everyone, takes special, open minded & very loving souls
for you tho yu might just wanna perfect masterbation & tryto hold on
& if you really want to marry her & all then why are u waiting to ask?
if you dont why are u withher so long?
ud thing after 4 years u should know if u get along & would want to take that step

 

True, but at least I can navigate a keyboard.

It's unfair, unrealistic, and cruel to expect another human being to continue in a relationship without having sex with them. The OP is obviously miserable with this chick; and why be with someone who makes you miserable? It's been four years. I'm sure they've talked about it enough times. She seems to have an absent sex drive. And he's 20 years old. How many years should he wait? Should he wait until he's older and his sex drive wanes?

Basically, he's wasting some of the best years of his life waiting for some prude who may never be ready. He's already wasted 4 years, and he already has regrets about the past. 16-20 can be an awesome time of sexual exploration. Seriously, the longer a dude waits to become sexually active, the harder it gets to become sexually active, because there are certain social skills that need to be developed. I doubt he's developing those social skills sitting on the toilet rubbing one out while his girlfriend's snoring in the bedroom.

He already regrets it, and that can build into resentment very quickly. Unless she magically grows a labido, which it doesn't seem like she is, and he marries her and spends 10-20-40 years with her... it doesn't seem like he's going to be very satisfied in the bedroom.

A good relationship has compromise and overal satisfaction in all areas. Leave one area out and you have problems.

What is this relationship anyway? 4 years and no sex? That just sounds like close friends to me. I wouldn't even consider it a relationship.

If she's so prude as to wait for marriage, then I doubt she'll let him have a fuckbuddy. Also, she may even be one of those hardcore Christian types, and she won't allow a fuckbuddy in that case, either. It's worth a shot, but I doubt it. And it may drive her away.

Sex should go hand in hand with a lasting relationship.

Sad. Why should he live under her sexual tyranny?

Um. Okay, here's how it breaks down: She's waiting until marriage to have sex. And she doens't wanna get married. Get the hint?

PS - You don't have to be submissive to females, boringeagle.

 

try it with a keyboard with every key worn blank & lets see how u do
but thats the typical responce of the increative or someone with not much inteligent to say
now on to something less idiotic

its unrealistic & cruel to respect ypur girlfreinds values & wishes? where did he say hes miserable? are you the one miserable confuzzled? he seems quite happy in this relationship, just frustrated about the lack of sex, understandable sure but in no way insurmountable... a good woman, one you can love & relate to, should be wotrth waitting 5, 10, 15 years..if she maters to you
sex drives dont wane hes 20 & i'm 40 & i guarantee mines just as strong as his if not more so
nowhere did he claimto be miserable in this relationship, that you projected on him..are youmiserable in life?

again reading alot into it he loves her odviosly, wants to be withher so how exactly is he wasting anything? he maybe not sexualy satisfied but would he be emotionaly satisfied to go fuck 100 strangers? sexual exploration is not everything, & can begin at any time 20 is certainly not to late, neither is 25-30
did he ever say he wanted other women? or was just saying hes frustrated & wishes he could have sex
&how can you disrespect every person who chooses to wait for marriage?
if thats theyre choice, that is a special choicem by a special person whos not willing to spread her legs for every moron like you unwilling to look past the end of his own dick
aftr all relationships take 2 people, not 1 dick
& her feelings are just as important as your dicks (sorry about the dick refferences but without them i doubt youd understand since uthink withyours)

he regrets it? he regrets not having sex now, but, will he regret it the 1st night he does? i doubt it

leave out respecting her wishes her choices ...conciderig her human, not just as u state dumb bitch pride..waste...yup you made a point there...but odviosly your kinda selfish so younever concidered anything she might want

that sounds like the building blocks to thousands of happy marriages
how many marriages that waited tillthey wrre married lasted 60-70+ years? lots
im not saying they cant without that but i do believe it has helped build some amazing lasting relationships
the only question is

is she the girl u want to lose yours with? would losing it with another be as meanningful?

again you assume that personal values, not wanting to just have sex with anyone means shell never be sexual withhim? you assume ahell of alot
i said sthe fuck budy, or poly type thing takes a special type i wasnt suggesting it really but maybe anoption if shes openminded..what he really needs todo is just communicate his needs & understand and respect her choices..& decide if shes worth waiting for, or if meanningless sex could ever replace what hed lose withher
you dude have a very limmited view & probably have never had a meanningful relationship inyour life
& payin a hooker to blow u dont count

in cases whdre both are previosly sexualy active and interested yes thats true but in cases where thats not the cae, the most meaningful longest lastig relationships are ones where there was resect & they waited as long as it tpook for just the perfect momment

sexualy tyrany as in give it up or get lost?
they are both virgins is it sexual tyrany to not be ready?
its sexual tyrany only to demand what shes not willig to give
you sir again made my point & you are the tyrant
relationships take understanding, you only are offering demands restrictions & the whole my way or the highway attitude..the notionthat if shes not willin to get on her knees & bow to your dicks wishes shes worthless as a person to spend time with

shes not sure shes ready just yet..so what? sperm have no expiration date neither do passions
& theyre 20 why is it important tobe married next week?

or an asshole either
but it seems youve been hurt by a few or just never lerned to respect them
even the wayyou talk about them its odvios that you see them as less thenhuman, less important then your all important dick
if they aint puttin out theyre worthless? isthat how limmited your mentalityis?
man i pity you

 

I can type with my eyes shut, so worn keys wouldn't be a problem. Also, you insulted me, so I insulted you. I guess that makes you " uncreative with not much inteligent to say".

No. It's unrealistic and cruel of anyone to expect their partner to not have sex with them for four years. He can respect her values and wishes even if he breaks up with her.

He has a value and a wish: sexuality. She doesn't seem to be respecting that.

Right here: "
I don't know what to do, but she doesn't really seem to care that I'm practically miserable."

Thanks.

He says they only "have fun once or twice a month". It doesn't seem like a very exciting or fulfilling relationship for him. It lacks fun, and it lacks sex. He feels like he's "going crazy". Doesn't sound like he's enjoying it, other than the fact that they "get along perfectly". You can "get along perfectly" with someone and still have an unfulfilling relationship with them.

What a waste of a life. Waiting 15 years for her whim to change. If he has that kind of love and fortitude, then that's admirable, though foolish.

Yes he did. Learn to read. Thanks.

You're jumping from extremes. You're acting like a person has to sacrafice emotional satisfaction for sexual satisfaction, and vice versa. No, no one should have to sacrafice either one. He can leave her, and find someone that can give him both emotional and physical fulfillment.

If you go through life with no sexual fulfillment, that is a waste. If you go through life with no emotional fulfillment, that is also a waste. He deserves both and he should go and find it.

If he "wants to be with her" would he be considering finding someone else? I don't think so.

It sounds like he regrets waiting four years. Imagine how he'll feel in 5-10 years? I doubt very good.

He's starting to wonder if they're compatible, and whether or not he should go find someone else. He definitely seems open to the possibility of breaking up with her and meeting a different chick.

I don't disrespect them. It's their choice, and it's admirable I suppose, though I find it foolish. If two people wish to wait until marriage, then let them. However, this is not the case here. We have one person wanting to wait until marriage, and the other person not wanting to wait untl marriage. Just as it would be unfair and sick of him to force her to have sex, it is unfair and sick of her to force him to be a virgin.

So he should just go find someone else he is more compatible with. There's a whole sea of open, sexual women out there, many of which desire and wish for long-term, emotionally fulflling relationships. There is no reason he should be forced to wait when he could easily go out and find what he needs.

After four years, I doubt having sex with her boyfriend would be "spreading her legs for every moron." But nice insult. You don't really know me. Unable to look past the end of his own dick, eh? Have you read anything else I've posted? I strongly desire a long-term, emotionally fulfilling relationship.

Know before you talk.

Of course I think with my dick. Any man should. And I also think with my heart, and my brain. It's pretty moronic to assume that just because I won't let another person hold sexual tyranny over me, or sexually repress me, and that I am an open and pro-sex person, that I only think with my dick.

Of course he probably won't regret the first time he has sex. He wants to have sex. This retort makes little sense on your part. If he regrets waiting four years, logic presumes that he will regret waiting 10 more years.

He has respected her wishes and choices, for four years. Now I think it's her turn. I am considering what she wants. I'm not telling him to force the issue or make her sleep with him before sex. I'm simply telling him to find someone else. He finds someone else, he's happy, and she gets to stay a virgin until the time she chooses to marry.

It's not "selfish" to respect yourself and seek to have your desires fulfilled. It's healthy.

How many marriages didn't wait and lasted for a long time? Lot's. You really have no point here. You could probably come up of examples of happy marriages who waited, and I could come up with examples of happy marriages that didn't. For a feminized man, you certainly have some pretty old-fashioned views.

I'm not assuming anything. I'm going by what he says. He's frustrated. She appears not to be. It appears to have no effect on her to wait. She must not have a very high sex drive, or even a moderate sex drive, to never be frustrated. In four years without sex you think someone would be frustrated. Perhaps she has no labido to speak of?

LOL Don't be so mad just because you're losing the argument.

He seems pretty ready to me!

It's sexual tyranny for her to demand what he's not willing to give: Celibacy.

I'm not demanding any restrictions. I'm proposing a full relationship, not half of a relationship. Not a relationship where someone is unfulfilled. If she wants to wait until marriage, let her. This person is obviously not satisfied with his relationship to her, and I don't think he should continue.

I never said they couldn't be friends, now could I? What I'm saying is that she doesn't satisfy him, so he should find someone who should. He obviously doesn't vibe with the situation otherwise he wouldn't be posting about it talking about how miserable he is.

Okay, you don't get the hint, so let me spell it out to you:
She wants to wait until marriage to have sex. (A)
She does not want to get married. (B)
Henceforth, she does not want to have sex (A) because she does not want to get married (B) and sex (A) is dependant upon marriage (B).

I found the more you "respected" women, the less they want you and the more they take from you without giving back. Also, I no longer play the usual game of "give the woman everything she wants because that is 'respectful'". This person, and any man (or woman for that matter) needs to respect themselves first.

If you want sex, and a woman is not putting out, time to just move on. If you want emotional fulfilling, and you're not getting it, time to move on. If you want both, and you're not getting it, time to move on. Simple as that. Sorry your brain can't comprehend the two going hand in hand.

 

Okay back to topic.

kmarcher, the choice is ultimately your's. You can choose to wait, but that is no guarntee that you will have an active or fulfilling sex life with this woman. Waiting until marriage is also no promise that it will be a long or happy marriage, either. It sounds like you are already unhappy with the relationship.

So she's not frustrated and doesn't want sex in any form. That sounds like she has no labido. Did something happen to her as a child to do this, or, is she just that way naturally? If so, she might not be worth pursuing. Getting married won't change an inactive labido.

See, a relationship has two components. Sexuality, and emotional fulfillment. And the sexuality part... that deals a lot with emotions, as well. Sex can be a very emotional thing. In fact, if it isn't, then I see very little point in it. It's like a yin-yang. In a relationship, you have the yin (emotion) and the yang (sex). You have to have both. With emotions, also comes sex, and with sex, also comes emotions. So there's a yinyang compenent to each half of the yinyang itself.

You need to find the balance. Right now you don't have that balance. And being in this relationship seems to be unbalancing you further; frustration, you feel like you're going crazy, you're practically miserable. Is she worth all that?

You guys only "have fun" once or twice a month? That's not good at all. When you're with someone, you should try to make every day fun. You guys might get along famously, but that's no guarentee to a good relationship, or a satisfying sex life with her (even after marriage). It sounds like you guys would be better off as friends.

What it all boils down to is: It's your life, and your choice, so ultimately, no matter how much you love her, you come first. You have to. There's no way around it. She comes first in her life, and you come first in your life. You have to respect yourself before you can respect someone else.

There's the chance that waiting will become one of those super fantastic great marriages, like boringeagle pointed out.
There's also the chance that getting married will only ensure you more misery, and I can point out a few examples of men who are unhappy in their relationships because their girlfriend/wife controls the bedroom.

If you really want to get her in bed, I have only this advice. What you have to figure out is her ends value. "Waiting until marriage" is her means. You have to figure out what the ends value is; that is, what it does for her emotionally (or what the idea of it would do for her emotionally, since I assume she has never married). Is it the sense of security she gets? Feeling like she's loved? You have to figure out what it "does" for her, and then make her feel those things, and make her associate those feelings with you. Find out what other things make her feel similar feelings, and do those things. It's fairly simple. I'll use an example from my own life. Say a chick says "she wants to be with a tall man." (I'm only 5'4"). Figure out why does she want a tall man? That's her means. A tall man. What does a tall man do for her, emotionally? It makes her feel protected and safe. By making her associate feelings of protection and safety with you, it won't matter if you're a midget, she will sleep with you. It works the same way with men; I like older women, cuz they make me feel safer and more secure. It's much easier for me to pursue an older woman more confidently than a woman my own age, and it's rare that I turn down an approach from an older woman.

 

Lol it would be funny if you waited and waited until you were both 40, then she decides she doesnt want to marry you lol

 

sounds like she has little to no libido. i guess the question is, are you willing to put up with no sex to be with her? just because youve sunk 4 years into the relationship doesnt mean you cant move on, just means itll hurt like a sonofabitch when yall break up.

personally i subscribe to the theory that you should test drive a car before you buy it, just as you should ensure that youre sexually comaptible with someone before you marry them. but thats just me and my values. i sure as hel couldnt go 4 years without sex, i would go fucking insane. even when my sex drive was at its lowest i felt really horrible about not wanting to fuck my bf and we, well, hands were fun. and i knew that there was an end soonish, just didnt know exactly when.

i also happen to think its BS that she wants to wait til marriage but doesnt want to give you even a vague timeline of when thatll happen. after you two do get married, sex is gonna be like a once every two months kind of affair. and oral or anal? nuh uh.

 

Ok, let me clear some things up here.


Confuzzled and Soaringeage, your voices are very similar to two in my own head. I am constantly debating in my head.

A bit about her; sometimes she can be a vixen, and it's amazing. It's like once in a great while when all the stars align properly she's horny as hell. But it's very rare. Also a point to note is that both of us live at home. Her parents are crazy puritanical Christians and would flip if they found out she had sex before marriage. So her house is out. Plus there's obviously that pressure from them and she really tries to respect them.

I live in a condo. With my mom. Not very sexually exciting. And she says that alot, "do you really think this place makes turns me on?" I totally understand that.

I've suggested a hotel but she doesn't think the whole things worth it, her parents might find out, it's expensive, etc.

But it all comes down to this. If she really had the desire, as I do, wouldn't she be willing to find a way? I mean were not talking like she's saying no to one night on inconvientient sex, it's been 4 years.

She's not religious exactly, but I think (as she's been raised Christian) that alot of those beliefs have really weighed heavy on how she thinks. She beliefs it's immoral to have sex before marriage. I say quite the opposite. If two people feel such immense love for eachother (after 4 years) , why is expressing it "unGodly?"

I have got her through depression, anxiety, and low self esteem. We've been through a Hell of a lot. I've talked to her about marriage, a chance to escape her parents, to move in alone together and be free. She thinks it's sweet but she feels she's not ready and would like to live in a dorm first. (She's 20 as well.) Problem is that might be another 3 or 4 years.

I'm not completely miserable in this relationship. When we go out together and spend the day together it's a feeling I cannot describe, and the longer we're together the stronger it gets. But when it comes to sexuallity I need a change. When I tell her I would like some kind of assurance as to marriage she freaks out and says im pressuring her. I wish I didn't feel pressure, but I do, and I don't want to push it on her, but something needs to change.

Maybe I just need to get her drunk everynight. Haha. That usually works, actually.

 

Well, if you decide to stay with her and marry her, that is probably how it will be for the rest of your life.

Once in a great while when the stars align properly, she'll be horny. Does that mean you'll have sex? Maybe, maybe not. Judging from what you said below, she seems aweful picky about sex.

So she's living under mommy and daddy's thumb and tyrannical moral values, huh? That really sucks. You should tell them that according to the Bible, when Jesus came to Earth, he basically nullified the entire Old Testament. So sex before marriage is okay now, and so is murder. You can do whatever you want. The whole point is to accept Jesus and your saved. Found your loophole.

Either she's really picky (sucks) or she's just making excuses not to because she doesn't want to (sucks and she's being dishonest). I lost my virginity is my mom's house while she asleep downstairs. Didn't seem to bother the girl I was with.

Yes. There's no reason you two can't rent a cheap motel room for a night and have all the fun you want; or just for a few hours. She doesn't think it's worth it? $40 bucks for a room and you get to have SEX? Wow. Sex must hold a really, really low value for her. Think on that.

After 4 years, I'm sure opportunities have arisen plenty of times. It sounds like all she has is a bunch of excuses and defenses. What the fuck is she doing dating outside of her faith... does she really expect to find a 'normal' guy who will put up with that bullshit?

Wow. Looks like she's getting all the benefits out of this relationship, but none of the obligations. Sounds like maybe she's using you; at least subconsciously. Dude honestly if she was "in love with you" and had a normal labido, she'd be all over you, or at least frustrated as hell and want to get married right away.

No you are not pressuring her. And so what if you are? She's not a daisy, or a lilly flower. She's a human being, and just because she has a pussy between her legs doens't mean you need to pamper her and cater to her "feelings" all the time. Just be upfront. "Yes, I'm pressuring you. Do you not what pressure I've been under for four years?"

If she wants to pull that emotional manipulation bullshit, just walk away. Don't talk to her for a few days. Tell her you need "space". When she wants to hang out with you, say "stop pressuring me!".

Yes. If you try to push it on her, she'll cry "my feelings, my feelings, me me me, mine is the only perspective that matters. How dare you force me to do something I don't want, even though I force you into celibacy that you don't want. wa wa wa" and if you try to talk about your feelings, and what you want, you'll be seen as selfish and only thinking with your dick.

I don't know. Maybe I'm infering to much. But I definately don't think she's worth it dude. Not at all.

(PS Don't listen to boringeagle. I've met the dude at gatherings. He lets women walk all over him. He's totally feminized.)

 

cunfuzzled let me spell it out for you you simpleton ass
a: she wants to wait till marriage to have sex b: shes 20, not ready to be arried yet c: wants to be absolutely sure shes marrying the right guy she will be with the rest of her life, d: shes a one man woman, & only wants to sleep with her true love e: shes waiting just to be sure he is worthy of that honnor f:maybe hes not worthy if hes willing to give up a truly dedicated loyal woman for someone easier to get some from g: odviosly then she made the right choice in waiting if hes not the right one..h: the right one would be the 1 who respects her choivces, & is willing to wait

how the hell can you assume what theyre sex life will be like a few years down the road based on how it is when theyre virgins?
brilliant
]
1 of my best freinds throughout high school choose to wait till she found her perfect man, shed had a few relationships with less then perfect guys, but then found a great guy, who waited, they were 28 when they got married & lost theyre virginity to eachother
from day 1 they had an amazing beautiful & meanningful sex life, never regretted theyre choices, & are very happy to this day..everyone gets a but frustrated at times, but a good relationship, with real potential is worth keeping, even if there are ussues klike low libido..but i dont think that is the case here, i dont think shes not interested in sex, just, its not more important to her then a lasting relationship & making sure that the 1 she loses her virginity to is the 1 who truly desserves it
to some people sex is sex, a fun pastime..to others its a sacred bond, not to be taken lightly...if he cant respect that he doesnt desserve to share in that bond...
keeping any relationship together..and happy for 4 years isnt easy, odviosly they have something good..he needs to decide if its wotrth it to him to have a good loving relationship, or..have sex..he could leave her today, have years of crazy sex, but may never ever in hus life find another relationship that matters...
your sollution is only leave ber & go get fucked..brilliant..but simply communicating with her, seeking to understand eachothers desires, needs, & reasons for feeling that way is the only way to reach an understanding, possibly a compromise, or at least a respect for eachothers views..
i can tell you that me personaly, if i fell in love with a virgin who wanted to wait, i would respect that, without question withoput pressure & with respect. ofcorse id be horny & frustratedat times, but why does that matter? love is the important..the only important part of a relationship.. good sex is just a great side benifit..if its there..

i find this so offensive, your basing this girls worth as a human on her sex drive?
i have been blessed with 2 amazing women in my life, 1 of which has a low libido, but is the single most amazing person i ever met, & i love her so much, id spend my lifewith her even if it meant sex was nolonger an option, however thats not the case since we have another equaly amazing woman with a perfectly normal sex drive..& im blessed to have them both, but they both know that id be perfectly happy with either..because we share such a deep love & respect.. that love & respect is all that matters.. sex is just a fringe benifit, & it comes freely with trust..
perhaps his girl would be more willing to concider changin g her values if she felt more trust? if he wasnt concidering seeing someone else just cause hes horny? if he wants sex then he needs to communicate that to her, & if shes not ready she'kll communicate that to him, & they can find common ground to understand eachother, & when the momment is right, not a day before, they can have the amazing sex they waitted for all those years..

i have been sexualy active many many years, had experiences that would vblow your mind, and i'll tell you that even with a very very high libido, i chose to wait, 4 long years now myself, for a relationship worth having amazing sex in...& believe me, every momment was worth the frustration
right now, i could easily have sex with any one of 30 or 40 beautiful sexy wonderful girls..easily..but why would i..when the ones i have mean so much, are so perfect, they are worth waitting a lifetime for

which makes more sence..i love you & respect you but gotta admit im horny & frustrated..or..i love ya but sorry im horny soim gonna fuck your sister instead..sex or love.. to me thats an easy choivce, if theres love sex will come along in time unless theres a severe issue, but if u choose sex over love, theres no guarantee you will ever find love again
while sex ya can get relatively easy anywhere..love is far harder to find

 

Yawn. Your insults are making it hard to take your argument seriously, sorry.

He's already told you what their sex life will be in a few years: She has almost no sex drive.

Great. My friend's parents waited. And they're divorced now. All the examples in the world don't mean shit, cuz there's good and bad examples for any path you choose. Sorry, but your story doesn't lend credence to your argument.

Yea. People get frustrated when they don't get laid for a few weeks. Heck, even a month or two. But it's been four years. Please, don't try to water down the facts. It's been four years, and he's had enough.

She has no sex drive, or at least almost none. Reread his post. It seems you have trouble getting it the first time.

This is why I'm telling the OP not to listen to you. You act as if he can only choose one or the other. Why can't he have a good loving relationship WITH sex? That exists, doesn't it? I would hope in your worldview, it does. Also, he's only 20 years old. He can live to be 90. Who knows who he'll meet during those 70 years. Also, he could die tomorrow. Do you think he wants to die a virgin?

Sigh. No idiot. My solution is to go find someone who fulfills his needs for an emotional and sexual relationship. Learn to read.

He can still respect her views and wishes and break up with her. So far, all I see is you telling him to be a victim of her emotional and sexual tyranny; to her "feelings", and her "reasons".

There can be no compromise here. It is an either or. They can't meet halfway here. Either they have sex, or they don't.

The only other solutions are for him to either 1) accept a sexless life 2) she lets him have sex with other people 3) he finds someone who can give him what he needs

I doubt number 2 will happen, number 1 sucks and it's like being pussy whipped but without the pussy, and number 3 is the only reasonable solution I see.

No. I'm basing the worth of the relationship on two things:
Emotional fulfillment.
Sexual fulfillment.

You need both, as your story below will further confirm for me.

Your story is moot and pointless. You are in a relationship (albiet with 3 people) that grants you emotional, and sexual fulfillment. Were you lacking one or the other, you would be able to speak on this subject, but since you have both, you are just strengthening my point that a healthy relationship needs:
emotional fulfillment.
sexual fulfillment.

Just because you are willing to sacrafice your sex life to be with a woman (*coughmanbitchcough*) doesn't mean every other man in the world should, too.

She's been with the dude four years. If she didn't trust him completely, would they have lasted this long?

Maybe he's not "just horny". Maybe sex for him is an emotionally charged concept, and he desires the closeness and intimacy of it, and not just busting a not in a warm oriface? Ever think of that?

You are very close minded.

Um duh that's what he just said. He's talked to her about it, and she cries that he's pressuring her. She has communicated that she is not ready.

What common ground. He wants to have sex, she doesn't. There is no inbetween.

Dude, don't lie and boast online to make yourself feel better. I've met you at gatherings. You are not exactly a "ladies man", if you know what I mean.

Also, the number of women available to you, how long you've been sexually active, the number of women under your belt, etc, etc, have nothing to do with the topic at hand nor your authority on the subject.

lol You're a riot, boringeagle. Again, he can have sex AND love, somewhere else. He doesn't have to sit in limbo waiting for a girl that may never be ready.

 

I hate to say it because you have so much involved here but I would move on. For one, if she hasn't wanted sex for 4 years then she is definately not that interested in sex. Secondly, I could never marry someone without knowing if we are sexually compatable.

 

you two have very different needs and wants, and plans for the future. dorm life, after 4 years of being with you? fuckit, i vote you break up, take somet time to tend to yourself, then find a new girl whose wants and needs better match up with your own

 

Yea this girl just sounds selfish and uninvolved.

 

I vote for break up, it's not about her moral belefs here, she is just beeing unconsiderent and selfish.

 

Maybe it is about her moral beliefs. You don't know that, nor does anyone else here except the OP. I have known several people that hold off on sex for longer than 4 years because of their beliefs. A good friend of mine started dating her husband when she was a freshman in high school, and they didn't get married until after he got out of the college. They were both virgins when they married 7 years after they started dating. They are happily married 14 years later. They have been together 21 years! How many people here can say the same? I can't.

I understand sex is important, and all that, but to assume she is just being inconsiderate and selfish is narrow minded because it could just as easily be said he is being selfish and inconsiderate by not respecting her moral and religious beliefs.

Granted, my beliefs are that 4 years is a bit much to wait. However that is MY opinion/belief and not something I would force on someone I love to agree with. The question is "did he know that she wanted to wait until marriage to have sex?" Which apparently he did. What he didn't know was that 1.) she wasn't kidding, and 2.) it is going to take longer than he wants to wait.

The options here are simple: leave her or accept that she is not ready to have sex yet.

The terms of their relationship seems to have remained intact; no sex until marriage. Now he posts on a public forum and people are trashing his girlfriend because of her beliefs. What the hell? She is allowed to have them! Just as he is allowed to leave because he wants to get laid.

 

My opinion that she is slefish an inconsiderate is based on her boyfriend's explenation of their relationship.
1) it's not her beliefs it's her parents belefs (he once mentioned that she isn't that religous anyway)

2) she doesn't do anythig to comfort him and to help him with the frustration he is developing or the sacriface he is doing for her belielfs

3) she doesn't gives him any guarantee about the question of marriage, and tells him that she wants to live in a dorm in near future, so in my opinon she doesn't take this relationsip too seriously and she is looking foward to have lots of fun in her life, be free some way (the dorm?)