I just looked through the forums archives, through my old posts... and it kinda shocked me!! I was so fucking different in 2001 and 2002, but I mean I don't even remember being like that! Like acting all hippy and stuff, it was so CRAZY I can't beleive how stupid it was. Okay, it could be cute, but, shit, I was 16 years old! I guess I was really living in some kind of fantasy world at the time. In 2003, I think my posts were WAY too long, I never write so much anymore (well, at least not over the forums). Most of my threads were posted over the French & Europe forums, now I hardly post there anymore, now I have PIW... And I found a thread were I was totally fighting with antithesis, and I love her now, I wouldn't have remembered this if I hadn't found it! It made me kinda nostalgic, because I miss a lot of the people who I used to see around here. Also the whole old forums atmosphere... and all that... It also made me ashamed of some of my posts and threads that were so stupid, childish and so not me anymore or at least, not like that... I don't know, I just feel so different, but not different at all at the same time. I just feel like I'm so me now, I don't put on an act to be like what I'm into, if you know what I mean. I changed little by little, but at first it was truly horrible... ugh... And it was so weird to read posts from when Nick and I didn't even know each other! Wow... lol Oh my God, and he was so incredily popular over the forums at the time... we read his old posts together too (wiufcaoltp's) and we had a good laugh. Anyways, this just shows that... we human beings don't stop evolving (by that I don't mean we become better, but we become new...)
I miss the old forums/chat atmosphere as well. I agree with what you are saying in regards to personal growth. I often find myself looking over old journals, school papers, etc. and pointing out the varying degree of change over the years.
i always felt weird when i look back at my amateur work (whatever subject matter that may be) - like my writing from high school, or my web page design. It's like I think "I used to suck big time" hehe I know what you mean. All I can say is keep evolving into that future Penny and follow that path that you have molded for yourself
