Freaking out a little too early.

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by moon_flower, Apr 26, 2007.

  1. moon_flower

    moon_flower Banned

    So, yesterday I was watching Alexis sleep. I started thinking about her growing up and going to school and got really depressed. The kids I went to school with really made fun of me and gave me a hard time because I was poor. I didn't have too many friends in grade school and middle school because I didn't have nice things. I mean, we were poor....there were times I remember we didn't have running water in our home because we couldn't afford it.
    Then I got to thinking....the same people I went to school with....Alexis will go to school with their kids who will probably think they're just as good as their parents thought they were. I literally broke down in tears because I hate to think that ANYONE will say anything hurtful to my baby or be mean to her. She's just so freaking precious and I hate that people are hateful to anyone less fortunate. No one here is like....upper class, maybe 30% have a good bit of money. But, we shopped at the Dollar Store and got free lunch....other kids really put me down because of that.
    WHY am I worrying about this now? Is it too early....am I freaking out over nothing? I really should get a hobby....
     
  2. HippyFreek

    HippyFreek Vintage Member

    Those moments of freak out (which I get too) are good. They help to focus your parenting, to help you remember how you want her not to be, how you want to help her learn to not respond like you did.

    Basically, those moments of freak out help me to remember WHY I parent as I do, daily. :)
     
  3. barefoot_kirstyn

    barefoot_kirstyn belly flop

    We all do it. I was really teased like hell when I was a kid, too. Infact, I'm in kinda the same position as you, where Leane will end up in the same schools as I went to with the kids of the parents that made my life hell. Well, living where I do is just horrible in general. I mean, from an outside view, we're the perfect little bedroom community. You get in here, and there is nothing but cliques and mean people. Hell, one day in school I was attempting to answer a question in my social class when I was in jr high and this one bitch says from across the room, "uh, you're too ugly to have an opinion." The class laughed and the teahcer kept talkin. The same girl a few months later came up to me while I wasn't feeling too great and said, "you're such a freak, you're so lucky that I let you live. It I wouldn't go to jail, I would kill you right now cuz your that ugly and you piss me off that much." I didn't even know this chick. She just told me one day that she hated me because of the clothes I wear.
    I have never forgotten that. My friends.....well, so-called friends were the same way. And it scared the living shit out of me that Leane is going to be confronted with this shit when she goes to school. In my opinion, school should be a good expierience for kids; learning how to make friends, play games, and just learn in general. I would wake up in the morning and be scared shitless about what was going to happen to me that day.
    The only thing I can say is teach her a good sense of self, confidence, and respect. She is not always going to recieve it in return, but as long as she feels confident with herself and her home, it'll help a ton. I didn't have that, and I really know that it would have helped. :)
     
  4. IvoryVision

    IvoryVision Member

    Why don't you girls think about homeschooling? Yes, it takes a lot of work, and a lot of sacrfice, but so does seeing your kids get shuffled around an abusive system. You have the option to spare them that. If you feel like there is any chance that your child would be neglected or abused in a public school, you should be looking at other alternatives. Homeschooling is the less expensive route, but more time intensive. You could always look into private school... They cost a lot, but you get to be very choosy about the environment your child gets to learn in.

    Either way, there are many ways to keep your precious kids from being exposed to the hate and insecurity they will most definitely have to face in public school. It's just as bad for the "popular kids" mind you... They have to manage to stay in those cliques. Public school is no good, all around. Not only is it a place where unmindful parents(not saying you are, some parents just have to, mine did) stick their bratty kids so they can go aobut their own lives, but so often the schools are sub-par, with under paid under educated teachers who are just as unfeeling as the kids they teach. Of course, you will find your gems in a public school, both kids and teachers, but they sure have a hard time shining among all the garbage... That is if they don't get buried.

    It's absolutely NOT too early to worry, and be upset for your daughter, MoonFlower. She's your baby! :) Let that worry blossom into determination, and she'll be so much better off, and you'll feel better too.
     
  5. jgirl

    jgirl Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    It breaks my heart when I think of my kids having to grow up and deal with the meanness of life. At the moment, it is nice because I am their only influence since I am with them 24 hours a day. But I plan on sending them to public school, so soon my son will begin to experience these things. I hate to think of his little positive, innocent demeanor will be tarnished. But it is part of life, we can't protect them forever. I got very depressed about things, especially the heartache I know they will feel, recently and I wrote this to my baby girl.



    Baby Girl



    Look in your sweet eyes
    All so new, so amazing
    My heart breaks
    As I know that yours will one day too.


    Baby girl, be smarter than me.
    Be careful with your heart.
    Stay free in your soul,
    May you never feel the pain I have felt.


    And when he says he loves you,
    And says he'll make you happy,
    Remember you must think of yourself first
    And stand on your own, even in love.
     
  6. Zadria

    Zadria Member

    My son Baron who just turned 13 last month.

    He has to go through similar crap in his Middle School (Jr. High) He has been teased for his clothes longish hair, for having a "funny accent" and the fact he does not cling to any sort of clique.

    It often gets to him but he often reassured himself school is not forever and will often say "you know what I feel sorry for them, I don't thing they will have many friends in life when the get older!" Gotta love em!!!! So proud I am.
     
  7. Haid

    Haid Member

    We can't shelter our kids from the world they get there soon or a latter no matter what you do. Will she get made fun of? I would almost guarantee it just like almost every child. She will be sad and then learn to press on just like everyone else. Its all part of growing up and makes us stronger in the end. That being said, I try to teach my daughters to stand up for themselves so they don't get trapped in a cycle of being picked on. My oldest is in kindergarten and there was one girl pushing her down all the time. I told her to not let anyone step all over you and she should push back. So the next day she tells me she did and no more problems for a couple months now. You have to prepare your kids to deal with the mean people in life becuase its an important lesson.
     
  8. HippyFreek

    HippyFreek Vintage Member

    Moire will be homeschooled, but not so I can protect her from bullies. I don't agree with the politics of public school and I feel they do a great disservice to the creative minds of children. Some public schools are even getting rid of recess, and no recess seems to be very long, even for kindergarteners. So my reasons for homeschooling deal more with politics than bullies.

    My thoughts about bullies are directing my parenting by reminding me to help M know who she is early. So she remembers that NO person has the right to tear her down like I was torn down. If I saw her bullied, no doubt I'd have to fight the urge to protect her, but as I do with the children I watch now, I'd give her every unguided opportunity to stand up for herself. :)
     
  9. Dakota's Mom

    Dakota's Mom Senior Member

    Like Hippiefreak said, homeschooling is not about protecting your child from society. Part of it is just letting them be children for a bit longer. We push kids to grow up way to fast these days. Kindergarteners come home with homework. What's that all about? I want my child to be a child and to learn and to grow and not have to deal with abusive situations before he has to.

    That being said, he has been in day care situations where he has had his arm broken in two places and he has been told, "I can't play with you because you're not white." and he has been called the "N" word. All this before he's even five years old. Yes I have to prepare him to deal with mean people, but I don't have to let his little heart be abused so early. There's enough time for that later.

    Kathi
     
  10. moon_flower

    moon_flower Banned

    I don't want her to grow up and resent me because she was homeschooled, but I definitely WANT to do that.
    Do you have to have a teaching degree or anything to homeschool? Do homeschool children meet the same criteria as public school kids as far as what they need for college?
     
  11. jgirl

    jgirl Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    There is no way I could homeschool. Flat out, I'm not qualified. I am too much of a softy with Mavi and feel that he would thrive so much more if I were not there. And honestly, I want a break. I can't wait for him to go to school! If I had money, I'd start sending him now. I don't think it would be good for either of us to keep him home all the time, we'd both be very frustrated, we already are now even with countless activities together. He also has problems with listening to other people, so he really needs to have to deal with that.

    Hats off to those of you that can do it, but it isn't for us. I also feel that after 4 years of being home, I want to go to work, I'm so ready. Amazing how things change, I didn't feel like this even a year ago. I thought I'd just want to be home with them forever.
     
  12. IvoryVision

    IvoryVision Member

    I agree with the other moms here, HippyFreak and Dakota's Mom especially. I DO believe, personally, that homeschooling is a great option if you want your kids to avoid exposure to unnecessary hate and violence. when Dakota's Mom said that it's a way to let them be kids longer, that's right along my path of thinking. Kids learn through osmosis, and if you put your child into a hateful environment, they will learn hate... So, I suppose in a way, I do advocate protecting your child from "society", up to a point. HippyFreak says she'll give her child every chance to learn to stick up for herself, and I agree with that. Children need to learn how to interact, even with people who may not be friendly or positive. I think homeschooling offers each parent a good chance to give their child the much needed time to learn confidence and self esteem. I'm not advocating isolating your child, only giving them a safe buffer between their innocence and a world that is becoming very unfriendly.

    To answer your question, MoonFlower, you absolutely do NOT need to be formally educated to homeschool your daughter. Laws vary from state to state, but I don't think a single one requires that the homeschooling parent to have a degree of any kind. You don't need to be "qualified" but you do need to be determined. It can be hard to stick with it.

    I don't think she'll resent you... Some kids, do, some kids don't... It all boils down to your parenting style. Don't box her in, and give her plenty of opportunities to get out and experience life. A very good friend of mine homeschooled all of hr kids, who eventually chose on their own to go to public school for junior high and high school. They made the choice to go to public school for their own reasons, but were always thankful for what their mom did for them in the beginning. They are some of the smartest, most interesting and well rounded kids I know. Each one went into public school grades ahead of their age group and she didn't have a bit of training whatsoever.

    And when it comes to college, again the laws differ in each state, but in most cases I believe they just need to take the same standardized test as the kids leaving high scool, the SAT's or whatever. Or they can get their GED as it's legally the same as a diploma.

    Here is a link that does a great job of explaining requirements and laws in all the states.

    http://www.hslda.org/laws/
     
  13. Dakota's Mom

    Dakota's Mom Senior Member


    Colleges are beginning to recruit homeschooled kids. They say that the homeschooled kids are more prepared to do the research and self-study that college requires. Harvard and Yale particularly want homeschooled kids.

    Kathi
     
  14. Dakota's Mom

    Dakota's Mom Senior Member

    I totally agree that homeschooling is not for everyone. Some people who totally love their kids just need to spend eight hours a day around other adults. It's who they are. Some families need two incomes to make ends meet. But there are other options to public school. Try a free school or a democratic school. They are popping up all over the country. They offer the best of both worlds. Totally child led learning, a non-abusive, no-bullying situation, and a voice in how the school is run. Or a Waldorf School where academics like math and reading are not taught until after age seven or eight. Wish I had had such opportunities when I was a child.

    Kathi
     
  15. homeschooling will make your kid weird.
     
  16. Bumble

    Bumble Senior Member

    unfortunately kids have to experience what life really is like. I was made fun of, but it made me stronger in the long run. If I was isolated from this and became exposed to it once i entered "the real world," then I think i would have had a nervous breakdown. Just tell your children how to deal with these types of people.
     
  17. SilverClover14

    SilverClover14 Senior Member

    You just can't worry. In high school my parents both lost their jobs and we went 2 years where the family income was zero in a community where parents were likely to buy their kids BMWs for their 16th birthday. I think something like 3% of my high school qualified for free lunch- and I was one of them. And honestly, not a single person made fun of me and I never felt the need to hide it (not that I could- I was the only junior or senior without a car).

    My parents tried to pull me out of elementary school when kids teased me for being Jewish in a very conservative, Southern Baptist area. Honestly, I would have resented them for doing that. I still resent them a bit for not letting me go to boarding school. I know kids who loved homeschool and just as many who hated it and a few who have cut off ties from their parents for inadequately preparing them (essentially, they came from lower income families who could not afford to get their kids foreign language classes, music lessons, etc that would have been free in public school... and also these parents often were inadequately prepared to teach themselves).

    And to be quite honest, the homeschooled, free schooled, and even Quaker schooled kids at my school are the "weird" ones. And it's REALLY hard to be "weird" here as my school is famous for being socially awkward. Maybe we just get the bad ones...

    Really, I think it's much too early to think about it.
     
  18. lucyloo

    lucyloo Member

    It's kind of funny that this post ws brought up again because I was just thinking the same things about Landon going to school....

    I was also made fun of a lot in school and didn't really have any friends, especially in middle school. I was homeschooled 5th and 6th grade. So I know what that's like too. and I felt completely isolated. But maybe that's just because I was pulled out of regular school after years. My mom couldn't handle keeping me home anymore so I went back to public school 7th grade. and then moved to a different town 8th grade. which was also really hard on me.

    So yeah, I am also worrying about this stuff way to early...
     
  19. Advaya

    Advaya Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    I was homeschooled from the 8th grade on. Prior to that I was in public school. I would say I'm "weird" but it was not homeschooling which made me that way. I was traumatized by public school, some people just are not meant to be in a herd of people. I'm definitely not. I can handle classes, I've been to college. It wasn't that, it was the mentality of middle and high school which I could not take. It severely damaged me, and I'm still recovering from it. I know people who have never been in public school, and even if they're different, they are themselves with more intensity and less fear than anyone I've met who has been in public school. I have never met anyone who went to public school who does not in some manner "edit" their interests, their personality, or their actions in ways to conform with the status quo. I honestly believe public school is unhealthy, maybe not for everyone (though I would debate it, look at how it's made even people here judgemental of what is "normal" or acceptable), but it is certainly unhealthy for people like me. I'd have been weird to some of you either way, but I would have been a hell of a lot happier if my parents had realized I was serious about public school years before they did.
     
  20. salmon4me

    salmon4me Senior Member

    "I was homeschooled from the 8th grade on.

    ...it was the mentality of middle and high school which I could not take. It severely damaged me, and I'm still recovering from it."


    contradiction?
     

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