Found out my girl is talking to another man

Last night when i got back from my girls house i accepted this girls friend request on facebook. she told me that my girlfriend wouldnt stop texting her boyfriend, saying things like i miss you, wanting him to call her so she could hear his voice, telling him that we dont really have sex anymore, and that i treat her like shit.. i guess she gave him head when she was dating someone else a few years ago to..

i have been in a serious relationship with this girl for a year and 4 months now and idk what to do. when i heard the news my stomach twisted up into knots and i became extremely upset. i walked outside, hugged, and kissed the tree i carved our names into with a heart around them for part of her valentine..its just so hard for me to imagine myself not being with her, but its clear that she doenst have the same feelings for me any longer if shes trying to get with another dude behind my back.

shes coming over my house today after she gets out of cosmetology class, we were supposed to spend the weekend together.. she doesnt know that i know yet, im waiting so i can look her in the eyes and tell her, and if i told her now she would probably leave school, which is no good. i love her dearly.



i guess im looking for other peoples opinions/whatever anyone has to say. what should i do?

 

1 st of all how well do you know these people and how old are they? Are they your friends? Is this girl just starting stuff? Or do you think your girl is acting strange? And nd how does this other gf know its your gf? I would just keep it at bay for a min and get more facts before anything to drastic!

 

flirt with his girlfriend.

 

Don't do anything too hastily. Give your GF the benefit of the doubt, but also trust your instincts. It sounds like you need to talk.

Also, remember that if your GF has been unfaithful, that it will be much better for you if you can be the mature one in the situation.

 

no..i just called her. it really happened, and by the looks of it she didnt plan on telling me. i told her how much i cared for her and asked her if she would ever hurt me. she lied through her teeth..

 

Don't jump to conclusions .There are a lot of shit starters out there .Some people can't stand to see others be happy so they will do anything to mess stuff up . Talk to your girl and tell her about this .Don't be accusing just tell her what this girl said and see what she has to say .I hope it works out for you .

 

.Sorry you must have posted whilst I was typing my reply .So she did admit it to you ? If she did I am really sorry. It is beyond hurtful when someone you love cheats on you .After something like that happens it's damn near impossible to regain that trust you once had .

 

feelings get hurt all the time. No offense, you may love her, but ditch the bitch and move on.

I was cheated on once, and I quite liked her, but I told her to hit the road.

 

toss her to the curb
FAST
like a band aid

you are a sap if you dont

 

thank you all for your feedback, i appreciate it. she didnt actually do anything with him..but i feel like she was trying to. i talked to her about it, i couldnt wait.. apparently he texted her first and they have been texting for a few days. i know this doesnt change the fact that she said she missed him, wanted to hear his voice, and the personal relationship details she told him about though.

i dont want to be walked on, but i dont want to leave her.. i am almost a sap. gahh

 

The thing is, can you trust her from now on? How can you be sure she won't cheat?

You may just be setting yourself up for a bigger fall.

 

texting is the new fellatio

 

not almost, you are a sap- but it's your decision to be one, not ours.

I mean as little disrespect as possible.

 

the message alert is your phone squeaking out little orgasms, huh?

 

What kind of phone do you have?

 

none taken, i am being one after all

 

Are you not having sex anymore?, do you treat her like shit?

Its clear is it? That becuase she wants to have sex with another guy she doesnt have feelings for you anymore? What does one have to do with the other?

Why do you assume she cant separate the two? because she's a girl and every other girl you're whole life has told you they dont want sex without love? Because you are a guy and she is a girl she's supposed to be more about commitment than you are?


There are guys like you, and there are guys that ask their girls to get with other guys and tell them about it or even let them watch. The thought of her sucking another guys dick, why exactly does that get you angry - is it more about her, or is it more about your bruised ego?

 

So there are two issues here

problems in the relationship prior to her flirtation

problems created by her flirtation/ potential intention to cheat


So if you agree with her that there were problems with the relationship (you were treating her like shit, etc.) but you still want to be with her, then you can work on the problems.

An issue is knowing the difference between a fundamentally good relationship that has problems that can be fixed, a fundamentally good relatioship that has problems that can't be fixed, a bad relationship, and flat out getting played.

Only worth your time to try to work it out if it fits into the first category.

If you are not treating her as bad as she says, make sure it's not the case that she is with you just to have someone to be with, while trying to "trade up". Could she have really wanted to be with this other guy all along, but he had a girlfriend? If this is the case, dump her now, unless you don't mind being used this way.

If all she really wants is a fuck-buddy, then she should tell you that. Then both of you can be free to look for other people.

If you were really doing something that would "drive her" to contemplate cheating, then you have a basis for forgiving her.

No matter what though, the trust has been damaged. I don't think that ever really goes away as an issue.

And she's cheated in the past, and *with* the guy she was flirting with. Good indication that she might cheat in the future.

My stock answer that I throw in with almost all relationship posts is think about couple counciling, or unilaterally seeing a couple councelor.

 

Stick that bitch!

 

I wanted to address this first because I feel it's important. If things work out that way and your girlfriend leaves school, it won't be because you confronted her about her infidelity. If that makes her leave school she probably wasn't that commited to it in the first place and if she were to do so it would not be your fault. If she leaves school because she's upset that you know that she cheated on you, that's her problem, and her decision. So don't let that stop you.


Anyways, as others said, I wouldn't freak out because of what someone over facebook said, however there may be a reason that person randomly (I pressume from your story) looked you up. Talk to your girlfriend about it. If you know her well you might be able to tell by her reaction. Some girls (from my experience) are expert liars with stone faces however, so you may have to go with your gut.


Lastly, I don't know your age, but if you are young, it may sounds callous of me to say, but don't worry about it too much. Everybody experiences heartbreak when they are young, and how they deal with it has a lot to do with the person they become. Keep your head on straight and don't lose your cool too much, again, at the risk of sounding mean, she's just a girl. There are billions. Peace and good luck