For bi men whose wife is still "in the dark".......

This is addressed to the bi married guys whose wives still do not have a clue as to their husband's needs to be sexually active with another man (or men)

Since the day of your marriage, how were you able to keep your "dark, inner desires" hidden?

Have you been able to satisfy your cravings for m/m sex through discreet encounters?

If you work (or travel) out of town, has it made it easier for you to "hook up" with a like-minded guy?

Do you hope that your wife will forever remain "in the dark" about your sexuality, or, do you harbor a nagging fear that, one day, your secret will "come out"? (and God only knows what shit might hit the fan, if it does)

How long have some of you guys been married, and still keep the wife from detecting anything (unless she is unusually sharp or suspicous?)

I am sure there are many untold stories, here................

 

Defintely when i travel out of town on business, sometimes for a week. This means i have a room and that is needed for many married guys that want their dick sucked.

 

For me when I was a younger man It was easier to keep my attraction for men at bay because I was getting plenty of sex with women. Being attracted to both man and women meant either were an option. As I aged it became more and more difficult to ignore, even when I was getting sex and intimacy from my wife. There was an ever present desire that went unfulfilled for many years. All the while my wife not knowing. As I have aged my wife still does not know of my bisexuality and I am always protecting it. Keeping it out of view. It’s imperative that I do if I want to remain happily married. My wife has stated she doesn’t want to know how I solve my dilemma of being in a sexless marriage, so I have taken that to heart and kept it hidden. These days it is not ignored, I have male friends I have sex with. I am happier having a sexual outlet and she is happier not providing it, and not knowing about it. And I don’t resent her for it. For me it’s important to recognize limitations, she will never be able to accept knowing I am having sex outside of our marriage. I am not able to accept being sexless. So this is the only option available without blowing up my marriage. We love each other and other aspects of our marriage are good. So this is how I manage it.

 

But, Windman, if she said that she doesn't want to know how you solve the dilemma and you have friends that you have sex with and she doesn't know, how will she never be able to accept something that she probably knows that you're doing since, again, she said that she didn't want to know how you solved the dilemma and I'm also thinking that she knows that you have... and it's not with another woman, which probably would blow your marriage up because, oddly, there are some women who believe that if you have sex with your best friend, "Roy," that's okay but to have sex with "Regina" is going to fuck shit up.

If she's happy, then that's the desired result. I'm just asking because the way you wrote it has me scratching my head a little.

 

Allow me to interject this here.........

Those married bisexual men whose wives not only KNOW full wellabout their husband's sexuality, but also, TOTALLY supports him in his desire to have sex with other men, are, IMHO far luckier than they realize.

From the accounts I have read in various related topics here over the past few years, many married bisexual men are indeed NOT as fortunate; these are men who are, frankly, forever worrying what the consequences might be, if their spouses were to discover their true sexual desires............

 

As you may recall from past conversations, for both men and women, being bisexual and married is the worst thing ever. The rules of relationships - married or not - demand exclusive monogamy with the partner, no exceptions, no excuses, and the only recourse is to dissolve the relationship and, if you can't, start over again under the same rules and conditions. "Forsaking all others and keeping only unto yourself" is the "clause" in traditional marriage vows that has been interpreted to mean that neither of you can ever want someone else as long as the relationship exists. Never and with some people, literally do not even think about it lest you be accused of emotional infidelity. Even those married couples who write their own vows - and glossed over the "forsaking" part with some semantic legerdemain learn that they are not exempted from this part of the vows and, yeah, even if you're not married, well, those of you who have been in unmarried relationships know what the deal is.

For the bisexual caught up in this moral clusterfuck, there are few choices or remedies to be had, from increasing the rate of masturbation through trying to convince your partner that it would be better for one and all to open the relationship then on to being stuck with only having sex with them, which may not be a bad thing unless pussy/dick isn't what you want and need and the pussy/dick craving you have is eating you alive and from the inside out. An untold number of male and female bisexuals made the decision to have a side piece that will get them the... different sex they need and doing so while knowing that if their partner were to even suspect that infidelity is at work, saying that things will get ugly is an understatement and the "bigger problem" for men is that they could be with someone who'd be willing to forgive the indiscretion... but they're never, ever, going to forget it, their trust in you has been irrevocably eroded and to the point where if you leave home and say that you'll be back in ten minutes, you'd better not be gone for eleven minutes.

Being forced to suppress those "true sexual desires" can have long-term deleterious effects on mental and physical health and it's been my experience and understanding that folks who have been suppressing this - and out of fear of what their partner and everyone else they know is going to think about them - make a decision to step to the side with this and out of a sense of self-preservation or, yeah, if they don't do this, they're going to lose their mind. Not to mention (but I am gonna mention it) how suppression can have an effect on the relationship, breeding indifference, contempt, and a very bad case of "why the fuck did I get involved with you."

And all because of the moral and social rules, conditions, edicts, etc., that we have in place that govern any relationship.

 

KD23:

An EXCELLENT response (as is the norm!) which, truly, says it ALL and says it WELL.

For most married bisexual men, I am sure,the many complexities/moral dilemmas and so forth are unrelenting; add to that the narrow-minded, stereotypical bullshit that a bi/gay man encounters all too frequently throughout life's long (and often, quite rocky) road.................

 

It comes down to this: You're either going to do something about it or you aren't. This is why you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. A lot of guys think they can handle not doing anything until they find out that they really can't and, usually "all late and wrong" trying to figure out how they can do something without the wife/girlfriend finding out. Overthinking almost everything that goes with having sex with another guy. Or, yeah, if you're gay and "all of a sudden" you've taken an interest in women, well, you traitorous son-of-a-bitch! Yeah, how does a guy who has never gotten any pussy go about getting some because if he doesn't, he's going to suffer mental and physical difficulties? And then do it without his male partner knowing... and how to disguise the unmistakable scent of pussy?

Messy enough for you?

 

KD23:

I know you have been married a few times; in both cases, how did the wives react to your being bi, or, did they already know?

Although, knowing your steadfast persona, I am sure you weathered it well, especiallyseeing as you still have no problem getting cock/male tail when the desire strikes........

 

They knew because I told them before we got married. It wasn't about the "great potential" to be unfaithful but they knew I was bi, my first wife was "secretly" bi and my current wife has had fun with women. It's about changing the rules. Bending them but not necessarily breaking them. All predicated on something my mother told me when I got married the first time: "Your marriage is only going to be as good as the two of you make it." Well, throwing fidelity out the window and understanding that me doing something with a guy - or them getting some coochie on the side - didn't have anything to do with how we felt about each other and the status of our marriage. It was never like, "You cut me off from sex!" or "You won't suck my dick or suck me off!" because that just wasn't the case. I'm bisexual. They proved to be bisexual. If you want it, go get it, have fun and be safe. Bring your horny ass home and you had better left something for me!

Not every man in a relationship can be so fortunate to be with a woman who not only gets it but she gets it because she's bisexual, too. If I love her, why would I deny her what she needs to be okay with herself? And do I even want to be around her when she's fiending for a slice of the damp and I'm being an asshole and telling her that she shouldn't want anything or anyone other than that which I provide? Shit, that's pretty much signing my own death warrant... so let's not do something stupid like that.

 

All hell indeed could REALLY break loose if the "unsuspecting wife" found out that not only has hubby been unfaithful, he has not just a GIRLFRIEND on the side, but, also, a "BOYFRIEND" (FWB, whatever)

I sure as hell wouldn't want to be around when THAT toxic shit hit the fan(!!)

 

It is said that what happens in the dark will come to the light and if you have a side chick and a side dick... and she catches you, it's probably going to be lights out for you. It's not actually toxic but a typical response to the relationship crime of infidelity. If you've never been cheated on, you probably - and really - don't know what that feels like and "it doesn't feel good" does not even come close to describing the deep emotional and physical pain. Now, if you have been cheated on and you know what it feels like, logic would suggest that you wouldn't cheat on your partner and make them feel what you felt... unless, of course, she did or said something to you that would cause you to inflict such a horrible pain on her and now, the shit gets to be toxic if you're maliciously doing this to each other and, yeah, I've seen this happen and it doesn't make sense to keep hurting each other like that and staying in the relationship.

If you're cheating on your partner, don't ever let them find out about it. She might not know at first but some men are... stupid. They think they've got all the boxes checked and she'll never find out and he'll invariably say or do something - or he doesn't say or do something - that will get her wondering what the fuck is up with him and the first thought will be... he's cheating. In her mind, her worst nightmare has come true because she actually came into this relationship hoping that there would be no cheating but also knowing that there will be cheating and if you think this sounds insane, that's because it is - and he's thinking the same way.

Relationship dynamics are a motherfucker to begin with. Add some infidelity and... hold onto something.

 

You cannot help but think back to the horrific John and Lorena Bobbet "neutering" incident of many years back.

You, also, cannot help but think that there are at least some bisexual married men out there. who fear the same sort of "retaliation" from a HIGHLY vindictive wife, if she ever found out that hubby is having sex with other men on the side ("bi-bi-birdie" for certain!)

Of course, something drastic of that nature is NOT the least bit amusing (or sane), but it DOES get one to thinking..........

 

Yeah, Lorena was cheered by a lot of wives for taking the action she did against her cheating husband - and it put a lot of fear into the hearts of a lot of husbands married to women who they thought could be capable of such an act - and especially guys with a lot of sharp power tools or high-end kitchen knives. Men kinda joked about it and like whistling in the dark and after that, a lot of women were telling men that if they cheated, they'd get their dicks cut off and... if you were a guy who was looking to get into sex with men about that time, you had to think that if Lorena cut John's dick off for cheating on her with a woman, what might she have done if he had been cheating with a man?

And what would their lady do? Which is why a man should - and before executing his Secret Squirrel plans to get dick - really think about whether or not doing this is worth the potential consequences. I would think that a lot of guys get to thinking about what she will or might do if he gets caught and find that there's a lot of shit she could do from divorcing him to doing some cheating herself or, worse, isolating herself from him in all things, only speaking when spoken to, and God only knows what else can go through the female mind at this point (and He's not telling).

A guy and his best friend, after some moderately heaving drinking, wound up giving each other several blowjobs throughout the rest of their hanging out together evening. He tells me that (1) what happened wasn't planned or intended but (2) wow, it's really true that guys suck cock better than women and (3) he didn't think it would have happened if both of their wives were sucking them, which I was told they weren't. But, yeah, they got busted, not really caught in the act but they had changed some thing enough to get wives wondering and asking what's going on - then they both found out.

They asked why they did this and as he's telling me this, he's rolling his eyes heavenward and I was, too, because it's one of those "stupid questions" that if you're thinking about asking it, you already know the answer. They both said and agreed with what I was told, that what they started doing wouldn't have happened if they - their respective wives - were blowing them. Their respective wives lost their shit, stood on their right not to do anything sexual and for any reason they don't want to and as he's telling me this part of the story, I'm thinking that they knew about the "if you don't take care of your man/woman..." thing that pretty much everyone knew but they didn't give a single thought to it happening to them.

He tells me that he and his friend lost a lot of sleep over the next week because they were both afraid that their wives were going to "Lorena Bobbett" them and I'm looking in his eyes and I could see the fear. As it turned out the wives didn't divorce them, forbade them to hang out with each other and the guy I was talking with suspected that his wife was getting laid behind his back and admitted that he didn't blame her if it was true.

At least they didn't do any impromptu surgery on their blowjob-deprived husbands. Guys who are on the DL to get their dick fix should be aware of the potential consequences of their actions. If they're out there, then I would assume that they at least have an idea of how things could go south for them if she finds out - and I've cautioned some guys to never assume that she doesn't know since a lot of guys wind up getting the shit shocked out of them when their supposedly unaware wife lets them know that, yeah, I know you've been fucking around on me and I know you've been doing it with a dude...

Got some 'splaining to do. It's 2025 and while there are wives and girlfriends out there who'd decide that it's better to "leave their gay ass" for throwing the dick with some dude, there are some women who are fans of what Lorena did to John and have it in their mind that if they get a man who cheats on her, she's gonna cut a motherfucker's dick off.

 

KD23:

Well saiid, my friend....you certainly touched on a lot of "what ifs" for sure, and what horrible consequences MIGHT await a bi married male IF his wife found out about him having sex with other men, TOTALLY going apeshit.

"No....my wife is totally COOL....she'd NEVER pull a "Lorena" on me!"

Wanna bet?

Do you have that in writing?

NO one could POSSIBLY know just what might TOTALLY freak out a wife who you THOUGHT incapable of a "Lorena"....NO ONE knows how ANY person will react to a "hot button" issue in a marriage until it is finally out in the open.

Again, it is STILL a frightening thing to be fearing in the back of your mind, especially when brutal "love triangle" murders/murder-suicides are far from rare in today's society......

 

Having it in writing doesn't mean a whole lot. I have to say to all the guys who are on the DL but reading this that I'm not writing any of this to convince you to stop what you're doing. Handle your business and in the way you need to handle it. But if you're a guy thinking about stepping to the side on the wife so you can have sex with a guy, yeah, I'll give you some shit to think about before you dive in - and GG57 brought up the Lorena Bobbett thing.

This whole thing puts men in a relationship between a rock and a very hard place. What are you willing to do? What are you willing to risk? What price do you put on your sexual satisfaction?

 

KD23:

".....stuck between a rock and a very hard place......."

That truly sums it all up.

No matter WHICH way you go, it sure as hell ain't gonna be pleasant, or pretty, to be sure; indeed, MAJOR-LEAGUE shit is gonna hit the fan, and no mistake in that..........

 

For bi men whose wife is still in the dark, I only have these words: Don't get caught. Pray that she never finds out or figures it out. Have fun. Stay safe. Have fun.

 

KD23:

Without a doubt, that is the BEST advice that you (or anyone else, for that matter) could give on this subject.

Not getting caught, IMHO, indeed goes hand-and-hand with being discreet.

Being discreet, I feel, is KEY to keeping the situation "under wraps", if you will..............

 

Growing up, the "mantra" was, "I won't tell if you won't!" We lived by it, had sex by it, we'd rather take a beating than to be a rat or a snitch. Growing up taught about being discrete and the need to keep the people you don't want to know your business out of your business and learning to categorically deny any involvement in such a thing; what someone suspects is one thing, what they won't be able to prove is something else if you've practiced discretion to the fullest extent possible.

Discretion can't do shit against the famous/infamous woman's intuition. Or pure dumb luck, i.e., you were seen going into a motel room with a man by someone who knows your wife and who knows about you... but you don't know them. Then, they snitch on you. Or you've spent some precious time sucking your FWB's cock, go home and, duh, kiss your wife with his scent still in your skin or you come in and you don't kiss her when, normally, you would. Or you come home, and she wants to get laid and... you have nothing in the tank and, yep, she's going to wonder why your horny ass doesn't want to screw her. This one will most definitely arouse her suspicions and she's likely to immediately think that you're cheating on her - with another woman. She may or may not bring it up unless this very serious mistake happens again.

Or you "all of a sudden" have a male friend she doesn't already know about and you're not all that willing to tell her about him or, gasp, introduce her to him. Or your habits change, and you can only manage to give her
barely plausible answers to her question of, "What are you up to?" Or you were a homebody but now, "all of a sudden," you have reasons to leave the house and be gone for at least an hour. It's really hard to hide shit from someone who knows you like your wife does.