following heart or embracing mind??

hello everyone. i'm posting in hopes of getting some wisdom from those who understand what i'm going through. i know it's something so many of us go through, and maybe this thread can be helpful for so many of us =)?

for as long as i've considered myself mature, i never really FELT i could get a job someday... (i know i was a bit younger, but there was much insight behind what made me "lazy... going nowhere".). i never fretted too much on my future, it was just something that i saw, and put away, every once in a while touching up on it, knowing (thinking) in my heart that the person i am, i can't bend into what so many think they need to bend into, i guess... later in highschool i found a passion in teaching... being AMAZINGGG at math, wanting to show kids good and love and teach them like they never been taught before, knowing i could do so. well, while i was out of the country after graduation a bit, i really picked up different perspectives on teaching, and saw much that i know would hurt me, that were unfortunately reality... so this was me, last august... such a spirit... getting caught up in this mess, at least at the time being caught up... it haunted me so much, as much as i wanted to put it aside and enjoy life and earth like i always have, actually BEING in college now enduced inevitable questions of "well... why the fuck am i here?" not ONE class in my first semester stimulated anything intellectually, which i was hoping for it to do because these last few years i've been smoking and tripping a whole lot... and although my mind was growing in so many ways, i noticed my sharpness and drive to learn in school was kurrplunking... i really realllly started looking into communal living... AH YES!!! communal living i thought... i knew of it, visited kibbutz in israel, but never considered an american commune to heart... i marinated on the thought for a while... everything about it was dancing with my soul, couldn't and still can't find anythign wrong wiht it... all semester, just LOVING AND LOVING this new direction, knowing (thinking) THIS is why i'm alive... to this day, this is where my heart still lyes, sooo strongly... however... this is where my delema comes in...

MY NEW SEMESTER STARTED! i told myself "FUCK all these manditory credits, lets get some beautiful classes".
~~Introduction to teaching (although being a teacher was out of the question now, i know teaching is something i'm great at, would love to exercise, and could definitely use in the commune)
~~Anthropology of Religions (has always been suchh a strong backbone in my thought effecting my personal growth. i thought "MY GOD THIS CLASS HAS MY NAME ALL OVER IT!" when i signed up)
~~Deviation of Ancient Civilization (goes hand in hand with my inquirey of religion in my growth)
~~tai chi =)
~~social problems

well... i've had anthropology to religion 2 classes so far, and it's BLOWING MY MIND! "THIS IS WHAT COLLEGE IS FOR!" i thought. while the afro'd teacher spoke of beautiful things i love hearing about, i thought... "my god, this is me talking up there... ". i looked around the room, saw allll the kids absorbing every word this man said, all the tiny upward bends on the sides of their mouths... "these are students i want to have..." i thought... as he spoke of his fieldwork, i thought "how beautiful it'd be to be there doing that...".

well... we all know what i'm going through now =P. i realized that i could live a life and exercise my inquiring mind about stuff i live for... stuff that interests me more then ANYTHING, and sharing this information (along with my hidden messages of love =P)... oh how i left my mind in the dust these last many months... i've been so unconsciously fixated on spirituality for so long... the door is now swung open again! my heart and spirit, i know, rest out there, but my mind and maybe so much more rest on a completely different path... one which i will always still hold dearist my spirit and this world, however... the road is FORKED, and i know that I need to make a decision. I dont want this to become a deamon, it needs to die now. I know following my heart is the only question, and i know i'm going to hear that ALOT in many of your comments (which are still DEFINITELY welcome, and actually gratefulllly accepted), but... is a mind a terrible thing to waste? i know if i'm out on a commune, my mind wont rot, but i know i wont be finishing college... the bus is waiting for me this summer out for northern california.......


i love you all so so so much. thanks soo much for all of you who read it all =P.
peace
love ethan

 

Follow your heart, it is far more important than your intellect.

I was told in school that I am in the top 2% of the population in IQ. You know how important that is to me.............not very.
When I was about 30 I started to focus on love, on peace, faith, hope, emotion, personal growth, healing, etc.
It was the best thing I ever did.
I took Anthropology and loved it. If you are a genius but do not have a good grasp of your emotional self, you will not be happy.
If you are confident that you are doing what your heart feels is right, a minimal amount of brain power is all you need. Like Forrest Gump said,
"I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is."
Get in touch with Spirit, feel the release that being in tune with your heart brings.
I promise, it will not be a mistake.

 

thank you so much.

i'm not striving for intellect though. i dont know if it came off as that =P. what i mean is i'm starting to find my place in teaching again, and have found inspiration for research that can take a lifetime. love will ALWAYS be a huge part of my life, always. i'm just indesisive about the commune being for me or teaching now.
thanks again. definitely definitely good words =)

 

Couldn't you finish college and then go to a commune? At least then you would be satisfied that you pursued what you love.

 

i could i could. but when i said my bus leaves this summer, i was talking about a friend i met (actually from these here forums!) who is starting a commune, and this summer i'm going out to the west coast to at least help him build up the land... maybe these thoughts provoked by these course are just infatuations, and will die down... and i'll join them for good.

 

Just so long as what you've chosen it what your happy with, it doesnt really matter what you do if you arent happy. And besides, you don't owe anyone anything so you can waste/use your mind however you want!

 

Man, i'm feelin you sooo bad here. I kno exactly what you mean.

The same thought has haunted my mind for the last few years, i tell myself, don't worry, be happy with life the way it is now.

But i wonder, should i buckle up/fly ahead and get a job as a software designer/pc technician or sumthinlike that (what i'm good at) or should i devote the remainder of my life to cannabis legalization. Getn a job would b the ezy path, but the legalization is really more of a priority, it would b hard, being rejected by most of society for my beliefs and such, but i think that's right, and i suppose i will follow my heart and go with legalization.

"I can't speak for you, but i can speak for myself!"
Sry to give no direct answer, but thanks for giving me insight as to i'm not the only one going thru this!! cheers mate, go with da flow!!

 

You're so young..you have plenty of time to think about this. Try the communal living for awhile, if you don't like it, or don't find it as fulfilling as you thought it would be, then go to school. The sky is the limit for you right now. You are your own person, and nobody can make these decisions for you. I'd say you already know where your heart lies, just follow it. Maybe you need a break from school and society for a bit. I can only speak for myself here, but if I weren't in the current situation I'm in..I'd definately do the commune thing. I would think you could really reflect on yourself and what you need to do there..I dunno. Life experiences mean a hell of a lot more than any college degree sweetie. Good luck, I hope you can find some peace with this.

 

that's the song that's playing in my heart. i know it too well. thanks so much for singing it for me.

 

When I read your initial post...I thought to myself...here is a kid who knows exactly what he wants and is on a spiritual journey to find it. Wow, I'm so impressed! It will all be one fantastic trip for you! I found myself connecting to everything you said. I hope that there are more kids out there like you, who have hopes and dreams. I go to a University where I look around me and realize...what the hell are these kids doing to themselves? Closed minded...worried about everything except what's really important in their lives. Worried about what the future holds and not enough worry about what's happening today and growing within yourself. I'm almost 22 and feel so ancient in my years. I've gone down so many paths in my lifetime, it's hard to really nail down all of my experiences. Just always know, that your journey, no matter the outcome, is all yours and makes you who you are. What will be will be.

Namaste

 

=)))))))) every singggggle word you said, every sINGLE, yatta yatta yatta =P. <33


edittttttt: AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! i just reread what i commented to you just now (hours after posting ^^^^), and just picked up that it kindddda looks like i'm just shewwin off what you were saying, with that yatta yatta yatta... =PPPP i'm soooooo sorry if it tickled you like that remotelyyy. i just meant that i was really connecting with what you posted, and i just didn't really have to get into it, cuz you know how it is i guess. =P i defffinitely feel you though, wholeheartedly.

 

LOL, Did I miss something here????

LOL

 

blehh. it's all good. just me realizing how my comment to your comment could have easily been taken a different way, a way farr different then i intended. i picked up on it while rereading this thread.

ORR! by the use of that second "LOL"... you mighttt have just been joking around, because i explained the situation so well...

hahahaha =P that's me. now i'm a bit confused =PP

either horribly written or written so well it diserved some sarcasm. haha =PP

<3

 

AH! i get it...

i posted the first line before a class, and the "editttt" when i caught what i did.

=))) there we are!

 

Either way...I totally missed it...that's not unusual...I'm always the last to know everything. *laughs*

 

reading this a few months after posting, i'm still in the same situation =\

commune now... or finish up college.

does anyone else have any words they like to share, rest assured every last one of them will be digested and taken to heart! =) love you all.

 

Whichever you don't choose will be waiting for you if you want to go back to it later. One thing though, school gets harder to go back to as the realities and obligations of life grow. You sounded like you were starting to hit your stride in school, getting to the classes that actually interest you (hateful obligatory bs out of the way) No right or wrong choice and whichever one you choose doesn't mean total elimination of the other, just a delay if you want to pick it up later.

 

=) thanks

 

Can totally relate


Completely agree with DancerAnnie & gdhmomchild.
Can't see why you need to choose right now, or that somehow you can't work both options into your future.

Never know, maybe you'll find the most perfect commune later on, which wouldn't have appeared before. I think everything works out right in the end. So roll with it.

Good luck

 

The heart and mind both function best when operating interdependently. I would suggest finishing college, but look for co-op houses or communal living arrangements near your school if that really appeals to you.
For example, the year before I moved away to start graduate school, I lived in a lovely co-op about a mile from my undergraduate campus with two older hippy couples (early/mid-40s) and their kids; we grew our own vegetables in the garden plot, cooked for each other, etc. and generally coexisted peacefully. It was a really lovely arrangement... I had some hippy friends as an undergrad who had similar living arrangements; a group of like-minded students would rent a house, set it up as a co-op, grow food in the backyard, etc. Who knows, maybe you'll find an arrangement like that which can at least temporarily appease your desire to experience communal living...
Sorry about the tangent... College can be a really amazing experience if you let it be one, so again I say stick with it-- especially since you seem to be really digging it.