I guess when you spend alot of time alone, being single or going through dry spells with friends, it can happen to you...I really hate being single...ever since I was a teenager i have had times when I fished for love..Relationships friendships..I used to get crushes on guys at school..i tried to be friends with alot of them..I got made fun of alot when i was little because I had seizures at school and the kids were really mean and it hurt me inside...I was really suicidal as a teenager..throughout high school I stayed with random friends I knew from school..i tried several times and saw several therapists and even had to spend time in treatment...like I said I went through a slut phase when I was younger..I remember when I was 13 my dad told me if he ever found out I was gay he would disown me..that made me really be afraid to come out..then when I did he kicked me out and I was homeless for a couple of months...I slept in a park some nights other nights I'd go to a club and try to find someone to stay with for a few nights..I hooked up randomly,,I ended up going to jail for 6 weeks..I actually started to like a guy in there...after I got out I had a seizure in a park I hung out in and my mom was able to talk my dad into letting me come home....I still have epilepsy though as I have gotten older it's kinda slowed down...to this day i've never driven a car..I know I'm rambling but I am just venting..but yeah throughout my life I have fished for love...I dated several wrong guys and now I'm lonely..but I don't wanna just be with someone to just be with someone.I made that mistake with my .I want someone who i can love who will love me back..I've been hurt alot in my life..so I'm just alot more careful than I used to be...Doing music has been really therapeutic for me because it was something I always wanted to do...it's my creative outlet...I love what i do and I know I am good at it and that makes me feel good about myself
That's quite the confession to make! You have seen the lowest of lows, and that makes reaching a high point in your life so much more amazing. At some point, you will find the perfect someone, and having struggled so much, you will appreciate it so much more than the average person. <3
yeah I've had a pretty fucked up life, but I've survived..I'm a much stronger person then people give me credit for...
I know what that is like. After everything I've been through, I've started seeing a therapist. There is only so much strength, and I don't want to carry around the weight anymore. After 26 years, I'm tired of being weighed down by the past. It's time to build a brighter future!
there's been alot of other things too...my dad was physically and verbally abusive to me and my sisters growing up..to this day I can't really ever have a conversation with him..we always end up arguing..he's an old fashioned Puerto Rican man and he was in the army...when he used to hit me I tried to report him but the cops never did anything except take me to a shelter...I was raped behind a gas station when I was 18 and then had to walk for 2 hours to get home..I've been afraid to date black men because of it..that was another reason I stayed with friends from school..to get away from my dad...for years after i came out he'd call me a faggot and I still hate that word..he doesn't say that to me anymore, but it has been 20 years now since I came out...
Yikes. That's quite a list. Your strength is phenomenal. Hang in there, dear. Everything will work out for the best!
