I just found this sight through a search engine, but I don't know anywhere else to talk about my problem. I plan on talking about this to my best friend, but I'm not sure if even she'll understand. Here's my problem, i hope someone can help me out with this: I am a 34 year old woman. I have been in a relationship (off and on) with a wonderful man for the last 11 years. I know he would do anything for me. Our relationship has been permanently on for the last 5 years, and we bought a house together 4 years ago. I love him more than I ever thought I could, but lately something has been missing in the relationship. We were never the most physical couple, but it has gotten worse in the past year or so. I cheated on him early in the relationship, but we got past that. I think I'm a little more sexually dependant than he is. He is 10 years older than me, but I don't know if that's the problem. He's never really had any problems sexually when we are intimate, but it's never been too often. Over the years, I have had problems with our physical relationship, but I've never had the courage to really talk to him about it. I have had many chances to cheat on him, since the first time, but I've always been able to put our love first and resist the urges. My problem now is that I've met someone else online. He's 15 years younger than me and we've been having kind of an intimate relationship online for the last couple of weeks. We have exchanged pictures and we even talked on the phone one night. I think I'm obsessed with this younger man. I've told him that I love him and he insists that he loves me and I'm the woman he wants to be with. I'm not sure how serious he is. He says he's serious, but how can I know for sure? I started to lose interest in my long term boyfriend for a little while, but he brought up the subject of how our relationship is going tonight, and we had a nice talk about it. I know I still love him and want to work out our relationship, but I can't seem to be able to get this younger man out of my mind. I don't want to hurt either of them, but this new guy gives me something I haven't gotten from my boyfriend in a long time. He makes me feel good about myself. I don't mean to make such a long post being a first time poster here, but I wanted to get my point across. It's kind of a complicated situation and I hope someone can help point me in the right direction. I really need some help here. I've been feeling so confused lately and don't know what to do!
If i was you, i would try and keep your long time boyfriend. Your gonna have to mix it up a little and try some new things. Take a vacation for a weekend in a cool place or somethin and have a good time. It sounds like you are only interested in this younger guy for sex. Maybe i am wrong? If you are in love with him than this is a completely different story. But i dunno about that since you said you have only known him for a few weeks. But you are in love with your other guy. Im not the most sexually active guy either, but i am more than willing to do anything for the women i love (if i had one lol). Im sure if you talk to him about it, he will try and be more sexually active. Just be calm and comforting, keep sweet talkin him lol. Let him know how much he means to you. Guys like that shit too man lol. Hope i helped ya out some....Happy Trails! -JFJO
Probably you will have sex with your 19 year old, and you'll both get the thrill of the forbidden out of the way. Then, surprise surprise, a gal about his age with a dynamite body will pop up, he'll mysteriously stop calling and not return your calls, and you'll be heartbroken. You'll get over it and return to your first lover, that is, if he's still around. Ann Landers is in no danger of going unemployed.
i had a similar situation with someone i was really in love with. the relationship was long and loving but without that physical component. i had a very sexual connection with another and ended up exploring it. it was f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c!! i can't tell you how great that was after such a long time of luke-warm physical intimacy which was "nice"...but not much more than "nice". there's a huge difference between the same old thing which lasts for half an hour, compared to two sweaty bodies licking, touching, caressing, going wild for a full 24 hours [with small breaks here and there for talking, sleeping for a few minutes, getting a drink...]. i did break off the long term relationship and am glad i did. but i didn't just break off the long-term thing because of the sex. i think if everything else had been great i would've tried to work through the sexual stuff, but it wasn't. it was loving - but we'd grown apart [or at least i had grown more than he had], and my interests were changing. my now ex felt more like my best friend than my lover. it was hard...but i had to give myself room to grow. so for me the sexual connexion with another gave me the spark to leave something that had changed anyway. now i know even if this new thing doesn't work out i will still be glad i left regardless...for me, not because i "found someone new", but because i needed to reconnect with myself, my needs and how i had changed - and i needed to be able to be very sexual as it had been "dead" for so long. so...why did i tell you that story? well firstly to help you if it relates to where you are at the moment at all. but also to maybe ask you to consider exactly what's going on: ~ why are you in your current relationship? ~ how do you feel about your current man? is he a "lover" or a "friend"? ~ has the relationship changed? ~ have you changed? what do you want? what do you need? ~ has he changed? ~ are there other things "wrong" with your current relationship other than the sexual aspect? ~ can the sexual aspect of your current relationship be fixed? how could you try to fix it, and what time frame would you give it? [it's better to have a time frame to re-evaluate it it, i.e. give it a month and then re-evaluate whether things are better or not, rather than hanging around waiting, and waiting, and waiting...and waiting....] and with this new guy: ~ are you really, really in love with him - or is it pent-up lust and friendship? ~ if you broke up with your current man and started a relationship with the new guy, and the relationship with the new guy didn't work out, would you wish you hadn't broken up with your current person? as for your questions "can you be sure that the younger guy is REALLY in love with you?" - you can't "be sure". it is a matter of building up trust and getting to know him, and that is hard - especially over the internet. the poster is right who said he may break up with you for someone else younger / better looking / more like him - but he may not. when you're really in love, those things don't matter much. it is the same with any love - taking the chance. maybe if you decide to take the chance though it is best to not look at him as a replacement for you current relationship - but rather you have ended your current relationship - and this is something totally new with no expectations of duration or his maturity level until you get to know him better. remember over the internet it is a lot easier for people to pretend to be someone who they're not [i'm reminded of the song about the couple who put in personal ads saying they like pina coladas and walks in the rain!]. don't worry i'm not saying the younger guy is your current man in disguise! i'm saying that it would be easy-peasy for him to be a 60-year old rapist, or if not that bad at least a lot more immature than he lets on (especially if he is 19 and male - just look at the matuirty level and interests of that group]. i'm not saying don't meet him, i'm saying please, please be careful...first meeting should be in public and tell a friend what you're doing and where and how long you expect to be. get to know him slowly [in person is different to online]. don't assume you can trust him just 'cause he's 19, horny and claims he loves you. he might well...or he might be looking for a fuck. it sounds crude but it might be true. if he loves and respects you he'll understand why and if he's mature he should want the same thing anyway. one last thing - you said you cheated on your current guy a while back and you've both moved past it now. well, i know if i was your current guy i would feel what you're doing now [even if it's not in person] is cheating [if you haven't told him, why haven't you?]. it's starting an intimate sexual relationship while you're with someone. if you haven't told him and you plan to stay with him, then it's a good idea to tell him. i know i wouldn't like the person i'm with going behind my back on the phone and telling another girl he's in love with them. maybe it's good to work our your boundries and even tell the younger guy "i'm in a relationship now, i'm not going to have any contact with you beyond friendship until i work out whether i want to break up with my current man or be with you" - otherwise you're stringing the younger guy along and cheating on the older one and doing a disservice to yourself in being dishonest.
Ms. Toenail is right. Though, I have to say it's probably not a good idea to leave your current boyfriend for this younger guy. After all he's 19. You two will be worlds appart in maturity, interests, wants and needs. If he was 29 I'd say things would be different, but at 19 there is no way that what he wants now will be the same thing he wants a year from now. Forget it. What you do with your current man is neither here nor there. The bottom line is that a 19 year old guy is not done developing into an adult, that happens around 25, his hormones are still going nuts. Whether you find another relationship or not is up to you, but if you do I suggest it be with someone who has done a little more growing up. I know when I was 19 I thought I was as grown up as I was ever going to be, now at 28 I know how wrong I was, and I'm still not done.
i kinda agree at 19 hes probably got a dozen or more girls hes got intimate onlune relationships with ... how did ya meet this 19 year old and get into the love realm in 2 weeks? i'm bettin there was alotta sex talk right? im not sayin he doesnt like ya i mean if u hit ot off on the phone and it wasnt all so what are u wearring what are you doing now type stuff i'm guessing he at least likes ya as a person and it isnt all just about a fantasy..and i gotta tell ya as well sometimes online love is just a fantasy & people will play out the role of havinf a love relationship, and even if he does think about you as much a your thinkin bout him, it still could be a fantasy game.. i'm betting that if you decide that changing the dynamic with the new guy to the freind realm till u figure out your feeelings you'll find 1 of 2 things..he'll react in a scary way that will instantly tell ya u were right to get out of it..or 2 he'll lose interest in a day or 2 & will hardly talk to u..or not at all.. however if in a week or 2 hes still talking to you long hours every day without the sexual element then perhaps he does have feelings just remember also youd be throwing away 11 years for someone online who got ya turned on for 2 weeks online its all about fantasizing about what it might be like and theres alotta exageration and playfulness that may be very different in real life talk toyour guy..if theres a lack of fire in the relationship he may be even somewhat receptive to you havin alittle internet play..which might even ignite his spark as well i know it sounds weird maybe but some couples do enjoy that & could be theraputic as well (i wouldnt exactly suggest it, just talk about your lack of passion and maybe just say youve heard some others have tried it and see how he feels..ya never know him gettin all hot for a 19 year old might really ignite his passion with you ofcourse this is not typicaly acceptable with alot of couples so id try to just workthrough it together before exploring that option just careful with excepting every 'love' online as being what it seems how many times have ya heard about ppl meetin onlne fallin in love plannin on meetin even on marriage and when the meetin day comes 1 of em is never heard from again..just never shows up, changes or blocks im's & 6 months later ya find out everything wasa lie and theyre happily married or really 13 or were a homeless guy from a library ok i exagerated and doubt he is..but just sayin alot online is fake dont throw away an 11 year relationship for a 2 week fantasy
I think you should try to work it out with your boyfriend...all relationships hit spots where the sex falls off and things get boring. This 19 year old might be saying the same thing to other girls on line...your boyfriend offers stability , which is far more important than a sexual thrill....try something new with him...!!!!
Dear Woman, you are not younge, you are "old" and wise. You've had alot of expirience and been through with your long time partner, But it is life and you get bored with time with anything how great it was. And you want to still keep him and love. As every person you need rest and to refresh your relationship. Here is the best soultion possible for you and ur long term lovedone : As a women you need love and rest. and what else can be better than , good, loving sex, especially with loving and younger partner spending some time ( you should determain how long yo uneed, it can be a few days, or a couple of weeks ) enjoyign time with our new , fresh partner also wanting love ,sex, and emotional relaxationg and harmony with eachother. and after if you feel ready yo ucan go back, if yo ustill want it. and your old relationship can turn into new, refreshed journey with ur loved one once again. But of course , before talkto ur long term partner, if hes ok with ur "relaxation vacation" or if you know hes not, just lie to him u are going to ur friend or jsut somwhere for the good of you both. but hes old he must understand. good luck.
You are having a fling with the 19 year old. It won't last - he will ultimately leave you. In 10 years you will be 44 and he will be 29. Ask your 44 year old guy to try Viagra or Cialis. It will make him better than the 19 year old.
