This one is a tough one, but I was wondering if it's happened to anyone else, and how they cope with it? I think I was around 27, or 28, but it was a few years after my first sex with another guy. I was in a steady relationship with a woman for about 6 months, and we went to visit NYC for my first time, and while there, visit my cousin since she invited us to to stay at her apartment while we were there. We met her for dinner at a restaurant, and she had brought her roommate, who was quite openly gay. Once he saw me, he perked straight up, and all night was saying things like, "Oh, you're mouth is so cute, I think it was meant to be around my cock." I would blush, which I think made him keep hitting on me, and my cousin was having a good time with it. My girlfriend laughed at how uncomfortable it made me. Anyways, after dinner, we went to the bar to drink some more, and I figured it was all in good fun... except as it got more crowded, he'd grab my ass and whisper in my ear. Like, "You like my hand on your ass, don't you? How about my cock in your ass later tonight?" He'd also rub his hard cock on me when it was difficult to move around because of the amount of people at the bar. I never attempted to remove his hands or push him away, and in hindsight, I think that was a mistake. I was both getting turned on, and also too embarrassed to make a scene. Anyways, we finally made it to my cousin's apartment, and I was ready to go to sleep and get the day over with! My cousin and her roommate went to sleep in the living room together on the pull-away sofa's, while my gf would sleep in my cousin's room, and I would sleep in her roommate's room. While I was asleep, I felt a mouth on my cock, and I was moaning how good it felt. When I opened my eyes, my cousin's roommate was there, naked, and I let out a loud whisper, "What the fuck!" I realized I was was naked, too. He put his hand to my mouth, "You wouldn't want your girlfriend or your cousin to know what we're doing, do you?" I shook my head. "Good. Now, suck my cock." I sucked him off, then he fucked my in my ass without a condom. I was worried I might get STD's, and instead of enjoying it, I had tears in my eyes. It was my first "rape", even though he was gentle, and I thought he was pretty hot. When he took out his cock, he told me to open my mouth and swallow his cum. He came inside, I swallowed, and then he told me to keep sucking on his cock. It was my first ass to mouth, but I didn't even think about that, I was just doing what he was telling me, and hoping that my gf or cousin didn't walk in. After a while, he left, but said that we'd do this every night we're here, or else he'd tell my gf and cousin. We were there for two more nights, and we had sex two times each night. After we left, my gf and I broke up a few weeks later, and my cousin moved to Europe somewhere, and I never heard from him again. I don't know whether or not my cousin ever found out, but I don't think she did. Every time I think about that first night, I cry, but when I get turned on while trying to sleep or to masturbate, I fantasize about him. Is this normal? I feel like it's some kind of Stockholm syndrome or something like that.
Not a blackmail per say, but I had a situation where I was going to meet two bbc’s in East New York, not the safest neighborhood. I chickened out but wondered. What if I showed up and there was more than two guys. What if they ran a train on me bareback. What do you do call the police. Try to fight them off and get hurt or worse. What do I tell my wife if something went down bad. Same thing, I’am afraid of meeting up with a guy now. What if he try’s to secretly bareback me. What do you do In that situation. Even though I would love to be barebacked and breed!!!
Hi. Long time no see. How're you doing? I'm really sorry to hear about what happened to you. I hope I can still help you with my advice. It's important to know that you're not at fault and you don't deserve to be treated this way. If you're feeling overwhelmed, I would recommend reaching out to a therapist or counselor.
They can help you work through these feelings and figure out the best way to cope. Also, if you're worried about the blackmailer making good on their threat, you should reach out to this service ᐈ Report Blackmail Online - Get Help & Stop Internet Blackmail. They can provide you with the help you need after getting blackmailed. Remember, you don't have to go through this on your own. There's support out there for you. Stay strong!
I don't think @secretasianman is around anymore - but if they were, I would tell them how badly I think that event was - and while I think it is normal to have mixed feelings about a sexual partner that treated you poorly, it really stinks any first sexual experience turns out to be a negative one. I was blackmailed by my brother-in-law, who I am convinced may be in his own closet - I don't know. He found some posts I'd written on a forum similar to this one - and I foolishly used my email account that could be traced - and for some reason, he decided to do a search and found some incriminating evidence... well, I am still writing, and he is out of my life. I confessed to my wife before he could use his blackmail against me - so he lost his steam - it turned the tide for me - and was one of the things that led me to coming out of my own closet and living a more genuine life, as a result.
This is one reason my wife knows everything I do. She knows what I did with a gay friend I went to see, and with the woman I hooked up with. I'd be mortified if anyone else had any idea I have sucked cocks and serviced a gay guy. We're having marriage counselling and I have not and will not reveal I've had gay relationships. I told the counsellor about the MF relationship.
@FriendlyCock Are you at all concerned your wife may disclose your MM encounters during counseling? You might want to prepare yourself for that. I hope your sessions go well and you have good outcomes. I went through marriage counseling years ago and I found myself largely misaligned. My wife insisted on a monogamous marriage but this also meant that I would be forced to celibacy. I'll never forget my counselor pressing me - "Is your marriage worth less than an occasional and random orgasm with some person outside your marriage?" He never once pressed my wife for her part in this - and he knew how important the sexual connection was for me, and how I was struggling with my wife's repeated denials for intimacy. I'm not sure what his point was in that - he may have been trying to force me to tell my wife that I did not agree to her demands if sex was not included in the equation... but I shut down at that point and never went back.
I appreciate I'm responding to a 2nd hand account but to say such a thing or to ask such a question makes me think it wasn't a very good counsellor. I think the question should have been; 'are you willing to continue in the marriage without sex with your wife?' Being straight to the point takes away the faff of deluding her that it can be saved, if it can't be. And if sexless were to have been ok for you, that same question clarifies that a sexless relationship is OK for you. Job done, bar any other prevailing issues. (btw; I'm sure it's clear that I'm not a counsellor!)
Thanks. I have a sort of a plan in the back of my mind. The opening line is, she and I discussed my looking outside of marriage after a psychologist, way back in the late 90's suggested I 'get a bit on the side. Go and do what you need to'. I did try and she always knew. I felt awkward with women, and guilty, because I knew it upset her. Masturbating and oral with a man was just lust, getting off. I have to do something. She is not too healthy and I stay to help her, which I vowed, 'In sickness and in health'. There must be something for the person trapped in this scenario. To the question "Is your marriage worth so little" I'd say, actually, think I'd say it's on 'life support'. This is not a fairyland or nirvana. Real life has kicked in and I'm doing my best for my clinical depression to not affect my mental state too much. There must be some honor in doing that.
Hmm. I read what the OP wrote several times and his first mistake was letting this guy push up on him like that. Even if he didn't want to make a scene about it, he could have taken him to the side and told him to leave him alone but since he didn't, the gay dude felt that he had carte blanc to do or say whatever... including taking him without his permission but he allowed it to happen and as I kept reading this, I wondered if he allowed this to happen because he was already leaning in this direction. He pretty much set himself up to be a victim of the sex and the blackmail. So how does one cope with this? I've known guys whose first experience was being taken without permission and they either found a way to cope with it or the event just utterly destroyed them and without any hope of recovering. One guy I know told me how he was raped by a bunch of his friends and since he felt that there was nothing, he could have done about it, he kept his feelings about it inside and, well, I guess it was really fucking with him because he said, "I need to tell you something..." I felt his pain and could only imagine what it was like for him but by the time he got finished talking, he said that... talking to someone about it made him feel better. For the OP, he seems to be caught between being distraught over what had happened and being excited by it and that's not all that unusual unless it becomes a bigger problem - that's when you seek out professional help; not everyone can reconcile something like this on their own. I grew up having to deal with bullies who'd say that if I didn't suck their dick or let them fuck me, they would tell everyone that I sucked them and was fucked by them and my response would be, "No, I don't want to and go ahead and tell them!" And when I could, I'd tell them myself what the bully wanted me to do. I've had people threaten to tell my mom and family if I don't do X, Y, W for them and I've said, "Go ahead and tell them; it's not like they don't know about my sexuality so, yeah, go tell them - I'll wait right here." Oh, you're gonna tell my wife? Go ahead - she knows I'm bisexual and an avid cocksucker. When that guy got done with the OP and hit him with the blackmail, what he probably should have done was go and tell the women what happened and remove the blackmailer's power - and even if telling them opened another can of worms. If you let someone victimize you, you're giving them permission to always do it. I've known too many guys who were victimized like this continue to be a victim going forward - but talking about how much they hated being a victim and, well, after being made a victim the first time, if you still feel like that way down the road, that's you doing it to yourself because you either refuse to let go of the traumatic event or you can't - and now professional help is called for - and these days, provided you can find a professional who isn't going to "shame" you for the event that traumatized you; this is something I've heard from others and I personally think that it's both unprofessional and pretty fucked up. Finally, I was raped by a guy. I pretty much walked right into his "trap." He drugged me and had his way with me until the drugs wore off and when he came back to get more of me, I did my best to kill him and escaped. I was so angry I didn't know what to do but once I calmed down some, I realized that it wasn't his fault that he raped me: It was my fault for not paying attention and realizing that I could have been "acting like prey" in some way that got his attention. I realized that I had a choice after the fact: Let what happened keep fucking with me or... chalk it all up to a major lesson learned and just let go of it - while also admitting that the way he was having sex with me was... pretty damned good. Other than being drugged, he didn't hurt or damage me and, trust me, this was harder for me to come to terms with than falling into his trap was. Once I did all of this, I wasn't bothered by it going forward. The "moral" of this story is that I saw him years later and immediately recognized him - and noted how he was limping because I had did my best to destroy his knee. Ah, but he didn't recognize me, well, not at first. He'd asked me if I had a light for his smoke, which I gave him and... I'm just waiting to see if he was going to remember. He asks, "Do I know you?" and I said, "Yeah, you know me and like most people don't." He stood there for a moment and I saw it in his eyes when it all clicked in his head - and he pissed on himself. I never said that I forgave him or anything like that; he said, "It's you! You left me to die!" and hobbled off with a trail of piss following him. I... just laughed and went back to what I was doing.
By the sound of it I'd bet you bent over for him before he even got the chance to ask you. I'm wondering that if you really didn't want it to happen it wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have been comfortable sleeping in his room either... I'd have went into your girlfriend's bed instead... at the very least... or better, flat out refused to stay there due to being uncomfortable with him. You must have saw all this coming at the time? Also, you do realise any other man would have attacked him once they'd woken up. He must have been physically stronger than you? Him saying he'd tell your girlfriend might only have been a bluff. If they found out, then at least you wouldn't be carrying anything with you now. There was nothing for them to find out anyway... other than the fact he creeped into your room like a weirdo. I don't think it's possible for a person not to wake up while they're being undressed.
My wife's first sex was to prevent a neighbor boy from telling her parents that she had stolen cigarettes from their bedroom and smoked them. She gave in to, "Let me fuck you or I will tell."
Hold the phone there. Almost anyone who's been a rape victim could use that rationale to excuse the crime... as in anyone who got raped will likely have made a mistake in the lead-up to the event. It could be making the error in judgement to walk down a dangerous street alone at night, not listening to a friends advice, or not listening to a nagging voice in your head about someone. That does not automatically mean that the rapist is not fault, and doesn't deserve to be punished. That's the sort of rationale I'd use if someone played a harmless prank on me... chalking it up to experience. But damn it man, a crime such as rape is more serious. That guy has not learned his lesson and might have done it to others since. The OP's incident might be a difficult or embarrassing one to report, but yours wasn't! Whether you enjoyed it or not is beside the point. Consent was not granted and you were violated. The rapist did not care whether you enjoyed it, or ruined your life. You say you'd 2 options? Why couldn't you consider a third option; that of reporting the crime?
