Hey everyone! Posting here for advice and to get stuff off my chest as well. Any comments are greatly appreciated. I’ll try and make this as short as I can. My wife and I of 13 years recently decided to have a foursome with a very close couple friends. We have known them for 6 years. And while they are older, we connect very well. They always flirt with us, and I encourage it, but my wife for the longest time was against anything happening, until 3 weeks ago. My wife is beautiful, (not just saying that, she is). The other guys wife is attractive, just not my wife. so the issue is that, I convinced her to do this letting her know that I was perfectly fine with her having sex with the other guy. So we hung out. Where only the girls did stuff and towards the end of the night, we all had sex with our partners, in the same bed. The next weekend we hung out again, and this time, we were in bed and we switched. When the other guy got in my wife and starting having sex with her, I immediately panicked. I don’t know why, but extreme jealousy overcame me. Even now typing this. I’m confused because I wanted to do this, I encouraged it, I know she is enjoying it, however now I am second guessing it. Should I call the thing off? Or maybe tell the other group that I don’t want to full swap?
Be completely honest. Talk about how great it’s been, but tell her just the way you wrote it. It was unexpected, you aren’t mad at her, but you want to reevaluate because you were surprised by the feeling. You don’t want resentments to develop if it’s not addressed quickly and you don’t want to lose good friends by avoiding them. Once you have the discussion with your wife and see how she feels, the two of you should decide if you want to set boundaries or continue at all. THEN just talk to your friends.they may be experiencing things too. If you are comfortable enough to get to the level you have, it’s stands to reason that if you respectfully discuss things, it should be a positive thing! Silence builds resentment a breaks relationships, sometime beyond repair. Just keep in mind that everyone was willing, boundaries got pushed, no one had bad intentions. Address it and move forward and most certainly help everyone understand that no one did anything wrong! Good luck!
Sonlyclad, THANK YOU for the wise words. You are correct. At this point I am bottling up all these feelings. We have a group text chat, where we talk, and since 2 nights ago, I have not wanted to talk to them. You are also correct that it took a great amount of communication to get to this point. So we need to talk this out as well. It was a great experience, and I never thought it would be me that put the brakes on this experience, but I guess that’s just how it goes. thanks again for the advice. I’ll be talking to the wife tonight.
You are so welcome! It’s just my opinion and I don’t know you at all, so I’m glad you weren’t offended! If I were your wife and friend, I would feel bad and being reassured that you aren’t mad, just had unexpected emotions come up would be important for me to know. Chances are, they can feel something is off with you and clearing the air will be a relief to all! Hugs!
I think they would appreciate my honesty. I guess the reason I have delayed in being honest is because of the dynamic of our experiences. I know the couple friends are completely onboard with everything, and surprisingly my wife, that I thought would be more reserved, is being the most outgoing. I just feel bad that I am going to be the one that ruins all this.
Don’t think of it as ruining it. The friendship and marriage should be bigger than just fucking around. If it’s not, then the relationships need to be stronger before continuing down the road any how. In my purely opinionated, non professional view anyway!. I have been known to be wrong about my strong opinions, on occasion. Lol. It just doesn’t stop me from sharing them. Only you know your situation.
Wow, you’ve achieved what so many of us here dream of!! I will agree with everything said, communication is key. Keep the dialogue going even if you don’t want to. For me, the root of jealousy was control, not saying it is for you but for me it was. After some therapy I came to realize that it was control and have to accept that I don’t’ ‘own’ my wife, contrary to some many popular songs over the last 100 years. Now when my wife is in conversations with others, girls and guys, I imagine watching them fuck. If she went away for a weekend, all I would ask is for the details so i can jerk off!! I’m looking forward to one day having my fantasy come true. If this was 5 years ago, I would have extremely jealous as well. Hope that helps a little.
Although things can, and do sound incredibly AWESOME while discussing them during pillow talk, or even amongst your friends... Sometimes, some things are better of to remain a fantasy. A LOT of people like (love) the idea of sharing their partners/swapping partners, the truth of the reality is that some people can't handle that. Not saying you won't be able to truly accept the reality of it all, but you definitely want to tread lightly. I'm thinking your "jealousy" was more actually shock, and with more experience will come the patience and acceptance NEEDED for these activities to happen.
Alwaysready, I will admit it was a shocker when she did agree to it! But even more shocking was how quick she dove into it. when we first were married, I would have never even fathomed taking our relationship to this level, but again I was 21 when we got married.
I'm trying to convince my girl to give it a go. We cane close last summer but it didn’t work out still hoping!
It is normal for you to feel this way. It's not out of line for what most guys go though this the first time they share their wives. Talk it over with your wife and the other couple, being honest about your feeling of jealousy. Tell them that you don't want to ruin it for everyone, but you'd like a little more time going slower before you do a full swap, so you can adjust to it. After a few more session you will calm down and get used to the idea a watching your wife. Remember, she too has to watch you have sex with the other lady. Then just concentrate on getting and giving pleasure to the other lady and you'll be fine. Just be honest and slow down.
Dave, what is ironic about a year ago when I brought this up my wife was the one that told me some things are just better left a fantasy. I agree on threading lightly. I spoke to my wife yesterday and told her what I thought. It was a huge relieve. She assured me that it was just sex and she thought I was enjoying it. We are still undecided what to do, but she reiterated that the decision was mine.
the real question now then is if you after having talked with youoor wife feel more assured and less jealoux in the whole set up
I picked up on one point that was made at the onset which nobody else has. The other wife. I'll get to that in a moment but before I do I would like to know how this played out once the other guy and your wife started to have intercourse. Hopefully you didn't interfere with the bond and let them enjoy the coupling. As for the other wife were you not engaged with her by this point? By your description of the other "older" couple I feel the wife isn't attractive as you may want. If you weren't focusing on her you may have been missed something fantastic. Don't judge a woman's sexual ability by what she looks like. I've had women who were real attractive but pretty much dead in bed. I really think you need to realize not everyone is as pretty to you as your wife. But, looks aside, the other wife may be a real tiger and a whole lot of fun. Hopefully you haven't lost the connection and can give her a try.
Hey lion. Yes I do feel more assured and relaxed. If anything from this entire experience my wife and I have taken our communication to an entire new level. I explained to her that I panicked and I was not expecting that. She understood, and overall we have decided to continue, however just slower. We are going to meet again with the other couple and if they agree, continue to do some soft swapping. What I feel guilty about is that at this point I feel I am the only one holding up a full swap. I’m trying to think in terms that if anyone else in the group wasn’t totally comfortable yet, I wouldn’t have a problem waiting.
Barry, You are correct, in retrospect I wish I would have worded my initial sentence a bit differently. The other lady is still very attractive and she has qualities that are very attractive to me. I did also leave some key piece of information out, that I now know is at the core of my insecurities or jealousy, not sure which yet . So before actual Intercourse happened, we were both going down on each other’s wife. The mood was great. Then the other guy went on top of my wife and started making out with my wife. At this point I was unbothered. Then I could tell that he was having sex with her. Up to this point I was again unbothered but I felt it was my turn for me to get on her and have sex. However when I climbed up, she was making out with him. I tried to move up, but felt uncomfortable as he was still making out with her. I kissed her stomach, but they continued to make out. At this moment is when I panicked. At the moment, I was probably too irrational to really think why I was feeling that way, but seeing the guy with my wife. His wife making out with him, and I couldn’t move in, is that I perceived I had become the fourth wheel. So my actions, that I also didn’t describe, immediately after, was I got up and walked out of the room. My wife noticed me walking out and she immediately stopped and came after me. Even tho I told her it was all fine, she can read my mind, and knew something was wrong. I played it as if I was all good, and lied that I couldn’t get an erection and I had stepped outside to try again. It was the only thing I could think of at the moment.
I think your feelings are normal. First time seeing her with some one else is strange to explain. How; it can be exciting, and yet a bit jealous.
Jim agree it was exciting. It’s something I’ve fantasized about for years. Which is why it’s so confusing why I’m feeling this way.
While deciphering your story I'm not so sure the other man was actually having sex, as in intercourse, with your wife. Yea, he went down on her and then came up to make out before sliding between her legs. You seemed to have been exploring his wife when she joined her husband and your wife making out. That left you off to the side when you wanted in. Are you sure he was fucking your wife? Really, really sure? I don't think so by how you portrayed the situation. But you got up and left the bedroom maybe feeling a little sorry for yourself or at least slighted by everyone else. Your wife came after you concerned about your feelings and you lied to her. Don't ever do that again. She was caught up in the moment, a moment you had encouraged, and was doing what you asked of her. What if she hadn't come after you? I submit she would have allowed the other man to fuck her as well as enjoying his wife without you. But she didn't. Be secure in knowing your wife wants you to share in all of this. I expect this other couple is very comfortable with you both. I would wager they have discussed having the both of you with them for some time now. Let me pass on a word of wisdom regarding this situation. If you have a problem with the developments at hand speak up. Let them all know how and what you are feeling. They have committed to this relationship and are hoping for a good time of exploration and fun. Don't put more into this than what it is. It is four people coming together for sex and sexual satisfaction and nothing else. Yes, a situation like this can get out of hand. Your wife can become infatuated with the other man and want more than just a sexual interlude with him. But if it is to be there is nothing you can do to stop it. I suspect this isn't the case though. It seems the other couple, being 6 years of friendship, is perfectly fine with just exploring with you and when it's over it was a good time had by all. 6 years is a long time to be platonic friends with another couple and that leading to anything other than a good time sexually probably isn't going to happen. Put your insecurities aside and the next time relax, have fun exploring another woman, and let your wife enjoy her other man.
