I'm 17 years old. This is when people my age start preparing to graduate high school, begin selecting colleges, are adjusting to being part of the work force, and their lives are beginning to flourish. They probably have at least some idea what they want to do with their life and are ready to pursue it. I, on the other hand, am struggling to meet the most basic of expectations of a 17 year old girl. I dropped out of high school during the beginning of my junior year due to panic attacks and depression, my grades were all D's and F's. I was supposed to get my GED but haven't gotten around to more than the preliminary placement tests due to the time it would take, lack of transportation, and fear of failing it. I also took an 8 week CNA (certified nurse's aide) course and completed the course and clinicals, but have yet to do my state boards out of fear of failing them. My mom is really pressuring me to take the state boards, and the more she pushes, the more scared I get. Being a CNA just isn't my calling- my mom signed me up for it to try and push me into it. Personally, I want to open a farm animal rescue, or farm sanctuary, and rescue, rehabilitate, and retrain farm animals as therapy animals to work with individuals with disabilities or illnesses, or various obstacles they may be facing. That's where my heart is, but I just can't get out of my head. Being unconfident, my mind is always telling me, "You can't do that. You couldn't even pass high school. You could never accomplish something like that!" and I tend to believe it. The thing is, I wouldn't mind having a job. I just have a really hard time finding one that suits me considering how much my depression and panic disorder affect me. I'm also really limited on where I can work because I don't drive a car due to my panic disorder, I have an extremely huge fear of driving and even riding in cars. I get horrible panic attacks due to my dad dying in a car accident, and I've gotten in two myself while I was a passenger. I recently tried to face my fear by riding a friend's dirt bike, which was a huge step for me, but not a car. Our town doesn't really have a lot as far as employment goes, and we have no public transportation system. I do have a bike, but even then I can only ride so far. I just get really frustrated at myself for not meeting the basic expectations of someone my age, as well as ashamed that my mental illness affects me so much. It's a terrible feeling when someone says, "So what do you do, just sit around all day?" to me, I feel lazy and worthless. I've decided to take today to look at my options and try to figure out where my place is in this world, but it's just a really difficult process. With that, thank you for reading my rant and allowing me to vent all the negative out of me. Much love to you all <3
Pretty easy to beat yourself up when you don't meet the expectations of others, especially parent figures. I don't think that doing so is much help for you. I'm sure your mom really wants the best for you,but maybe that particular trade isn't what you want. Some folks go for years not having a plan, myself being one of them. How about the panic attacks and depression? I think that in order for you to make healthy choices for yourself, you have to GET healthy by addressing those issues. Your love of animals might be the way to go---work for a vet-or volunteer for one. It's not that easy to think of ones own problems when you see the dire problems the little friends of ours face---all that are neglected, put down ,etc, when all they want is to love and be loved. You write and express yourself well--school has not failed you. The only expectations that you have to meet ARE YOURS. Cut yourself a break ---and just know that you REALLY can handle your life. It's yours and no one elses. ------------Much love and hope for you, sweetheart----you're gonna' be fine. ------------------Joel
Your disabilities should qualify you for vocational rehabilitation services available in your state. You can get evaluation, counseling, and assistance finding a job, or assistance starting a business. To qualify, you will need to have documentation of your disability from a healthcare professional. If you contact iowa vocational rehab, they can give you more information on applying for services. http://iwin.iwd.state.ia.us/iowa/ArticleReader?itemid=00002179 http://www.ivrs.iowa.gov/ you may also want to look at this thread http://www.hipforums.com/forum/topic/458019-treating-depression-and-anxiety/ hope everything works out!
Being 17 sucks. Almost know one knows who they really are when they're 17. Wait a few more years and you'll start learning more about yourself as a person and who you really are as an individual. In the meantime, try some different things to see what really interests you. I've always been a nerd and knew it, but when I was 17 I was trying to fit in with the cool kids and didn't act like one because nerds get made fun of in high school. Now I realize more who I am as a person, and if you think nerds are lame then go ahead and make fun of those lame people that create all the "cool" apps and social media that you're addicted to making them rich with all that data you hand over suckers
I agree with the advice in this thread. I think you should be taking steps to get the panic and depression issues under control. But a few other points.....never feel like a failure just because you've failed at something. If I fail at something, I'm not a failure...I'm daring! It was something I knew I may fail at and I did it anyway. When I fail, I just regroup, think about what missteps I made and how I can improve them...and then try again. So failing isn't a negative thing. It's just a part of the process of learning to be successful. If you want to have a plan...I suggest this...think about the end goal that you're striving for. GED? Starting an animal shelter? Whatever you want. Visualize what that would look like as a successful endeavor. Let's say it's an animal shelter....what does it look like? How does it operate? Where does the funding come from? Etc, etc, etc. Then take it a step smaller and ask the same questions. Keep doing that until you've got all the way back to what your first step is. I know this can be a little hard to wrap your head around at first. That's ok. You'll get it. A mistake many people make is only having the first few steps planned solidly. They're planning from now...moving forward. You want to plan from the point of success and move backward. If you do your research and are honest with yourself....you will end up with a road map to get exactly where you want to be and it will have all of the answers you will need...in advance. Also....if you don't remember...I happen to know where you live and you might consider moving to IC when you turn 18 (for transportation reasons).
I definitely agree with everyone else in that you should address your mental health issues now, especially since you are young and have the luxury to do so. It isn't as easy when you live on your own and you HAVE to show up to work every day. climbing out of depression takes baby steps. I know when I went through a long depression when I was just a couple of years older than you I started the process by challenging myself to do one difficult task a day...at first it was as simple as taking a shower and making myself look nice, then one day I upped the ante and went for a jog, that eventually turned into an exercise routine (exercise has the added benefit of boosting seratonin levels and channeling your anxious energy into something productive.) maybe eventually you could work your way up to volunteering at an animal shelter ...something like that could even eventually turn into a job.
If we're looking at things algorithmically... how bad off are we really? o(n)? .. o(log n)? ... i think we're actually pretty efficient at learning things, us humans
Don't tell her to get vocational disability. Hard working Americans have to pay taxes to pay for that shit. Get over shit and fuckin get on with it. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
Wow! I am sorry...it never occurred to me when I called you my favorite nerd on your birthday thread that may have hurt or brought back bad memories. I thought you wore that badge with honor. Nerds never got made fun of at myhigh school, so I did not know......My dad was a big nerd.....I realize how sometimes labels can hurt...but that was never my intention to hurt your feelings on that thread but make you laugh. and I don't think nerds are lame......jocks can be, though.....LOL JK...i never made fun of anyone...that is never what caused any of my hurt. I hate people who interfere and try to take something away from me......and then expect me to like them....no, I do not mean you do that. There was one skinny nerd boy in my first high school who wore glasses and who no one noticed....but he was one of the smartest kids there......I liked him....I went away to a second high school....for 2 years and when i returned back to the first high school for a visit....that nerdy boy had about 25 girls around him...he blossomed to be the best looking, as well....... There were so many girls around him...i could not get near him.....LOL
i do wear my nerdiness with honor my shirt says "free the mallocs" ... you would have to be a computer nerd to get it i suppose (gotta give back memory to the heap when ur done with it is what its referring to). i think anybody who thinks nerds are lame are lame themselves and certain attributes come to mind from my judgement of their character "such" as "un-educated", or "without class" ... maybe even "boring". i find that people do tend to like nerds when they actually see some of the cool things nerds can do. the people that dont like me for that well i dont need them to like me, cuz i like myself ... people do tend to like you for that reason even if you dont have anything else in common, at least at first
You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, Laci. You are where you are in life. There is still plenty of time to figure things out. Right now, just focus on being happy and doing whatever you need to do to make yourself happy. When you're older, even if you have it all "figured out", if you aren't happy, then nothing really matters.
First of all, I do not agree with falling back on your mental issues. That's an easy trap and it's clear your immediate support system is not inclined to tolerate it much longer. If you think you're depressed now, wait till your family kicks you out. I know a lot about teen and adult mental issues, I've been dodging around them most of my life. I quit school and lied about my age to become a sailor. The perfect place for depressed and dysfunctional teenagers. I only went up in rank a few times and hated giving orders. It was entirely wrong for me. BUT, it had value that I bank on to this day. After I got out I changed jobs 11 times in 7 years. I also changed relationships at a more reasonable 5 in 7 years. Sometimes I have had long runs of success in between bouts of insanity. But I learned that the bulk of society, even the people working in the mental health industry, doesn't actually care one bit about my condition. I was shuffled through both public and VA mental health "professionals" offices from about 1977 to 1995. All of them had me on a clock. Either an insurance dollar clock or the clock the government mandated for how much time I deserved "professional" help. In every case I would either return immediately to drugs or I would go super-straight for as long as nothing went wrong. When I was 30 I married Jane, my wife. She was much to opposite of me and yet we had the same goals and ideas about life. The problem was that I was still carrying around my unresolved drug issues. She was ultimately the one who got me off of all of that. When even my own family ran from me, Jane called them a bunch of pansies and stayed by my side. She said she always knew that the guy I really was existed below the demons. But one day I saw an ultrasound indicating our first child was well on the way and I was still a mental piece of shit with a $200 a day drug habit. I was determined to NOT be yet another waste-oid or strung out Dad. So Jane helped me beat the hard stuff for good. I found that having fixed responsibilities that I can't possible run from made all the difference for me. Jane taught me that I may never defeat the demon, but that I could maybe make a deal with it. Our children have never seen me more than a little drunk. But that's another story. Ultimately, you are all you have and unless you're physically disabled, you're perfectly fit to survive as are most humans. The trick is learning to live within the framework you find yourself in. For now, it seems you will have to play the game for a while to get the assholes off your back. In the long run you will have more time to yourself than you had before. If that's what you want. Working, even with horrible transportation problems, usually means sitting around waiting for all kinds of things, Personally, I'd rather work in a restaurant kitchen than in any form of healthcare. But that's me. The fact you contemplate these matters pours forth volumes of faith we should all have in you for your success in this.
