Feeling Trapped

Discussion in 'U.K.' started by ArtLoveMusic, Jan 5, 2005.

  1. ArtLoveMusic

    ArtLoveMusic Senior Member

    Well ive been at Uni for only one term... today i am skipping class..why? because i feel trapped i guess.
    Ok that might not sound like a bad thing but ive NEVER skipped class willingly before. I always felt to guilty about people i might have let down who might have wanted me there. But here i dont feel anyone wants or needs me to be there.

    What do i do? I feel like i want to be moving.. to be free again. But for that i guess i need money... but i cant settle down long enough to get a job.. working in shops drives me crazy, my mind goes shitzo and i loose my self. At the moment i feel like a Wraith, a shell of who i once was.
    I have no life or energy, my self confidence has dissapeared and i dont feel i have any future prospects. Part of me says leave uni... and do what? I already know i couldnt handle a job.. and i wouldnt be able to travel without any money.

    So theres my roblem. And i guess this doesnt hold enough right to be in the general forum .. so Sal if you wantto move it to somewhere lese or delete it ..feel free. I just feel like a nothingness, a void. The fact ive successfully managed to make all of NO real friends assures me that atleast i excell in something.

    Sorry..this was another pointless ramble from me.
  2. Jaz Delorean

    Jaz Delorean Senior Member


  3. Claire

    Claire Senior Member

    Fleassy popple I'm so sad to hear this:( Have you tried talking to the UNI about how you're feeling, they may have some practical advice for you?

    If you're gonna skip class don't ruin the fun by feeling guilty:p Joking, but seriously everyone skips sometimes... I feel trapped often too.

    Will send you a pm...

    Lots of Love Clairexxx

  4. DoktorAtomik

    DoktorAtomik Closed For Business

    This is a problem that most hippies face at some point in their life. Personally, I feel tied down by my job, but there's so much I've done over the last few years that I could never have done if it wasn't for the money I've been earning. Even creatively - photography's a major part of my life, and I could never have pursued it without earning money.

    It's a difficult balance to strike. The only real solution is to find a job/occupation that makes the money you need without binding you or compromising your ideals. One thing I would say though - stick with uni, because it will provide you with a wider range of options in the future.
  5. Koolaid

    Koolaid Member

    I spent fluctuating periods of my time at uni feeling like that..I guess it is the pressure and the expectation of so much freedom not being there....Hang in there matey it usually passes and it usually gets better...
  6. Iago

    Iago Member

    Eeerk! I guess I should feel very very guilty at the amount of lectures I ran away from during my first semester...its a good thing old man guilt is on vacation. But anyway I felt the same sense of 'boxed in' for a bit during the first few months, the anti-climatic beginning of uni after all the excitement waiting to go, and the feelings of "well, what now?". I thought about quitting uni, brieeeefly.
    I realised that it was a combination of many things, missing people I was very close to and finding it hard to readjust, even though I've met some incredibly nice people and had a great time in the first few months. What snapped me out of the sadski was focusing a bit more on uni for a bit, and also went into overdrive working on what I was actually at uni to do : multimedia art. It helped.

    Now I leave back to uni in a coupla days and I really can't wait. So what's my point? Ummm...I don't know. Happiness is where you find it? Yeah, that'll do.

    Sorry for the lack of helpski.
  7. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    :( *huggles* aww fleass!!!!

    if you don't want yourself there, if you're heart isn't there, then it's going to be so hard!!! maybe there'd be another course of life for you? i kind of feel the same thing with my uni course as you, though im lucky to have made a couple of friends on it, but there are other people out there in brighton that i'm sure you could chill with :)

    and you! yes, you *pokes the end of your nose* are not a nothingness! nore are you a void! i am not gonna let you fall down that slope of depression, and nor will anyone, so we'll all pester you and point out all the things that make you the fleassy we love :)
  8. chickabean

    chickabean Senior Member

    ditto to kier...dont put yourself down miss fleassy!! to have not made strong friendships doesnt mean there is something wrong with you! look how many friends you have on here!! im sorry there arent people who you naturally connect with on your curse..maybe that wil come with time..ive made friends at uni but its all still in the early stages, im not totally comfortable with anyone yet...stick it out, be yourself and love who you are. you want freedom, well theres one way of having it, embarce the freedom you have to be yourself, to think the way you think, to love the things you love..thats a form of freedom in itself.

    and il also ditto kier in saying im not really enjoying my course at the moment..and id quite happiyl quit..i think maybe its just first term blues or something as it seems we are all feeling similar..but that can be a god thing, we understand what your going through and ar here for you to ramble and rant at.

    do what you love to do today fleassy, go look at the sea and draw or put on some incubus and sing your heart out..or find some tecno and poi til you fall over :p you need to build yourself back up and put a smile on your face...
    see you saturday

    love luchi xxx
  9. arlia

    arlia Members

    awwwwww fleass i can kinda reate to your fee;ling unsettled thing.......fro ages i really havnt felt at home where i am,im so differnet form the ppl that live here,and college has goten alot worse,my best frend em dint carry on for the 3rd year,and i kinda dont have any close m8s,im quite friendly with most of the class,but nobody i can realy conect with or relate with,for a long time iv wanted to take off and leave and go to the midlands and see all my friends,but i knwo if i do that il probably regret it,i only have 7 months left at college so might as well stick at it,then afterwards i can go get all this unsettled,restless thing out of my system and go traveling...........and i knwo wot u mena about jobs,i find it very hard to stick to routine and end up getting very angry and impatient with ppl......perhaps only a part time job which alows u a break,and you could do our art work on top of that and try selling it.....well thats my plan anyways.

    just want you to knwo your not worthless,your loved by many including me,and i think u have awesome potential,something we both have2 learn is to be bold with our talents and not be discouraged by anybody!

    love ya fleassy
  10. ArtLoveMusic

    ArtLoveMusic Senior Member

    aaah guys you got me crying now :S ...thank you.... a lot... itr means so much.

    Deary me i miss you guys so much. Yea your all right i know you are.
    Im going to talk to my tutor, im just so sick of the poncy flowncy lovey shit. And i know a mlot of the rest of the class dont like it either but the lecturer is so grrrrrrrrrr.

    I really just wanna try something more arty...i dont wanna be stuck a new brit school. Jaz was the only person who kept me at Brit and to have to go through all that sitting in the corner drawing to survive thing again will just kill me.

    OK right...im sorry *wipes tears away* your right, i need to buck my ideas up.... i need to do something and life will get better. Ive started up my own little buisness, which is a little ray of light in my cloudy sky at the moment so thats quite good.

    ...thank you all for the lovely messages.... *hugs*
  11. autumn_jewels

    autumn_jewels Member

    fleassy my love *warm smile*

    im sorry you feel so lost at the moment but do not feel alone either. almost everyone i know from the hardest to the most sensitive have struggled with the transition from seven years at high school and their long term friends to their first move away from home.

    the stigma that surrounds the move can only have a negative effect on anyone that makes it as everyone is told that uni will be the best days of your life and theres this to do and that to do and youll have your independance and you can go partying and getting drunk all the time....when in reality, the beginning is never like that and so its easy to feel that youve failed, that youre not good enough to 'do uni', especially when you see everyone having such a good time.

    in secondary school you have such a great friend base, you grew up with these people, went through the difficult stage of adolescence and pain with these people, they possibly know you better than everyone else, and then you're forced to leave them all behind and move to a different area where you dont yet know anybody. but think how long it took for you to develop these secondary school friendships, for them to become strong and meaningful, its unlikely they all happened within the first three months you arrived at secondary school. first year at uni is tough, anyone will tell you. when you live in halls its easier to 'appear' to be having a great time, even if you are not, because you know enough people with whom to socialise, whether you feel close to them or not. some people are lucky and hit it off with other people almost immediately, the majority dont. it took me until my second year to realise my friends in uni, to actually feel happier. i had friends in first year, people i got stoned with and partied with, people who did poi and circus, etc, but the number of friends was so small and they were nothing at the time to my secondary school mates. i remember feeling an outcast on my course. there was about 15 of us then, and i had hit it off immediately with this girl helen and we made friends with anotehr girl donna. everyone else i was convinced!! hated me! not just disliked me, i was convinced they actually hated me,or disliked me a hell of a lot. it made me paranoid, i didnt want to go in to some of my classes, i just didnt want to see them. anyway as the first person dropped out of the course, we all went out for her leaving do, and i had the best night, because all these people i thought hated me, in a different environment chatted to me, gave me encouragement and advice, cared for me!! were open and honest with me about issued we shared - eating problems etc and i realised that although every ounce of myself had believed they didnt like me, that they had made me feel uncomfortable about being in college, it had actually all been a big misunderstanding. after that we got on!

    3rd year i remember again rerealising the friendships i had developed/was developing....saw friendships drift apart, kept in touch with old friends. even this year after uni has finished, i am back in birmingham and catching up with old mates and realising that infact theyre friends i never really spent time with that we actually mean alot to each other and im spending time with these people now, becoming better friends with the people ive known longer.

    but at the end of the day, despite sharing similar interests in study choice with my coursemates, the majority of them, tho good mates, were for most of my uni life not really friends of choice, more friends out of being grouped together though now there are the ones i choose to stay friends with. my best friends came from the student groups i joined. circus mainly, and in 3rd year the lgbt. some people i have clicked with, others i havent, but as another individual person who wanted desperately to drop out of uni in my first year, probably in my second year and also in my 3rd year when i stuffed all my work up due to being damned miserable...i look back on my uni days and wouldnt change them. yes my experiences are different to my best mate becci who made friends she visited in the holidays, is still best mates with the friends she made in her very first term etc...but my experiences count, ive grown and changed so much as a person in the last three years, i enjoyed my time at uni and theres so much more i wish i could have done while i was there.

    my advice is join some groups youre interested in....circus....art classes outside of coursebased study...a drama group....environmental groups...etc. when you join together then with people who are of the same passion and thought as you outside of your course you will be able to build upon strong friendships with them. but socialise. i found it very easy in y 1st year to not go out with people i spoke to in student groups, to not go out with people i spoke to on my course, and that was why i felt i had no friends....i was lucky that some of the people i spoke to at circus invited me to go clubbing and we started hanging out more....then we became friends.

    stick at it. if it doesnt get better reconsider, but try and do something fun every day and find a hobby/class that you can go to every week, something to look forwards to that will keep your mind abit more positive and focussed. good luck with the business youve started and remember youre not alone in this, most people around you will be feeling the same. youre not a void, youre not a shell of your former self, your shell has just come out to surround you and protect you as you enter a new place and a new stage of your life, something which is still new and youve not completely sussed out yet, but when you do, youll love it. though i think that i can only say how great uni was looking back so even if you dont think so at the time, in 3 years time when you look back youll love it.

    oh and skipping classes....dont worry about that bab. as long as you keep on top of stuff and get notes copied up youll be fine. i probably skipped more classes that i attended at times, but some modules were more boring than others. our course kind of allowed for skipped classes though in that you didnt need to know stuff from every class for the end of module assessment, the essays were generally written on one theme, i.e. information from one class, so you could pretty much go to one class and pass the terms module though it wasnt always the best idea coz it makes ya feel abit bad about yourself. just look after yourself. if you cant face a class dont go, but dont let it take over who you are, if you skip lots of classes and find your unhappy because of it, make yourself go. do whatever it is you need to feel happier. also find a tutor you can confide in. i never spoke to my personal tutor once other than general chat and to nick ciggies, i realised the painting tutor was the man i could talk to, and i confided in him alot during my 3rd year mainly...i would have dropped out of uni or failed i think, had it not been for the support of my tutor graham and the help the other tutors gave me when graham told them i was struggling.

    anyway sweetie, if you have enough pennies, our birmingham circus convention is on 19th feb if you wanna come and do something fun:)

    keep smiling and come and rant at me on msn any time you need to
    love lots and warm huggles
    daisylou xx
  12. arlia

    arlia Members

    go for it feassy!!
    i have small buisness ideas aswell,we gota at leastgive it a go,coz if we dont we may be stuck in life doing something we hate.
    dont be afraid of failure,failure is all part of the journey to success!
    u will get there fleassy!just as i will!
  13. ArtLoveMusic

    ArtLoveMusic Senior Member

    Thank you guys ....very much.
    Today was better... ive kinda decided to look at things in a different way. I found out one of the tutor ladies was one of the artists that took part in the big Newburry Bypass artist day, along with people callled Same Sky who are based in brighton and make big paper lanterns... im going to see if i can voulenteer to work with them.
  14. ArtLoveMusic

    ArtLoveMusic Senior Member

    And Autumn i may just try and get up to the circus convention again, i had a lot of fun last year :)
  15. Rover-Lass

    Rover-Lass Member

    I know where you're coming from, Fleass, and I can assure you things will get better. coming from a small town with lots of friends but nobody who thought the same way as me, I chose to go to Manchester as I stupidly thought everyone there will be into decent music/have the same interests, etc, etc. Of course, it's not like that at all and although I loved uni itself, the first year at uni left me wondering. But now I've ditched some of the 'friends' I made initially and through a fundraising job I got, I made some really groovy new friends, one of which has encouraged me to join his band! I've also been lucky to meet some v.cool people on my course so now everything's great. I'm sure this will be exactly the same for you. I think everyone goes through it, too. My boyf's a first yr at Oxford Brookes and he's often the same.
  16. Peace-Phoenix

    Peace-Phoenix Senior Member

    I know exactly how you feel. When I'm in one place for too long and stuck in a routine I feel the need to escape it, go somewhere else, do something different. I love Cambridge, but it can get a little stuffy there at times. I'm glad I've had the chance to get away a few times and meet up with you guys. It's a shame that often it seems you need money to escape. Kind of like buying your freedom. I think there are ways out of it, just not within the system we're living in. It depends how you want to set yourself free. I think you should probably finish your course though, it's only three short years, and the rest of your life's ahead of you....
  17. Merlin

    Merlin Member

    Thanks for this fascinating insight into University life guys I could really use it seen as I've applied for University myself. Although I hope I wont have some of the problems some of you guys had especially in the early stages of your courses. I guess it's good in a way that I won't have to 'move away' to attend it. I chose an institution which is relatively near where I live now, at parent's house lol!!!
  18. Hey Fleassy, I felt that same at University when I went. I stayed on till my 2nd year but I still just didn't feel it was the place for me. I had friends, I had boyfriends but I just felt unfulfilled, I felt trapped. I didn't feel I could go or do anything any more, I felt like even though I had so much time on my hands it wasn't enough to really be free. I was independent yeah, sure but I wasn't free. I know freedom essential is a state of mind, but i thought it'd be so different and people would be so much more opened minded but they weren't, they were the same old people, with their samie views, their samie lives and their samie dreams. I felt starved of life. Now, I’ve left I have a steady job, which sucks. But I feel more positive because I can quite at any moment; I am planning to do a bit of travelling round Europe soon. I'm starved of inspiration and the worlds just waiting for me to gobble it up!

    University is great, but it wasn't great enough to for fill my thirst for the new and unknown. I can't stay in the same place to long, I got restless.

    Your not alone, not one bit. But give it time and never give up.

    Peace and much love, Twilight
  19. ArtLoveMusic

    ArtLoveMusic Senior Member

    thank you :)
  20. mart_182

    mart_182 Member

    well now ive never been to uni, and have no plans to, but i have lived in brighton since that magical day in 1985 when the world became a better place (i was born, oh yes)

    education can be suffocating, this is why i didnt go to uni, but there are a million places to escape in brighton, places to go and forget about your troubles for a while. try the pavilion gardens or the bhasvic college field (excellent field for smoking btw, probably why i didnt do too well in my a levels). the beach is great at any time of the year, in the summer its fantastic and hot, when its colder then you can sit there and feel the atlantic winds blasting the cobwebs outta your head. oh yeh and st annes well park is AMAZING, it has massive trees with squirrels, a pond with REAL fish (woooooow) and the blind garden, possibly the most chilled place in the whole of the south east. and i havent even mentioned the downs yet!! anyway, my point is that while uni might be getting you down, you really couldnt have picked a better place to be depressed, brighton always has something for everyone:)

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