Feeling super self conscious

My husband approached me earlier this year about wanting me to be with other men. After months of talking, making sure this is something he truly wanted and thinking if it was something I wanted as well, I ultimately decided to move forward with it.

Fast forward to 2 nights ago, I was with another man for the first time. The self conscious part for me was how often and easily I came with this man. I came 11 times with him and I know I probably shouldn’t feel self conscious about that but for some reason I am, finding myself even apologizing to the other man for it. I feel so silly, what the heck is wrong with me?!?

 

You married the wrong guy!!

 

I think it’s the excitement. “ naughty “ is a huge turn on for me. I think it was more the situation than the other man. I wouldn’t overthink this. You’re just a naughty kinky woman hahahaha. Explore it. Have fun.

 

There's nothing wrong with you, that's a totally natural reaction. Society drills into us the one man to one woman paradigm and the "forsaking all others" language. It just takes a while to realize and fully accept that it's not forsaking when doing something you both want and you're both honest with each other. Forsaking is when one gets with others behind the other's back. When they lie about things. When they fall in love with another and consider abandoning the first.

But sex is just an activity, if that's all it is. It's not that different from your husband encouraging you to play tennis or something like that with someone else. You enjoy it, then pursue your mutual dreams with your husband.

The wrinkle is when in child bearing years the women becoming impregnated by another man. Few are the men who want to raise someone else's child. Biologically, men want their own genes to propagate. That's the initial impetus of the marriage framework, to make families. If you're past that, or have effective counteraction in place, then no worries.

And your body is telling you something. You don't cum easily and a lot if it's not what you need.

So yeah, you've got to be mentally strong and approach it with the right attitude for it to work out well long term. It sounds like you're pretty much there, you just have to get over the guilt you feel due to the two of you violating established societal norms. You can do it. Have fun!

 

Thank you so much for this thoughtful response, I definitely needed it and need to give myself a little grace I suppose

 

Don’t beat yourself up about it, you had fun, your husband knows about it, just enjoy the adventure

 

Thank you!

 

New is always more exciting. I would probably find a lot of girls more exciting than my long time partner, having sex with her can sometimes be almost a chore.

But childish "find someone new" narratives apart - the reason we stay with long time partners is because they have become best friends. No level of orgasm from someone I know for two days trumps the level of understanding, trust, etc. with someone I have been going with through life for decades.

Seems naive to me to expect to have the same type of relationship after 2 months and 20 years. Some things go away, some other things come in. The rest is in sorting out priorities.

 

Thank you for this. I think it was definitely a combination of the situation and the man for sure, but this was a wonderful response, thank you for making me smile

 

Not even our clits come close to how erogenous our brains can be. You were mentally overstimulated by this new sexual experience, even if you yourself didn't realize it. Doesn't mean it will grow old, but the first time trying something new you always are under a rollercoaster of emotions.

 

@openmindedmom
Your first time with another man is always going to feel fresh, exciting, maybe daring and naughty, it's sex for fun so you should feel great you had 11 orgasms and the other guy hopefully enjoyed you cumming that many times too. There's nothing wrong with you at all, and definitely no need to apologise. The emphasis should always be on just having fun.
You obviously enjoyed yourself so relax and enjoy yourself again and not worry about your orgasms, just enjoy them. If you find the fun and excitement wears off and you start to orgasm less you could always re-ignite the fun with a different man.

 

This is so true and I guess I didn’t consider that as much as I should have. Such a great reminder

 

Thank you! These responses have all made me feel so much better and less self conscious. I’m so thankful for everyone’s encouragement and support.

 

Glad you enjoyed yourself. the other man should feel good satisfying the way he did. Hope your husband was happy for you as well.

 

My husband responded very well when I told him afterwards. I was a bit worried for sure but his response was amazing

 

Congratulations to you and your husband for your openmindedness and enlightened attitude. Happy for you that were rocked.

 

Aww, thank you so much!

 

I respectfully disagree with this statement. She married the right guy, if he is so unselfish as to want for his wife to have whatever experience it takes or decision she makes with her body, even if it happens to be with another individual and it is enhancing either or both of their lives in any way, how is this not a good thing?. Allowing for this kind of sex is a very unselfish gift, and it gives back in its own rewarding, fullfilling ways, not just sexually. Personally, I think this couple's journey is awesome.

 

I could not agree more! Thank you for saying this, I ignored responding to that message but you put it perfectly!

 

Ok--I take it back--I'll agree with post 18.Sorry if I seemed judgemental. As long as no harm is brought to people--it's all good.