Feeling safe & comfortable to be with new people

My experiences have only been with people that I could feel safe and comfortable with. In fact, my wife set me up with our old gay friend, another was an old married long time friend, in the same boat.
If the situation wasn't basicly handed to me, I don't think I would have had the nerve to even try it with someone I didnt really know.
How Did you get past this hurdle? Do suffer from anxiety when you are with a stranger or new guy?

 

Always get nervous meeting someone new therefor have a rule to meet for coffee and chat first .. see that we are compatible
Nowadays have regulars that I’ve been play with for years and only see someone new if introduced in a 3some or group setting
You wife is great introducing guys to you

 

30 years ago, when I first started having desires to suck another man's cock, I discovered Craig's List which was fabulous to browse to find a cock that drew my attention and the bigger the better. Photos exchanged, quick chat back and forth before planning to meet and suck each other off was all it took. Yes, in the beginning I was seriously nervous, especially if the area of the city was questionable. I'm not a city guy and all the early ads I responded to were gay men that lived in the city. I hooked up with 3-4 gay men in the beginning and was nervous every time. Will someone I know see me here and do they know who lives there. I was married to a woman and had children, but my desires to suck cock overpowered my nervousness. Then I started answering ads from other married men with cock fetiches. After a few hook-ups I was no longer nervous while driving to meet them, I was actually over excited for the cock photo that was shared as I began arriving with a hard-on just thinking about sucking on that sexy cock on the drive over. I decided to stick with hooking up with other married men, was safer actually because most were just into mutual cock sucking which is all I was looking for as well. The hook-ups were many, I had no idea so many other married men within a 20-minute drive were into sucking cock. At age 40 I was connecting with three to four different guys a week for mutual sucking, and I became totally comfortable doing so. Hell, when I or he arrived (his place or mine) we both knew why we were there so let us get naked and start sucking. I was also answering ads from married guys just looking for a good blowjob. They'd experienced how well other men suck cock and just wanted a damn good blowjob and I found myself gathering about 8 regulars for blowjobs over a two-week span of time. When it was safe, I'd invite them to me as they were unable to host. I remember a number of days that I sucked off about six different guys over a five-hour period of time to then had great sex with my wife at the time. I'm surprised she never smelled those guys cum on my breath because I was tasting it for many hours after having swallowed all their loads of cum.

 

In my own experiences, of several years, I have usually always been with good with most bisexual people that I could feel safe and comfortable with. I do try get past most hurdles, by trying to get to know what they enjoy doing and does not enjoy doing, etc. So, for me open commutations are the key to my success off safe meet-up. I may also ask leading questions and I try to learn a bit about them before hooking up. Often a quick discussing back and forth before planning to meet-up, to hook-up.Yes, in the beginning I was usually a bit nervous, especially if the area that was questionable. I always could avoid the meet-up once we met, if seeing something, that might concern me.

 

I still get nervous some before meeting a guy for sex. Although that has dissipated some over time. These days by the time I’m going to meet I’m pretty excited by the anticipation of it.

 

I just had an encounter with a gay man I have been chatting with on and off with for a few years. I didn’t know it at the time, but we first started just after he lost his spouse. We would chat for long period’s sometimes. Well fast forward he invited me to his home the other day and we had a very good time. It was very worth getting to know him over time. We spent a couple of hours in his bed getting aquatinted and pleasuring each other. I can’t wait to go back.

 

I am definitely not good at hooking up with new people. The one time I was with a guy was at a hotel and it was spur of the moment. Traded oral, no cum. I took std tests after and all was good but I still get freaked the tests missed something and it’s been 4 years. Needless to say…no more strangers for me.

 

Meeting someone new is always a nervous time but it also stands to reason that if you do not learn how to be comfortable, you're always going to wind up depending on someone else to provide you the safe option. You never learn how to become a judge of character letting someone else do the work for you and as I've said tme and time again, a life lived in fear is a life that's not worth living.

If you have stranger danger, you're fucked and not in a good way and also suggest that your social skills need to be worked on and more so if you're the kind of guy who's prone to freaking out being approached by other people. I've met new playmates because they asked me what time it was; I literally found a playmate because I like New England Clam Chowder over the Manhattan version and the guy wanted to know if the New England version was better.

If you let someone do this for you, you never learn how to trust anyone - and including your own instincts. Even if you have an FWB "handed to you," if you stop getting tested, why would you do that?

Maybe it's just me. I come from a time where I had to learn all of this stuff and no one was of a mind to "do it for me." Someone might introduce me to someone but I had to do all of the work after introductions were made; I had to determine if the environment was really safe and then be comfortable as well as confident. Shit, I wish someone would gift wrap an FWB for me...

 

I’ve probably taken too many risks, but these days everyone is a friend of someone I know, never a complete stranger.

as far as comfortable I still feel very shy and uneasy when getting naked and knowing I’m likely to give in to most any request.

 

There are two types of risks with people you've just met.

First has to do with your personal physical safety. The way I address that is to have some conversation first in a public area, and then go with my instinct, either continue or leave the situation.

The second has to do with your physical health. After having to go to a STD clinic several times for tests after I took a risk, I changed my policy. Now, if I do anything with a stranger that goes beyond mutual masturbation, I use a condom. Once again, if he's not into that, we just part company. The good thing is that most guys will go along with that policy, so I have had lots of great mutual JO encounters and also oral and penetrative sex with condoms. For the oral, I use flavored condoms. If you take your time and get each other fully aroused with your hands first, even putting the condom on can be an erotic act.

 

I host, and require a video chat before going ahead. I have no problems passing on someone who is off. Impossible to hide yourself on video. In my post, I clearly state clean, discrete, no drugs, no alcohol. I've turned down a decent # of guys who didn't fit the bill.

 

Absolutely. No drugs, no disease, no drama, and definitely discretion. I insist on face to face meetings in public to make sure there is chemistry and safety. I trust my instincts. I've hosted once and traveled 3 times, but we meet for coffee or a drink first.

 

I was usually too nervous to perform well for a woman unless I had a few dates to get comfortable. With males they have to be friendly and not pushy, then I enjoy long cock sucking and mutual masturbating all evening. I've been avoiding receiving anal but that seems to be the expected end game. Haven't wanted to go there.

 

In the first 21 years of my playing with guys, it was always anonymously in different gay sex venues like bathhouses, arcade video booths, straight or gay porn theatres, back rooms or patios in gay dance clubs or bars, gay sex clubs, and gay orgies, and I was never really very nervous, but just super horny and filled with so many gay desires. But after 200+ cocks, I needed more.

So I eventually evolved to getting together with the guys in each other's homes using gay hookup websites and apps. Then I was always nervous if it was our first time together, which was most of the guys. But with the few guys of multiple get-togethers, I was no longer nervous the second time.

But given the HUGE effort I have to expend to hook up with guys in a non-anonymous way (there are so many flakes out there), knowing a little about each other before having sex at his or my place, which is by far my preference now (as opposed to anonymous hookups in bathhouses etc.), I really would prefer to just have regular, repeating suck and fuck buddies. But I still haven't managed to even find one such buddy. I guess that's just my karma. But I'm still hoping. I envy you guys who have a regular stable of men. And I certainly envy so many of my many gay friends who have boyfriends or husbands.

 

The only guys I've met who can sustain a regular thing are either gay or pan guys who are not hung up on society's definition of "manliness".

My closest male friend recently told me that he no longer worries about what other people think about his dancing and love of other men.

 

I love to meet new guys, but always agree that we both respect if the other at last wants to go no further than a coffee together. I'm not a very frequent dater (only 3 times untill now) but that did not happen yet.

 

Casual get togethers like coffee, public areas like spring events or the like, works for me. Like Friendly said, you have to respect the fact that may change their mind. It's a vibe. It can change. But eventually, a connection will happen then a good time will soon follow.

 

I was still in my twenties when I met a guy who wanted a blow job, was desperate and had no problem with me being the one.

A few minutes into it he becomes verbally rude, a mindset I can’t understand. Must be psychotic to behave like that when you get what you want. Anyway he finished and seemed to relax. Then he wanted anal.

Again the verbal abuse starts, during which he tells me that if I want to cum I’ll have to jerk myself off, cause he’s not going to do it. Okay, that’s fine.

I saw him around town for a few more months but stayed away.

 

That was weird... but I've known guys to do a Jekyll and Hyde once their dick gets hard.

 

Yes, I also avoid narcissists like the plague.