Feeling Inferior

This is weighing on my mind heavily this morning, so I thought I'd post my thoughts and get some of your opinions.
Firstly, I have been separated from my husband for over a year now. I can't begin to tell you how hard it's been raising two children alone, but I've done well. I work two jobs to keep a roof over their head and provide for them. During this time I haven't asked anyone for help financially, including government funding. I have just been too damn proud to do so. I ran into an old friend yesterday who made me question my choices here. She was telling me how she lives in a gvt funding housing authority, pays $10 a month for rent (cable,lights,water included) and gets $500 per month in food stamps. She doesn't work a lick and is quite able to. I"m thinking DAMN..here I am busting my ass working two jobs, paying $600 for rent a month, ungodly light bills, phone, cable, food, car payment, not to mention i have two school age children who are always needing something, whether it be clothes, doctor/dentist visits..it's ALWAYS something. I have took pride in the fact I've done all this and done it well I might add. This girl actually had me feeling inferior to her yesterday..I was just dumbfounded. What do ya'll think about this???

 

i don't think thats cool of your friend to be that dependent and act as if shes a totally helpless victim, BUT in your case i think its more than okay to ask for a helping hand as long as you don't become like your friend.

 

I agree with fractual

 

I almost started a riot in wal mart yesyerday. well I was standing in the check out line when I noticed a hispanic lady with two kids and one on the way.. she had 10 gallons of milk 10 can of juice, 5 lbs of butter, 4 large jars of peanut butter, 10 cartons of eggs and about 15 boxes of cereal..she had wic cupons and paid nothing for the items in her basket..I had to put some things back.. I couldnt afford to get and there she was getting EVERYTHING FREE..she had gotten 1 gallon too many of milk and when the checker told her she didn't know what she was talking about cuz she didn'tspeak english.. she was cussing the checker in spanish and scowling at me.. I started talking loud about where I could sign up for free food..and how all that free stuff is costing taxpayers a fortune to support and WE can't afford to by the things she gets for free.. WTF!!!!!! I had the whole line of women talking .. the old lady behind me was saying she agreed with me, but said it with her hand covering her mouth.. I told her to speak freely and I looked around and said I didn't care who heard me.. that as far as I knew that this country still had 1st ammendment rights..I was really upset about this.. I don't begrudge giving a helping hand.. but there's gotta be a limit..

 

(((((Sugarmaggie)))) dear sister.. keep the faith woman.. you will find the way/will.. help is out there.. take advantage of it.. take a home computer class.. get educatated on something that intrests you and make money with it..work hard and your rewards will come in ways you never dreamed of.. I will pray for it to be so.. we will all pray for it to be so..I lived on welfare for several yrs.. and it's a trap you can't get out of.. there are programs out there to help single mothers..go to the social services and check into some state programs..don't be a drain on our failing economy.. you can become the dream you dream for your self and your kids sweetie.. see it belive it..make it happen.. will it so.. pray for it.. let your self become it darlin' sister.. we love you do not dispear. we are here.. and your loved..

 

When Sarah was born I was on Welfare,I was forced to leave a waitress job in a 5 star restaurant making awesome money.
There were no laws to protect me at the time and when they said I was an insurance risk....there was no recourse.
I was almost 6 months pregnant 18 and scared. I moved into a building that was falling apart.
But I did get through it.
I hated being on any of their lists, and having the goverment so close to my personnal life.
The way it is set up now sucks...you can't get just a little help from them it seems. It has to be all or nothing.
But I also look at it this way....the goverment has 2 hands..and often while it is doing one thing FOR the people of this country..the other hand is doing something AGAINST.

It put this new drug card program into effect for our seniors then turned around and upped taxes on medicare.
It lowered APR on mortgage loans, then gave businesses tax cuts when they outsource jobs to other countries.
The list goes on.....
They are giving BENIFITS to ILLEGAL aliens....for political reasons...

So my point is....to thine own self be true....if this bothers you, to go ask for help then go see if you can get SOME child care, SOME food stamps, SOME medical help....look on your 2 paychecks and see how much of your money is going to support the war, the aliens, the outrageous saleries paid to the powers that be....and decide how much of it you could be comfortable with taking back to help YOUR family....
The working class is supporting this country and our goverment is using massive amounts of that money for the benifit of everything but the working class.

If you could just get SOME help,like heifer said, maybe take a class leading to a better job, maybe you could cut back on one of your jobs and have more time with your kids...thats an important job too.
You're in my prayers also,
teepi

 

Thank you for your kind words shameless..I needed that smile badly today. You are loved as well..I feel a connection to you for some reason. I do need to take advantage of state programs available to me..I've just put it off, being the procrastinator I am. I've always been sheltered my whole life..had wonderful parents and a great childhood. When my mom died two years ago I lost it. Then a month later, I found out my husband slept with my sister, which was also my best friend. I was devastated. I turned to drugs, not the best choice, I know...but I was numb anyway, and didn't really give a fuck about anything at that point. This went on for awhile, until my husband lost his business, our home..everything. I got the hell out of there, got some help, and FINALLY got my head on straight...had to find my self worth. Then came the real world. I had never been on my own before. I realized what a spoiled rotten little bitch I was real quick. So many much needed lessons learned. It's been good for me, though. I can say I'm a better person today..and a better mom. I am so thankful I'm alive and I have two healthy, beautiful children that love me more than I could ever deserve to be loved. What more could I possibly ask for? I guess none of this is relevant to the subject at hand..just felt like sharing. ANYWAY...I refuse to sit on my ass and live off the government when I'm a perfectly able human being. I do, however, need to get off this "I'm too proud" kick and ask for some help..I shouldn't feel like any less of a person for doing so. I have to get my ass back in college..I was working toward my nurse practitioners degree when all hell broke loose. It seems like it's so much harder for someone who's actually trying to work and do better and be a productive citizen, you know. Whoever said life was easy though...

 

Awww..thanks teepi..you always have such kind words too. Thank you, sister. And you're sooo right..my most important job is the time spent with my children. I am lucky enough to have a job where I can bring them with me if I want to..and I do on Saturdays, and when they're not in school. It never seems like I have enough "quality" time with them, though. We stayed up until almost midnight coloring Halloween pictures last night..lol Hell..why not. I put in time when I can, I do realize I'm stretched beyond my means though. I know things will get better for me..I have to believe that. Optimism goes a long way. I intend on looking into getting some help this week....decision made. Thanks for all the advice..much love to you all!!

 

your on a jurney sweetie..it's not the desitination it's getting to it that's the real living.. make an adventure out of it and include your kids in your plans..make it a family venture with everyone have a responsibility and a say so..I belive you can get schooling under the displaced homemaker program from your states rehabilition commission..I got help threw them and they paied for my classes in anything I wanted to take.. and they paied for my gas.. there are computer courses. so many things..they will help you.. if your kids are under 5 you can get WIC..and food stamps and medicade..get it before it's all gone.. the aliens are eating it all up.. grap some while you can..get your kids on free lunches and find churches that will help on bills once in a while.. they help if you are trying and just need a helping hand ..check out the grants available and stay away from the LOANS.. you can get a pell grant up to a couple of grand for school but if the rehab comm pays then you get to keep all that money and use it for other needs.. like living..

 

Hi sugarmaggie! There are local church groups that may give you a lift,or refer you to some other place.It's humbling to have to ask,but,think of it as a tiny, stepping stone on this trip called Life.Lots of us have needed a hand at sometime or another I do believe! A friend had an elderly lady, living in her house, that she took care of & got paid well by the family,well,that old lady died peacefully in her bed with friends (no family was there!)around..ANYWAY..my friend went to her church,told them the deal,they put it before a commitee & approved it & wrote her a check for her utilities,mortgage & gave her food vouchers!That was 4 weeks ago & now she is working a bunch of jobs! It's amazing what can happen! United Way may help too.You'll be fine! (p.s. the dept of labor here has a training program,maybe yours does too!)

 

sugarmaggie,

If there were more like you trying to do, the doing wouldn't be so damn hard! Inferior???!!! You are SUPERIOR!!!!!

I worked for a while at a grocery store, checking out customers (that means adding up their groceries, bagging the groceries, and taking their money...but if a pretty woman walked by...). One night, a married couple came up to my counter and started to unload. The woman started to count out Food Stamps. Then the man, who had been holding back the items that didn't qualify, put up two fifty pound bags of dog food in the stamp pile. I said, "Sir, those don't qualify for stamps." He grabbed up the bags and walked off. He came back with eight five-pound containers of ground chuck, put them in the stamp pile and said, "He can eat that." That got me mad. Then they put the bags in and drive away in a BRAND NEW FORD ESTATE STATION WAGON WITH ALL THE TRIMMINGS!!! That got me wanting blood. I went on break a little later and was walking down the dog and cat food aisle when I saw this old man, unshaven, clothes moth-eaten, holes-in-both-his-shoes standing in front of the Twin Pet cans counting out pennies from a plastic change purse. That got me to crying.

Good advise has been given, especially about grants. There are some real quirky grants out there and you may qualify just by being you. I'm not kidding. Any financial aid officer worth his/her salt can point you to them. Like shameless said, you don't pay them back. They do go fast though.

Here in Virginia, the utility giant has a power share program that lets people donate a certain amount over their monthly bill to the program which is then used to help people with less. You might want to ask your utility giant if they have such a program.

United Way, churches, they can help. Department of Social Services might be able to point you to some help. They can be intrusive, though.

Now, about your ex..... ~tries very hard to keep from blowing a gasket~

He isn't providing you support? Child care? If he is, please excuse me; I'll go away. If he isn't, I think a judge ought to hear about it. The man owes you some help; he sure owes your children, HIS children, some help.
​

And I truly don't know how your friend sleeps. I couldn't.

Hold your head up, girl! You're all right!:H

 

yeah.. what luvn said.. (((((sugarmaggie)))))

 

You all are just great..thank you so much for your post luvndrumn. Now I'm trying not to blow a gasket over the dog food bit..grrr..doesn't that shit just piss you off. As soon as people wake the fuck up and realize the world doesn't owe them shit we'll all be better off!! As far as my ex..I haven't been able to afford a divorce yet, I'm in the process though. I have preliminary papers drawn up. He won't pay for it becuase he doesn't want one..and just anything to make me miserable will suit him just fine. When I say I've been on my own..I'VE BEEN ON MY LONESOME. He has had me right where he wants me..and pays me money sporatically, here and there where he sees fit. He's too damn selfish to realize that when he doesn't give me money it doesn't hurt me, it hurts his children. Ya'll..I could go on for days about this man. I've been thru hell and back with him. You just don't know how hard it was to finally get away from him. I've endured so much mental abuse it would make you sick. He's a manipulator thru and thru. We got together when I was 16..so he pretty much molded me and brainwashed me to be the little trophy wife he wanted. My mama hated him when she was living..and I'd give anything to tell her I'm finally free of it all, well, I don't think I'll ever be totally free, but I damn sure don't put up with his shit anymore. I'll get his ass soon enough, and he'll get his. It's done nothing but make me a damn strong woman..so I can thank him for that. It does feel good to talk about this and get unbiased opinions..I love you all..thank you.

 

~sugarmaggie,I'm so proud that you got out of that mess! I was in a situation once like that,he had my thoughts so twisted & made me BELIEVE I couldn't make it on my own.HA! So,if any other ladies (or guys!) are reading this thread & are in a crappy situation,please pay heed to all the FREE advice,feedback,support,love that's being shared on this site! There are folks that care for you! Don't give up!( Thanks sugarmaggie for that platform,ha!!)~ Peace~ALSO,thanks Skip!

 

I wish i could hug ya...lol And that's right...RISE ABOVE..find yourself and get the hell out. My ex done me the same way..I never imagined I could do what I've done thusfar, and that's only because he led me to believe that way. I amaze myself more and more every day. I'll offer you a platform any day, Celeste..

 

Sometimes the shit of life is a blessing in disguise.
Sometimes it takes alot of pain to produce alot of strength.

When I lived in Norfolk, I lived on a peninsula called Willoughby Spit.
Along the beach on the Chesapeake Bay there is a row of trees that the wind blows really hard on, I guess at the beginning of those trees many years ago, some snapped and didn't make it, others dug in their heels (roots) a little deeper, and developed very thick, strong trunks. They are not straight for all they've been through, but they sure are strong. And they survive whatever is thrown their way.

teepi

 

Also my personnal advice for anyone dealing with child support.
Tell them you will not accept cash.
You will only accept a check or a money order made out to you, and it must say child support somewhere on it.
Then before you cash it...photocopy it.
This gives you a record and them a reciept...they cannot go into court and say"I always paid in cash".
On a calander write on the days that you recieved this, then on the last square tally up the total for the month...this WILL hold up in court.
If you recieved nothing ..write 0.00.

I went to court 6 times over this stuff and won.
teepi

 

Thank you Teepi..the tree bit made me smile..you always say such meaningful things. As far as the money..HONEY..i couldn't trust this man as far as I can throw him..so yeah..I agree with you and intend to do just that. I actually have a meeting with my lawyer this aftertoon..so soon..very soon...

 

(((sugarmaggie))).. your lawyer should have you getting child support while you in the prosses of getting a divorce..you should have been getting support from the start..I know everything will work out for you sweetie,, hang in there

 

Yeah..I kinda thought so too..but it doesn't work that way here..which is a bummer. Money talks, I guess..who knows. It's all a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. Maybe if I had walked in there with 5 kids, no job, with no intent to ever better myself, they may have offered a helping hand. The system sucks. I guess there are avenues I could have been taking all along, such as welfare and all that..but like I said in my original post..I'm just proud. I really can't bitch I guess. Yesterday the lawyer said my ex is responsible for paying me 40% of his pay each week, which will go into effect as soon as we go to court. So in a couple of weeks he'll HAVE to give me money wether he likes it or not. I have to go to stupid parenting classes with him before our court date...state law bullshit. GRRR..lol Gotta do whatcha gotta do though.