Feeling guilty

Like is it wrong for me to want to have sexual relations with other people? I am married and still want to be married, I love my husband very much. But when I see someone I have an attraction to, I want to sleep with them... but cant. And I am almost positive my husband feels the same way. Why does sex have to be exclusive in a marriage? Why does guilt come with wanting to take sex outside the marriage? Since when did having sex with other people mean that your marriage isnt working or you dont love eachother enough? I just feel guilty for wanting that. Maybe it is the mainstream conditioning talking, but I do.

 

No. I'm not married myself, but from what I hear it is very normal to still lust for other people. Maybe you should discuss it with your husband, you never know he might be okay with being swingers. There are lots of married swingers. But bring it up delicately, and make sure he knows you still love him.

 

We have talked about it. And he is perfectly fine with fucking other women, but he said that he isnt sure if he is comfortable with me screwing other guys. Kind of a double standards thing and I dont find it fair. He said we would have to talk more and maybe set something up with another couple and try it at least once, but he doesnt know if he could continue. So basically it is a free for all with him but I have restrictions to only fuck females. Soooo idk we are gonna talk more but maybe him saying that is what is making me feel guilty.

 

Hi i have a simular situation to u. I love my wife and she loves me dut we dont seem to have sex as much as i would like im lucky if i get it once a month. Even then she dosent seem to put any effot into it. I dont know what to do im only male after all im thinking about asking for an open relationship so that i can get the phsycial and emotional things that i need to be relaxed and happy. I have tryed everything and dont know what to do imean even a cuddle in bed is to much to ask and i get pushed away all the time. This might help you sounds like ur in the same boat

 

Im sorry your going through that we were in a similar boat but I have been pushing sex.... making sure it happens because I dont feel like I was doing my job as a wife in fullfilling my husbands sexual needs. So I have been making sure to give head more, having sex at least once a day (it WAS only once every other week for us) and I have been making hubby cuddle (he usually doesnt) but its been better. But now I am realizing I want more. Like last night while my husband was stimulating me I imagined him holding me while another man had sex with me and it made me cum almost instantly. Now I am left feeling like we should be doing more in the bedroom lol

 

I wish my wife would start doing that. I respect that she dosent want it or need it but i do. It seems to be one excuse after another. Sex can be painfull for her. I have told her i do t have to put my dick in ur pussy to enjoy it. I sugested oral 69 or she sits on my face or even gives me a hand job. She has told me to go sort my self out in the shower. Now i do thet every day but i dont enjoy it like the real thing i been sleeping in the spare room cos i hate being pushed away. As for doing more in the bedroom just go for it girl im sure he wont complain tyr new things bondage and plesure him for hrs make him ur slave and dont let him cum my wife did this once and it lasted 3.5 hrs best arvo ever lol let urself be in controll if ur enjoying sex now, that is a good thing. Loke i said i wish the wife would make an effort. I see u u live in WA go to the sex shop and get a adult game called manogamy we have it i would recomend it. I have looked for sex in other places and done it once i felt so guilty after i couldnt do it again cos i love her so much. My life sucks no pun intended

 

[im sorry, that sounds rough and hopefully you can come to an agreement with her but her withholding sex from you also isn't healthy for your marriage to be honest I if my hubby didn't put out for no good reason then I would find sex elsewhere to get my needs met. But thats just me.QUOTE

=asexybloke;7378728]I wish my wife would start doing that. I respect that she dosent want it or need it but i do. It seems to be one excuse after another. Sex can be painfull for her. I have told her i do t have to put my dick in ur pussy to enjoy it. I sugested oral 69 or she sits on my face or even gives me a hand job. She has told me to go sort my self out in the shower. Now i do thet every day but i dont enjoy it like the real thing i been sleeping in the spare room cos i hate being pushed away. As for doing more in the bedroom just go for it girl im sure he wont complain tyr new things bondage and plesure him for hrs make him ur slave and dont let him cum my wife did this once and it lasted 3.5 hrs best arvo ever lol let urself be in controll if ur enjoying sex now, that is a good thing. Loke i said i wish the wife would make an effort. I see u u live in WA go to the sex shop and get a adult game called manogamy we have it i would recomend it. I have looked for sex in other places and done it once i felt so guilty after i couldnt do it again cos i love her so much. My life sucks no pun intended[/QUOTE]

 

Life is so unfair, I have been married twice, and would give almost anything to have a wife who would willingly fuck another man just for the fun of it with no luck, just where the hell are these women and how do I get one ?

 

LOL! Well you are talking to one haha

 

Right or wrong, I believe that once sexual activity ceases to be exclusive between marital partners, then it's only a matter of time before divorce follows.

 

I don't think that it is possible for a one-size-fits-all approach as everyone is different

My wife has been sleeping with her ex for 20+ years now and we are even closer as a result. It's a win-win situation for all.

> My wife's ex loves her, but simply could not commit (he still hasn't)
> She loves him and would have married him (over me) if he'd committed to kids and marriage
> I love her and want my wife to be happy and she is ecstatic when she is with him. Plus our sex life is petty good - indeed, amazing when she gets home and tells me every detail

It is true that 3sums and ménage a trois need careful thought - and for many, they are not as good as the fantasy. No for use though. We are lucky and are loving it. No sign of a divorce or separation for us yet.

Serene - you must just try it, at least once. If you do, I hope it works out as well for you as it has for us

 

I guess my opinion on that is this...... if something such as sex can end a marriage, then the marriage was never strong to begin with and was already destined for failure. To be honest my husband has cheated in the past. Hasnt in a couple years.. but still. It hurt alot but it wasnt necessarily the cheating that hurt, it was the lie. The lying about it is what killed me. Because I felt like I wasnt good enough for him to be honest with me. Now had he been honest I dunno how I would have felt, but I know it woulda been alot better. But we are still married. Because we were able to work through the lie. Working through the cheating was a breeze because I knew it was just sex. But once we got past the lying part we wree fine. So I feel like if we were both consenting partners in this I dont feel it would be a disaster. But we are also strong enough to stop it if either of us is uncomfortable with it. Because we love eachother, like really love eachother. We have been through more than most couples go through in a 50 yr marriage. I dont think anything will come between the love we have for eachother.

 

It sounds like he's just not comfortable with the thought of you being with another man, at least not yet. Maybe it's because he feels insecure. Or perhaps he's one of those people who have subscribe to the notion that women are incapable of separating emotion from sex and he fears that you will end up 'falling' for the other guy and leave him.

It's interesting that he's fine with you fucking other females. Is he OK with you doing this without him, or strictly within a threesome setting? Might give some clue as to his mindset/motivation.

He's right that the two of you should discuss it further. You need to figure out what it is that makes him uncomfortable (personal insecurity, lack of trust, etc) and work from there.

 

To you actually listen to what you are saying??

 

what exactly do you mean? If you are talking about his past cheating. Yes he did, over 3 yrs ago before we got married. Not every marriage is 100% peaches and cream, no infidelity ever. It happens. Doesnt mean it is now. Sooooo whats your point?

 

I don't think it is fair for him to tell you that you can only fuck other women, especially if he can do whatever he wants, make sure you voice your needs and help him work through whatever issues he has with it. I'm in an open relationship, we aren't married but we might as well be, I don't really agree that monogamy is essential to a successful marriage, it is just different, and if it isnt for you, that's fine, but that doesn't mean it won't work for other people.

 

i'm in a similar situation except we aren't married yet and i'm scared i'll be the one cheating! He's open to trying a 3some as a starting point but we've had no luck setting that up. and it's one thing to say we'll just try sleeping with other people seperatly and then actually doing it. What's the protocol? should we try and arrange things for the same night our first time? Do we come home afterwards? Do we act discreete and not tell the other, hey that's happening today! He's likely to be more jealous than me, how does one really get across that it's not a reflection of love? but a difference in drives? or i want to make love to you and fuck him.... there is a difference i swear. If i'm this frustrated now i can only imagine what it would be like with a ring and children thrown in. you have my sympathies.

 

polyamory.org has a lot of very good faqs...

 

Polyamory does work for a lot of people, though I advise you do a lot of careful research to make sure it's the right step for you.

I recommend Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, and here's a link to it on Amazon. Happy travels!

 

You've described exactly how I feel! I suppose at some point I will have to discuss this with my husband....we have not really talked about it at all.