Fear of dying alone

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Night_Owl49, Apr 2, 2007.

  1. Night_Owl49

    Night_Owl49 Since 2006

    Most every homosexual I have come into contact with shares this fear. I try not to give it too much thought - I mean, it's pretty sobering. Living in a society that will probably not accept homosexuality in my lifetime makes the fear a little more prevelant for me.

    I guess my problem is that I don't feel completed as a person. I know who I am and what I stand for, but there's a void that has always been present.
  2. Samhain

    Samhain Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    and what would fill this void?
  3. Night_Owl49

    Night_Owl49 Since 2006

    Hopefully a companion.
  4. Samhain

    Samhain Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    So do you mean fear of dieing alone and the fear is never having a partner?
  5. CrucifiedDreams

    CrucifiedDreams Members

    I think it's a pretty common fear in the gay and straight community, both the fear of dying alone and the fear of never finding that special person.
    Hang tight, they're waiting for you. :)
  6. Samhain

    Samhain Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    I kinda wondered if he ment dieing alone because gay men and women tend to have less offspring than straight people, so theres no one to be there for us in our old age
  7. Night_Owl49

    Night_Owl49 Since 2006

    Basically. But to address the above post, I would definitely be open to the idea of children someday.
  8. StayLoose1011

    StayLoose1011 Senior Member

    Most people die alone, to some extent. As Samhain said, what would fill the void? A partner, but just any partner? What about a partner who sometimes snaps at you, or cheated on you once? People spend their entire lives looking for that perfect person to "complete them" and it very rarely works out. The best thing you can do is to work on YOU. Work on loving yourself, and you'll feel much less dependent on receiving love from others. Work on overcoming your fear of dying alone, because guess what, if you dwell on a fear like that it will probably come true. I see it over and over again - athlete is a heavy favorite but petrified of losing, and he does. Beautiful girl so desperately wants a partner and fears being alone, and her quite palpable fear drives away potentially great partners (this just happened to me a few months ago, actually). So just keep loving yourself and others, including your family and platonic friends (which can be just as fulfilling as a romantic relationship, despite what most people believe), and you should be fine :)
  9. Samhain

    Samhain Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    also if a person has a void they need filling with a partner, that can drive people away too, because possible partners often think, are they with me for who i am, or are they with me because they don't want to be on their own, in which case, it doesn't really matter that they are with me as opposed to anyone else
  10. Night_Owl49

    Night_Owl49 Since 2006

    I'm an idealist; I can't help but think there is somebody out there to complete me. Of course I wouldn't want a cheating partner - do it once and you're out of my life.

    It's not that I'm dependant on love from others....it's just that I'm anxious to move my life forward. I'm starting a new phase in life, I'm 'out', etc. However, the more I do this the more I realize I am isolating myself from others. It's not deliberate - it simply is happening that way.
  11. Samhain

    Samhain Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    I thinkits good to make sure you are more or less sorted before going into a relationship, my friend is an emotional mess (I'm not saying you are) and just wants a relationship, in this case she wants someone to rescue her and sort it all out for her.
    strong idependant people are always the ones that are most attractive
  12. Night_Owl49

    Night_Owl49 Since 2006

    I'm a little crazy, I'll admit...[​IMG]
  13. mushie18

    mushie18 Intergalactic

    Nah. Every new gay wants a relationship. I certainly did.
  14. txbarefooter

    txbarefooter Senior Member

    I have my 86 year old father living with me. I love him but it is really stressful on me. this does make me think about when I that age, there won't be any kids to take care of me so i'm pretty wel F***ed unless I just go into a home but still there won't be anyone "there" for me.
  15. *Andy*

    *Andy* Senior Member

    I'm not scared of this at all really. I feel quite optimistic about my future "love life" or whatever.
  16. mushie18

    mushie18 Intergalactic

    I do as well.
  17. *Andy*

    *Andy* Senior Member

    Well that is good. I dont think that people should be so down on themselves. I mean, if you get REALLY desperate, you could always go to a gay sauna or something to meet someone, couldnt you?
  18. pianoperson60

    pianoperson60 Senior Member

    I know the feeling youre describing, not necessarily the idea of dying alone, I guess I dont think ahead quite that far yet.
    But yeah, Ive definitley had feelings of "God I just want a boyfriend damnit, I want someone to cuddle with, etc. etc. [insert reason here]."
    And sometimes Ive almost convinced myself that that would be "the solution."
    But Ive realized, yeah, that a boyfriend definitely isnt the missing piece, only I myself can fill the missing piece, and unless Im able to fill that last piece, no one will be able to.

    That doesnt mean tho, that I still dont ever crave havin a boyfriend. I think thats sorta normal for poeple to feel, ya know, to long for a partner.
  19. kristian4o

    kristian4o Banned

  20. Rayan

    Rayan Member

    I gotta admit - this is one of my biggest fears - And it certainly does depress me when i think about it - but then i jump back and become the chirpy chappy that i am!


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