Family is gone: Just bugging out

For lack of a better title, i'm just leaving it as ... because i can't think of anything else, feel free to change it though. Something happened last night and i just need to tell somebody about it, and there's not really anyone else i can tell other than you forum members..

I fucked up, i said i was done with drugs, especially psychedelics for a while, i even said i was going to quit smoking weed, but apparently none of that ever came true...

As some of you may know, my entire family is gone for the weekend and so i'm home alone. I wanted to get really baked and just chill all day, but again, as some of you may know, my dealer bailed on me and so i had a major lack of weed... I then decide "hell, why don't i just try some 4-aco-dmt again, i'm home alone, i can go lay under the stars and trip, it'll be great..." so... i went ahead and took some, even though i said i was done with that stuff.

Soon as the trip started i knew something was wrong. I've done 4-aco-dmt many many times before and so i know how the trip is supposed to feel, but i felt completely different this time, it wasn't a good feeling either... I had these horrible sound hallucinations that were driving me crazy, and both of my ears were ringing so loudly i couldn't hear anything else.

I was outside on my porch while this was happening, and so i thought "maybe i'll feel better if i go inside, where i'm more comfortable" so i tried to get up, but my legs were buckling and i had no energy at all, i then collapsed onto porch and laid there for probably 15-20 minutes just bugging out, my ears were ringing, my face was twitching, and i had no energy at all.

Eventually i was able to get up, long enough to stumble inside and fall onto the couch... I probably laid on that couch for a good 1-2 hours, just tripping balls, i don't really remember much... but i knew i couldn't get up. I can't describe what happened next, but it was awful. I just had this really bad feeling in my stomach, it wasn't even a sick or nauseous feeling, it was more like my insides were just flipping around and tearing and whatnot.. and so i started to panic, i wanted to go upstairs to my room and just lay in bed, i wanted the trip to be over.

It took me a while, i rolled off the couch, practically crawled upstairs, and got into bed. This is when things got very bad.

I was laying there, and out of nowhere i got the worst nausea i've ever had in my life, i could honestly feel my stomach moving back and forth, and i was laying on my back because i knew if i rolled over i would have thrown up. My heart beat started to go faster and faster, my jaw clenched up, all of my muscles tightened, and i was literally frozen. I then started to vomit... which caused me to choke since i was on my back.

I was laying in bed, frozen, on my back choking on my own puke, and i was honestly doing everything i could to roll over but i just couldn't. My face then started to go numb, my legs and arms were fighting and struggling, then finally i rolled over enough to allow some air in.

I was then laying there, half way on my side, for at least an hour, and i had to focus every single drop of energy i had left in staying alive. I can't describe it, but i kneew if i had just let go i would have died, i was fighting the feelings, trying to stay calm, trying not to puke (my stomach was doing insane things, i knew if i started puking again this time i wouldnt be able to stop, and i would have died)

My heart beat kept getting faster and faster and all of my muscles were getting tighter and tighter, and i literally thought this was it. I was going to call 911... The only problem was, the phone was downstairs and i couldn't move... So i was laying there thinking i was going to die, feeling so bad... knowing my family would come home in a few days, my little brother would probably come running into my room to tell me something about what happened while they were gone like always, just to find me laying there dead in a puddle of vomit. And all these thoughts kept racing through my head, my parents, my family, my girlfriend, they would all think i'm some druggie that OD'd and i just didn't want that at all. And i just sent my girlfriend this cute email this morning telling her i loved her and that i was sorry for everything, that email kept racing through my head because she was going to read it and smile and be all happy like always, just to find out latter that i died that name night. And all of these thoughts were just crushing me.

I had no energy left, it had been an hour or so and i've been fighting for my life every second of it, and i just couldn't hold on anymore so i let go. My heart beat dropped so much that i couldn't even feel it anymore, which then caused all of my muscles to release and i could just feel my body slowly letting go. I then opened my eyes because they were shut this entire time... and my vision was practically gone... My heart stopped, my body was completely limp, and i could feel myself leaving my body... like, i was just disconected with it, and i heard this really weird buzzing sound, and it was getting louder and louder the more i left my body

And i don't know what happened next, i just remember having my eyes open but i couldn't see a thing, every thing was just 100% white, i had no vision no heartbeat no anything, i thought i was gone. But here i am, i woke up this morning... i just don't know what happened.

And here's the really fucked up part. I had a text from my girlfriend when i woke up this morning, that she sent last night... She was telling me how she was watching Breaking Bad, because i got her into watching that lately, and she was at the part where (i dont want to ruin it incase some of you are watching this show and aren't at this part yet, even though its a really old episode, season 2 i think? but i'll just say somebody goes tripping and OD's and dies...) and she said she had to stop watching at that point, she said "out of all the things that have happened in this show, that's the one thing that disturbed me the most? I had to turn it off"

That just fucked me up mentally... I can't even make this shit up, she was watching this thinking how horrible it was, meanwhile it was actually happening to me for real... and she shut it off, i know it's not connected, but i feel as if something out there saved me life, even though i'm not religious, because it's just way to crazy how she would be watching that at the exact same time and texted me about it...

This is a really long post, i apologize, but i'm going to say this again and this time i mean it... no more drugs, i've realized i value life more than i value getting high. I'm even going to stop smoking weed just because i need some clarity and need to get my head straight. I know some of you may think it was just a bad trip, but i know i wasn't tripping, i wasnt even tripping that hard to begin with, so something other than the drugs had to take away my vision and give me that NDE and out of body feeling

 

you better fix that title..

 

That sounds like a god awful nightmare. What a terrible thing to go through. How scary I hope this is a learning experience and that you will never touch that shit again.

 

That's a pretty insane experience and it sounds like it really sucked. I'm sorry you had to go through it. I'm glad that you feel like your life has purpose though. I might get hate for this from other members but screw it I'll say it. A lot of drugs do really fuck people up and give them nothing left to hold onto. Or they lose everything that they have because of them and use them to have something to hold onto. I'm happy that you do want to live your life without drugs though, as much as I enjoy getting high, I almost wish I could stop too. I don't know you at all, but I'm also really really glad that you are alive too. Good luck!

 

thats one way mushrooms grown yourself are better than powder bought off the internet.. you'll be back to drugs if it takes a few years. never say never.

 

life can be a bitch sometimes..hope things get better for you man.
peace and good luck!!

 

Set and setting.... and dose....

You felt guilty about taking drugs, when you say "especially psychedelics" it makes your mindset clear. And the nature of psychedelics is such that you can't be on them when you think it's wrong to be on them.

 

kudos for posting in sl and not psych forums. psych nerds are such nerds.

 

They're also the ones whe worry about the things that could avoid this sort of situation, or have the sorts of knowledge that could steer the trip in a happier direction once it started in that way

 

I never want to do this stuff again, although i have 1 more dose of it left and so i don't know what to do with it... I can't bring myself to throw it out, yet i can't keep it any longer because i think that was the issue in the first place...

I've tripped on this stuff at least 8-9 times, and they've all been great when i've had fresh stuff. But the last two times i've tripped, including this time, the powder has been brown.. whereas normally it's white, and so i think it went bad. Because the time before i also had a bad trip, not nearly as bad as this, but it made me really depressed and kind of shut down my emotions for a few days and like.. killed me on the inside.. and now this time i think the chemicals just went bad and it affected my body psychically this time.

I agree in a way. But I can't bash drugs because i still love them and think they're great in moderation. But i think i personally need to stop, for a while at least, i think i should stop with the 4-aco-dmt forever, and most other psychedelics for a really long time... and then just lay off the weed for a few weeks and then once i start up again, start in moderation... because i smoke 2-3 times a day right now and so maybe i need a break, i've never taken a break since i've started...

That's true, not to mention this is just a research chemical... But i didn't quite get it off the internet, but i'm sure that's where it originally came from.

I agree to an extent... But i don't think being in the wrong mindset can have physical effects on you. A bad trip is just when you get paranoid or freak out or have horrible nightmare-like hallucinations... I didn't really have any of that...

I was choking on my own vomit, almost to the point where i blacked out. If i had blacked out i would have died. I had a horribly loud ringing through my head the entire time, my jaw clenched, muscles tightened, i couldn't move.

I think it had something to do with the chemical itself like i mentioned above, i think it has 'expired' or something... I have a feeling if i took anymore than i did i wouldn't have made it

lol i would have posted there if it were a trip report, but i don't really consider this trip a trip, the second it started and kicked in i new something was different and didn't feel right at all.

 

I'm not convinced that these are toxic effects from a degraded chemical.

You can easily vomit during a difficult psychedelic experience. Hard times with mushrooms are charicterized by seizing or lack of motor control, a feeling of physical pain akin to being ripped apart or having one's guts scrambled, etc.

I'd be interested in someone else's effects on that dose. Or you could try, say, a half dose while being monitored. Or send it to me for.... uhh...... gcms analysis.....

 

This drug is made to get up off your ass and dance.. Its not a lay on your ass under the stars thinking about shit. let that shit go. you couldnt move because you really dont want to move.. you need to lighten up kid. you sound like your under pressure all the time. if you cant get up and dance, lay down and shake your body free on the earth. you aint getting nowhere holding it in getting tense, muscles tightening. its trying to tell you something. shake it free..

to counter sound problems., chant the mantra OHM..

 

That sounds intense and awful. Never had the balls to take dmtand this is why.
Hope things go better for you in the future man

 

I've tripped on this stuff many times with all positive experiences, but the last two times i've done it the chemical has been degraded and i've had bad trips both times, of course it is possible that maybe it was just the wrong time and place to be tripping the last two times, but it seems odd how it's only happened when the chemical degraded, so i wouldn't completely rule that out.

After all, it's a research chemical, not much information is out there about it, maybe toxic effects occur when the chemical degrades? We don't know...

All psychedelics are amazing while relaxing outside in nature, especially under the stars, i don't know what you're talking about lol. 4-aco-dmt is a very shroom-like drug, seeing as how it breaks down into psilocybin once ingested. I don't think i'd want to dance and party while on shrooms, do you know how nauseous you would be? Although i usually get more nausea than most people, 4-aco-dmt is said to cause no nauseous affects at all, yet i feel like completely shit on it unless i smoke weed beforehand. I think mdma and such would be more of a dancing/party drug whereas shrooms/4-aco-dmt would be more of a self-exploring and mind tripping drug.. to me at least.

 

I would guess that the yellowing is oxidation.

I don't think that will make it toxic.

I think you had a bad experience once (don't know THAT story) and this time you had various goals to not take drugs, various guilts associated with taking it, and the bad last experience colouring your view of the drug, and so the same thing happened.

 

can't argue with that. i mean really you hit the nail on the head. they worry, they're smart (nerds, duh) and they even like to use winky and smiley faces because they are soooo smart. doesn't stop them from getting on my nerves.

 

wrong.. now youre tossing more gasoline into the fire.

a very shroom like drug.. And I quote ( I don't think i'd want to dance and party while on shrooms, ) your making me LOL.. Go ahead and sit it out. See what happens next time. This will repeat itself over and over.

every person I know that wants to sit on their ass for some self discovery, gets their ass handed to them. This is just not possible, all the time on psychedelics.

And your not listening to what I said,, you already are hardheaded..

I dont know what I talking about.

< searches for bad trip reports by orison319, finds none..

 

I have to agree with RooR, although i wouldnt completely discredit the possibility of oxidation creating a harmful or irritating byproduct. It does sound like you went into this trip with trepidation, something which most of us are guilty of doing at one time or another, and which is always wildly variable.

Rtus, I think you shouldn't discount the possibility that this was simply a bad trip. If you don't have much experience with bad trips then you might not understand the sheer extent to which they can go, in any direction. This one just happened to be the tense, nervous, hard to move, and nauseating type, and the trip took all those things to their limits. I dont think you were ever in danger of dying from this dose except for when you could have choked on your own vomit. I admit, the part where you couldnt move your head sounds very scary.

I think some of the things that you consider facts about 4-aco-dmt arent necessarily true. I dont think its converted to psilocin at all, although the process of action may be similar. I also think that body load an nausea along with several other serious side affects have been reported many times with this chem.

I feel for you. Bad trips are seriously scary shit. I haven't had one myself, but I've witnessed many, and they can get very out of hand. I can only hope that youve learned from this experience and that it comes to benefit you in time.

 

.............i have one thing to say........if you had died i wonder how long before your girlfriend would be slamming some other dude...i bet 1 month tops

 

you just laid the foundation for another bad trip :mickey:. guarantee the poor dude thinks about his girlfriend 24/7. sometimes you need to let that shit go too. either that, youll be dwelling on relationships, financial problems, mom and dad, work,school..

another thing. thinking immediately :while my parents are away: how do you really know they are away. They could come home unexpected..

Have you ever seen Risky Business.. you better get that egg back..

Get yourself some Xanax, or an Anti=psychotics. Abort a trip if necessary.

I dont have problems with people that abort trips when a responsibility arises. or when shit goes sour.

However. Taking Psychedelics because you think you know what you are getting into, without a life jacket near by, isnt very responsible at all..
shit happens..